by Suzanne Rock
“That’s ridiculous.”
“Is it? Think about it. I’m always the one to initiate sex. I’m always the one who pushed to do things together.” He waved his hand in the air. “Even this trip was my idea.”
“Yeah, so you could be with Brenda.”
“Bree.”
“Whatever.”
Odin looked like he was about to say something but changed his mind. “I had no idea she was going to be here. Honest. But perhaps it was best that she was.”
Tears stung Shana’s yes. “What are you saying?” Her voice came out at barely more than a whisper.
“We’ve tried, Shana. I gave this relationship everything I had, and it wasn’t enough for you.” He tapped his chest. “I’m enough for Bree. She likes me for who I am. She isn’t condescending. She doesn’t want me to change. When I’m around her, I feel like I’m needed.”
Shana made a very unladylike snort. “She’s Mateo’s girlfriend.”
“I know. And we still have to work all of that out. I wasn’t going to bother, because I had you...” He glanced around at the crowd and lowered his voice. “But you make me feel less than human. No matter how much I try to keep us together, you’re always pulling us apart. Let’s face it, Shana. You’ve already moved on from this relationship. Perhaps it’s time that I did too.” He took her hands in his. “There’s an opening in Mateo’s team for the lake ride. I think I’m going to take it.” He leaned forward and placed a kiss on her cheek. “I hope that you find whatever it is you’re looking for, Shana. I really do.” He dropped her hands. “No hard feelings, okay?”
She couldn’t believe this was happening. They were really breaking up. It infuriated her that Odin seemed to know just what to say and do to make her feel like she was to blame for their failed relationship. This was not her fault. It was his.
Shana knew that she should be upset over the fact that her and Odin were officially over, but all she felt was relief. Perhaps Odin was right. She had already moved on from the relationship months ago. At the end of the day, they were probably both to blame. They just never really connected in a way that felt meaningful. Shana had always felt that she had needed more than what Odin was willing to give.
She nodded. “No hard feelings,” she whispered.
“Good.” He smiled, the first genuine smile she had seen in a long, long time. “Take care of yourself, Shana.” He glanced at Nolan and Jag, who were getting the kayaks ready for the trip across the river. “And be careful.”
Shana watched Odin as he walked back to Mateo and Bree and out of her life.
“Okay everyone,” Nolan announced. “It’s time to get into your kayaks and test out some basic paddling strokes. Then we’ll make our way across the lake for camp.”
* * * * *
A burst of laughter rang out over the lake as Odin, Mateo and Bree shared a private joke. Nolan glanced over once more at Shana, whose lip seemed to tremble every time the trio’s voices rose above the general noise of the birds and water lapping against the boat. As per their usual plan, he and Jag had taken care to not pay her any extra attention. They had just wanted sex from Shana, not to form a relationship. That meant minimal talking and a whole lot of touching. Still, he couldn’t help but feel for her. The woman had just gotten dumped in front of twenty people. That had to hurt.
At least she was getting the hand of kayaking. After a couple of hours of paddling around the lake, she was maneuvering like a pro. Nolan had wanted to say something—but he didn’t know what. Congratulating her on her turning abilities seemed so shallow in light of what happened.
And to know that he and Jag had instigated it all only made him feel worse. Oh, the relationship probably would have ended without them having sex down at the pier, but his and Jag’s involvement only escalated the ending and made it public. Perhaps they shouldn’t have pushed her too hard. Shana was still raw and fragile from Odin’s flirting. She didn’t know that Mateo was bisexual and had his eye on Odin for years. She didn’t realize that the trio between Bree, Odin and Mateo started out long before she came into the picture, and just now Bree and Mateo were trying to find a way to make Odin realize his attraction toward Mateo and develop a permanent threesome. It was obvious how well-suited they were for each other. Still, that didn’t make it any less painful for Shana.
He should say something to her, but saying something would only open the door to a deeper intimacy than he was ready to give. His plan with Jag was flawless. Women were for carnal pleasure, nothing more. Sharing them brought him and his partner closer in ways that they could never achieve on their own. Shana was a tool, a sex toy that they used to connect on a deeper level.
