by Coulton, JC
The moment I let Blake hug me, I became vulnerable—and yet all I’ve done since that very first hug on the track field all those years ago is push him away. Like a stubborn child, I’ve resisted trust. I’ve rejected him and everyone else in my life, and now I’m not just hurting my heart.
I could have been seriously hurt tonight, and no one would have known where I was. I didn’t tell the doorman, the front desk or the one guy whose job it is to be my body guard. It looks bad—making stupid decisions in spite of myself, and pretending that I don’t feel the self-inflicted pain.
I take a big breath and get off the floor. I need to clean up before he gets here. I need to pull myself together. I head into the bathroom and turn on the shower again. Thank god for an endless supply of hot water and towels, because the floor is still covered in damp ones from when I was in here before. I scoop them up and throw them in the corner. First I’ll get clean, then I’ll talk to Blake, then I’ll take a sleeping pill. It’s time for me to surrender in more ways than one.
I’ve got to get the grime off my feet and the swelling from my eyes. The water does its usual soothing job. Bringing me back down to earth, making me remember it could be worse. Warming my soul and washing my tears away. I soap myself gently. I need to take special care, because it feels like no one else will.
I need to work out why I keep doing this to myself; why I keep driving myself into the ground. I try to understand why I’m saying the things that others won’t, and lusting after the truth like it’s some elixir that will set me free.
The memories I had outside were so deep and painful. I haven’t been there and experienced those feelings so deeply since I was in high school. I never felt I could talk to people, so I stayed quiet, and during the abuse I was also silenced.
I was shut down. Maybe that’s why I care so much about the truth now. Speaking it—uncovering it and making sure I live it to the best of my ability. Right now I don’t care about the truth. All I want is to wrap myself in a towel and sit cross-legged on the soft bed. I put on a tank dress with spaghetti straps that I like to sleep in. I’m staring at the wall, thinking of everything that has happened, and wondering how the hell I made it here when I hear a knock at the door.
Chapter Eighteen
Blake
The panic in her voice has me going nuts. I must have quadrupled the speed limit on the way over here. When I see Carrie, I know it was worth it. She’s a shell of the girl I saw outside Caliber less than an hour ago. She’s just come out of the shower and her eyes are still swollen. More tears well up as she begins to tell me what happened.
“I was walking, I was angry at you and Jessup, and scared for April. But I started to feel good about the way I took care of myself in Jessup’s club, and how I told you what I was really thinking.”
She’s speaking quietly now, and wringing her hands.
“I decided to walk back to the hotel, and someone was following me. I couldn’t see them Blake! No matter how many times I stopped to look, I couldn’t see them. They chased me here. All I could hear was their footsteps and breathing. I thought I was going to die.”
She’s in shock. She’s shaking and pale. I need to get her some fluids, so I quickly crack open a bottle of water from the mini bar.
“Here, drink this. You’ll feel better. It’ll be ok—just drink and tell me the rest.”
I click on my recorder and she nods before gathering herself again.
“I couldn’t see who it was. I tried to look but it’s like they were invisible. Then they got closer and closer and I kicked off my shoes and I ran.”
“Was there anyone with you at all? Anyone in the area?”
“Just people who were catching buses, and walking and heading home. It all started during that dark bit of the block down the street. You know, the one with all the abandoned storefronts? That’s when I heard the footsteps. He was big, Blake. Much bigger than me, with heavy footsteps, heavy breathing and so fast. I knew I was fucked. I thought I was going to die.”
She crumples again. I hold her. I pull her into my arms and let her cry.
“Shhh. It’s going to be ok. I’ll look after you. You’ll be ok.”
We sit like that for nearly twenty minutes. She finally starts to calm down and finishes the statement of what happened up to when she got back to the room and phoned me.
I turn the recorder off. “So you thought you were going to die?”
I see her tears and it kills me to rub it in, but I need her to stay present to the seriousness of this.
“It just brought back a lot of memories, Blake. I was scared and alone.”
