The crowd gathered around the table and chanted Lady’s name over and over. Lady took a step closer to Nell. “I don’t know about this,” she whispered.
“I tried to convince Miss Willa not to leave the party unchaperoned,” Nell said out of the corner of her mouth.
“Where’d she go anyway?”
“Down the street to the Colliers’ house for dinner.”
Lady shook her head. “Typical Willa. Close enough to come home if we need her but far enough away to give us some space.”
“I’m not sure this is the kind of space she had in mind,” Nell said.
“Come on, Lady.” Mindy lifted the tequila bottle. “What are you waiting for?”
Lady looked at Nell and shrugged. “What the hell? You only turn sixteen once.” She dropped to the knees of her kelly-green wide-wale corduroys.
Mindy filled the shot glasses with tequila. “Watch and learn.” She removed a lemon wedge from the bowl and licked the skin she’d salted between her thumb and forefinger. She then kicked back the tequila and bit down on the lemon. “Now it’s your turn.”
With one last uncertain glance toward Nell, Lady licked the salt and gulped down the tequila, shivering as she sucked on the lemon.
Mindy sent an elbow to her ribs. “See! You did it.”
More shot glasses appeared on the table, and Mindy filled each to the brim with tequila. She held a shot glass out to Nell.
Nell shook her head. “No thanks.”
“Then the birthday girl will have to drink yours.” She set the shot glass on the table in front of Lady, who repeated the process of licking the salt, drinking the tequila, and sucking the lemon.
When a group of late arrivals announced that it was snowing outside, the crowd flocked to the window in disbelief. Snow was a rare occurrence in Charleston. The atmosphere in the room turned festive, and the party kicked into high gear. Lynyrd Skynyrd blasted “What’s Your Name” from the stereo speakers, and more liquor bottles, cigarettes, and twelve-packs of beer appeared. The roar of the crowd rose with the volume of the music as guests nibbled on food and mingled among themselves.
Nell was standing with Mindy and Lady, watching their friends get out of control, when Todd yelled, “Well I’ll be damned. Look what the cat dragged in.”
All eyes traveled to the door where Hank stood with a boy Nell had never seen, each of them sporting a twelve-pack of beer.
“I thought you only invited kids in our grade,” Nell said to Mindy as though she wasn’t happy to see Hank when she totally was. She was confused by her sudden attraction to a white boy, one she’d always thought of like a brother. She loved his innocent baby face that contradicted his mischievous personality.
“It’s Hank,” Mindy said. “I didn’t think you’d mind if I invited my brother.”
“More importantly, who’s that with him?” Lady asked, rosy lips parted and blue eyes shining.
Hank called out, “Everyone, meet Daniel Sterling. He’s a friend of mine from summer camp. His family just moved to Charleston from Atlanta.”
“Lady Sterling,” Lady said in a hoarse voice. “I could get used to the sound of that.”
Their friends welcomed Daniel to Charleston as Hank led him through the crowded room toward the threesome.
“Happy birthday, Lady,” Hank said, giving Lady a peck on the cheek. He ripped open the end of his twelve-pack and offered each of them a beer. “Daniel, you know my sister, Mindy. This is Lady. Today’s her birthday. She’s sweet sixteen.”
Daniel bowed his handsome head to her. “Happy birthday, Lady.”
“And this is Nell,” said Hank as he turned toward her.
“Nell,” Daniel repeated. “That’s a nice name. Is it short for anything?”
“Just Nell.” She stared at the floor to avoid his dark eyes that stared at her as though he was thinking improper things about her. His penetrating gaze made her feel uneasy.
Mindy leaned in close to her brother. “Alicia’s here.”
Hank’s eyes followed hers to the auburn-haired beauty warming herself by the fire.
Nell’s heart sank. Why do guys always fall for the redheads?
“Thanks, sis,” Hank said, and worked his way through the crowd to Alicia’s side.
As the night wore on, Nell kept one eye on Hank and Alicia and the other on Lady, who, after downing several more tequila shots, embarrassed herself by falling all over Daniel. She seemed oblivious to the fact that Daniel didn’t appear the slightest bit interested in her. Nell cast quick glances at the wall clock. She was tempted to call Willa home from the Colliers’ house, but she hated to embarrass Lady by having her mother break up the party.
