“Hey, but everything is okay, right? He’s not going to like, kick you out or anything, is he?”
“No. He’s going to finish my room. I told him I needed my own and he agreed.”
Ryder nudged him. “See? It’s going to be okay.”
Mr. Kensington came back in a few minutes later and hung up the phone. “I just talked to your father and we worked something out. From what I understand, your sister is the one who let your secret slip, right?”
Andrew nodded.
“And you share a room with her?”
He nodded again.
“That’s probably not going to be the best idea right now, you two having to go back to sharing a room. Your father and I agreed that you both need some time to cool down. And since we’re such good friends and I’m such a great guy,” he said with a wink, “we agreed that it would be the best for everyone if you came to stay here until your father finishes your room.”
Andrew stared up at him in surprise. “Really?”
“Really.”
Ryder grinned widely. “You’re the best, Uncle Kyle.”
“I know. Anyway, let’s go. We’re all going to go over there and you can get some things while Lisa and I talk to your parents.”
Ryder ran upstairs to get his boots. Andrew followed him up and Mr. Kensington went outside to clean off the truck. In his room, Ryder laced up his thick winter boots and grabbed gloves.
“This is going to be great. We can go riding all the time if you’re staying here!” he said, excitement clear on his face. It was evident that, at least for the moment, he’d forgotten the reason why Andrew would be staying with them. He nodded and smiled a bit. “What’s wrong?” Ryder asked when Andrew didn’t respond with the same enthusiasm.
“It’ll be great, yeah, but there’s still my sister. And when we go back to school, what’s she going to say? And not only that, won’t you get sick of seeing me all the time like that? I mean…”
Andrew trailed off and Ryder stood up. He tugged his face up to look at him and gave him a gentle smile that melted Andrew’s heart. “I’m not going to get sick of you. Trust me. I…really care about you,” he said, pausing only slightly. “And I don’t want to see you upset. Besides, we were friends first, right? No matter what happens, we’ll always have that.”
No matter what happens? “Right,” Andrew said and watched as he bounced out of the room. When Ryder called for him to hurry, Andrew followed, wondering what, if anything, he meant by that.
*
The ride to his house took a lot longer than normal because of the horrible conditions outside. The snowstorm still raged on and the weatherman on the radio mentioned the possibility of it worsening. If the conditions held as they were, a blizzard would be inevitable. All they needed were higher winds.
Ryder’s aunt and uncle talked to fill the silence. Andrew kept catching Ryder glancing at him as he looked out the window, lost in his thoughts. He wanted to look over and reassure Ryder that he was fine, but he just couldn’t. He didn’t know if he was fine. Everything seemed up in the air.
When they arrived at his house, the driveway had been plowed out, though a fresh coating of snow covered the ground. Mr. Kensington got out of the truck and let the boys out of the back as Andrew’s father walked out to meet them.
“Kyle, good to see you,” he said and shook his hand. The other man nodded.
“Likewise.”
“How are the roads?”
“A little slick, but we were fine. Can’t say the same for a few of the cars we passed. Tow trucks are making some good money today.”
His father chuckled and nodded. “I hear that.” When he saw Andrew, his face sobered. Andrew braced himself for anything, but was surprised when his dad pulled him into a hug. “Don’t ever scare me like that again, okay? Going out in a storm like this and driving like a bat out of hell.”
“I’m sorry, Dad,” Andrew said, choking up.
“Let’s go inside. Your mother made coffee for everyone.”
The five of them went into the warm house, took off their jackets, and stomped the snow off their boots. Andrew looked around for his sister but couldn’t find her.
“She’s in our room, watching TV. We told her to stay there until you got your things,” his father said and nodded to the stairs. “Go on up and get your stuff, then come down and talk with us, okay?”
Andrew nodded and Ryder followed him up the stairs. He could hear the television in his parents’ room and hesitated by the door, but Ryder pushed him forward.
