He started the car and they drove off toward the college.
Since discovering Ellen’s bench, Marta understood that Leif had found his one true love early in life and he’d lost her. Maybe in his mind that could never happen again, and Marta couldn’t compete with a dead woman. With a setup like that, she’d never come close to being first place in his heart—hadn’t he warned her about that when she’d first come on to him?—and the realization had taken her aback. So she’d stayed away from Leif the past several nights.
The question was, could she settle for being a not-quite-good-enough replacement for a dead wife? The answer was no. Even her mother would have approved of that decision.
And she hadn’t even touched on the ramifications of being pregnant with another man’s baby and how that would affect any long-term relationship with Leif. Theirs was a far too complicated relationship to work out in the short time left.
Yet was she crazy to still hope for his love? Her parents’ brand of love.
A tiny voice far, far in the back of her mind whispered yes, so no matter how much she wanted to do otherwise, she’d continue to sleep in her guest room, waiting for Leif to show a sign he’d worked through that barrier…until she left for good.
When they arrived at the college, Leif bussed her lips and smiled. “You’re going to knock them dead.”
God, the man was ripping out her heart with kindness. “Thank you.” She wrapped her arms around his chest, and her clutching at his back was from loss, not nerves.
He held her close and lightly rubbed her back. “Relax, they’re going to love you.”
Will you love me, Leif? “Thanks.” She let go, stood straight, fluffed her hair and smoothed her jacket. “How do I look?”
“Beautiful. As always.” His tender smile nearly sent her flying to the sky.
“Thank you. I’ll never be able to thank you enough.”
She turned and started to walk toward the podium and thought she heard him mumble, “I can think of several ways.”
A large crowd had gathered on the sprawling lawn near the history quad. The shiny blue curtain sparkled under the glare, and excitement for the big reveal was palpable. Her nerves ratcheted up another notch.
Gerda explained how things would work and offered her a chair. As she waited, her thoughts returned quickly to Leif.
Today, as she had every day since finding Ellen’s bench, she’d go on with her life, concentrating on what was best for her, her baby and her career. She pasted a smile on her face as her heart pounded and she watched the theater arts students lift the curtain from her mural with only a tiny glitch in the form of one uncooperative rope and panel. They fixed it amazingly fast and hoisted the curtain the rest of the way. The large crowd, including the mayor and the police and fire department chiefs, broke into applause, and she could have sworn she heard scattered gasps of delight. The gratification was bittersweet considering what she stood to lose with Leif.
After the extended applause died down, Mayor Rask introduced her.
Marta used the small portable computer to bring up her speech, though she knew it by heart.
“First off, please forgive me, I’m an artist, not a public speaker.” She inhaled, attempting to quell her nerves.
“Earlier this year, when I heard about Heartlandia’s quest to find a mural artist to tell your story, I didn’t think I stood a chance. I mean, I tend to paint huge canvases, but I’d never painted a whole mural before. But since I was looking for a change in my life, I challenged myself and submitted my name anyway. As they say, no risk, no gain. When the committee found out my grandfather was the artist who sculpted your town monument, they took a closer look at me and my body of work.
“With the guidance of Professor Elke Norling, I’ve told your history through art. All I can say is, the experience has been life changing. True, we had a little hiccup when I first arrived almost three months ago and the news broke about your town first being discovered by a pirate…” She paused as she heard an uncomfortable titter ripple through the crowd, then continued, “But I incorporated that precipitating incident into my mural and quickly moved on.”
She looked up and smiled, her eyes immediately finding and settling on Leif. He smiled encouragingly, though she thought she detected pain in his expression.
“As many of you may already know, this project would have been scrapped without the determination of one man, Leif Andersen. Without his wholehearted belief in the mural, and in me, as well as his financial support, we’d have no reason to celebrate today. Without him, we’d be staring at blank beige stucco walls. He is the visionary who built this college, who wanted art on the walls. I was just the lucky person to get to do the job. And to be honest, that was all it was to me when I first arrived, just a job. But through Leif, I discovered there was so much more here. I hadn’t merely been hired—I’d been welcomed and adopted by the town, and he set out to prove it by opening his home to me and by introducing me to so many of you. He shared the best views with me. He introduced me to the sacred spots, the Ringmuren, the burial ground, his parents’ memorial benches. Did you know that though several miles apart, there is a straight view from his mother’s to his father’s bench? I just discovered that with binoculars the other day. And in the Memorial Rose Garden right here on campus there is a touching and beautiful homage to his wife. These are the special memories I will take with me. He taught me to see your town through the love in his eyes. Through Leif, I’ve gained a new family, and now I’ve fallen for you, Heartlandia.”
Watching for his reaction, she saw his head dip and his eyes cast downward. Maybe she’d taken it too far—she’d practically admitted she loved him—but she wanted the town to know what a great man he was, how much this campus meant to him, how he deserved their thanks and respect. And she wanted him to know she understood how much he loved his wife. That she finally understood that kind of love was irreplaceable.
