by Alexa Land
“What did you like to do before you started turning tricks?”
He shrugged and muttered, “I dunno.”
I thought about it for a while before saying, “I guess I don’t really know what I am, either. Sex has always been something that’s done to me. I never, like, called the shots or anything.”
My friend didn’t look at me as he said, so quietly, “Do you want to try? With me, I mean? You can fuck me if you want. Maybe you could figure out what you like that way.”
“You just told me you don’t like to bottom.”
“I know, but maybe it’d be different with someone I actually liked.”
“You’re not serious, are you?”
“I don’t know. Never mind.” I tried to take his hand, but he sat up and said, “I’m going back to my apartment.”
Zachary swung out of bed and headed for the door, but I went after him and gently caught his arm. “Don’t go.”
“I have to. I’m being stupid tonight. I hate it when I get like this.”
“What’s going on with you, Zachary?” I asked as I let go of him.
He looked at the floor as he mumbled, “Nothing. I’ll talk to you soon, okay?”
“Okay.” After he left, I locked the door behind him and leaned against it. The apartment was so quiet. Too quiet. Two a.m. was really lonely without my best friend.
“Just you and me, kid,” I said to the little brown teddy bear on the table beside me, my one possession from my childhood. Bobo stared at me with his button eyes. He wasn’t much of a conversationalist, but I was still glad for his company.
Chapter Three
Zachary avoided me for the next few days. He was really good at that. I never heard him coming and going on the stairs, and when I knocked on his door, there were no sounds from inside the apartment.
Meanwhile, life went on. It was lonely with Zachary M.I.A. and Christian off on his honeymoon, but I was used to loneliness. I spent my days either lost in a book or hiding behind the lens of my camera, and my nights working.
I didn’t have many regular customers and none were calling that week, so I worked the street. Friday night was the same as any other, but I felt a bit off for some reason. Around midnight I was in a back alley, getting used by some guy in an expensive suit that had been too cheap to get a room. He thrust into me hard as I braced myself against the rough masonry wall and kept my eyes on Saturn. He was one of those guys that got off on verbal abuse, and told me how worthless and pathetic I was as he fucked me. At least he came in just a couple minutes, and when he finished, he threw the condom on the ground and left without another word.
I zipped my jeans, wrapped my arms around myself, and leaned against the wall. I was definitely out of sorts, a little too tired and cold and hungry, all at the same time. But I was also behind on my monthly income and knew I needed to get back to work. First though, I was going to give myself the luxury of two quiet minutes by myself. I exhaled as I let my eyes slide shut.
“Hey. You okay?”
I jumped at the deep voice, my hands coming up automatically to protect myself and my heart thudding in my chest. A large police officer was backlit by a distant streetlight. I couldn’t see his face, but I knew he was a cop by the outline of the radio on his shoulder and the gun on his hip. He shone his flashlight at me. Surprisingly, this one was nice enough not to shine it right in my face. Most of them did that. Instead, he shone the light along the ground, pausing on the used condom, then ran it partway up me and kept it on my midriff. Since my eyes had been used to the dark, it was still too bright and I squinted.
“Is your name Chance?”
That startled me. Why would a cop know my name? I’d been arrested twice, but the last time had been over four years ago. Not like they’d remember one hooker among hundreds.
I nodded quickly, looking at the ground. The big cop came up close to me, directing the beam of the flashlight off to the side. “Are you a prostitute?”
The question was surprising. Usually the cops didn’t come right out and ask. I looked up at him. Man, was he big. I was about five-eleven on a good day, and this guy had to have at least six or seven inches on me, not to mention eighty pounds of sheer muscle mass. I still couldn’t see him very well with the flashlight disrupting my night vision, but there was something familiar about him. I asked hesitantly, “Finn Nolan?”
Shea’s brother nodded and said quietly, “You didn’t answer my question.”
“Why would I answer that? Getting thrown in jail isn’t exactly on today’s to-do list.”
“I couldn’t arrest you for that, not unless you solicited me.”
“Like I’d be dumb enough to solicit a cop.”
He paused for a moment, studying my face, and I looked down again. “I don’t get it,” he said. “You’re a wedding photographer. Why would you be out here turning tricks? Is it for the thrill? Because frankly, there are much safer ways to get your kicks.”
That made me lock eyes with him and knit my brows. “Yeah, it’s for the thrill. It has nothing to do with paying rent or feeding myself or providing for my family. I totally get off on letting any asshole with a handful of twenties use my body any way he wants.” I immediately regretted snapping at him. Getting on a cop’s bad side was such a terrible idea.
“Providing for your family?”
“Never mind, forget I said that. Am I under arrest?”
“No.”
“Good.” I turned and walked down the alley, wasting no time in putting plenty of distance between myself and Officer Nolan.
*****
Next time I saw him, it was Monday night. I’d had a relatively slow weekend, so I was working once again. He approached me dressed in street clothes, and I glared at Finn and said, “If this is an attempted sting operation, it’s such a total fail.”