Together they packed a bag with a bunch of his jeans and shirts and threw in his new sneakers. As an afterthought, Andrew grabbed his book bag as well and shouldered it.
“That’s all you want to take?” Ryder asked, looking around the room.
Andrew shrugged. “I can always come back if I need something.”
“True,” acknowledged Ryder, and took the other bag. Andrew once again hesitated outside his parents’ door but Ryder pushed him on. “She’s not ready yet, Andy. Just keep going.”
Andrew stopped in the bathroom quickly to grab a few things before they went back downstairs. His parents and Ryder’s aunt and uncle were in the kitchen sipping coffee when they entered. They placed the bags by the door with their coats. His mother looked up from her coffee and stared at her son, and Andrew got the feeling she saw him in a way she never had before. He looked away from her, unable to hold her gaze.
“Ready?” Mr. Kensington asked, and he nodded. “We were just working out a time frame.”
“I think we can have your room ready in a week, Andy.”
“Thanks, Dad.” Andrew looked up at his mother when she didn’t say anything and hesitated. It seemed like all he did recently was hesitate. “Mom, I’m really sorry,” he started, but couldn’t finish. He didn’t know what the “sorry” was for. Sorry that I ran out last night and worried them? Sorry for upsetting her? Sorry for liking Ryder? Sorry for finding who I really am and acting on it? I’m not sorry for that.
“Listen to what Mr. and Mrs. Kensington say. Make sure you help out when they ask you to. They’re doing you a big favor by letting you stay there,” she said, nodding toward them.
A lump rose in Andrew’s throat. He just wanted his mom to say everything was okay. “I know, and I appreciate it.”
They all stood and Andrew waited awkwardly by the door with Ryder. He’d never felt more uncomfortable in his own house than he did at that moment. After they had all pulled on their jackets, his father gave him a pat on the shoulder.
“If you want to come home early, just let us know. We’ll figure something out. And just because you’re staying there doesn’t mean you can’t come over or call, okay?”
“I know. Thanks, Dad.”
His mother stepped up to him and stared at him for a moment before giving him a brief hug. “Don’t cause any trouble.” She glanced at Ryder and nodded.
“He can’t get in much out there, Mrs. Morris.”
Andrew watched his mother nod at Ryder, then look away.
Ryder helped him stow his things in the back and they climbed in. When they pulled out of the driveway and started back for the farm, Andrew looked up. In his parents’ bedroom window he saw the figure of his sister watching him. As soon as she noticed him looking, she pulled back. He sighed.
“Give her time,” Mrs. Kensington said. “Change is hard to accept for some people. Especially when they think they know the other person better.”
“Yeah, you’re right. Thank you,” Andrew said, hoping what she said was true.
Chapter Twenty-three
It took Ryder’s uncle over an hour to drive back to the farm. The roads were worse than they had been before and even the truck, with its four-wheel drive, slid on the slick surface. The plows were struggling to keep up with the snowfall, and with the wind blowing it around, visibility nearly reached zero.
In the backseat, Ryder discreetly held on to Andrew’s hand; his thumb rubbed slow c
ircles over the back of it. Andrew looked at the whiteout conditions outside the window and made a face.
“We’re going to have to turn the heat up in the barn,” his aunt said. “And get out the heavier blankets in case we let the horses out.”
“Blankets are in the storeroom. It won’t be that difficult.”
“What a way to ring in the New Year, huh?” Ryder asked, amazed. “Never seen so much snow in my life.”
“Just wait, Tex. This is nothing. It’s just the first of the good storms, and it’ll only get worse as the winter wears on,” his uncle said.
Andrew nodded, forcing himself to join in on the conversation despite his head being filled with worry. “One winter we had ten feet of snow from just one storm.”
“One storm?” asked Ryder, amazed. “That’s crazy.”
“Yeah, they call that the ‘lake effect.’ It comes from the Great Lakes. We had, like, five inches of snow an hour.” Lots of things could change in an hour…
“Wow,” Ryder managed to say as he stared out the window, stunned.
