Becoming Beyoncé

by J. Randy Taraborrelli

  “Before we knew it, most of us were sobbing,” Nina said. “Lonnie had drilled into Kelly so that was bad enough. But then Mathew added his two cents, and that made it worse. All of us were so upset, we didn’t know what to say or do. Beyoncé went over to Kelly and kept saying over and over to her, ‘It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay.’ Finally, Miss Tina walked into the room with Miss Cheryl and Miss Carolyn to find a whole bunch of little girls having nervous breakdowns.”

  “What is wrong in here?” Tina asked.

  “Kelly is what is wrong in here,” Mathew said. “Lonnie thinks she’s why we lost. He and I aren’t sure she should be allowed to go with us to Disney World, Tina.” By this time, Kelly was facedown in a pillow.

  “What is wrong with you?” Tina demanded to know. “I will not have you talk to that child like this. She is eleven years old, Mathew!”

  “But she made so many . . .”

  Tina said she didn’t care how many mistakes Kelly made, she was still just a little girl. She had worked as hard as the others and she most certainly was going to Disney World with them. “My God,” she exclaimed. “This is not the end of the world! These are children!”

  As Cheryl and Carolyn watched, both seeming very upset, Tina gathered the girls around her on the bed and began to talk softly to them. Beyoncé seemed rattled, but definitely not one to cry. It was as if one look from her father was all it took for her to force down any feelings of upset. “We just have to keep going and not stop until we are winners,” she said, sounding more like Mathew with each passing day. She admitted that it had been far from a perfect performance and said that she could kick herself for not being better. Of course she was upset. After all, rarely had she lost a beauty pageant or a talent contest prior to joining the group. She reminded her friends that the reason they practiced so much was so that something like this would never happen. It had all gone “very, very wrong,” she said, “and I don’t know what the heck happened, but it can’t happen again. I should have done better.” She was hard on herself, when actually she had been the best thing about the show.

  None of what Beyoncé was now saying was what Tina wanted to convey in that moment. She hushed her daughter and said, “I don’t care about any of that right now.” Wiping away the girls’ tears, she added that she also didn’t care if they ever won another talent contest. “The important thing is that we are all family here,” she concluded, “and that’s what matters. Family.”

  It took about a half hour, but Tina was eventually able to calm the girls. “Miss Tina’s right. Let’s just go and have a good time,” Lonnie finally decided, now also eager to defuse the situation. He felt badly, realizing that he’d probably overreacted. “We’ll figure it out later,” he promised. “Let’s just go have some fun.”

  “I admit it, I was pretty hard on Kelly,” Lonnie Jackson would recall years later. “In my defense—if there is one—it was hard to keep perspective when we all had so much riding on this thing.

  “So we took the girls to Disney World and we blew lots of spit wads and did all the crazy, fun stuff we always did,” he continued. “We just put it behind us as best we could. Kelly eventually warmed up, too.”

  At one point, Lonnie shot a spitball up into the air and directed it so that it fell on the head of an elderly woman waiting in line for the “It’s a Small World” ride. Dismayed, she searched the sky in vain to see where it had come from. Kelly burst into laughter. “You so crazy,” she told Lonnie. So young, yet so resilient.

  “The thing about Kelly is that even as a kid she knew this was a business, that it was not all fun and games and that it required a certain kind of rare tenacity,” Lonnie recalled. “Most kids could never have survived what she survived just in terms of the battering her self-esteem might have taken if she wasn’t such a strong child. So, my hat is always off to Kelly Rowland. She learned her lessons the hard way.”

  Life-Changing Decision

  I think I need to start devoting all my time to Beyoncé and the girls,” Mathew told Tina one evening soon after the Star Search defeat. The two of them were at a party at Pappasito’s Cantina, a Tex-Mex restaurant in the Houston Hilton, with a few good friends and business associates. He said he had a feeling that if he put his mind to it, he could really make something big of the girls. Working part-time for the group wasn’t going to cut it, though, he now felt. “Maybe I should leave my job,” he mused.