A few minutes after nine, when a few of the guests left and others appeared bored, Daniel two-finger whistled to get everyone’s attention. “I say we liven up this party. Who wants to play spin the bottle?”
“Spin the bottle is for babies,” hollered an unidentified voice from the back of the room.
“Not the way I play.” Daniel removed two joints from his shirt pocket and held them up for everyone to see.
“Forget spin the bottle. Let’s play truth or dare.” The boy with the unidentified voice stepped forward, and Nell saw that it was Ian Hill, one of the rowdier kids in their group.
Nell felt Daniel’s eyes on her. “Truth or dare could work,” he said. “What about you, Nell? Are you in?”
Across the room, she spotted Hank and Alicia sneaking up the back stairs to the apartment where Nell had once lived with her mother. She shrugged. “I guess.”
Placing both joints between his lips, he lit them, inhaled deeply, and passed one to Mindy on his right and the other to Todd on his left. Nell declined when the joint was offered to her and was disappointed to see Lady squeeze the hand-rolled marijuana cigarette between her thumb and forefinger as she pressed it to her lips. First tequila shots and now pot. It was a night for firsts.
Daniel pushed back the sofa, and the group sat down on the floor in a circle. An empty beer bottle was spun to select turns. Players were forced to tell their dirty secrets. Have you ever cheated on a test? or Do you masturbate? Lady burst into an uncontrollable fit of laughter when asked if she’d ever french-kissed another girl. Nell wondered if her outburst was denial or admission of guilt. When players were brave enough to ask for a dare, they were made to perform a challenging task. Daniel choked down the whole platter of cheese biscuits Nell had made, and Mindy sprinted to the end of the snow-covered driveway in her bare feet. Nell was tempted to sneak away to her room, but she felt compelled to keep an eye on Lady, who was both drunk and stoned. Everyone had taken at least one turn by the time Nell was finally chosen.
“I dare you to make out with me in the closet,” Daniel said with a sinister grin.
“I’ll pass,” Nell said.
“You can’t pass. The game doesn’t work that way.” Daniel grabbed her wrist and pulled her to her feet. “Just one kiss. I promise.”
She tried to wrench her wrist free, but his grip remained firm. As he dragged her away, Nell glanced back over her shoulder at Lady, eyes pleading with her best friend to save her. Lady glared back, her face contorted with jealousy. Why was Lady mad at her? She hadn’t asked Daniel to choose her. She didn’t want Daniel to choose her.
Mindy waved Nell on. “Don’t be such a chicken, Nell. One little kiss won’t hurt you. It’s just a game.”
Daniel opened the door, flipped the light switch, and gave Nell a gentle shove inside the walk-in closet. A hodgepodge of coats hung from a bar, suspended from wall to wall, in front of several rows of shelves that housed abandoned toys and old games—Clue, Monopoly, Scrabble.
Daniel spun her around to face him. His scent filled the tiny space—a mixture of alcohol, marijuana smoke, and sweat—and the evil glint in his dark eyes sent a surge of fear up her spine. Licking his lips, he said, “I’ve always wondered what brown sugar tastes like.”
Pinning her against the wall, he pressed his mouth to h
ers and forced his tongue past her teeth. He tasted of cheese biscuits and beer, a mixture that made her want to gag. When she struggled to get free, he tightened his hold and crushed his body to hers. She felt his arousal as he rubbed himself against her. She tried to scream, but the sound was hollow inside his mouth. He bit down on her lip. “Shut up, bitch. You’re only making it harder on yourself.” He clamped one hand over her mouth while the other hand ripped open her blouse. He pulled her bra down and fingered her nipple, pinching it so hard it took her breath away. His mouth traveled down her neck, teeth biting and lips sucking her skin. He kneed her legs apart, grinding himself against her thigh. The motion got harder and quicker as he climaxed. He grunted, and his body grew still, but his hand remained clasped over her mouth. An excruciating minute passed before he lifted his head and stared down at her with utter disgust. “So now I know. Brown sugar tastes like shit. If you tell anyone what happened here tonight, I’ll hunt you down and finish the job. Understand?”
