by Rose Pearson
“He is an officer in the army,” she continued, still refusing to look at her sisters. “That means he has integrity and honesty deep within him. I cannot believe that he would do such a thing, no matter what you suggest. Whether or not he seeks my hand, I believe that he puts my best interests first. What he has said had been shown to be absolutely true. Lord Warwick is not at his estate. He has left and gone to London. And, now, I must wish him every happiness with whatever lady he chooses to be his bride.” Her voice, which had begun so loud and clear, slowly died away, the ache in her heart never fading as she considered what she had shared with Lord Warwick.
She had lost her heart to him and now, it seemed, it was destined to remain his even though he had gone from her. She could not marry now, not when she loved the man so. A love such as she held for him did not easily burn out, did not easily flee from one’s heart. It was his name that was seared there, his name that she clung to despite what he had done. Even though every hope was gone, dying slowly before her like cooling embers, she continued to love him. It was a feeling she did not want, a desire she rejected utterly, yet there it remained. She would most likely go to her grave with his name still on her lips.
“What if Major Ridding pursues you, once we return to London?” Jacintha asked, breaking into her thoughts. “Will you consider him, Jessica? After all, he is a titled gentleman, although he eschews his responsibilities which some may find rather damning!”
“I cannot think that father would approve either,” Harmonia murmured, just as a bolt of anger shot up Jessica’s spine.
“I do not care who approves and who does not,” she exclaimed, turning around to face both her sisters. “I shall marry whom I choose, when I choose and should it be a military man who will take me across the seas to some far off lands, then so be it! This is my choice and I will not have you try to coerce me in any way!”
Glaring at them each in turn, Jessica turned once more to look at the views from outside the carriage. The air seemed to grow thick, making it a little difficult to breathe. Jessica drew in breath after breath, her hands curling into fists as the nails dug into her soft palms.
“We did not mean to upset you further, Jessica,” Harmonia said, after a few minutes of silence had passed. “I am sorry. I did not mean to question anything. You are quite right to say it is up to you alone.”
“I do apologise,” Jacintha murmured, her voice low and tired. “Forgive me for trying to help.”
Jessica closed her eyes and drew in one long breath, her anger slowly beginning to ebb away. Her hands slowly loosened, her shoulders settling. She was not angry with them. The truth was, she was upset about Lord Warwick and how he had left her, frustrated with him for being so callous.
“It is I who should apologise,” she confessed, turning her head to face them both. “I quite lost my temper. I have been bottling this up for such a long time and it has just now all come out in a rush.” She managed to give them both a smile, suddenly feeling incredibly tired. “Might I ask you not to share this with either Amelia or papa? I know that they both want my best but I am not quite ready to share how I feel, especially not with papa.”
Harmonia smiled and put her hand on Jessica’s, warming Jessica’s cold hands. “Of course we will not say a word,” she smiled, although Jessica could see the sympathy in her eyes. “But know that we are here for you to talk to whenever you need. Do not carry this burden alone any longer, Jessica. Promise me you will not.”
Jessica felt tears clog her throat and managed only to nod, feeling as though she was going to pieces and that the only thing keeping her together was the love and support of her sisters.
“And Lord Warwick is quite foolish to choose another over you,” Jacintha added, firmly. “You are a beautiful creature, Jessica, and you deserve a husband who will see you as the treasure you are. If I ever see Lord Warwick again, I shall tell him so myself, have no doubt about that.”
Jessica could not reply, dabbing at her eyes with her handkerchief and squeezing Harmonia’s hand in thanks. While her two sisters turned the conversation to other things, Jessica thought of nothing else but Lord Warwick, her heart aching the closer they got to London. Would she ever see him again? Would she ever have the opportunity to ask him why he had treated her with such callous disregard? Or was she doomed to never knowing, her heart always crying out for the man she loved?
Chapter Seventeen
A fortnight later and Jessica found that she was still just as miserable as she had been the day she had arrived home. Of course, her father had been thrilled to see her, just as he had been with all of her sisters, but Jessica could not relish the delights of being back in town. All she could think of was Lord Warwick.
Her love for him had not died, even though she told herself over and over again that she ought not to even think of him any longer. Her sisters were wonderful in their support, allowing her space and time she needed to speak openly about what had occurred as well as what she was feeling, but it had not particularly helped. Even though she had to continue attending various events and smile and hold various conversations, her heart simply was not in it.
And tonight was another of the same. A dinner at Lord and Lady Raleigh’s house in the middle of London.
“Come now,” Harmonia whispered, as they entered the dining room. “You must put on a smile at the very least. I don’t believe you even greeted our hosts with much enthusiasm!”
Jessica sighed heavily, managing a watery smile as she was seated next to a young man dressed in military colours. It did nothing but bring back memories of Lord Warwick, even though he was no longer in the army.
“Good evening, my lady,” the man exclaimed, looking positively delighted to have her at his side. “And how are you this evening?”
Realising that she had already been introduced to the man, Jessica struggled to recall his name, clearing her throat as she tried to smile. “Very well, I thank you.”