They arrived safely, surprised and relieved to find the driveway had been plowed out. “Have to call Carl and see if he did that,” Mr. Kensington said as he parked. “Thank him for it.”
Andrew grabbed his bags and followed them inside. He followed Ryder up the stairs and walked into his room to set his bags down when he felt a hand on the back of his shirt tugging him out. Mrs. Kensington smiled and shook her head. “I don’t mind you two dating, and you’re more than welcome to stay here, but I don’t want you two staying together in the same room,” she said, and motioned for him to move down the hall.
“Oh,” Andrew said, startled. His face heated. “I didn’t even think.”
“It’s okay.” She stopped at the next door over and opened it. The plain room held a twin bed and dresser. The walls had been painted in brown tones, and the single window looked out over the fields. Embarrassment must’ve shown on his face.
Lisa softened her tone. “It would be the same if either of you had been a girl, okay? You boys are in high school.”
Andrew nodded. “No, I understand. The room’s great. Thank you.”
She smiled and turned the heat up. “It’ll be warm in here before you go to bed tonight. But the thermostat is right here if you need to adjust it either way. You and Ryder can share the bathroom down the hall.”
“Okay.”
“Take your time settling in.” She left him alone after that and Andrew unpacked his bags with a heavy heart.
When he looked up ten minutes later, Ryder stood in the doorway, grinning. Andrew could read the lust in his eyes and he backed up.
“Oh no. We’re not. Not with your aunt and uncle home,” he warned.
“I know that, but when they’re out…” Ryder winked.
“Which they’re not going to be. Have you seen the storm?” Andrew gestured toward the window and Ryder nodded, crossing the small distance to peer out the blinds.
“Yeah, it’s just crazy. You can hardly see anything out there. Definitely can’t go riding in that. It’s dangerous.” He crossed his arms and leaned one shoulder against the wall. “What exactly do y’all do when there’s blizzards and stuff?”
“Watch TV or movies, read. I don’t know. We just entertain ourselves.” He shrugged.
“Well, we could always get that homework out of the way so we can spend any better weather outside.”
“Much as I really don’t want to do that, it’s probably a good idea.”
“Told you I was smart.”
The boys had their books spread out on the floor of the living room in front of the fireplace and lay on their stomachs side by side to work on it. Andrew had just finished a short essay on Heart of Darkness when Mrs. Kensington walked in from the barn. The cold air flowed quickly through the house to chill the boys and sent loose papers flying.
“Hey!” Ryder yelled and slapped a hand down on an escaping sheet of loose leaf.
“Sorry, boys. It’s freezing out there. Looks like it’s going to be a rough night. We put an old stable blanket on Cobalt, Ryder. That should keep him more comfortable.”
“Thanks, Aunt Lisa.”
“I’m going to make something to drink,” she announced before leaving them alone. “Hot chocolate sound good?”
“Sounds great,” Ryder said, looking toward Andrew, who added, “Thank you.”
Ryder turned back to his homework, but Andrew let his mind wander to this craziness with Andrea. Of all the people in the world, he never expected his sister to turn away from him. It hurt—that was the biggest thing.
After Ryder’s aunt dropped off two steaming mugs of hot chocolate and left the room, Andrew glanced over at Ryder, who was blowing steam off the top of his mug.
“Ryder?”
Ryder lifted an eyebrow in question.
“Do you think my sister will tell anyone at school?”
“If she’s still really angry about it, probably. I think she’ll definitely tell Sarah and Charlie. And if they know…” Ryder let the rest of his sentence hang unspoken in the air.
“Damnit, I’m sorry.”
“It’s all right. I don’t mind. It was bound to happen eventually.”
“But do you really want to…you know…”
“Come out?” Ryder shrugged and sat up. He leaned his back against the couch and tucked his legs against him. “To be honest, I’d thought about it. And I don’t know which would be harder, in or out. I mean, I know what it’s like now. But at least with being out, I wouldn’t have to make things up about who I’m interested in or why I didn’t just go for it with some girl, or any of that other bullshit. And I’m really getting tired of lying.” He studied the marshmallows floating on his cocoa for a few moments, then looked back at Andrew. “I think it’d be fine for me. What other people think about me is beginning to matter less and less. What about you?”