And this knowledge made him feel like a first-class asshole. When he saw her struggling to bring her kayak up on shore, he just couldn’t hold his guilt in any longer. He rushed over and covered her hand with his on the hull of the boat.
“Here, let me help.”
She flashed him a grateful smile. “Thanks.”
He tugged the boat until it sat just out of reach of the water. Bree’s giggles filled the air. Nolan turned to see that Mateo and Odin had tried to pull the kayaks on shore, but only managed to fall together in a very intimate tangle of limbs. Odd, that Mateo, someone who was more comfortable in a kayak than out of it, would have such problems hauling one to shore. One might think that the whole incident was staged.
Nolan turned back to Shana, who was frowning at the trio. “I’m sorry.”
She jerked her gaze back to him and crossed her arms around her middle. “What?”
Nolan nodded toward Odin and the others. “I’m sorry for what happened on the other shore.”
“Oh.” She sighed and let her arms fall to her sides. “It’s okay. Odin and I weren’t that close anyway.”
Nolan closed the distance between them. “Then why so sad?”
“I’m not sad.”
He hooked his finger under her chin and lifted her head to meet his gaze. “Yes, you are.”
Tears shone bright in her warm, dark eyes as she stared up at him. “I guess I’m not so much jealous over Odin, but more in what he shares with Mateo and Bree.”
Nolan rubbed his thumb over her chin as heat tingled along his skin. “And what is that?”
She moistened her lips as her gaze dropped to his mouth. “They have fun together.”
“Is that all? Just fun?”
“Yes. No.” She dragged her gaze back up to meet his. “I’ve dated before, but have never really felt close to anyone.”
He raised his brow. “Never?”
She shook her head. “I guess that I just haven’t met the right person yet.” She dropped her gaze back to his lips. “I haven’t been able to trust anyone.”
Before you. The unspoken words electrified the air between them. He knew what she wanted from him, and Nolan was all too ready to give it. He leaned over and pressed his lips against hers. Once again, he was amazed by how good she tasted. Like a piece of rock candy you bought at the local checkout as a kid. She was such a treat, a treasure. Shana was the type of person meant to be savored.
He slipped his tongue over her lips and coaxed them to open. Shana sighed and leaned into him. Nolan bit back a groan as he tilted his head and deepened the kiss, tasting and exploring every inch of her mouth. Fuck, she was like a drug. He couldn’t get enough of her.
When he pulled away and looked into her hazy, lust-filled eyes, he realized his mistake.
He had offered her comfort from her troubles, and in the process they had connected on a more emotional level. The intimacy was there on her face. Even worse, he realized that he craved that intimacy. Shana was different from the other women he and Jag had shared. Nolan had never given a fuck about any of them, but he cared about Shana. He wanted to save her from her pain, and make her feel cherished and wanted.
Shit, shit, shit. Jag was going to kill him.
He lowered his hand and forced himself to step back. “Yes, well.” He cleared his
throat and flexed his fingers at his sides. “I need to go help the other...”
“Students. Yes.”
He turned to go.
“Nolan?”
“Yes?” He glanced over his shoulder.
She gave him the warmest, most beautiful smile he had ever seen. “Thank you.”
His cock stirred and he frowned at his body’s immediate response to her voice. He had to put some distance between himself and Shana before things got out of control. “No problem.” He nodded to the kayak. “You can get out your tent and supplies and set up over there.” He pointed to a small clearing. “We’ll be holding a discussion in a couple of hours and talk about tomorrow’s agenda.”
Her smiled faded. “Okay.”
He nodded, turned his back, and trudged up the hill toward Jag. It was the hardest thing he ever had to do. Every fiber in his body screamed to hold her, console her.
He ran his hand over his face as he realized that he was a goner. It was going to be a long night if he didn’t start to detach himself from Shana.