“No! Jeez, of course not. I just...um...can I talk to you?” He shifted uncomfortably, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his jeans. He also wore sneakers and a khaki-colored canvas jacket over a t-shirt, but the casual outfit didn’t make him look any less like a cop.
“You are talking to me.”
“I mean, you know, can we go somewhere and talk?”
I raised an eyebrow. “You get that I’m working here, right?”
“Yeah. But maybe, I don’t know, take a walk with me?” He fidgeted again, clearly nervous about something.
“Do you swear this isn’t some elaborate, jacked up attempt at arresting me?”
“It’s not. I’m not even on duty tonight.” I studied him for a moment, then sighed and started walking. He fell into step with me. After a minute he said, “I need you to promise not to repeat this conversation to my brother, his husband, or any of their friends. That’s really important. You absolutely cannot talk about this with anyone who knows me. Will you do that?”
“If whatever you’re going to say is a big secret, here’s an idea: don’t tell me in the first place.” He sighed at that, and after a moment I said, “You don’t have to worry, I’ll keep quiet.” The light changed and we crossed the street. We were heading out of the Tenderloin and the neighborhood was slowly improving, block by block. Since it was fairly late, all of the shops were closed and the street was nearly deserted.
Finn blurted, “I thought about this all weekend, and it has to be you. Having some common ground is reassuring, but it also makes this a hundred times more insane than just finding a stranger, because you could blackmail me, or even just tell my brother about this out of spite. I just...I don’t think you’re the type to do that. I’m pretty good at reading people, that’s a big part of my job. God, I hope I’m right in this case.” He was speaking quickly, his nerves still getting the better of him.
“What exactly are we talking about here?”
“I want to hire you.” I stopped walking and stared at him. Finn seemed completely mortified, looking at anything but me.
“Not as a wedding photographer,” I guessed.
He shook his head. “No. I, um...I w
ant to hire you to do this job.” He gestured at our surroundings awkwardly.
“You want to take me to bed?”
“Oh God.” He turned away from me, but then he nodded.
“I’m going to go ahead and guess you don’t have a lot of experience hiring prostitutes,” I said.
“Absolutely none. I’ve thought about it before, but I could never go through with it. Between my job, my family....” He turned to look at me. “You could destroy me, Chance, and I’m not being dramatic. You could tear down my world if you chose to. But...somehow, I don’t think you will.”
“Why would you take that risk?”
“Because I want this so damn bad. It’s all I can think about. Please, tell me I can trust you.”
“You can.”
“I know this has to be awkward for you, too,” he said, “and keeping it confidential goes both ways. You probably don’t want Christian or Shea to find out about our, um, arrangement, and I swear I’ll be discreet, for your sake as well as mine.”
I studied him for a long moment, then told him, “I don’t get it. There are dozens of hookers out on the street right now. Why wouldn’t you just pick someone who has no idea who you are and take them to the closest motel for an hour? It doesn’t make sense that you’d turn to the one prostitute who knows your name, your family, and where you work. It’s just asking for trouble.”
“Like I said, it has to be you,” he mumbled, studying the dirty sidewalk. “I don’t want to do this with anyone else.”
“Okay,” I said softly.
Finn looked up at me. “Really?” When I nodded, he fumbled with an inside pocket of his jacket and pulled out a small, white envelope, which he thrust at me as he said, “Based on what I know from working vice, I think this is about right. I know you’re probably worried about naming a dollar amount, since I’m a police officer and that would set you up for a potential arrest. So, you don’t have to name a figure. If that’s not enough, just say no and I’ll add to it.”
I took the envelope from him and untucked the flap, then counted the ten crisp hundred dollar bills inside it by running through them with my thumbnail. “This is way, way too much,” I said as I tried to give the envelope back to him.
“Not for what I want.”
Oh man, here it comes, I thought. The guy’s going to turn out to be a total freak. He’s probably going to want to do some damage for that kind of money.
It seemed like he had to force himself to blurt out, “I want you to sleep with me. I mean...well, both of the things that expression implies. After we...you know, I want you to spend the night with me. I want ten hours of your time, ten p.m. to eight a.m. I don’t want to have to hurry or worry about how much time I have left or feel any pressure. I’d also like the option to maybe...you know. Do it again with you after I’ve rested up a bit.” He actually blushed as he said that, shoving his hands back in the pockets of his jeans.
That was all fairly surprising, but again I said, “Okay.”
He seemed slightly relieved. “Great. So, um, I guess we should talk about ground rules. I have a couple and I assume you do, too.”
“Sure. Go first.”
“Alright. So, I guess...I guess I need you not to initiate anything. Let me take the lead. But if I do anything you don’t like or that hurts you, you have to tell me. Do you promise you will?” When I nodded, he said, “Okay, good. There’s one more thing. I’m not a big talker. I don’t want to make small-talk or answer questions or any of that.”
“Not a problem.”
“Great. Okay, so what are your rules?”
“I don’t do bareback. No exceptions. Do you have a problem with that?”
Finn shook his head. “I’m glad you have that rule. What else?”
