I'm very self-conscious. When I look at myself in the mirror the only thing I see on my body are the stretch marks left by two pregnancies. They have scarred my breasts and the lower part of my tummy from belly button to pubic hair.
Ten doesn't seem to see the marks. He holds out a hand to beckon me to the bed and says, "You're so beautiful, I want to look at you. You're never wearing anything in bed with me from now on."
His tone doesn't leave any room for discussion and I like that he takes control. It's funny because I'm really bossy. I take charge of everything all day. I would never have guessed I would love giving up control. Maybe it's a question of trust. Ten has never betrayed me. His love for me is unconditional so when he orders me around, I don't feel threatened in the least. Incredibly, it does feel sexy.
I smile, take his hand and slide under the covers in the bed next to him.
"When we're here," he says, "I want you to use words to respond to me if I ask you something."
"Okay," I whisper and somehow repress a nervous giggle.
"I will be very demanding and I need to know that you will obey my orders or voice out your concerns or complaints if you have any."
I nod and he raises an eyebrow. Right. I have to speak.
"I've heard you," I say.
"Good, now come closer to me and stop shivering," he says. His tone is a little softer but there's still an edge to it. "Are you sure you're not cold?"
"No, not cold. Just out of my comfort zone."
There's this strange expression on his face as he says, "Good, I want you that way. I'm going to get such a kick out of keeping you off balance."
I gasp and he caresses my face with the back of his hand. "Don't worry Lovey, you're going to love everything I will do to you. You trust me, right?"
I almost nod and catch myself before I do, "Yes I do and the strangest thing is that I find this new side of you very hot."
"I knew you would," he says. "And in this room you're so going to enjoy being mine to pet. I’m going to make you my sex toy."
Those are words I've never heard him say before. He's never been crude like this and it unsettles me. I have no time to catch my breath as he spreads my legs apart and rolls over to kneel in between them.
"Put your hands under your head and under the pillow," he says.
I obey him as he continues. "Tonight is our first night so I will go easy on you but you can't touch me. It's all about me discovering what makes you tick. Another night, when I'm in the mood to let you touch me, you'll get your turn."
He puts his lips between my breasts and raises his eyes to watch me.
"I did not hear your answer," he says.
"Was there a question? I just heard a list of instructions," I say.
His mouth travels to a nipple and he bites me. Hard. Well not harder than Alexandra when she's nursing but harder than a lover would do. Well harder than Alexander did. Oh my God, no. I can't go there. I need to chase Alex from my mind when I'm in bed with Ten.
My husband's tone is not tender when he says, "I'll let it pass this time but you need to learn my rules. Don't get sassy with me."
I refrain an impulse to roll my eyes as I would with a temperamental child. I don't mind playing but he's got to be reasonable. I still have some free will... or maybe not, because his touch is like fire.
His hands are on my inner thighs. They journey from the knees up ever so slowly. I love it and I moan.
"Good, I like it when you do that. It's music to my ears. Let it all out. Don't hold back or hide anything from me."
I whimper. He leans toward the top of the bed and kisses me. His hands are on my breasts and then on my tummy and then he kneels again and goes back to the inner side of my legs so close from where I want them to me. He stares at me and asks, "How much do you want me Lovey?"
"More than I can say."
"Do you need me?"
"More than my next breath," I cry.
He reaches out for a condom on the night stand and sits down on his feet. He puts it on and then, with a finger light as a feather he finally reaches in between my legs. He presses ever so lightly around the sensitive nub and my hips shoot up to him as I gasp. "Please, Ten."
The finger slides down and explores my fold still swollen from our first session.
"Please, what?" he asks. His tone is so intense that I'm not sure what to say. He told me he was going to keep me of balance and I'm not sure I should tell him what I really want.
"Please enter me," I beg.
"So sweetly asked. I can't refuse."
