by LK Shaw
I sighed in temporary contentment at his words as I rested my head on his broad shoulder. I had finally figured out why his shoulders were so wide. He carried everyone’s burdens. I loved this man more than I ever thought I could. He’d helped heal my broken heart and taught me that I could love again. I knew our relationship would take work. We were both extremely stubborn people. But we complemented each other so well it was scary. I was jarred from my musings by a voice coming from the slightly ajar courtroom door.
“Mr. Jeffries, Judge Beckman will see you and your clients now.”
I leapt off Connor’s lap so quickly I almost tumbled to the floor. He reached out to steady me. Once I had my balance, I focused on the judge’s clerk holding the door open. I wanted to appear calm and collected, but I knew I hadn’t succeeded as I hurried over to her. She stepped aside and motioned for the three of us to enter. Donovan led the way. The room closed in on me, seeming to shrink in size since we had last been in here just a few short hours ago. I controlled my breathing by taking slow, deep breaths in and letting them out twice as slow.
“If you’d all like to take a seat over there,” the clerk directed us to the long table at the front of the room, “court will reconvene in just a moment.”
I scurried over to the table with Connor and Donovan following behind me. I sat and immediately started bouncing my knee in impatience. The woman exited through the door to the side of the judge’s bench.
Not five minutes passed before the door opened again, this time bringing two people into the room. The judge and Ms. Jackson took their seats on the bench and at the table respectively, as if they didn’t have a care in the world. As though my life didn’t hang in the balance. They took their time settling in and Ms. Jackson slowly began pulling papers out of her briefcase. I ground my jaw to stop from screaming at them to get their shit in gear.
Finally, they acknowledged us. It was the judge who addressed me. “Ms. Carter, I have reviewed your petition to transfer guardianship of the minor, Alex Gregory Shipman, to you from a Ms. Mabel Shipman. I have taken into consideration the written statement provided by Ms. Shipman regarding her inability to raise the young boy at this time. I have interviewed Alex and taken his wishes into consideration. Ms. Jackson has also spoken to Alex as well as made every attempt to locate another family member who would be willing to take guardianship of him without success.
“In cases like this, it is always a difficult decision, because we have to do what is in the best interest of the child. Therefore, we did not make our decision lightly. The court understands why you gave Alex up for adoption and terminated your parental rights fourteen years ago. We commend your motives to do what you felt was best for your child at the time.”
The judge paused, and my heart dropped. My palms were sweaty, and I was having trouble catching my breath. I was on the verge of a full-blown panic attack. I barely felt Connor’s hand clasp mine tightly.
The judge continued, “In spite of your termination of your parental rights, you acted as a mother when your son was in trouble. You put him first and did what you could to keep him safe. Perhaps you should have spoken to the police first instead of Mr. Black here, but I understand why you chose the path you did. Based on our interviews with all the parties involved as well as your friends, family, and neighbors, I have approved your petition and hereby grant your petition for permanent guardianship of the minor child, Alex Gregory Shipman, effective immediately.”
The buzzing in my ears drowned out his words, so it took me a few minutes to process exactly what he’d said. I sat in numbed silence until Connor nudged me, snapping me out of my dazed fog.
Stunned, all I could get out was, “Are you serious?”
Finally, both Judge Beckman and Ms. Jackson smiled. The judge answered, “Yes, Ms. Carter, Alex is now your legal ward. The clerk will have the signed order for you shortly, and one of the bailiffs will bring Alex to you in a few minutes. Congratulations and best of luck to all of you. This court is adjourned.”
The tears rolled down my cheeks as soon as the judge said yes. I missed everything he said after that. Luckily, Donovan was there to take care of all the formal details. Just then, the door in the back of the courtroom opened and in walked my son. I rushed over to him and wrapped my arms around him in the tightest hug while I cried joyful tears. Warmth surrounded me when I felt a set of arms embrace us. I absorbed Connor’s strength. Eventually, I pulled away and wiped Alex’s tears from his face.
I stared into the beautiful face so much like mine. “I love you so much. I’ll do everything I can to be the best mom I can be.”
“I love you too, Mom,” he said, almost bashfully as he tried out the new title. Fresh tears began at the sound of that single word. Alex turned to Connor and spoke.
“Thank you for everything, sir.”
Connor nodded and ruffled Alex’s hair with a burst of laughter. “You don’t have to call me sir. And I’m glad I could be there for you, kid. Now, how about we get out of here?”
Judge Beckman’s clerk pointed to the paperwork on the desk and said, “We just need Ms. Carter to sign some forms which will only take a moment, and then you are all free to go. You’ll receive the final order by registered mail.”
Donovan had already looked over the paperwork and assured us that everything looked good. I hurriedly signed my name to the forms they needed today. When I finished, and the clerk handed over the envelope with the order, I reached for Alex and Connor’s hands, and we walked out of the courthouse to start our new life as a family.
Secrets of Redemption
Secrets of Redemption (c) 2017 by LK Shaw
All rights reserved. No part of this work may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
No part of this publication can be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, without permission in writing from the Author. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each reader. If you are reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then technically, you have stolen it and/ or pirated it and are a despicable human being. Return to an ebook retailer and purchase your own copy.