“I don’t know. I think it’ll be really hard. Soccer is over for the year, so I wouldn’t have to go back to that. But still.” He paused. “I know just about everyone in the school. News like this is going to get around fast. And, you know, they don’t treat Josh with much respect. I don’t want that to happen to me. To us.”
“Maybe it’ll be different with us. Who knows? We might find out no one cares.”
“Andrea does. Charlie will.”
“Then is he really a friend? If he’s going to treat you like shit, then I think he’s an awful friend. If he’s willing to throw away years of friendship over something that doesn’t even concern him, he’s not worth it.”
Andrew cut his glance away.
“I’m sorry for saying it, but it’s true.”
“No, you’re right.” Andrew sat up and sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. He looked sheepishly at Ryder. “Even if everyone finds out, I’m not going to be comfortable holding hands in school or anything like that.”
“I would never ask you to. I’m all for affection, but not in public. My personal life is private. No one needs visual proof that we’re together.”
“Exactly.”
“I hate it when straight couples do that. It’s like they’re trying to prove something. Like ownership of the other, you know?” He made a face.
“You’re a lot easier than a girl,” Andrew said dryly.
“I should hope so!” Ryder laughed.
Andrew drained the rest of his hot chocolate, then managed to finish his essay without thinking too much about the other kids at school. He still had a few days left before they went back, and he couldn’t do anything about it at the moment. Before they returned to school, he would go home and talk to Andrea. Maybe his parents would have talked to her by then, and she would be calmer. Maybe this whole thing would just blow over and he could go home and act like nothing ever happened. Maybe he’d be able to come out on his own, when he and Ryder were really ready.
That is a whole lot of maybes, he grimly realized.
Life was turning out to b
e a whole lot of maybes…
Chapter Twenty-four
“Andrea, please,” Andrew begged, standing at the door.
It was the night before school started again. The blizzard had faded out and left a mess of snow, but plows had cleared the roads and school started again on the fourth. He’d come home with the hopes of talking to Andrea, but she wouldn’t listen.
“I’m not keeping your dirty little secret for you, Andrew.”
Frustration flared. It wasn’t a dirty little anything. It was Andrew—who he was. “Why are you so angry about this?” No answer. “Is it because I didn’t tell you?” Still nothing. “Listen, I’m sorry, but I didn’t want anyone to know. Not even you. You have to understand that. Even if you don’t like that, you have to respect it.”
Their bedroom door flew open, and Andrea came nose to nose with him. “You, talking about respect? I’ve never kept anything from you!” she screamed. “I’m not just one of the kids at school. I’m your sister!” Andrew flicked a glance toward the stairs. He knew his parents were down there, listening. Over the phone before he’d come, his parents had said they tried talking to her, but she was being as stubborn as usual when things were out of her control. Andrew hoped that’s all it was.
“Why is my being gay so hard for you to accept?” he asked, softly.
“Because it’s just not right! I-it’s wrong!” she stammered, face getting red.
“Why do you think it’s wrong?” he asked. Maybe the gentle approach would work? Desperation filled him at this point. Half an hour of listening to her scream at him through a door had gotten them nowhere. “I don’t understand, Andy. You’re my sister, like you said. My twin.”
“Because all this time you’ve dated girls and told me all these things. You’ve lied to me all along!”
“I didn’t lie! I didn’t even know, okay? Yeah, I dated girls. I just thought I got bored quickly. I didn’t know why until—”
“Until Ryder showed up and ruined everything. I wish he’d go back to Texas. Better yet, I wish he had never come. Suddenly you don’t even want to go to college together anymore? And you don’t want to play soccer? It’s his fault—”
Andy Squared Page 17