He slides one arm underneath each knee and pushes my legs up as he lowers himself onto me. As he fills me this way I realize how big he is. I gasp again. He freezes and I make a little protest sound.
"Are you close?" he asks.
"So close."
"Good, show me," he says as he resumes his invasion of my body. It takes all of my will power not to pull my hands from under the pillow to reach out for him. He wants total control and I give it to him. As I explode again under his care, I think I'm starting to see the pleasure of surrender.
Ten rolls over to his side and gets up to dispose of the condom. He comes back in bed and pulls me over to him. I rest my head on his shoulder and he kisses my hair.
"Mine," he says with a sleepy voice. "You're all mine now."
I have a smile on my face. He's tender again. I may learn to love his bossy side but right now, I mainly crave his sweetness.
"And you are mine as well. I love you, Ten," I whisper. "I never thought it possible but I do love you more every day."
"I love you, Baby. I wonder why it took me so long to realize I wanted you for myself," he says. "If I had I would have spared us so much heartache."
“When did you figure it out?” I ask.
“I think I started to realize that maybe you were more than my best friend when you slept in my bed that first night. In your sleep you were calling for Alexander and that made me jealous...”
“But you were still with Giovanni then, no?”
He nods and says, “and then Xander came back and I hated his guts. I realized it was not fair and that if I had Giovanni you should be allowed to have Xander but still I resented him. I was so happy when he skipped town that I wanted to cheer. You were just mine again and I liked it that way.”
I never noticed anything. At that period I was in my little bubble of joy. Obviously, there were tensions between my best friend and my boy-friend that escaped me totally.
"I have no regrets," I say and almost feel guilty saying it. I don't regret loving Alexander. The truth is I think I still love him. Funny how I can love the two of them at once without feeling loving one takes away from the other. I’m not saying it out loud but I know Ten would understand precisely what I mean since he loved Giovanni and me simultaneously.
"None what so ever?" he asks.
"Well, there's Eve."
"Yeah I know Lovey. Eventually we'll find her. Andy's sergeant has all of his contacts in Florida looking for her. With all those retired New York cops searching we'll get a lead soon."
CHAPTER 19
“Lyv Wild?" The man's voice on the phone is familiar but I can't seem to place it. But then it's seven on Sunday morning and that's not my favorite time of day. I'm not sure I would recognize Ten's voice. But it can't be Ten because he's sleeping next to me.
I grunt, "Yes."
"Lyv, you've gotta come home," the voice says.
This doesn't make sense. I'm home. In my half sleep I can see through the door opening we made between our room and our daughter’s room that Alexandra is in her bed. Yes, this is my home. Who ever this is has a stupid sense of humor. It's a bad joke. I need my sleep. "This is not funny," I say before I hang up the phone and then take it of the hook again.
Ten's half awake and asks, "Who was that?"
"Some dumb joker," I say. "Let's go back to sleep."
"I've got a better idea," he says and lifts the cover. Part of his anatomy
is fully awake.
I laugh and say, "I see a bad case of morning glory."
He puts his hand on my head and doesn't need to push. I know what he wants. I trail down kisses on his chest and take my times going where he wants me to go. He growls a little but I know it's just for show. He's okay with my teasing him a bit. Not too long though. He doesn't want me to think I have any control over what happens in our bedroom. But sometimes we don’t get what we wish for. For instance, I wish pancakes and maple syrup were diet food and I don’t think it’s ever going to happen.
He's been bossing me around in bed for more than a year now and the truth is that his bark is stronger than his bite. Still I do what it takes to get him to bite me every so often because his bite is oh so delicious.
When I get closer and just touch him with the tip of my tongue, his hips tilt forward and his hand becomes more pressing on my head. I put my lips to the mushroom tip and grab the bulk of him in my hands. He lets me pleasure him for a while and then he fists his hand in my hair and pulls me away.
I look up to him surprised. He's never stopped me before.
"Come up here," he says. "No matter how much I enjoy this, I know this is not going to get you pregnant, Lovey. I think it's about time we give Alexandra a brother."
I laugh. "What if we have another girl?"
"Nope, not going to happen. Did I not tell you I'm the boss of you in bed? If I say it's going to be a boy, you're gonna make me a boy," he's grinning as he says that. I know he'll take in stride whatever pops out but still, I now know he would favor a boy.
"If I do deliver a male per your heart's desire, my gallant sir, will you grant me one wish?"
"Whatever you want, my Lovey," he says as he pulls me over him to straddle him.
"We won't call him James. Please. There are enough James in your family."
"If you give me James as a middle name, you'll get to pick his first name."
"It's a deal," I say.
He lifts me by the waist and then pushes me down on him. I tilt my head backwards and all thoughts of name are gone. I'm just a ball of need and I concentrate on the friction of the most sensitive part of my body. Time stands still or it rushes by too fast, I can't tell. I'm lost to the world. Nothing else exists but Ten. He stops moving and slides a hand between us. Not so gently he presses my nub between two fingers.
"How good is it?" he asks.
"Amazing," I whisper, "You're killing me and I'm loving it."
I look at his face, "Don't hold back, Ten. Give me what I need to make you a beautiful baby boy. He'll be as handsome and smart as his Dad and the most loved baby on earth."
That undoes him and for the first time he doesn't balk at my command but jerks his hips up while applying more pressure with his fingers.
I swallow the scream that almost escapes me. I may be lost to the world but I still remember that the door to our baby girl's room is open. I crumble on Ten, panting.
He flips us over and slides a pillow under my butt.
"What are you doing?" I ask.
"Helping gravity," he says.
I laugh, "You're crazy you know!" but when I see the way he looks at me I know I crave that type of crazy. There's so much love in his gaze, tears come to my eyes.
"Are you thinking about Eve again?" he asks.
"No my love, I'm thinking how lucky I am to have you."
But now of course, I'm thinking about Eve again. I hope she's a happy little girl. I hope she loved and cared for. I think Ten can read this in my eyes because he kisses me with more passion than ever. He kisses me to make me forget all about Eve and, for a while, I do. The kiss lasts long enough for him to get aroused again.
"Are you ready for more?" he asks.
"Are we shooting for twin boys?" I tease him.
"I never thought of that. Sure two boys would be cool!"
I think not. One at a time seems enough work especially when there's princess Alexandra who requires 300% of our attention. One would never know that Ten is not her biological father. He's the best dad ever and Alexander is a dotting Godfather.
Alexander visits every time he's on the East coast. That's almost every other month because he travels a lot. He tries to come when Ten's not around. Maybe because seeing the way Alexandra adores her father tears him apart. It's kind of perverse that he comes so often. I think it pains him but he can't seem to stay away.
I try to make sure I’m not around when he hangs out with our daughter because no matter how much I love Ten there is no denying seeing Alexander still gets to me. I scold myself but I can’t help it, I think about what might have been.
"Lyv," Ten says. "You're not with me. What are you thinking about?"
The man knows me so well sometimes I think he can read my thoughts.
"That with your spoiling of Alexandra, twins would be hell!" I'm not lying, just omitting part of my thoughts. I kiss him in the neck the way he loves it.
"Okay so one boy only it will be."
"One boy coming up," I call out as I would if I was sending an order from a kitchen restaurant and we make love almost playfully. Ten lifts me up in a bubble of pure joy and bliss. I think this is what happiness tastes like. We fall asleep to be awakened by Oliver a few hours later.
He knocks on our door and opens without waiting for an answer. Maybe he's been knocking for a while and realized he wouldn't interrupt anything. Alexandra is cradled in his arms eating who knows what. I think she's sucking on a piece of bagel. What time is it anyway? The clock on the nightstand says it's almost noon. Thank God for Oliver'crazy schedule and his love for our baby. Every so often he takes charge of her and let's us grab more hours of sleep.
"I need to make a call," he says, "and you've go the phone off the hook."
"Oh, right. Some crank call at the crack of dawn," I say. I pull on the cord and get the phone out from under the bed. I put the receiver back on its cradle and say, "There. Sorry."
Alexandra wiggles in Oliver's arms and calls for her daddy. Oliver drops her on the bed on Ten's side. "I've fed her but I think you need to change her."
Ten looks at me and I say, "Oh no, she asked for her Daddy. You're the diaper hero today."
Oliver laughs and the phone starts ringing as he walks out of our room. "I'll get it in the living room," he says. "I'm meeting my mother for lunch and I'm sure it's her telling me she's early and already waiting for me at the restaurant."
Through the door as I get dressed I hear him say, "Hi. Yes, the phone was of the hook. Probably the baby tipped it over... yes that's what babies do... of course I never did that, I was perfect... sure, I'll meet you there in two minutes."
Oliver has a strange relationship with his mother. He's always talking to her with a condescending tone. It's like he thinks she a dimwit he has to pacify. I sure hope my kids never talk to me that way. I would feel insulted.
The phone rings again and Oliver picks up after the first ring. I'm thinking it's his mother again who forgot to say something but after the initial "Hello," he remains quiet for a while and then he says, "Thank you for calling. She's not available right now but if you give me a number I will have her call you back as soon as she can... Yes. I understand... Mr. Mitchell, yes ... " Oliver repeats a 516 area code number and says, "Thank you, sir."
Then I understand why the voice was familiar. It was Dave Mitchell. The sweet man from Long Island that saved me from long walks so many times. What could he possibly want?
I walk out of the room. Oliver has hung up and he's standing in the living room with a disturbed expression on his face. He looks at me when I walk in the room and says, "You may want to sit."
"What did Dave want?"
"You know him?" I nod. "He was calling about your parents," he says.
My reaction is knee jerk. "I don't have parents, they're dead to me."
Oliver ignores me. "He called to say that there's been an fire."
And then I get it. "You mean now they're really dead?"
Oliver
nods and takes a step in my direction. He's got a weary look on his face, he's expecting me to crumble at the news and wants to be able to catch me if I do.
I step away. "I'm fine Oliver. I'm really fine. They were nothing to me so don't expect me to mourn."
Oliver is startled. "The number is on the pad by the kitchen phone."
"Thanks, I'll call him. Go, run. Your mother is waiting," I tell him.
"Oh right, for a second I forgot. Are you sure you're all right?" he asks.
Ten steps out of Alexandra's room with a clean baby in his arms. "Why wouldn't she be?" he asks Oliver.
"Because the early morning call was Dave, Dave Mitchell from the Hamptons."
"Dave? The garage guy who used to fix your bicycle? What did he want?"
"To tell me that my parents are dead."
It’s so weird. I don’t feel anything. There’s no sense of loss, no regrets. I realize this is not normal. I should feel something but I don’t. There’s not even relief. They’ve been dead to me since Eve was taken away from me. Maybe they were dead to me earlier than that. I will not mourn or grieve. I’m actually okay.
If I’m some sort of monster for being so cold and detached, then Ten’s the same kind of freak because he says, "I guess we'll be able to spend some time in Long Island this summer," and then he nuzzles Alexandra's tummy with his nose and asks, "Guess who's going to the beach in the spring?"
Oliver is standing with his hand on the door handle and his mouth open in amazement. Such indifference to my parent's passing is beyond his understanding. Lucky for him. It means that unlike me, life gave him a set of lovable parents.
CHAPTER 20
I’m standing in front of a pile of charred wood covered by a bit of snow. I don't feel a thing. The only impression that comes to my mind is that it's a pretty desolate scene. I feel blissful indifference. This is all that is left of my parents’ house. It burned down to the ground. An electrical fire is what the insurance report states.
Crazy About Curves: 10 Luscious Reads Page 51
