He’d be lying to himself if he said it didn’t bother him that Olivia didn’t remember him, or the time they’d spent together when she was young. But he’d been willing to do anything to ease her pain back then, even if it meant taking himself out of her life. He’d been selfless then, so what was preventing him from doing so now? Had he changed so much? Perhaps he didn’t want to dig too deep for that answer.
He couldn’t stay once this was over, and leaving her again would only bring more pain and suffering, especially after the intimacy they’d shared. Without a doubt, she’d be better off if she could just forget him. If he did this for her, she’d finally have a real shot at a normal life. But could he convince her to let him go, to let him erase himself from her life again? Could he finally let her go? What would it take for her to agree? And would he have the strength to do it if she did?
Perhaps when he left her three years ago, he should have just taken her memories with him that night. Yes, he would have been violating her free will and there would have been hell to pay for it with the High Court, but he’d weathered the storm of their wrath before. Problem was, he’d rather the court not get involved when it came to him and Olivia. The less they knew about their relationship, the better off they’d both be.
The court held Universal Law sacred above all things, and the decision to disregard it should and would not be made lightly. And who knows, perhaps when this was all over, she’d be asking to forget about him.
The thought of hurting her made his heart physically ache, but better she hurt for a few days than a lifetime. Bottom line: he’d never willingly recant his guardianship of her, and if it meant taking her memories to keep her safe, then he’d do it—with or without her consent.
He’d never be strong enough to leave her any other way. He couldn’t bear her pain and suffering along with his own—not again. This was the only way.
If he had second thoughts about going through with it, he’d only have to remind himself this was for her own safety, too. Once she lost all memory of the stone and its location, Haden would have no use for her anymore and he’d finally stop hunting her. That would buy him precious time while he worked through the court to get past the mortality clause, so he could finally deal justice to that evil bastard.
Best guess, he figured he had no more than twenty-four hours to hide the stone and convince Olivia to forget about him before taking matters into his own hands. Haden was coming…
***
“Olivia…”
She startled awake, jerking her head up from Liam’s arm. Sucking in a deep breath, she ran her hands over her face, trying to wake up and reorient herself. Her heart was still pounding from her dream—her lips tingled with the memory of Liam’s searing kiss. She’d been dreaming of their night together in Vegas. They were in the shower again…
“Where are we?” she asked, pulling the hair tie off her wrist and wrapping the binder around her hair to get it out of her face.
“The Grotto. Do you want to get out and stretch your legs while I go inside?”
It wasn’t what he said that gave her pause for concern, it was the lack of emotion in his voice—reserved, detached, resolved. Was he still angry with her about earlier? “Liam, I—”
“We need to keep moving, Olivia. There isn’t a lot of time. I still need to backtrack so, hopefully, Haden doesn’t pick up that we’ve been here. If you need a few minutes to freshen up, I suggest you take them now.”
Yeah, he was definitely still pissed, and why wouldn’t he be? She’d insulted him and accused him of stealing from her. They needed to talk. She wanted to tell him she was sorry for ever doubting him and that there was no one in the world she trusted more than him. She knew he’d never do anything to violate her free will. Liam would never hurt or deceive her.
Tension radiated from his powerful body, muscles stiff and composed. Judging by the hard set of his square jaw and the determined pinch of his dark brows, now was not the time to have this conversation.
She nodded. “All right. Yeah, I’d like to stretch my legs a bit.”
“There’s a restroom at the entrance.” He pointed off to the left.
Olivia grabbed her purse and climbed out of the car. She started walking across the empty parking lot toward the brick building when the door behind her slammed shut.
“Olivia, wait,” he called.
She turned to look over her shoulder and saw Liam striding toward her. He moved with a preternatural ease that always took her breath away. She turned to him, instinctively tensing as he approached, her pulse quickening as she prepared for him to sweep her into his arms and claim her lips in a passionate “Let’s not fight. I forgive you” kiss.
Her lips parted, she moistened the bottom one with the tip of her tongue. Mercy, did he realize how stunning he was? His scent reached her before he did, and she was tempted to close the gap of his last few approaching steps and throw herself into his arms. She resisted the impulse, needing him to claim her.
He stopped—reached for her, but his eyes weren’t right. Where was that beguiling sapphire that heated her blood? Instead, flecks of golden amber marbled the deep violet backdrop. His hands circled her neck, but not to cup her face and draw her to his lips as she’d thought. His fingers rustled at her nape and when he pulled them away, her necklace was in his hands. She bit her bottom lip, swallowing back the cry of protest.
Why did this feel like he was breaking up with her? She knew she was being ridiculous. It was just a necklace, for crissake. But for years this necklace, particularly the heart-shaped stone he’d carved for her, had been an icon, a symbol of Liam’s love for her, and just like that, he was taking it back.
