by Wood, A. L.
What she doesn’t know is that I feel an overbearing guilt at what my father did. Accident or no. If my dad had just suggested they call a taxi, her parents would still be here. She wouldn’t be as closed off as she is now. She wouldn’t be severely heartbroken trudging along in life. Sometimes I think she can see through me. See why I do what I do. She puts on the hard shell to her exterior never letting anyone but me in. I do the opposite. I have let people in all the time. But only for a few nights of fun. Those few nights allow me to feel alive again. But I am not deserving of feeling alive.
So when the guilt makes its way in, slowly creeping along my soul. That’s when I kick them out of my bed. To be honest, they don’t deserve it either. If I let someone in, and let them know how much I ache for Natalie, how much hate and disgust I have for my parents, Or how much these thoughts consume me, they would only look at me with indifference. No one could or would ever understand.
I open her bedroom door and straight away notice she’s laying in her bed.
What the fuck?
Why is she here in her room?
She should be on a tour bus right now. How the hell did she get here?
I walk over to her bed and start shaking her awake. She doesn’t respond. I shake her again, this time a little harder.
“Nat!” I yell out.
“Natalie!”
Her not responding to me has my stomaching overturning. To set my mind at rest, I lay my head on her chest, just to hear her heartbeat. It’s beating, slowly. I start screaming her name out loud. Hoping, no praying that she will answer me or make some kind of movement. Her face is abnormally pale
I jump off the bed and yank my cellphone out of my pocket, furiously dialing 911. Natalie what did you do? The dispatcher answers the call. Rushing the words out I tell her my friend is laying in her bed, not responding to anything I do and that her heart is barely beating. She tells me she’s sending an ambulance. That everything will be all right.
Right now I am having a very hard time accepting that everything will be okay. I have never seen Natalie like this.
What happened?
As the dispatcher is still on the phone, she directs me to check Nat’s pulse. To keep checking it to make sure she hasn’t stopped breathing altogether. Sitting on the bed beside Natalie’s body with my thumb on her wrist, I glance at her nightstand and notice a piece of paper sitting there.
A letter. Addressed to me. Oh Natalie. She did this on purpose.
Find Me: Rock Romance #3
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CA: http://www.amazon.ca/gp/product/B00KO6S7FA
AU: https://www.amazon.com.au/dp/B00KO6S7FA
An excerpt from Find Me: Rock Romance #3
Chapter 1
Liam
The Queen, as I have now dubbed her, had her Princess last night. I think the last time that I can remember seeing Ryan this happy, was the day that we got signed. Temperance, a beautiful name and fitting for one so innocent and small. She is the spitting image of her mother, only she has Ryan’s blue eyes.
Before Layla and I left last night, we got to hold her for a bit. I was nervous as hell, because I never once had a chance to hold such a tiny baby. Thought I would drop her, but with Natalie’s urging and confidence, I picked her up. I cuddled her to my chest and held on tightly.
We stayed for a few hours, all the while I was inconsiderately selfish with Temp, not even wanting her own parents to hold her. The Queen and I shared a bond. I don’t know why, or even how, but we did, and that bond carried on to her newly born child. I was jealous that Ryan got to be with her and have a family.
I wanted what he had.
I wanted to take care of her.
Forever.
My body, my emotions, owned her and she me. But when it came time to leave, I kissed Temperance on the forehead and laid her in her father’s arms and walked away. I gulped in the stale air around me, swallowing my emotions. I hid my inner turmoil of jealousy well. But not well enough.
“We’re going to let you both get some rest, we’ll come visit in the morning.” I say, glancing between Ryan and Natalie, who are snuggled together on the hospital bed with Temperance laying on Natalie’s chest. I take a step closer to them, almost begging for the punishment of having to feel the emotions of longing and loneliness taking over my heart.
I am my own worst enemy.
I take another step closer to Natalie’s side. I look down at the beautiful baby girl and then back into her mother’s eyes. “You did well, Queen.” I whisper. Then place a chaste kiss upon her cheek. I stand upright and notice Ryan giving me a furiously questioning stare, but I ignore him and his unspoken questions. Questions that I don’t want to answer. I turn around and walk away.
Natalie doesn’t know it yet, but seeing her and Ryan laid together as a family upon that bed made the decision for me. To cut this bond and walk away. I can be her friend, but not her best friend. I can’t be that close. It wouldn’t be fair to Ryan, I, or her, and especially not Princess.
I make it back to the waiting room, when I am confronted by the guys. Gage, Jason, and Zepp all stand up to greet me. I had called them as soon as Ryan had called me, to let them know that the baby was coming. I suggested they wait until the morning to visit. Thankful that they had not listened.
I don’t want to have this conversation right now. All I want to do is get in my car and drive back to what used to be Layla and Natalie’s apartment, but is now mine and Layla’s apartment. When Natalie moved in with Ryan, I took her old room out of convenience. Layla didn’t need a roommate to help with bills, but I couldn’t let her live alone and if I were to be honest with myself, I wanted- no needed something to hold onto of Natalie’s at the time.
We have canceled the tour until later next year and Ryan installed a studio in the basement of his house, so we could all conveniently work out of his house and I refused to room there as the other guys did. I knew I didn’t want to put any roots down in Boston. As much as my heart yearned to be close to Natalie, I knew that there would come a time that I had to cut myself off from her due to my having an interest that’s more than friendly. I just didn’t think it would have been so soon. That it would have had to be now.
“Well aren’t you going to tell us how she’s doing?” Gage interrupts my thoughts.