I don’t bother to mention that being alone was her own doing. It’s the last thing she needs to hear. I just want to comfort her.
“Whoever that was, they were trying to scare you, and it worked. Maybe, this is a good reason for you to think about coming back home with me?”
She looks around the room. “Blake I need to stay here. I won’t go out again. I won’t leave here and I’ll do everything you tell me.”
Her voice is the firmest it’s been since I got here. She’s scared, and that’s enough for me. Now she’s taking this seriously. She’s snapped out of the dream world, and knows that whoever has April is likely to hurt her too.
“Carrie, after tonight, you should know this may not have the best outcome for your friend. Whoever has her wants you too, and it looks like they’re willing to do whatever it takes. It was a gutsy move to try and take you on the street again. I’ll have the team check the cameras but as it’s dark, I can’t guarantee they’ll find anything solid. You’re one lucky woman. That’s what it comes down to.”
She nods, “I know, I know. I won’t do that again.”
The tears are flowing freely again. Telling her story has been therapeutic. There’s something that happens to people when they know someone is really listening. They’re calmer. Telling removes them from the experience somewhat. It’s important to be acknowledged when you’re a victim. One day I hope she’ll face her demons and go to her own victim’s support group or to therapy. Whatever issues she has, they run deep. They go back years and are hiding behind a bunch of lies.
“Carrie, you don’t always have to do this alone. I’m here for you. I can have you placed in a safe house. I can have a female officer come and stay with you—whatever you need. Just don’t force yourself to be strong out of habit. It’s stupid and it’s unnecessary.”
“But I’m not alone.”
Her eyes start to change. They widen and she looks up at me suggestively. I can’t lie, I want her too. But now?
“Carrie, honey, you’re a little shaken…”
She’s not listening. Instead, she’s grazing her fingers over the delicate skin of her collarbone. Her nails are short, but glistening with polish. The strap of her dress starts to slip down her shoulder and I see she’s not wearing a bra. The moisture in her hair is starting to dry. It’s still damp and beginning to curl gently at the ends. Her face has lost all of the tension it held when I arrived, and a blush starts to show in her cheeks. Again those eyes look up at me. When her tongue darts out to lick along the seam in her lips, I feel something rumble in my chest.
She leans toward me, exposing the length of her neck and the shadow between her breasts. I want to reach out and cup the swells that are visible under the thin fabric of her dress; and even more so when her nipples start to harden and become visible. We’re not touching, but our bodies are talking to each other. It’s exhilarating.
I can’t control the speed of my heart. She reaches out toward me, sliding one finger from the top button of my shirt to the top of my neck. Her finger strokes my skin gently, sending whispers of tension down my back. The urge to pull her into my body is intense. She wants me too, but I decide to stretch it out and let her make the bold moves.
I’m sitting on the edge of the bed, looking at her sitting cross-legged. Her pupils begin to dilate and I smell the moisturizer she’s rubbed into her sk
in. It has left a sparkly sheen on the inside of her wrists, where my hands make contact. I circle the center of her palm and rub gently on each finger as I explore her slowly. There’s a reaction in her eyes and her breathing changes with every stroke.
I love watching her. I love seeing her react to me. Her chest rises and falls as we start to connect. She turns her palm over in my hand, placing her palm flat on mine to interlock our fingers. My hands dwarf hers, and she’s so soft. Her skin is smooth, and I resist the urge to grab her.
She begins to wriggle a little closer on the bed. I want her to make the first move. There’s no way I’m going to initiate any of this. From what he said at my apartment, she has to. She’s also too vulnerable from tonight to not be in control. I see that about her. She looks directly in my eyes and kneels on the bed beside of me. Her hair falls like a screen in front of that beautiful face. She pushes it back and places both of her hands on my shoulders.
She’s looking into my eyes and I’m looking into hers. I see her willingness and the way she issues permission, but still, I do nothing. As I smile and look into her eyes, I wonder if she’ll do it. There’s been an inner battle going on with her. She doesn’t trust men. Giving herself to me tonight would cross the boundary she’s put between us by coming back to this hotel.
The tension between us is sparking ferociously as she begins to move closer. Teasing eyes, plump open lips and an invitation to kiss her are clear, as her fingers slide up around my collar, running through the hair at the nape of my neck—tickling and teasing me. She dips her head, but instead of moving away, she moves towards me, layering light kisses on my neck and at the top of my shirt.
I let her take the lead, but now the sound of the gentle murmurs in her throat are more of a turn-on than I can resist. My arms reach around her back, pulling her into me, tipping up her chin and stroking her jawline before I kiss her bottom lip gently. She moans into my mouth and I take it a little further, kissing her again. Slowly, I suck gently at her bottom lip before moving down to the sensitive place under her jaw.
She tips back her head, letting my lips devour her skin. I lay trails of soft kisses up towards her ear. I lift her hair up and hold it back so I can get to the back of her neck. I tickle and kiss her there with my tongue until she’s straining and panting with pleasure. I don’t stop there. I want her to feel amazing. I want to wipe the fear and pain from her mind. I want her to forget every other man she’s had, and to surrender to me.
I take my mouth off her neck and she reaches up with one arm. She cradles the back of my head and presses her body into mine. I move so she’s practically in my lap, undulating against me. Her neck is tipped back, mouth is open and her eyes are closed. She pulls my shoulder to bring my mouth down to her neck, and I nibble at her collarbones. I can’t stop my hands from running all the way from her ribs down to her hips and back up again.
She arches her back to direct my hands to the curves at her breasts. I run my finger up both sides and skim over the tips of her hard nipples under that nearly translucent top of her dress.
“Blake,” she whispers. “I want you.”
Her breasts are pressed into my hands now. I stroke her nipples and cup her fullness. I feel both her hands fisting the hair at the back of my neck. I groan at the intensity of the feeling. She’s pushing her breasts into my hands and her ass into my lap and I’m already hard, getting harder by the second.
There’s something so wanton about her posture; her body is glued to mine as we join together on the bed and I pick her up. She’s small enough that I can lift her up off my lap and I tilt her up into me. She straddles me and wraps her legs around my waist, and I lower her down on my rock hard cock. I love how she feels. I grab her sweet ass to anchor her down hard. I rock her into me as I blow at those hard, beautiful nipples through her shirt. She moans and I lift out one breast from the loose neckline.
I suck and lick and lave on her tender flesh, and she groans, wriggling under my mouth to pull down the top of her dress to her waist. I pull away massage both of her breasts now, pressing them together and kneading her skin until she’s gasping with pleasure. Her dress has now ridden up past her hips, and she’s poised in front of me, wearing what now looks like a cummerbund. There’s only these tiny, black, lacy panties covering the triangle of hair above her clit—that’s all that’s standing between me and her sweet pussy.
I take her in my arms then, meeting her lips with my own, plunging my tongue into her mouth. I dart and nip at her lips as I slowly stroke her lower belly. She’s thrusting her hips into me already. So I ease her down on the bed, and lift my shirt off as I stare down at her. She’s beautiful in every way. All curves and soft sheeny skin waiting for my mouth.
Her hands tangle in her hair as she moans for my mouth to touch her. I keep up the torture, making my way down her body with my fingers. I follow the path I’ve just been stroking; just above the line of her panties where her slightly rounded stomach begs for my attention.
I sit up for a moment; she’s driving me crazy with dark curls laying around her breasts. She starts to palm her way up my chest towards my shoulders. She’s feeling the definition and uses my momentary distraction to slide her hands down and pull at the belt of my jeans. My cock is so hard now I can’t bear it, and I let her expose me inch by inch. She slips those soft hands into my pants, gripping my shaft firmly. I cry out at the sensation as she starts to gently grasp and pump my cock.
There are so many things I want to say but her hands are freezing my ability to think. She’s holding me hostage with her soft fingers, and all I can do is keep breathing; keep looking into her eyes. Now I’m the one who’s groaning and powerless, and I can’t help my hips from pumping gently along with her strokes.