“So I’d like to publicly thank you, Leif.” Surprised by the rush of emotion, Marta said the words with a fluttery voice. She cleared her throat. “Thank you for your vision and for giving me the opportunity to open my heart to the wonderful people of Heartlandia. A part of me will always remain here.” She gestured toward the mural to the right of her.
“Thank you! And thank you, Heartlandia.”
Applause, cheers, even Manny’s silly “La Cucaracha” van horn chimed in to the celebration. Marta was stunned by the acceptance. Gerda stepped back behind the podium and gave Marta a hug, told her the mural was beyond her greatest expectations, then posed with her as Lilly took a photograph for the newspaper. She’d promised Lilly an interview in the afternoon and also agreed to be around for the next two days as the mural was opened to the general public. And she would leave for home on Wednesday.
Elke had gotten the bright idea to make extralarge postcards for keepsakes and for the cruise ship and bus tourists who regularly visited Heartlandia. Elke had also suggested Marta autograph the first hundred to hand out as keepsakes of the event right after the unveiling. Manny headed straight for her with microphone in hand, no doubt ready with more questions.
There wouldn’t be a moment to steal to be with Leif, to tell him she finally got it, that she loved him anyway. And if one day he felt ready to go all in again, she’d be waiting.
Chapter Eleven
After Marta’s speech, when everyone swarmed her, Leif spotted Kent in the crowd on the college campus and made a beeline for him. “You got a minute?”
“Sure. What’s up?”
“Everything has backfired. I need some serious help.”
Kent looked around the busy campus. “Want to go to the rose garden to talk?”
That stopped Leif cold. The rose garden? The very place Marta had just let on she knew about. The place where he’d pledged his undying love and devotion to his wife until his own death.
May as well face it.
“Sure. Why not?” Why not walk straight into the fire…because if
he wanted Marta for the rest of his life, he’d have to deal with what held him back once and for all. And it had to be quick because she was leaving on Wednesday. What with everything going on today, it would be a wash. That gave him one day, Tuesday, to convince Marta to stay.
They entered the rose garden and sat on the opposite side because there was no way Leif could have this conversation sitting on Ellen’s bench. In his heart, though, he knew she’d understand. Hell, she’d told him to move on in that dream, hadn’t she?
Once he had Kent’s undivided attention and Leif homed in on why he’d brought Kent here, he opened up.
“So I tested the waters with Marta, let her know I was open to her staying on with me as long as she wanted.”
“You said that?”
“Well, not in so many words, but I’m pretty sure I got my point across.”
“Did you bring up the baby? Are you open to that, too?”
“Uh, no, but wouldn’t she know that?”
Kent smiled. “Good try. So now you have to say everything out loud. Don’t leave any chance for doubt. Oh, and you have to prove it, too.”
Listening to Kent, Leif realized he’d been pretty damn vague. He hadn’t even brought up the baby. Oh, man, he hadn’t been anywhere close to direct.
“How in the hell am I supposed to prove it?”
Kent had a perplexed look on his face, as if asking, “Seriously, dude, you don’t know how to do that?”
“You have to tell her you love her and the baby and you want her to stay.”
The words set off a cold burst right in the center of his chest. Man up, Andersen. It’s for the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with. “That’s easy for you to say.”
“I’m not saying it’s easy, but it’s what you’ve got to do.”
Leif understood. If he wanted to be a part of the living again, he had to be willing to take a big risk.
They shook hands, and after Kent left, Leif went to Ellen’s swing and stood staring.
You know I love you and I’ll never forget you, but I’ve been so lonely since you’ve been gone. I had a dream where you told me it was okay to move on, to live my life, and now I’ve found someone I want to be with. He glanced up at the trees, hands on his hips. I never saw this day coming because I’m scared to death feeling this way. He gingerly sat on the swing, inhaled the fragrant roses, thought of his deceased wife’s sweet face. You’ll always be a part of me, babe. You turned me into a man, made me the grown-up I am. The thing is, I can’t go on wishing you were still alive. I can’t keep hiding behind that god-awful pain when I lost you as an excuse never to love again. Nothing is certain in life, but I think you’d be the first to kick my butt into gear, right? If I want to love again, I’ve got to risk the pain that comes with it. There’s no getting around it. You taught me to be a man, and now I’ve got to act like one. No offense, but I’m done being a ghost. I know you’d want this for me, too.
He sat quietly in the garden on his wife’s memorial bench, letting the peace of the moment shower over him. Remember how much we wanted children? Well, I’ve got a chance to be a ready-made father, and as scary as that seems, I want to take it. You think I’ll be a good dad? A light breeze whisked past his cheek. It felt like a kiss and gave him chills. Sitting still for several more minutes, pondering how his life had changed for the better since a certain artist had showed up in town, he decided to go after what he wanted most. Marta.