Couldn’t he have at least hesitated? Or said something to ease the heartache? She closed her eyes and turned away so he wouldn’t see the tears come. Just because she understood why he was doing it, didn’t make this pill any easier to swallow.
“Olivia, please. This is hard enough already.” His voice was uncharacteristically harsh.
She spun back around and angrily swiped a tear from her cheek. “Just because you’re still mad at me doesn’t give you the right to act like an asshole!”
Surprise lit his schooled features. “I’m not mad at you.”
“Then what is it? Huh? I may not be angelic, but I can sure as hell feel your distance. You’re pulling away from me. Don’t deny it. Oh, that’s right. You can’t, because you can’t lie!”
He took a deep breath, as if praying for patience, and scrubbed his hand over his mouth. “Listen, Olivia, do you trust me?”
“Yes—” Why did this feel like a loaded question?
“With your life?”
“Of course.”
“With your free will?”
She opened her mouth to answer, but the words got stuck in her throat. “Why do you want it, Liam?”
When he didn’t respond, the little hairs at the nape of her neck prickled to attention, warning her where this conversation was headed. But still she didn’t want to believe it. He wouldn’t do that to her. “I said ‘why do you want it, Liam’? That’s like me asking you for your wings. I’d never do that.”
His brow arched over cold, calculating eyes she no longer recognized. “Oh, wouldn’t you? What do you think you’re doing every time you tell me you don’t want me to leave?”
That couldn’t have stung more if he’d reached out and slapped her. Her emotional reverb must have slammed into him, because a muscle in his cheek twitched and his eyes flashed with guilt. The golden amber glow proved he was hurting himself as much as he was her. Why was he doing this?
“Do you want to leave?” she asked pointedly.
“Of course not, but since when was this ever about what I want?”
The bitterness in his voice rang through loud and clear. “So how is me giving you my free will going to help anything? What’s—” She gasped, taking a wary step back. “You want access to my memories, don’t you?” she accused.
H
e didn’t deny it. Instead, he met her glare with unapologetic determination. “I want what’s best for you, Olivia. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
“Oh, and you think mind-fucking me is what’s best for me? Is that it?”
“Dammit, Olivia, that’s not what this is!” Her necklace was clenched tightly in his fist, the heart-shaped stone dangling a taunting farewell.
“Well, it sure as hell feels like it!”
“I have to go back, Olivia! I won’t give you up! Think about how simple your life would be if you didn’t remember me. Three years ago, you were a happy, healthy, well-adjusted young woman with her whole life ahead of her—”
“Three years ago I was stupid and naïve! For crissake, I was dating a fallen angel who tried to kill me!”
“Before that—”
“Stop it, Liam! Just…don’t. I don’t want to forget you and I won’t give you up any more than you’ll give me up. That’s just not the way this works.”
“Then how does it work? Tell me, Olivia.”
He took a step toward her, and she took one back. For the first time since she could ever remember, she didn’t trust him. The intense glow of his amethyst-hued eyes rimmed the amber truth of his suffering.
“Think about it. I can’t marry you. I can’t give you children. Hell, I can’t even have sex with you!”
She didn’t know what to say to that, or what to say that would get him to change his mind. Her own desperation made the reckless words come flying out of her mouth. “If you do this to me, I’ll go back to Mitch. Is that what you want?”
His jaw clenched, a muscle ticked near his eye. “Do you love him?”
She shrugged. “What’s the difference? I won’t remember that I love you.”
“The difference,” he growled, “is that Mitch is a tosser. You can do better than that.”
“Oh please, like you’ll ever approve of anyone I date.”
“Try raising the bar—you might be surprised.”
“I did!” she snapped. “I chose you!” Olivia poked him in the chest. “And you can see how well that worked out for me. Look, Liam,” she pinched the bridge of her nose, praying for patience. “I’m never going to give you my memories—not again—and you can’t take them without violating my free will, so just drop it, all right?”
The warning look he gave her all but said “Wanna bet?” and she couldn’t stifle the shudder that racked her spine. She kicked her chin up a notch and said with much more bravado than she felt, “So you might as well stop wasting your breath.”
Olivia nodded at the necklace fisted in his hand. “Besides, I think you’ve taken enough from me, wouldn’t you say?” Without waiting for a response, she spun around and marched away, all the while inwardly chanting, “I will not cry… I will not cry…” The moment she reached the bathroom, she started to sob.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Well, that couldn’t have gone any worse. It took every last bit of Liam’s resolve to stand there and let her walk away. The carnal side of him so desperately wanted to run after her, take her in his arms, and make her his—forever and ever. But then, there lies the problem. They didn’t have forever—not here. