by James Erith
‘You? But, my boy, you loathe those children. That’s what I rather liked about you. And now, suddenly because I, a mere spirit, go and give Daisy de Lowe a little tickle, you get all upset.’
‘Tickle? That wasn’t a tickle, you violated her—’
‘Oh come now. I wasn’t harming her, quite the opposite,’ Cain said, ‘and she is rather exquisite, if you ask me.’
Kemp’s face looked ready to explode.
‘You’re not jealous, are you?’ Cain asked. ‘Or worried that I’d take her instead of you?’
Kemp shook his head. ‘Of course not,’ he said thickly. ‘What you did was plain stupid.’
‘Why? Surely you must see that by now that the de Lowes are going to die. Those pathetic Heirs of Eden still haven’t got a clue what’s going on, although I’ll grant you, by the amount of debris downstairs, they are trying.’ He laughed, his voice echoing round the large hall.
‘But now Daisy knows I’m alive,’ Kemp said.
‘So what, boy?’ Cain snapped. ‘It doesn’t matter. Why not have a bit of fun with them? If I was allowed to kill her, I would.’ He paused. ‘Then all of this would be over.’
‘So why didn’t you?’
‘Because if I, or anyone else for that matter, interferes directly with the Heirs of Eden’s quest, they will be given the three tablets.’
‘So by doing what you did, you nearly gave it to them on a plate,’ he said. ‘How stupid can you get?’ Kemp scratched his head; he needed to change the subject. ‘Anyway, thanks for taking me to my mother,’ he said. ‘You were right.’
Cain drifted closer. ‘My pleasure, boy. How did it go?’
‘She knew,’ Kemp said. ‘We share the same thumbs; they bend right back like this.’ He manipulated his digits.
‘Fascinating,’ Cain said drily.
‘When I looked closer, I was just like her. You know, hair, lips, even our noses are the same. She’s bloody ugly though, unlike me.’
Cain laughed. ‘So now we share our secrets.’
‘Yeah,’ Kemp said. ‘And mum’s coming here when the world gets destroyed, just as you promised, right? And please, don’t do what you did with Daisy again, OK. It’s freaky and a little bit pervy.’
Cain smiled. ‘Ah, yes, yes. Of course,’ Cain replied. Cain wondered if having the boy’s mother around wouldn’t be such a bad thing. Keep him under control; guide him in other ways, someone to play him off against.
Another thought had been niggling away at him. If Earth was to finish, as was increasingly likely, and Kemp was the sole survivor, then the boy would need a companion or two. Ghosts were hardly ideal playmates.
In due course, the boy would wish to reproduce and raise a family. But Havilah’s human population were stuck, frozen in time like small glass upturned dishes littered on the ground.
‘You rather like her, don’t you?’
‘What?’ Kemp said. ‘My mum? Yeah, of course—’
‘I meant the girl.’
‘Daisy?’ Kemp immediately went defensive. ‘She’s annoying and a show off and stupid, but she is pretty—’
‘So you do like her!’
Kemp smiled. ‘You’re a horrible ghost, aren’t you?’
‘Perhaps,’ he whispered into Kemp’s ear.
‘Stop doing that,’ Kemp said, swishing at the air with his hand.
Cain moved through Kemp to the other ear. ‘Or is there another girl?’ he said.
‘Stop that!’
Cain laughed with the boy. ‘Come on, tell me.’
‘No! Go away. Who I fancy is none of your business.’
‘It’s every bit my business,’ Cain said, pretending to sound a little offended. ‘Anyway, to find out all I have to do is look into your mind.’
‘You wouldn’t—’
‘I already have.’
Kemp smiled and tried to think if there really was anyone else. ‘Well if you must know, before you go rummaging through my head, there’s a girl called Sue who is pretty hot.’
‘Hot?’ Cain chuckled. ‘You don’t mean that in a literal sense, do you? She doesn’t actually feel hot, does she?’
‘No! It means she’s a bit of a babe, like Daisy, but with brains.’
‘How interesting,’ Cain mused.
Kemp sighed. ‘Thing is, Daisy really hates me. Sue, on the other hand, is properly gorgeous, but only hates me. But the crap thing is she’s the best friend of Isabella and Isabella hates me more than anyone or anything in the world, so basically it would never happen.’