  By this time, Mathew had already departed from Xerox Medical Systems after the division he’d worked for there closed. He then spent a brief time at Philips Medical Systems North America, Inc., where he sold MRI and CT scanners. By 1992, he was working for Picker International, a global leader in the manufacturer and design of advanced medical imaging systems.

  A year earlier, Mathew made a major sale for Picker to MD Anderson Cancer Center for a new and revolutionary CT scanner. It was the first sale Picker had ever gotten at MD Anderson—worth $4 million. But then, because of a distribution agreement gone bad, the company lost the sale. Mathew was bitterly disappointed; he had fought hard to establish Picker as a major force in an area where General Electric was dominant. “My manager and I saw total disagreements after that happened,” he said. Mathew was anxious to leave Picker, and now he felt he had good reason.

  After word spread about the Star Search defeat, things began to crumble for the girls—and this was before the show was even broadcast! “Word of the defeat got around and took the wind out of everybody’s sails,” Arne Frager recalled. “In the end, I couldn’t secure a record deal for them. It was a shame.”

  Given these circumstances, Mathew more than ever didn’t believe that Andretta and her creative team were up to the task of managing Girls Tyme. He now felt an even more pressing need to look out for his daughter’s interests. Given his personality and temperament, it made sense. After all, Mathew was a man who made things happen in his life, and now Girls Tyme was a big part of that life. Naturally he would feel compelled to apply to the endeavor of co-managing the group the same skill set he had deployed to make himself a star salesman—and that included his “all in” philosophy. It had always been virtually impossible for him to do anything halfway. It was actually a wonder he had lasted even a few months as a part-time co-manager.

  After he made his declaration that he wanted to devote “all” of his time to “Beyoncé and the girls,” Tina just stared at him over her coffee. According to the witnesses to this conversation, she didn’t necessarily look happy. It would never have occurred to her, a more practical person than her husband, that he should quit his job. “Just my income, then, from the shop?” she asked. She was worried. “Is this what will be best for our family?” She seemed uncertain.

  “Personally, I think you would be crazy to quit your job,” one of their friends offered. “In this economy, Mat?” he added. “No way. Better keep that job, my brother.”

  Mathew nodded in agreement. He said that he believed his father would probably offer the same advice. “But Beyoncé wants this thing so badly,” he said. “How am I not going to help her get it? That’s my responsibility as her father, isn’t it?” he asked. “Besides,” he concluded, “sometimes you have to take a chance, especially for the people you love.”

  “Well, I don’t know,” Tina said, mulling it over. She took a tablespoon of vanilla ice cream from her dessert and dropped it into her coffee as she often did instead of using creamer. “Maybe we should back away from this thing for a while, let her be a normal kid for a bit. If she wants to pick it up later, then . . . okay.”

  Mathew shook his head. “Try telling her that,” he said. He reminded Tina that he and Beyoncé often talked about her hopes and dreams, and she had repeatedly told him she wanted a career in show business more than anything else.

  Tina agreed and admitted that she’d had similar conversations with Beyoncé. “We could maybe give it a year,” she offered, stirring the coffee. She added that she would work extra hours at the shop, “and we’ll just
see what happens.” She was trying to be supportive, but it was obvious that she had reservations. On this particular evening at Pappasito’s, her expressive green eyes seemed full of despair.

  “I love you,” Mathew told his wife as he put his arm around her. Then, with a warm smile, he added, “I’m just sitting here right now thinking about how lucky I am.” In response, Tina gave him a side glance and returned to her coffee.

  “I’m not proud, nor am I ashamed of this stuff,” Mathew would later admit relating to this time in his life, “but my wife, Tina, and I had some real problems with our marriage. I was having some affairs at the time. I went to a treatment facility in 1992 and they didn’t have a real definition for my marital infidelities. But if you did a little alcohol or drugs, it was all lumped together as substance-abuse-related.”