Now it was my turn to study the pavement. “If you decide you want to get rough with me, I need you to confine any marks or bruises to parts of my body that are normally covered by clothing. For the amount of money you’re paying, you basically get an all-access pass, with the two exceptions of using a condom and where you can hit me. If you mark up my face, neck or wrists, that makes things difficult for me.”
“Oh God,” he said and started to reach for me, but then he stopped himself. “I’m not going to hurt you, Chance. You really...you let people do that to you?”
I looked up at him and pinned him with a sharp stare. “I have one more rule. You don’t get to ask me questions, either. What I do and why I do it is my business and none of yours. Got it?”
“Yeah, okay.”
After I put the envelope in my pocket, I started walking again, and he hurried to catch up to me. I glanced at the time on my phone and said, “It’s a quarter to ten. Where do you want to go, since I assume you want to get started?”
“Oh.” Finn looked around and said, “Um, let’s turn right at the next intersection. There are a couple hotels outside the Financial District that are kind of off the beaten path.” He thought about it as we walked up the street and added, “Maybe I should go first, then call you when I’ve gotten the room. Just, you know, so we can be discreet.”
I stopped walking, took out my wallet, and handed him one of my business cards, which had only my first name and phone number on them. I’d thought they were classy when I first ordered them, but now the sheer white vellum with white ink just looked tacky. “Text me when you have a room and I’ll be right there.”
When I took the white envelope from my pocket and tried to hand it to him, he asked, “Why are you giving that back to me?”
“I figured you’d want to hold on to it. There’s a thousand dollars here. Who’s to say I won’t just run off with it?”
He frowned a little. “I trust you, Chance. I have to, otherwise this whole thing’s going to fall apart. I’m planning to go to sleep with you in the same room. I know you’re not going to rip me off or, hell, I don’t know, murder me in my sleep or something.”
“Wow. Super grim example.”
Finn shrugged. “Given some of the things I’ve seen in my line of work, it’s pretty easy to go grim.” I actually totally understood that. He turned and headed down the sidewalk as he said, “I’ll call you in about fifteen minutes.”
Chapter Four
He really did call too, as opposed to texting. “I’m in room two-fifteen at the Hotel Whitman. Do you know where that is?”
“Yeah. I’ll be right there.” I disconnected and got up from the cement stairs I’d been sitting on. I’d trailed Finn at a distance and settled in on the far corner, then watched him as he stood on the sidewalk outside a small hotel for a couple minutes, apparently psyching himself up. At one point, he ran up the stairs, turned around, and ran back down. But then he’d turned back, resolutely marched up to the door and disappeared into the lobby.
Once he’d gotten inside, it had taken him a while to call me, and I started to wonder if he was going to back out. I’d watched a light come on in a left-hand corner room on the second floor, and could see him pacing through the sheer curtains. He did that for a good ten minutes before he finally pulled out his phone.
It wasn’t all that unusual for people to be nervous the first time they went to a prostitute. That was a little above and beyond, though. I wondered as I walked up to the hotel and pushed open the door if it was also his first time with a guy. That wasn’t terribly uncommon, either. We were often a way for people to experiment or try out hidden desires.
Finn looked nothing short of terrified when he opened the hotel room door for me. He’d taken off his jacket, shoes and socks, which were all stacked neatly on a chair in the corner. A new box of condoms and a sealed plastic bottle of lube were lined up on the nightstand.
Since he’d said he didn’t want small-talk, I didn’t say anything as I closed the heavier set of drapes and began to undress. I turned my back to him automatically. It was an old habit, a weird urge to keep a little of myself private just for an extra minute or two before handing my body over to whoever had paid for me.
When I was completely naked, Finn came up behind me, stopping a couple feet away. “Is it okay if I touch you?” he asked. His voice was a choked-off whisper.
“You can do whatever you want.”
I flinched a little when his fingers grazed my back, and I took a deep breath. The reaction was involuntary. I didn’t know if I could relax around him yet. Despite all his big talk about not wanting to hurt me, I’d heard that before from plenty of men who quickly turned abusive when they got me alone.
Finn pulled back when I flinched, but he tried again, resting his fingertips lightly on my right shoulder. His hand was trembling, and his breathing was fast and shallow. He traced the outline of my shoulder, then followed the length of my spine but stopped before he reached my butt and pulled his hand away.
I turned around and looked up at him. He was absolutely huge and seemed to fill that cramped hotel room. Our size difference was more apparent than ever as I stood naked before him. He could hurt me so badly if he wanted to.
Instead though, he gently brushed my hair back from my eyes, then traced the outline of my face with shaking fingertips. “You’re so incredibly beautiful,” he murmured before gathering me in his arms. Finn held me carefully, and I could feel his heart racing as I put my head on his chest. He took a couple deep breaths to try to calm himself, then guided us over to the edge of the bed and sat down with me on his lap.
He seemed to be in no hurry, even though I could feel his erection against my hip. Finn nuzzled my hair and breathed me in as his big arms enveloped me. It was so different than what I was used to. Zachary had told me about clients at the escort service who treated him like this, but street hustlers like me didn’t usually experience that sort of thing. It threw me off my game a bit, but I just tried to go with it.