Available in ebook and print editions.
ISBN-13: 978-1540347176
ISBN-10: 1540347176
For Julia Sykes, who pushes me to do things I didn’t think I could.
Acknowledgments
I have so many people to thank for their role in making this book happen. In no particular order, a HUGE thank you to the following people:
Julia Sykes for being a great friend and talking me down from the ledge many times
Editing by Rebecca for her comments and critiques. My book is much better thanks to you. Any errors found are my own.
My sprinting partners – Julia, Kellie, Ava, and The Writer’s Support Group
The Luscious Ladies (and Gents) for being a great support group and for loving my books as much as I do
I’m sure I forgot a few people, and if you were one of them, I apologize. It was not intentional and you know I love you!
Prologue
It was my first day on the job, and I was nervous as hell. My heart raced, my palms were sweaty, and I was pretty sure I was going to yack. Barely twenty-one years old, I’d graduated from both high school and MIT early. My instructors told me I was a computer genius. I don’t know that I would classify myself as a genius, but I knew that computer programming and analysis came easy to me. So did hacking. I’d lucked out when Connor Black hired me to work as a computer analyst for his security company, Blacklight Securities, considering I was a recent MIT gradu
ate with no experience. Even though he was like a brother to me, I liked to think I earned the job on merit.
Connor was giving me a tour of the office, and we’d just reached the employee kitchen slash break room, when I stopped dead in my tracks. Connor hadn’t noticed I was no longer behind him, and he kept rattling off information about the company as well as my job duties. Well, I assume he kept rattling off information. I had no idea; my attention was fixated on the Adonis on the other side of the room, leaning against the counter, a coffee mug in hand. His dark brown hair was cut close to the scalp, and three-days’ worth of growth covered his jaw. I watched his Adam’s apple bob when he swallowed a mouthful of coffee, and I couldn’t help wanting to draw my tongue across it. I almost melted into a gooey puddle on the floor when the god in front of me threw his head back in laughter. The sound sent a shiver racing through me.
The clearing of a throat and “Josephine” spoken with a hint of amusement jerked me back to my surroundings. My head whipped to the side to gaze at Connor, who looked at me with a smirk on his face. I pushed my glasses farther up on my nose and stared him down, even as a warm sensation crept across my cheeks. How embarrassing to be caught ogling a fellow employee. I waited for Connor to make a smart-ass remark, but instead, he crooked his finger at me like one of his subs. I glared as I slowly walked over to stand next to him.
“My apologies, sir. It won’t happen again.” In addition to Connor mentoring me in the BDSM lifestyle for two years now, he was also my boss and deserved my respect.
“You don’t have to apologize, Josie. Come, let me introduce you.” He led me over to the men standing against the counter. My whole body was on fire now that I was up close to him. His ice blue eyes glowed when he turned his head at our approach.
“Bryce, Miles, this is Josephine Bishop. She’s our newest computer analyst. Josephine, this is Bryce Harris and Miles Standish.” He indicated each of them as he spoke their name, but I only had eyes for Miles. I went through the motions of shaking Bryce’s hand, rudely not even looking at him. When I placed my hand in Miles’, a bolt of lightning shot through me. His eyes widened, and I knew he’d felt it too. Instantly, I knew I was in trouble.
From that day forth, I wanted to know everything about Miles Standish. To spend as much time with him as possible. At first, he avoided me. I attempted to rein in my attraction to him, even though it practically killed me. Every moment I was around Miles, my body heated, and all my synapses fired. An electric charge had the hairs on my arms standing the minute I stood near him. The air crackled between us. There was no doubt he felt it too, but he ignored it no matter how gently I tried to push.
After a while, I realized that nothing I did would force him to admit the attraction was mutual. And I had no idea why. So, I changed my strategy. I became his friend. Soon, we were constantly playing practical jokes on some of the other employees, and we talked daily. He’d prop his gorgeous butt on the edge of my desk and we’d talk for twenty or thirty minutes every morning before the rest of the staff arrived. Sometimes it would be work related topics, but mostly we talked about ourselves and our lives outside the office, although I always skirted around questions regarding my family. Before long, my feelings grew into something more than friendship and lust. I fell in love.
Josie
Six Years Later
He thought I couldn’t see the pain in his eyes, but I did. I saw everything about Miles Standish. I always have, even from that the moment I first spied him across the break room. My gaze followed him everywhere, even when I tried to force myself to look away. I’d never met a man before that affected me the way Miles did. I’d been in love with him all these years, but nothing I did swayed him to change our relationship. For six years this man had fought his attraction to me and never once made a move. He could try the patience of a saint. I showed him every way I knew how that I cared for him. Deeply.