‘Why not? Strange things happen all the time,’ said Cain, who hummed a strange wispy tune, a trait which Kemp knew as his way of thinking. ‘Why does Isabella detest you so, boy?’
‘Well it started when I put a dead rat in her gym bag, which rotted and filled with maggots. When she found it, it made her so ill she ended up in hospital.’ Kemp grinned. ‘She’s never forgiven me.’
Cain laughed. ‘I tell you what,’ he said at length, ‘why don’t we go and find her?’
‘Isabella?’
‘No, you fool. The girl who you say is the “hot” one?’
‘Sue? She’s probably dead like all the others—’
‘I’ll ask her spirits to find out, or better still, let me have a word with Asgard. The dreamspinner will find out in no time. Ghosts can get a little touchy, especially those related to the recently deceased—’
Kemp felt a little uneasy. ‘Look, it’s very nice of you to help me, but I’ll save you the hassle. I promise you, she’ll never, ever go with me, dead or alive. And anyway, what would I say to her? She’s like, really clever and smart.’
‘And you’re not, boy?’ Cain sighed. ‘You’re switched on enough to have joined me. In any case, you can give her a choice. Tell her it’s you, or death.’
‘That’s not a great chat up line.’
‘It worked for me.’
‘Well, you’re a ghost—’
‘Indeed, but I wasn’t always like this, you know. A long time ago I was extremely powerful and I intend, with your help, to reacquaint myself with that position.’
‘So, why are you so interested in my love life, or lack of it?’
Cain appeared to sigh. ‘As you know, I live forever,’ he said wearily. ‘You, however, will not. When Earth is no more, I can assure you that at some point you will wish to raise children.’
Kemp looked repulsed. ‘OMG!’
‘Whatever “OMG” means, I note the horror on your face. Don’t be naive, boy. It is a perfectly natural development in the cycle of a living thing to procreate, to keep the wheels of life turning. For some species it is their sole purpose. It is said that with the failure of the Heirs of Eden, the humans on Havilah will awaken.’ He shrugged, invisibly. ‘But who knows if and when this will happen. With my help, you and your offspring will rule Havilah and Earth and the Garden of Eden. If this is to happen, you will need a woman with whom you can procreate.’
Kemp looked blank.
Cain spelt out. ‘You’ll need to make babies.’
It took Kemp a while to register. ‘Blimey,’ he said as the penny dropped. ‘I’ll be like the first guy in the world. Everyone will be based ... on me!’ he said at length.
Cain agreed. ‘Lucky worlds, huh?’
‘Like Adam and Eve ... you’re a bloomin’ genius.’
‘Yes, I know,’ Cain said, sounding rather smug. ‘So, tell me,’ he added, ‘who is the superior, Daisy or Sue?’
Kemp weighed it up. ‘Daisy is bottom of the lowest class, but she’s actually smarter than she makes out and she’s an athletic goddess. Sue, on the other hand is top of everything but shocking at games.’
‘Then we must entice Sue into our little family, to complement your strength and athleticism.’
Kemp beamed. ‘You’ll do that for me? How?’
Cain, though completely invisible to Kemp, sat down and thought.
‘We’ll steal her,’ he said at length.
‘Steal?’
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‘Indeed. Though you must ask her first, so that we can gauge her reaction. Then, if she won’t come willingly, we’ll simply take her.’
‘You can’t do that!’
‘My dear boy, of course I can. I’m Cain, and in a couple of days we’ll be the most powerful person in the universe. Your Earth is about to end. Everything on it will die.’
‘But, honestly, I still don’t think she’ll come. You haven’t met her.’
‘She’ll come,’ Cain croaked. ‘There’s one thing that divides living things from dead things. Living things will do anything in their power to actually live, boy, and not die. You’re a testament to that, aren’t you?’
Kemp nodded thoughtfully. ‘She’s pretty stubborn though.’
‘Tell me, truthfully. Will she really refuse life for death?’ Cain sighed. ‘Never. Humans always say honourable, noble things like that, but they don’t mean it. Sue will not get a better option. And when she understands the situation and her frankly perilous position she’ll come over to us boy, with reluctance. Then time will do its healing. It will be significantly easier if she comes without making a fuss.’