  Considering that it’s always of value to try to understand a person’s challenges rather than just judge them, it’s worth looking at what may have been a personal struggle Mathew and Tina had in common. Mathew has said he believes that at the root of his issues in 1992 was his driving ambition to make Girls Tyme a success. “I had this vision, and when it doesn’t happen right away and your friends are saying, ‘What is wrong with this guy?’ that’s bringing on some personal issues. That’s pretty difficult,” he observed. He seems to be alluding to problems with self-esteem, which, given his impoverished childhood, would not be surprising.

  Tina has suggested similar personal challenges. “The amazing thing is that when you look at someone else you look at them and you say, ‘Oh, they are attractive and they have a lot of good stuff going on and they have no right to have no self-esteem,” she has said, “they have no right to feel sorry for themselves.” Considering her own background, the way she was ridiculed by the nuns in her school when she was just a child, Tina’s lack of self-esteem would also not be surprising. Certainly it would come as no surprise if the issue became even more magnified because of her husband’s unfaithfulness. In recalling the darkest days of the Knowleses’ troubled marriage, some in the couple’s circle can’t help but be reminded of a sentiment Tina expressed quite often: “Men need to be loved. Women need to be wanted.”

  Maybe Mathew and Tina were actually battling the same issue, but with different consequences. His low self-esteem, perhaps, was responsible for his unfaithful behavior, while hers was to blame for her acceptance of it in their marriage.

  Marital problems aside, at the end of 1992, Mathew took the plunge and quit his high-paying job to devote himself full-time to Girls Tyme. “Mathew leaving his corporate job was very scary for me,” Tina would admit many years later. “I don’t know many people who would give up a job making the kind of money he made. I thought he had gone a little nuts. I was like, ‘What are we gonna do?’ I had a large salon and it was generating good money, but we were accustomed to two incomes. All of a sudden we had to totally alter our lifestyle.”

  By the end of 1992, Mathew would now have all the time in the world to devote to Beyoncé’s career. He was willing to put in the work, too, to learn what would be necessary in order to manage an artist. Back in the early days, when Andretta decided to get into show business, she studied a book called Music Industry 101. She didn’t have any experience and it was that book she relied on for direction. Mathew Knowles took it a step further; he enrolled in Houston Community College and signed up for three courses in show business–related management.

  Tina Smooths Things with Andretta

  Time to eat,” Tina Knowles said as she carried a large platter of gumbo from the kitchen to the dining room table. It was just another Sunday at the Knowleses’, and as usual, the Tillmans were guests for dinner. Seated around the table were Mathew, Beyoncé, Kelly, and Solange, as well as Andretta and her boys, Armon and Chris.

  Earlier in the day, Mathew had told Andretta that he’d decided to quit his job and focus on the girls. Of course, she wasn’t exactly thrilled by the news. “She thought it was a terrible idea,” said Armon Tillman. “She could see that he was going to be a much bigger problem in her life if he didn’t have a job, if all of his attention was on Girls Tyme. She was civil about it, though. Given his earlier threat of pulling Beyoncé from the group, what could she do?”

  As Beyoncé passed a warm basket of crusty French bread to Chris, Armon took one of the rolls and playfully tossed it at Solange.

  “Hey! Don’t do that,” Tina scolded him. The families had the kind of relationship where the adults were free to chastise any child, regardless of to whom he or she belonged. “It’s a sin to throw bread,” Tina said, “so stop that, Armon!”

  “That’s right,” Andretta said, smacking her boy on the arm. “Tina’s right. Throwing bread is a sin!”

  “Why is that?” he asked.

  “It don’t matter why,” Mathew said, already tired of the discussion. “It just is, boy. Now hush up.”

  Tina disappeared for a moment and then returned with potato salad and a green bean casserole. When Andretta expressed amazement at how much food she had prepared, Tina explained that she very much enjoyed cooking. In fact, she said she’d been trying to teach Solange and Beyoncé. Solange seemed interested, but Tina was beginning to think that Beyoncé would never be able to handle herself in the kitchen. “I don’t need to cook,” Beyoncé said, “not as long as I have my momma,” she added, beaming at Tina.