Or perhaps he didn’t have to detach himself. Jag seemed to be affected by their encounter at the dock as much as he. Perhaps with the right persuasion, Nolan could convince Jag to explore more of this deeper connection and see where it led.
Resolved, he buried his desire and got to work setting up camp. Tonight, when they were alone, he’d talk to Jag. With a little luck, he’d have Shana in his arms before the morning light.
Chapter Six
The rest of the afternoon went off without a hitch—thankfully. Jag always felt better when the initial instruction was over and everyone had a basic understanding of how to paddle, turn themselves around, and recover if they got turned over. The rest of the trip should be a lot less stressful. If he played his cards right, then perhaps he could convince Nolan to ask Shana for a little tryst in their tent tonight. She looked like she could use a little fun. Jag was more than ready to give it to her.
He had been watching her all afternoon, even though he knew he shouldn’t. The hurt on her face when Odin broke off their relationship made his heart ache for her. She needed sexual healing and as luck would have it, Jag knew just what she liked. After an evening with him and Nolan in their tent, she wouldn’t even remember that bozo’s name.
“Hey,” Nolan’s strong commanding presence sent shivers down Jag’s spine. Ever since the pier, Jag had felt closer to his lover. He always sensed Nolan’s presence, but today he had been more acutely aware of his close proximity. Nolan had been watching Shana with concern as well. They seemed to be united in their thoughts, and Jag hoped that when he offered his plan for a little fun, Nolan would agree.
“Hey, yourself,” Jag finished packing up the cooking equipment and grinned. “What’s up?”
Nolan scanned the empty fire circle and then sat down on the log next to Jag. The sun was almost over the horizon, and the bright orange and reds were fading into dullish gray. The last embers of the fire were dying out, and the others were returning to their tents.
“Do you have a minute? There’s something I want to talk to you about.”
“That’s funny.” Jag turned to face his lover and slid his hand in between Nolan’s legs. “There’s something I want to talk to you about too.”
Nolan glanced around the circle. “Not now. There are others present,” he whispered.
Jag frowned. While there were many people in society who looked down on their lifestyle, both he and Nolan had developed thick skins. They had never been concerned about what others thought of them, not even once. As Nolan removed Jag’s hand, Jag got an uneasy feeling in his stomach.
“What is it that you want to discuss?” Jag asked.
“Not here. Can we talk back in the tent?”
“I-sure.”
“Good.”
Puzzled, Jag stood, following Nolan’s lead. He caught a glimpse of Shana’s retreating form and thought to call out to her, but Nolan’s actions gave him pause. Perhaps they weren’t as untied in purpose as he originally thought. Nolan certainly seemed like he enjoyed his time down at the pier, and Jag had noticed him kissing Shana before when they were tying up the boats—something that made him hard all over. Maybe he read the signals wrong, but he didn’t think so.
Jag’s mind filled with questions as they walked back to the tent. It wasn’t until they were both on top of their extra-large, double sleeping bag and the tent shut, that Nolan began to speak.
“I’ve been thinking.”
“That’s dangerous.”
Nolan chuckled as he placed his lantern in the corner and out of the way. “I’ve been thinking about Shana.”
“Me too.” Jag straightened. “Thank goodness. I thought you were going to talk about something serious. Let’s call her in here and have a little fun—” Jag’s words died on his lips as Nolan shook his head.
“That’s the thing. I don’t want to have fun with her.”
“You don’t?”
“No.” Nolan looked away and played with a string on the sleeping bag. “She’s been hurt, and her emotions are pretty raw. I don’t want to mess her up any more than she already is.”
“Oh.” Jag crossed his legs and leaned in closer to Nolan. “So you don’t want to pursue her anymore?” His heart constricted at the thought.
“No.” Nolan glanced up and met his gaze. “Just the opposite.”
They stared at each other for a long moment. Silence filled the tent as Nolan’s ice-blue eyes pierced Jag’s soul.
“What are you trying to say?” Jag finally asked.