ONE HUNDRED SIX
BLABISTERBERRY JELLY
Daisy heard a mechanical buzz, then a muffled voice. ‘Someone’s here!’ she said, as the sound reached her again. She froze at the top of the steps.
‘What is it?’ Isabella said.
Daisy concentrated hard. ‘Footsteps, boots.’
‘The army?’ Isabella replied.
‘Two people with walkie-talkies. Men’s voices, I think. They’re close. I think the fog has heightened the sound.’
Isabella ushered Old Man Wood down the stairs. ‘Come on, Daisy.’
Daisy peered into the fog at the direction of the noise. Then she took off into the thick cloud and disappeared into the yard.
Isabella swore. That idiotic, stupid girl.
Moments later, Daisy reappeared and raced down the steps. ‘Come on!’ she said. ‘Quick.’
‘What do you mean, quick?’ Isabella hissed. ‘I’ve been waiting for you.’
‘Either of you have any idea how to shut the stairwell?’ Daisy said, urgently.
‘Who is it?’ said Archie, eagerly.
‘Soldiers,’ Daisy said, ‘in protective helmets. They’ve got guns.’
‘Oh terrific,’ Isabella whispered.
Voices and the sound of boots scuffing the flagstones could be heard near the corner of the courtyard.
The children stared at each other and then, with a curious whoosh, air swept around them and sealed the trapdoor at the top of the stairs shut, leaving a small echo reverberating around the room.
Now, no exterior sounds could be heard and the three children and Old Man Wood collectively exhaled and turned towards a simple, round, stone table and four stone stools. On the walls were torchlights, which, much to Isabella’s annoyance appeared to run brightly, but off neither electricity nor any type of fossil fuel she’d ever seen.
In the middle of the stone slab sat a large, shining, golden goblet containing a substance rising above its rim, like ice-cream above a cone.
‘So this is Blabisterberry Jelly,’ Old Man Wood said, expressing the general look of surprise on their faces as they stared at the cup filled of golden brown, toffee-looking, apricot-coloured goo.
A whooshing, rushing, firework sound came from the goblet, and while Daisy and Archie leaned in, Isabella instinctively ducked under the table and then pretended she hadn’t.
‘OOOh! Hello, my dears! Who do we have here today?’ the voice was that of a sweet old woman, not too dissimilar to their great-grandmother, and certainly in no way menacing or frightening. Her words were delivered as though it was an everyday occurrence to have visitors.
The children looked at one another.
‘Is it a ghost?’ Archie whispered.
‘I don’t know. I can’t see it.’ Daisy stared back at him, her eyes wide.
They scanned the room.
‘Now, don’t be shy,’ the sweet, elderly voice continued. ‘I want to hear all about you.’
The children stared at one another and then at Old Man Wood, who simply shrugged.
‘Well, my darlings,’ it continued, ‘let me see if we can break the ice on this fine little gathering.’
Daisy pointed towards the goo. ‘I think it’s coming from there,’ she whispered.
The goblet of goo continued. ‘I see that we have two beautiful girls, a lovely, handsome, young man, and, aha, you’ve brought along Grandpa. Now, let’s have a look at all of you. Goodness, so very fit and healthy and may I say how terribly youthful you three are. Isn’t that a surprise?’ The tone sounded almost mocking.
‘If you don’t mind, I need to do a bit of an inspection, to make sure I know exactly who you are.’
Before any of them had the chance to react, a vapour drifted up from out of the bowl, and began to swirl around them like the tendrils of a climbing plant encircling a tree-trunk, each member of the family ensnared within, as if bound by a rope.
Then the smoke disappeared into their ear, mouth and nose cavities and, as it rushed inside, more followed until the children could feel it inside them, tickling their minds, chilling their lungs and freezing their guts.
Just as they were getting used to it, smoke drifted back out of their orifices and back into the goo once more.
All four breathed deeply as if their internal organs had received a smart little tidy-up.
‘Bless you all, my dears,’ the voice said. ‘So you’ve found me at long last. Goodness, you’ve taken your time though, haven’t you? Well, not to worry. I believe your search for the tablets is well under way. How do you think you’re doing?’