I hesitate. I would rather be anywhere else at this moment. These guys have the power to read right through me. I can try to hide my emotions all I want, but they will always see right through it. Effortlessly.
What am I supposed to say? “She’s beautiful, the baby I mean.” I stumble with my words. “She looks just like her mother, they’re still exhausted, but I’m sure if you guys were to peek in for a few minutes, they wouldn’t care.” I walk away awkwardly, unsure of what else to say. I don’t want their questions, and they are one hell of a nosy bunch.
I exit the waiting room and make my way to my car, when Layla starts talking. I forgot that she was with me or that I was her ride.
“What is your problem?” She asks.
“Nothing. I’m fine. Maybe tired.” I reply dismissively, while getting in the car.
She lets out a sigh, exasperated with my short answers. Since I started staying with her and Natalie, she has done nothing but give me hassle about my feelings for Nat. I tried like hell to tame my shit down toward Nat. I always knew that she belonged to Ryan, much to my regret.
But I couldn’t help how I felt. I tried and tried. The more time I spent with her, trying to help her heal, watching over her, the more my feelings grew. The pregnancy was just fuel added to the flame on the torch I had already begun carrying for her. I knew she wasn’t ready and even though it made me a shit ass best friend to Ryan, I could not help it. As the saying goes, the heart wants what the heart wants.
Save Me: Rock Romance #4
Save Me
US: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00MW55B5A
/> UK: http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B00MW55B5A
CA: http://www.amazon.ca/gp/product/B00MW55B5A
AU: https://www.amazon.com.au/dp/B00MW55B5A
An excerpt from Save Me: Rock Romance #4
Chapter 1
Tonight is my first night off a tour bus in well over six months, besides the one night I did have off due to an emergency and let’s just say that didn’t end so well for me, I ended up flying back to the city my band was performing in the same night. I’ve been a tour manager on the road with a new and upcoming band Fighting Death. I flew into Boston to spend some time with my friends and family before I started looking for my next job. Fighting Death is going back into the studio to make a new album and the record company that they are signed to isn't so well known at the moment, so another tour isn't in sight for another year. Unfortunately, not having a job won’t pay my bills.
“Abby are you done in there yet?” Selena asks while banging on the bathroom door.
“I’m almost finished, hold your ass babe.” I yell back.
Selena demanded that I wore an outfit of her choosing from her closet. Since my wardrobe consists of almost nothing but business suits and heels. Not that it’s my choice of clothing all the time but when your job is a tour manager you have to look professional at all times. I come into contact with the manager of every single venue, every hotel, sponsors and I can’t go around wearing my choice of jeans and tee-shirt when representing a recording studio and record label.
Needless to say that what I am wearing is entirely unlike my usual wear. Selena opted for a silky pink blouse that has a deep plunging neckline and a black skirt that stops right above my knees and hugs every single curve that I own. The heels are mine though and comfortable enough to dance all night in. I run my fingers through my hair separating strands to give it that not so perfect look. I apply a light coat of mascara and a dab of lip gloss before opening the door to let Selena in.
“You look hot. You're so going to get a man tonight.”
“I thought we were going out to dance, not man hunting. If I knew that was your plan I would have said no, I do not need a man.” I reply seriously.
“Relax. I’m not planning on setting you up with anyone, I was just saying- you know you could use getting laid. Six months on a bus with men and not one time did you get laid? Your river has to have run dry by now.”
“Sex isn't a need Selena, I’m good trust me.”
“Who are you and what have you done with my Abagail? The road obviously is not agreeing with you.” She says laughing.
“Let’s move past getting me laid, who is meeting us out tonight?”
“Raven is already there waiting on us, Sage is on her way and I think that’s it. So let’s get going.”
The cab pulls up outside of a bar that looks that it needs some major upgrades.
“This is where we are ‘partying’?” I ask Selena, doubt lacing my words.
“Wait till we get inside then you can shove that question.” She says laughing while pulling me out of the cab behind her.
She tosses money to the driver and leads me to the entrance, skipping the long line that’s wrapped around the building.
“Hello Terrance, my girl is back home, please don't make us wait outside.” She says while leaning into him, flirting.
“Fine, but don't cause any trouble.” He agrees while letting us slide by him.
Selena leads me to the bar where Raven and Sage are already downing shots.
They both finish their drinks and ambush me with hugs.
“Long time no see, sister.” Sage says.
At the same time Raven interjects, “I thought you were selling out on us. Getting all successful and running away.”
Her ambiguity toward my job snaps me back to reality. Reality of the last time we spoke, how abandoned me leaving made her feel. The guilt slowly seeps back into my skin, flowing in my veins.
Drink.
I get the bartenders attention and order three shots of Southern Comfort and lime. He returns quite fast, I down them one after another and lay the money on the counter.
Pre-Order for Letting Go: Rock Romance #6
Release Date 12/6/2014
Letting Go Pre-Order Links
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Pre-Order for the Rock Romance Series Boxed Set
Release date 12/6/2014
Boxed Set Links
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About The Author
A.L. Wood resides in Glens Falls, NY with her husband and daughter. When she’s not writing she’s reading and spending time with her family and friends.
A.L. Wood can be found on Facebook and twitter, both links are below if you are interested in keeping up with any new releases.
https://www.facebook.com/ALWood
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http://www.amazon.com/A.L.-Wood/e/B00I1LRZ9O/ref=sr_tc_2_0?qid=1409857177&sr=8-2-ent