“I’m trying to say...” Nolan swallowed and avoided Jag’s gaze. “I’m trying to say that I think I’m developing feelings for her.”
Jag’s chest tightened, and the uneasy feeling in his gut returned. “Feelings?”
“Yeah.”
“Like, what kind of feelings?”
“I don’t know.” Nolan shrugged. “Feelings.”
“It’s only been a day.”
“I know.” Nolan sighed. “I wish I could explain it.”
“You care for her.”
“Yes.” Nolan looked up and met Jag’s gaze. “Something happened down by the water when I was helping her with her kayak. We connected.”
Jag held his breath. “You love her?”
“I don’t know. It’s too soon to tell. I-I think I could love her though.”
“Her, but not me.”
“No.” Nolan jerked back in surprise. “Oh God, no.” He grabbed Jag’s biceps. “I still love you, Jag. I always have.”
The tightness in Jag’s chest eased. “Then, I don’t understand.”
Nolan rubbed Jag’s arms. The light touch sent heat searing through Jag’s body and thickened his cock. “I don’t know what I’m saying.” He dropped his arms and waved his hand in the air. “Forget I said anything.”
“No.” Jag caught his arm in mid-air. “There’s something on your mind. Tell me.”
“I just thought...I mean...ah, hell.” He rubbed his hand over his face. “I really thought this would be easier.”
Jag frowned. “You thought I might have the same feelings as you and we could explore these new feelings together and see where it led.”
“Yes.” Nolan’s shoulders relaxed. “Perhaps we could convince her to do something more permanent.”
Jag considered his words. Excitement and fear warred inside his body, making it difficult to think. Before Nolan, Jag had been in a relationship with a woman. He had given her his heart, and in return she stomped on it and tossed it in the trash. He vowed never to give his affection away so easily to a woman again. Sure he cared about Shana, but he wasn’t going to change his principles for a pretty face, no matter how bad he felt for her predicament.
“No.”
“What?”
Jag shook his head and cupped Nolan’s cheek. “She’s just a fuck, my friend.” He rubbed his fingers across his lover’s cheek as his gaze softened. “Don’t let a skirt come betwee
n us.” He took his free hand and placed it over his lover’s cock. As he spoke he caressed Nolan’s length and felt it grow beneath his fingers.
“What we have is real,” Jag said as he squeezed his palm. “This is genuine. Why do you want to mess with that?”
“I don’t know.” He avoided jag’s gaze. “Perhaps you’re right.”
“I know I’m right.” Jag inched closer. “You’ve only just met her. Give it time. A week from now, you won’t even remember her name.” Even as Jag spoke the words, he knew they weren’t true. He saw the commitment in Nolan’s eyes. It mirrored his own. There was something about Shana…She had changed them. The dynamic had shifted. Whether or not they pursued her, Shana would always be a part of them.
And the knowledge scared the shit out of Jag. This was happening way too fast. He couldn’t let Shana come between them. He couldn’t lose Nolan, not after everything they had been through together.
Jag undid the zipper on Nolan’s shorts. The loud noise of metal on metal filled the tent and made his cock harden.
“Come,” Jag said as he slid his fingers around Nolan’s cheek and eased them into his auburn locks. “Let’s forget about the girl and focus on what’s important. Us.”
Nolan smiled as he slid his hands around Jag’s waist. “Us.”
“Yes.” Jag leaned forward and gave Nolan a gentle kiss. He loved the firm feel of his lover’s lips almost as much as he loved his rich, earthy scent. The only thing that would make this more perfect would be a little sugar...
Don’t think about it. Jag worked hard to push thoughts of Shana from his mind. By the time he pulled away from Nolan’s lips, he had almost succeeded.
“Did I ever tell you how much you mean to me?” he asked Nolan.
“All the time.”
“Well, words are cheap. Tonight, I’m going to show you.” Jag lifted Nolan’s swollen member from his shorts.
“Jag…I don’t know. There are a lot of people in tents around us.”
“That’s never stopped us before.” Jag shifted and eased Nolan down on the sleeping bags.