  “Beyoncé is gonna hire a chef when she’s a star,” Mathew added, “so she’ll have that covered.”

  “I don’t want you to be upset about this thing with Mat,” Tina told Andretta about an hour later, as the two were washing dishes in the kitchen. “He just wants to be more involved, is all,” she said.

  “But it feels like y’all think I don’t know what I’m doing,” Andretta said. She seemed sad and weak. “You know how much I love those girls,” she added. She then mentioned that after Girls Tyme performed at the recent televised Miss Black U.S.A Metroplex Pageant, they were thrilled to learn that the popular group Boyz II Men wanted to meet them backstage. “That shows that we’re making real progress, when Boyz II Men wants to meet the girls,” she said, as if defending her role as manager.

  In a deposition she would give many years later, Tina would say that her heart went out to Andretta. She testified that she told her she wished there were some way for Andretta to fully understand how much she and Mathew appreciated everything she’d done for Beyoncé and the girls. Being a parent, too, though, Tina felt Andretta should also understand that the Knowleses had no choice: They had to become further involved, for Beyoncé’s sake.

  Tina would also later admit that Andretta’s illness had served to put her own life into perspective. Though she and Mathew certainly had their share of problems, at least they had their good health and also that of their children, and that was everything. “Do you want to pray?” Tina asked Andretta as she dried her hands with a dishtowel. Andretta nodded. The two women then sat at the kitchen table, joined hands, and prayed together.

  PART TWO

  One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

  Ashley Leaves Girls Tyme

  In February 1993, after Girls Tyme’s Star Search defeat was finally broadcast, Andretta called a meeting at her home to outline future plans. Since Mathew had recently signed his co-manager contract with Girls Tyme, his position was official, and as a result, there were a few ideas on the table for discussion.

  As always, the girls and their parents arrived noisily, everyone greeting one another and seeming happy to once again be in one another’s company. While the adults, including Andretta’s creative team, settled in the living room, the girls went into another room to watch television.

  Carolyn Davis had more than a few concerns, and she let them be known immediately. Never shy, she’d always been outspoken and determined to protect her daughter’s interests. Where Star Search was concerned, she said she felt the girls should have performed a number that featured Ashley on lead, primarily because they knew those songs so much better than the one
they had ended up performing. She was also very unhappy about the scene in the hotel room the day after the performance, when the girls were heavily critiqued by Mathew and Lonnie. “I’m sorry, but no one talks to my child like that,” she said. “How dare you? That is not acceptable.” It didn’t take long for the conversation to become heated. Soon, Carolyn and Mathew were exchanging barbs, with Carolyn accusing him of “working my last nerve.” Andretta did what she usually did in these situations, which was to try to calm down the parents. However, it quickly became apparent that no business was to be discussed on this day. There was just too much tension in the air.

  After about fifteen minutes of sniping with Mathew, Carolyn called for Ashley, who came running out of the room followed by the other girls. All of them were smiling, giggling, and poking fun at one another; they had no idea there was trouble.

  “Get your coat, Ashley, we’re leaving,” Carolyn said.

  “But . . .”

  “Ashley Támar, get your coat!” she repeated loudly. Ashley did what she was told. After she hugged all of the girls goodbye, the Davises quickly departed.

  “Carolyn, Nolan, and I left together—or I should say we stormed out, because I was in complete agreement with them,” recalled Tony Mo. According to him, as Nolan drove, a disgruntled Carolyn said she felt Mathew was all but blinded by his determination to make Beyoncé a star. “We all knew that Ashley wasn’t a rapper and that the five seconds or so of rapping she did at the end of the song on Star Search didn’t represent her well,” Tony Mo. continued. “Carolyn was clear that if Mathew, as co-manager, had made the decision to have Ashley rap instead of sing just so that Beyoncé could be the one to shine, then she definitely didn’t want her daughter to be in the group anymore. I had to agree with her. Beyoncé was incredibly talented. We all knew it. After all, we all—especially me and Lonnie—nurtured it. But Ashley was talented, too. It wasn’t fair.”