“Captain Thomas,” the man said, with a slight smile. “We have been introduced before now but it was some time ago.”
A little embarrassed, Jessica looked away, colour rising in her cheeks. “I do apologise, Captain Thomas. I have been introduced to a great many new acquaintances of late.”
It was a poor excuse but, much to Jessica’s relief, Captain Thomas seemed to accept it. Dinner was served and, for a few minutes, Jessica was able to concentrate on her eating and not on her conversation.
“I must say, Lady Jessica, I am delighted to hear that you have already been introduced to Major Ridding! He is part of my regiment, although of a much higher rank than I, of course!”
Jessica paused, her fork half way to her mouth. “I did not know you had that connection,” she murmured, her stomach beginning to churn. She put her fork down, dabbing delicately at her mouth with her napkin. “You must also know Lord Warwick.” Seeing Captain Thomas’ blank expression, she closed her eyes briefly and tried to smile. “I apologise. George Eccles, I mean, of course. Before he assumed his title.”
Captain Thomas beamed at once, nodding fervently. “Yes, indeed! I am sorry to hear that he is leaving the army, however. He was – and is – a very intelligent and honourable man. I am glad to have spent a little more time with him these last few weeks since he is here in London.”
“You have seen him?” Jessica asked, aware that she was being a little obvious in her questions, lowered her voice.
“Oh yes,” Captain Thomas replied, his expression bright. “And Major Ridding, of course.” He gave her a hearty wink, chuckling under his breath. “Although I am sure you will have seen him yourself, have you not?”
Confused as to why Captain Thomas was behaving in such an indiscreet way, Jessica reached for her glass and took a long sip, hoping that none of the other guests were listening to their conversation. “No, I have not,” she said, quietly, setting the glass back down carefully. “I did not know he was even in town.”
“I am vastly surprised to hear it,” Captai
n Thomas exclaimed, taking another hearty sip of his wine. “I had thought, given how he speaks of you, that there was something of a connection between the two of you.”
Jessica flushed to the roots of her hair, suddenly wishing that she had not been seated next to such an indiscreet man who was clearly well on the way to being in his cups. “Please, I beg you, do not speak so,” she hissed, frowning at him. “There is nothing between myself and Major Ridding except a friendship that was formed when I recently went to visit my sister.”
“Oh,” Captain Thomas muttered, looking something like a scolded child. “I do apologise, Lady Jessica. I had thought….he did mention a proposal…” He trailed off, as though suddenly aware of the other guests around him. “It does not matter what I thought. I must ask you to forgive me for my lack of propriety. I shall not speak so again.”
“I would be most grateful,” Jessica murmured, lifting her glass to her lips again and trying her best not to allow herself to become overwhelmed by what Captain Thomas had revealed.
Her mind whirled as the conversation flowed around her. Thankfully, Captain Thomas seemed all the more interested in how much wine he could partake and grew increasingly loud, although he directed all his conversation to the lady to his right. Jessica was left to her own thoughts, finding herself no longer hungry in the least although she continued to eat so as not to insult her hosts.
So both Lord Warwick and Major Ridding were in town! She had not seen either of them in the sennight since she had returned to London, even though there had been more than a few social occasions for them to attend. She did not know what to think of what Captain Thomas has revealed, wondering whether what the man said was true. Major Ridding had plans to propose? She had never expected that from him, even though they had been close acquaintances for the short time she had been at the Northfell estate. Had he followed her to London with the specific intention of seeking her hand?
Setting down her fork with a clatter, Jessica rose to her feet and excused herself, suddenly desperate for a short time alone. She made her way to the powder room and drew in a few deep breaths, trying not to panic.
“Jessica? Whatever is the matter?”
Harmonia stepped into the room, having evidently followed her from the table.
“Have the other guests noticed my absence?”
Harmonia shook her head, putting a calming hand on Jessica’s arm. “No, they are all busy talking about the masked ball next week.”
Jessica closed her eyes, drawing in a shaky breath. “Oh yes. I had forgotten about that.”
“That Captain seemed greatly pleased to have you at his side,” Harmonia continued, looking into Jessica’s eyes. “What did he say to you that has you so upset?”
Pressing her lips together, Jessica looked at her sister, knowing she could tell her anything. “He was under both Lord Warwick and Major Ridding in the army,” she began, feeling as though the room was spinning under her feet. “They are both here now, in London.”
Harmonia’s eyebrows rose. “I would have expected Lord Warwick to return home the moment he heard we had returned to town and it is not as though our presence has been kept secret! We have attended a great many events these last two weeks although I have not seen either of them at such events.”
Jessica shook her head. “No, nor have I,” she murmured, glancing up at her sister before leaning heavily on the counter in front of her. “The Captain insinuated that the Major intends to propose to me.”
There was a brief silence and, glancing in the mirror, Jessica saw that Harmonia’s mouth had fallen open in surprise.
“It is something of a shock, is it not?” she continued, feeling her limbs begin to tremble. “In a way, I am glad I am prepared, although I did find the Captain rather indiscreet.”
