by Gill Mather
“Don't be so crude,” said Wattsey.
Hugh laughed. “She doesn't mind. She likes it.”
“Hmm. That’s rather the impression one gets,” said Baz.
“Give him a break,” said Wattsey, “he’s just entered an honourable estate ordained for those that have not the gift of continence.”
“Ha, bloody, ha,” said Hugh.
“Yeah. I haven't forgotten the fun and games we had when you started with us,” said Baz.
“Yes well. That’s something I’d much rather Ali didn't hear about if you don't mind,” said Hugh.
“I wish you’d tell me what your secret is,” said Baz glumly looking in the direction of Mrs. Baz who was loading a fourth helping of canapes onto her plate.
“Get in touch with your karma maybe?” Baz looked confused. “And er….plenty of fresh air and exercise. Listen I need to go and rescue my lovely new young wife from one of my grizzled older less than lovely relatives,” Hugh said suddenly noticing Ali looking around her for escape.
“Sorry I have to take her for another dance,” he said to the uncle who patted him on the back and went off to find another victim.
At last they climbed into the wedding car. Someone had tied strings of various different coloured objects to the back of the car and everyone crowded on the pavement to see them off. Darren, bless him, had plastered a “Just Married” sign in the window. When they got back to the cottage, Ali looked at the objects and gasped. It was packets and packets of different makes of condoms strung together.
“Oh very funny. I hope my mother didn't notice. Or yours.”
“You’ve given me a very bad reputation,” Hugh said.
“Oh well of course if offered sex now you’d definitely refuse then.”
“I didn't say that.” And he picked her up and bore her over the threshold.
Some time later they took off for Ravenswood Hall and the start of married life proper.
THE END