Leif went home, changed his clothes and threw a change in his backpack, loaded up the dogs and everything he’d need to finish his carving and drove to his dad’s favorite camping spot at Fogarty Creek State Park. He’d take tonight, a night when Marta was booked to the hilt with activities, to plan his action. There was no way he’d let her leave town without knowing he loved her and he wanted to be a part of her and her baby’s lives.
*
It was almost nine when Marta finally made it back to Leif’s place. A light was on in the kitchen, and a simple note lay on the counter. “Gone camping. See you tomorrow. Be here. Leif.”
Her optimistic attitude deflated. With only a couple days left before she went home, he’d chosen to go camping. What kind of message was he sending? What about spending time with her?
She worried her lip and pushed her hair back. Did she mean anything to him? She’d made so many mistakes, being the one to withdraw first, then expecting him to notice and come after her. How infantile was that? She’d expected too much too soon from a man who’d lived like a recluse for three years. He’d come a long way in the short time they’d been together, yet she expected more because she’d had a change of heart where love was concerned. How could the guy possibly keep up?
She shouldn’t have said that part about Ellen in her speech today; that had probably pissed him off royally. Plus, she’d dodged him for several nights, using Manny as an excuse, and she’d sent him back into hiding…and he’d gone camping. Man, she’d really blown it.
She dialed his cell phone but it went straight to voice mail. “Come home. Please” was all she said.
Upset and tired yet restless and, worst of all, resigned, she went upstairs. Glancing around her room, she decided to occupy her time in the big empty house breaking down what little she wanted to take from the studio and packing up her bags. Tomorrow was going to be another big and busy day, and who knew when she’d find time to prepare for her trip home otherwise?
She missed Leif with every breath. With each item she packed, anxiety grew inside. She had to tell him she loved him before she left. No more dancing around the borders on that. He was the best man she’d ever met, and he deserved to know that.
For the next several hours, Marta cleared out her drawers and closet, working furiously to distract herself but doing a terrible job. Weepy and confused, she continued filling two of her three suitcases, even taking them downstairs and hefting them into the trunk of her rental car in readiness, assuming she’d be driving herself to the airport on Wednesday. All she had left was her overnight bag and the clothes she intended to wear tomorrow and on the day she left town. The closet and drawers were empty, and she tucked away what remained in the bathroom for easy access. For all intents and purposes, her room was clear. Then she crashed on the bed, lonely, craving Leif with every thought but, thanks to the pregnancy, exhausted and in great need of sleep.
*
Tuesday morning, Leif packed up bright and early and drove straight home without even eating breakfast. He’d thought everything through and made his plans; now he couldn’t wait to see Marta, to tell her he loved her and he wanted her here with him for the rest of his life.
Sure, he’d understand if she needed to make a trip home to put things in order and settle any unfinished business. Hell, he was a modern-day man, so he’d even understand if she went back to paint a mural for Sedona…as long as her place of residence was with him.
When he pulled into his driveway it was noon, and her rental car was gone. Good. He wanted to clean up, shave, shower and set up a few things before he saw her.
An hour later, he’d transformed from grungy to best dinner-out clothes. And he didn’t mind saying so himself that he smelled damn sexy, too. He set about fixing up the living room, getting some logs ready for starting a fire when she got home and putting the completed carving, now wrapped and tied with a bow, on the coffee table. The cradle would be a surprise once he got her attention with everything else. It waited with one big pink and blue bow in the entry closet. He even brought down what was left of the candles he’d lit the first night they’d made love. Oh, and chocolate. He needed to make a run to the sweet shop in town for the best and most delicious Swiss chocolate to give Marta. He’d offer her sparkling nonalcoholic cider instead of champagne, too, so he needed to buy that to prove she and the baby were foremost in his thoughts. Wouldn’t his second gift to her prove that?
And after he’d told her he loved her, the best way to prove he’d made the final leap over his fear of loving her all
the way was to make love to her on his old bed in his old room. The room she’d tried to lure him back to but he’d refused, proving how scared he still was. He’d finally figured it all out sleeping under the stars. And today he wouldn’t let her shut him out. He’d evolved and was ready to face his fears, embrace her and the baby, and she needed to know it without a doubt.
He rushed to the linen closet to find the best and sexiest sheets he owned. He’d change the bed and maybe set a couple of candles in there, too, then surprise her when he took her to bed.
His ear-to-ear grin plummeted to his chin when he opened the master bedroom doors. The drawers were askew, closet empty—even her suitcases were gone.
She’d already gone.
Hell, he hadn’t gotten to say goodbye. To tell her he loved her. He dropped to a knee, his breath kicked out of him. He glanced through suddenly blurred vision at the emptiness and groaned.
She hadn’t so much as left a note.
But her flight was scheduled for tomorrow. He was supposed to take her to the airport, just like the day he’d picked her up. Where in the hell did she go?
She still had to be in town. And if she was still in Heartlandia, he’d find her.
Panic setting in, his pulse beating rapid-fire, Leif catapulted out of the room and took the stairs like an indoor twister. He broke outside, sprinting to his truck.
Falling for the Mom-to-Be Page 17