The children scuffed their shoes over the floor awkwardly.
‘Er ... not too bad,’ Daisy said, reddening.
‘You’re talking to pot of marmalade, Daisy,’ Isabella whispered.
‘I don’t care,’ Daisy said from out of the corner of her mouth. ‘At least it’s polite marmalade.’
The strange, pleasant, old woman’s voice piped up again. ‘I can’t begin to tell you how excited I am. I’d offer you a cup of tea or the like but, my sweets, that isn’t possible ... so, tell me, what are your names? You look like a right little lamb. Yes, you with the lovely blonde locks.’
‘Er ... Daisy,’ Daisy said, looking straight at the goblet of goo.
‘So,’ the sweet voice said, ‘Daisy, my darling, do you think you can do it? You look plucky enough to me.’
Daisy’s face contorted. ‘Do what?’
‘Eat me,’ the voice said.
Daisy laughed awkwardly. ‘Ah-ha ... eat ... you? What exactly do you mean – if you don’t mind me asking?’
‘As I said. You must eat me, my dear.’
Daisy snorted and a small bogey blew out of her nose and landed on the rim of the cup where it immediately burned up.
‘Seriously?’ she said, a little embarrassed.
From the silence that filled the small chamber, Daisy realised the goo was being deadly serious. ‘Oh, right. Well, yeah, of course ... I knew that,’ she said, cringing, and staring wide-eyed at her siblings.
The voice from the goo sensed her discomfort. ‘I do not wish to be disrespectful sweetheart, but you did find the riddles?’
‘Yup, of course we did.’
‘Then, tell me, little darlings, that you studied them?’
Daisy’s face had turned from pink to red and Archie noted Daisy’s unease. He coughed and recited the second verse of the riddle.
‘FOR THE SECOND one you have to find
‘You burp it from the family belly.
‘To do this, you have to eat
‘Blabisterberry Jelly!’
‘VERY GOOD,’ said the voice, displaying a hint of sarcasm. ‘You see, I am Blabisterberry Jelly and all you have to do is eat me. Clear, so far?’
The children nodded, dumbly.
‘Well, come on then,’ Archi
e said as he made a lunge for the goblet.
‘Not so fast, young man,’ the voice said, as a small cloud of smoke puffed out of the goblet in his general direction.
Archie reeled and fanned the billow with his arm.
The sweet voice turned a little sterner. ‘It isn’t quite as simple as that. In order to succeed, you have to believe that I am, quite simply, the most delicious food you have ever tasted. It really is incredibly easy.’
Old Man Wood groaned. ‘And what if we can’t?’ he asked.
‘If you don’t believe, you don’t belch. And if you don’t belch, you don’t get the tablet, and if you don’t get the tablet ... you die.’ The voice softened. ‘Isn’t that right, young man?’
Archie smiled as the cogs of the puzzle slipped into place. ‘My name is Archie, ma’am,’ he said politely. He licked his lips ready to tuck in.
‘Know this, handsome Archie,’ the kindly voice of Blabisterberry Jelly continued. ‘If you think about my form and eat me as you see me, you will taste the thing you see, and not the food you desire. Do you all understand?’
Archie nodded. What a doddle, he thought.
Daisy was feeling increasingly thankful that she’d hardly touched her breakfast.
‘It is important you are clear about this,’ said the voice.
‘What a result,’ Archie whispered. ‘I hope it’s gonna be good, ’cos I am starving.’
But Isabella’s hands trembled. ‘I don’t like the sound of this,’ she whispered. ‘Not one little bit.’
The goblet heard her. ‘My dear, which bit in particular do you not like?’
Isabella hesitated. ‘Well, what if it isn’t possible to eat whatever it is? What if it’s so disgusting – I mean, does it matter?’ she asked, her voice cracking.
‘Aha! A very good question pretty young lady, whose name is ...?’
‘Isabella.’
‘Isabella, such a pretty name for such a delicate face. I will be honest with you, if you don’t eat your platefuls you will never leave. Is that perfectly clear?’
Isabella swallowed.
‘And, another word of advice,’ the voice continued, ‘the longer it takes, the larger the portion sizes become?’
The children nodded, not entirely clear about where this was leading.