Several of my girlfriends, who I’d casually mentioned Miles to in passing, asked me why I didn’t ask him out, didn’t take the initiative, especially given my proclivity of being rather “take charge”. The partial answer to that was that I was, thanks to my father, still gun-shy about trusting men outside the kink community, even Miles. The other answer, the one that had me more hesitant, was that I was a Domme, and being a sexually dominant woman in a vanilla world was difficult. Some men were touchy about submitting to a woman. I had very specific tastes, and there was no sense risking a broken heart on a man who wasn’t who I needed him to be.
For that reason, I didn’t try to push, even as heat simmered in his eyes when he thought I wasn’t looking. But now, other emotions clouded Miles’ eyes. Pain. Guilt. My heart broke for him.
It’s been six years since that first day on the job, and Miles still sent shivers down my spine with every look, every touch. Now though, I also knew one additional thing about him. I knew he’d killed a man. A man who, like the one I’d killed, deserved to die.
I saw how it affected him. Gone was the lightheartedness. No longer did he prop his butt on the corner of my desk and joke with me. I recognized the guilt that ate at him, even if I’d never experienced it myself. I didn’t regret, for one second, killing that bastard. I also recognized the signs of someone going through the motions of existing but not living. My sister was a member of that club. It broke me knowing that I couldn’t do anything to help her. But I’d be damned if I wouldn’t do everything in my power to help Miles get rid of the guilt. Somehow, I’d find a way to bring him back from the darkness that shrouded him. Somehow, I’d show him the secret of redemption. I loved him too much to fail.
Miles
Blood. It’s everywhere. It doesn’t matter if I’m awake or asleep. All I see is blood. And his face. I brushed my teeth this morning, and when I leaned up from the sink, there he stood, behind me, staring at me with blood running down his face. Rationally, I knew he wasn’t there. Except it’s hard to be rational since I’d started losing my mind months ago. I knew it was happening, but there was nothing I could do to stop it. It’s hard to tell my mind it’s playing tricks on me. Especially when guilt for the very death I caused overwhelms me.
Malcolm Shipman deserved to die. He’d been on the verge of pulling the trigger of his own gun when I’d shot him to save the life of my boss. My best friend. One of the two was going to die. I’d chosen Malcolm. I’ve been to the shooting range countless times. I’ve run through mock hostage situations where I’ve shot dummies scattered around the room at almost point-blank range. It never occurred to me that shooting another human being, regardless of whether he deserved it or not, would change a person as drastically as it’s changed me.
I still go to the gym and to work every day. I talk to my co-workers and occasionally, I try to laugh at their jokes. But even I can hear the hollowness behind my laughter. Behind my words. Life around me has moved forward, and no one knows what’s going on behind my false gaiety. Except her. I’ve been avoiding her ever since that day, because I can’t take the pity in her eyes. She tries to hide it, but I see it. Along with several other emotions that I’ve known were there for years. Hope. Attraction. Love, perhaps. But none of those shone so brightly as pity.
Josephine Bishop showed up one day, and my life has never been the same. I’ve stayed away from her for several reasons, not the least of which is she’s fifteen years my junior. I knew she was infatuated with me when she first joined the team, and I did everything I could to give her the impression I wasn’t interested. Eventually, she reeled her emotions back in and treated me like a friend. Our morning talks have always been my favorite part of the day, even if I didn’t admit it to anyone.
She was a conundrum. She possessed both an aura of innocence that never tarnished, yet there was a commanding presence I wasn’t sure how to respond to. She never talked about her love life. I had no idea if she had a steady boyfriend or if she went through guys like most people changed underwear. There was never that sparkle in her eye or the bounce in her step that said
she’d been thoroughly fucked. I’ve never seen a woman who’d just had her brains fucked out not possess that light, that sparkle, about them. Like they’re walking on cloud nine. It’s a special look, and when you see it on enough women, you begin to recognize it. Josephine held her emotions close to the vest. I often wondered if she was still a virgin, even at twenty-seven.
Connor had shared a little bit of information with me when I discreetly asked. At least, I hope I’d been discreet. He never acted as though he thought my reasons for asking were anything beyond the general curiosity of learning about a new co-worker. God forbid he should realize that my feelings were slightly more engaged than a platonic friendship for his favorite girl. And we all knew the Josephine Bishop held a special place in Connor’s heart. Even being his second-in-command, and best friend, he’d never told me why Josie was so special to him. He treated her like a younger sister. He was over-protective to a degree that was unusual.
I knew Connor had worked for Josie’s father a couple years before she started working for Blacklight Securities. But, I also knew that something happened to Josie before Connor came into the picture. That’s what I couldn’t figure out. Neither discussed it, but it further cemented their relationship to the point where Josie worshipped the ground Connor walked on, and Connor treated Josie as though she was as fragile as glass and would break with the slightest breeze.
I knew she wouldn’t break though. She was much stronger than anyone knew, like tempered steel. But I wouldn’t taint her with the darkness that surrounded me. I knew the minute she tried to get close that I would snuff out her light with the blackness that surrounded me. So, I avoided her. It was easier for everyone that way. Especially me. I’d had no idea the agony I would feel knowing she was now forever out of my reach. It was just another strike against me. Eventually, I’d break and destroy everything good in my life. Especially her.