She nodded, her brown eyes wide with fear.
He turned her loose, untucked his shirt to hide the damp spot on his pants, and fled the room.
She slid to the floor in a crumpled heap. She lay curled up, sobbing softly into her hands. The laughter in the other room had died down—everyone must have gone home—but the music continued. The thump thump thumping of “Another One Bites the Dust” vibrated the ancient wooden floorboards beside her head. In the distance, she heard the incessant sound of a dog barking and wished for someone to let the poor creature in out of the cold.
After what seemed like an eternity, someone tapped on the door. “Nell,” Lady said in a soft voice. “Are you okay in there?”
“Go away and leave me alone,” Nell shouted. It was way past time for Lady’s help.
She scrambled to the back of the closet, away from the door, buried her face in an old beanbag chair, and bawled. She must have fallen asleep or passed out, because when she woke sometime later, the record player in the other room was skipping. She got to her feet, yanked Miss Willa’s trench coat off the hanger, and slipped it on over her ripped clothing and bruised body. She cracked open the door and peeked outside. The room was empty. It appeared as though everyone had gone home. Someone had cleaned up—returned the food platters to the kitchen and thrown away all the beer cans and bottles. Only the lingering smell of marijuana smoke hinted at the party that had occurred there.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
NELL
Long after she’d finished telling her story, Booker remained hunched over, knees on elbows, staring into the fire pit, his straight face conveying none of what was running through his mind. She’d found it easier to reveal the details of that night without his penetrating gaze on her, but now that he knew the whole sordid affair, she needed a sign from him—upturned lips or a slight nod or touch of his hand—to show that he still loved her.
There were things she couldn’t tell Booker about the aftermath of that night. Things that had never crossed her lips. The baths and showers—three, four, sometimes five times a day, scrubbing her skin with Comet and a brush until it was raw and bleeding. The nightmares that tormented her where Daniel’s face was close to hers, his breath reeking of marijuana, alcohol, and cheese biscuits, while blood dripped from his lips like a vampire’s after he bit into her neck. And the paranoia. God, the paranoia that plagued her had been horrific. She knew how boys bragged about their sexual conquests and had no doubt that Daniel had blabbed to Hank, who, in turn, had told all their friends. She imagined the gossip mills spreading the rumors like wildfire all over town. Girls whispering in the hallways at school. Rooms that suddenly fell silent when she entered. Everyone talking about Nell, the slut, who’d let Daniel have his way with her.
Agonizing minutes passed before Booker finally shifted in his seat toward Nell. Flames from the fire lit up his face, but she couldn’t interpret the emotion in his eyes. Was it pity? Or anger? Or disgust like she’d seen in Daniel Sterling’s eyes on that snowy night so many years ago?
“So he raped you,” Booker said, his voice flat and hard.
“Not technically, no. He assaulted me. I had bruises and bite marks up and down my neck. I wore turtlenecks for a week to cover them. I faked menstrual cramps to get out of dressing for gym class.” Nell looked away. “His words were what hurt most of all. Brown sugar tastes like shit.”
“I don’t get why Miss Willa left the party.” Booker threw his hands up. “Like who leaves a bunch of teenagers alone without a grown-up around?”
Nell’s mother would never have left the group unchaperoned. Of that much she was certain. But she felt inclined to defend Willa. “Times were different back then—different before mass shootings and terrorist attacks, gangs, and street violence made our world an unsafe place to live. Parents didn’t feel the need to hover over their children like they do today. As kids, we were free to roam our neighborhoods from breakfast to supper. As young adults, because the drinking age was more lenient, parents were more relaxed about teenage consumption of alcohol.”
Booker paused before responding, “I guess I can see that.”