She rings my cock with a thumb and index finger, sliding up and down, tugging gently on my sensitive head while tickling my balls with the other hand. Before I register what’s happening, she’s back on her knees in front of me and has taken full control. She presses her full breasts against me and pushes me down onto my back.
She slides off my shoes and pulls my jeans and boxers off without breaking eye contact. It’s exhilarating to see her like this. She kneels between my legs, looks down and slowly lowers her head to my cock. She presses her hands into my lower stomach and holds me steady while she sucks. I nearly come in her mouth as I watch those sweet lips enclose my aching hardness, like it’s the first time.
With her fist at my base she alternately pumps and sucks, taking me into her throat and swirling her tongue around the ridges underneath my shaft. I want to roar with pleasure, but I’m silenced by her warmth and the feel of those curves. She lowers her body, rubbing and sliding the other hand up to play with my nipples while she takes me deeper into her throat. I can’t help reaching behind her head to hold her in place. I don’t want to scare her, it feels so damn good.
“Carrie, let me fuck your mouth, please honey.”
I feel her permission in the hum and murmur in her throat, and it drives me wild as I tangle my hands in that dark, beautiful hair. She meets my eyes and sucks me in deeper as I start to find a rhythm. I push gently between those berry colored lips and revel in the noises she makes as she takes me.
I start to get close, and it’s tempting to let her take me to the edge, but I want this to be about her too. Her body is so supple and flexible, it’s easy for me to spin her around. Before her mouth can lose contact with my cock, I have her sweet round ass cheeks in my hands. I pull them apart and her pelvis shakes as I start to plant slow licks up the folds of her pussy. She’s wet already and groaning on my cock. The movement in her throat make my balls throb, and I won’t be able to last much longer.
I suck and lick at her lips. She relaxes her soft wet pussy into my face, surrendering onto my mouth. She gives me full access to the hairless outer lips and the tender wrinkles of her inner clit. I dart my tongue in and out of her opening, and settle it flat against her clit. I lick and caress her with a steady firm rhythm
. It’s driving her crazy. She’s close to coming, but I’m determined to thank her for her trust in me. So I lick and then blow cold air onto her steaming pussy to delay her pleasure.
She’s so wet now. I lick her clit and gently slide two fingers inside to give her extra pleasure. I curve my fingers to touch the back wall of her channel, and she loses complete control. She comes so hard and ferociously, I can feel her squeeze at my fingers as I continue sucking her clit and milk her for every pulse of pleasure.
She’s breathing hard and sucking me deep and desperately as she shakes in my arms, but I’m not done yet. I pull her wet mouth off my cock and lie her down to take my place on top of her. She’s still squirming through her climax, but I hold her pelvis to the bed as I slide gently but firmly inside her. She’s under me and her pleas for me to go deeper are what send me over the edge, so I thrust myself to the hilt once and then twice.
I see her eyes roll back in her head with the approach of another orgasm and I let go. I buck my hips and drive deeply into her like a mad, wild lion. I can feel myself hitting her deep inside, but she’s moaning and begging for more. I decide to let go and give her the ride of her life.
She seizes around me, wet pussy clenching my cock like a glove. That’s when I lose it, releasing deep inside her and letting out a primal roar as I take her like an animal; my cock throbbing and jumping; my heart pounding in my chest.
I collapse beside her and after some time, she opens her eyes and looks over at me, with tendrils of hair sticking to her neck. I briefly see her vulnerability and intensity. I want her to stay with it—to stay with me, but she sees me notice the change in her emotion, and she shuts it neatly back down. In less than a second she pulls away from me mentally.
She wraps herself with the free end of the bedsheets. It’s a moment of self-consciousness, but I don’t try and force her to do anything. I’m just smiling at her. Carrie James let me in tonight. No matter what she does now, it doesn’t matter. I’m getting closer to her heart. She just needs to trust me, and believe that I’m not going to hurt her.