“And what will you say?” Harmonia asked, her voice a little softer than before. “If he asks you, will you accept?”
The answer came to her at once. “No,” Jessica said, firmly, looking at her reflection in the mirror and finding her expression to be rather resolute. “I do not care for the man, not with the same devotion he seems to hold for me. Besides, my heart still belongs to Lord Warwick, even though I am trying my hardest to rid myself of such feelings.”
Harmonia’s smile was a compassionate one. “I think that a very wise choice, my dear sister,” she said, quietly. “Loving one man whilst marrying another is not something anyone ought to do.” She rubbed Jessica’s back, giving her an encouraging smile. “Might you be ready to go back? I do not think we should keep our hosts waiting and I am sure the gentlemen will wish to have their port soon enough.”
Jessica swallowed hard, closing her eyes and drawing herself up to standing. “Yes, I think so,” she murmured, taking Harmonia’s arm and allowing her sister to lead her back towards the drawing room.
“Ah!” Lady Raleigh exclaimed, the moment they stepped back into the room. “My dear Lady Jessica and Lady Harmonia, do tell me that you have received an invitation for the Ridgley’s masked ball next week?”
“I believe we have,” Harmonia smiled, as Jessica took her seat once more. “I am not quite sure whether my father has replied, however.”
“Oh, but you must come!” another lady exclaimed, her expression bright. “It is the first major event of the little season and almost everyone will be there!”
“A masked ball,” Jessica murmured, wondering whether Lord Warwick would attend. “That does sound interesting.”
It might be the place to see Lord Warwick again, should he attend, for that would mean that she would not have to speak to him should she not wish to. She would keep her identity secret behind her mask and hope that she would, somehow, be able to identify him. Jessica did not need to worry that Major Ridding would keep his true identity hidden, for he was much too exuberant for him to remain disguised for long.
“I am quite sure that there will be one gentleman in particular who will hope you are attending,” Captain Thomas murmured, now clearly in his cups as he gently swayed in his seat. “You must not say that I have told you, however, for it will quite ruin the wonderful surprise he has planned!”
“No, I shall not,” Jessica replied, coldly, hoping to dissuade Captain Thomas from speaking any further. “You need not concern yourself, Captain.”
Turning away from him, Jessica listened to the rest of the conversations without too much interest, her mind already planning their next social engagement. If she had to, she would encourage her father to allow them to attend and then, ensuring she had a mask that covered most of her face, would seek out Lord Warwick as best she could. It would permit her to watch his behaviour for a time before deciding whether or not to speak to him. If he was clearly courting other, eligible young ladies, then she would not go near him and, mayhap, that was what she would need in order to finally let him go from her heart.
“I think I am quite looking forward to this masked ball,” she murmured to herself, as the ladies rose from the table in order to leave the gentlemen to their port. Turning to her companion, Jessica bestowed a bright smile on the rather tipsy Captain Thomas.
“I must thank you for your company, Captain Thomas. It has been most enlightening,” she said, softly, a small smile on her face as she turned away from him and, along with the rest of the ladies, removed to the drawing room.
Chapter Eighteen
George grimaced as Major Ridding appeared at his door, not even getting to his feet when his so-called friend walked into the room.
“Come now, Eccles – I mean, Warwick,” Ridding exclaimed, spreading his arms wide. “You have been in London for some weeks now and you will not so much as greet me whenever we attend the same event. Why such callousness?”
Grunting, George shifted in his chair. “I do not wish to speak to you, Ridding.”
“Why ever not? What have I done but be kind to you, shown you friendship and camaraderie?” the Major whined, coming over to stand in front of George, his expression a little lost. “I hav
e done nothing to harm you.”
George’s lip curled and he looked steadfastly into the fire, unable to get the memory of Lady Jessica and Major Ridding out of his mind. He still did not understand why she had been so warm towards him, why she had appeared so affectionate and even loving, giving him hope for a future together with her -only to dash it all away without explanation.
“Come now, you cannot ignore me forever,” Major Ridding continued, sitting down opposite George. “The reason I came to London was to search for you, to discover whether or not all was well, and I can see now that all is not well in the least! You are a shadow of yourself, man!”
“A broken heart will do that to a man,” George muttered, glaring at him. “Not that you would understand, you who seems to get all that you want.”
Major Ridding frowned, his expression growing serious. “Whatever it is you are trying to accuse me of, Warwick, I can assure you now that I have done nothing to harm you. If it is Lady Jessica you are speaking of, then I cannot be faulted for her decisions now, can I? They were made entirely of her own volition and to hold such a grudge against me seems entirely unfair.”
George drew in one long breath and let it out slowly, dampening down his furious anger. He wanted nothing more than to challenge Major Ridding to a duel or something equally as ridiculous but knew he could do nothing of the sort. Besides, there was some truth in what the man said. Lady Jessica had made her own choice and that choice had not been George. Could he really remain as angry as he had been towards Major Ridding? After all, it could be said that he was being rather selfish in refusing to allow his friend any form of happiness with the lady he had mistakenly thought belonged to him.