“You also have to understand Miss Willa’s personality. Her love for Lady and me was never in question. She enjoyed our company. We had fun together, doing things and going places. But she couldn’t be bothered with parenting. She was too busy being carefree.” Nell lifted a finger. “Don’t get me wrong. She made certain we understood proper etiquette, as if knowing how to conduct ourselves in any social setting was the key to a trouble-free and successful life. Lucky for me, my mother had already instilled in me the values she wanted me to have, based on her Christian beliefs. Lady learned enough from my mother to know the difference between right and wrong. But I think her priorities were misaligned from not having stronger parental guidance.”
The lines in Booker’s forehead deepened. “How so?”
“She was spoiled and self-absorbed and never made to work hard for anything. She dropped out of college, and it doesn’t appear she’s made much of herself. She’s divorced, and at age fifty-three, she’s still living at home with her mother.”
“You’re being judgmental again, Mom. You don’t know what her life has been like. You gave up the chance to be a part of it when you divorced yourself from her family.”
“Listen, Booker. I’m grateful for all Willa did for me, for supporting me financially and helping me get into college. But ours was a relationship of convenience. I needed a place to live, and Willa supported me to repay the debt of gratitude she felt she owed my mother.” Nell’s face softened, and her lips parted into a melancholic smile. “She and Mama were true best friends. May May, she called her. Nothing was the same for any of us after Mama died.”
Booker sat up straight in his chair. “May May? As in May May’s cheese biscuits, as in the cheese biscuits you made for the party that Daniel Sterling was forced to eat?”
Nell grimaced. “To this day, the thought of those cheese biscuits makes me sick to my stomach.”
“Are you kidding me? They’re amazing. Regan offered me some today. She found the recipe in the back of a drawer.”
“I’d forgotten about that,” Nell said, shaking her head and smiling. “A few weeks after Lady’s birthday, Willa asked me to make a batch of cheese biscuits to take to a friend for Valentine’s Day. I rarely denied Miss Willa anything she asked of me, but I couldn’t bring myself to make those cheese biscuits for her. When she wasn’t looking, I stuffed the recipe card in the back of a drawer. I’d been making those biscuits since I was a tiny girl, and I knew the recipe by heart, but I pretended I couldn’t remember the ingredients.”
“You lied, in other words.”
“Why is everything so black and white with you, Booker?”
“Wow, Mom! Did you really just ask me that? I’m the king of gray. You, on the other hand, live in a black-and-white world. All black for the past thirty-seven years by your own choosing.”
Tears blurred her vision, and her voi
ce broke when she said, “I should never have told you any of this. I knew you wouldn’t understand.”
He slumped back against his seat. “I’m trying to understand, Mom. I’m just confused about some things.”
“Then let’s talk about it. What’s confusing you?”
“I don’t understand why you’re so mad at Regan’s mom . . . Lady, or whatever her name is. Is it because she didn’t stop Daniel Sterling from taking you into the closet? She was drunk and stoned, the first time for both alcohol and weed according to you. And she had a crush on him, which means she would’ve been jealous that he picked you and not her. So she wasn’t a great friend that night. But is that a good enough reason for you to shut her out of your life completely? Daniel Sterling is the one who rape—sorry, the one who assaulted you. Seems to me, you took your anger at him out on the whole Caucasian race.”
She studied her son through the darkness. What a profound assessment from someone so young. She’d never felt comfortable telling anyone about the snowy night, not even her husband whom she’d been married to for twenty-eight years. Yet she’d made the spur-of-the-moment decision to tell her son. But was the decision made truly on impulse? Hadn’t she known for some time that he would be the one she’d eventually confide in? As he’d grown into a young man, he’d developed a strong set of principles that Nell admired. Deep down, she’d known she could count on him to give her his unbiased opinion. He’d pronounced her guilty. You took your anger at him out on the whole Caucasian race. And she was prepared to accept this verdict, no matter how difficult it was to hear.
Booker had hit on the one point she’d been struggling with since about 1995, when the fog had cleared and she’d begun to suspect she’d made an error in judgment about Lady’s role in the events of that night. You took your anger at him out on the whole Caucasian race. She’d taken her anger out on Lady first, because she was the easiest target, and then, to a lesser extent, on Willa for not being at home to prevent the party from getting out of control. After that, her anger had expanded, little by little, to include everyone with white skin. She’d known it all these years, yet she’d had no control over her feelings.
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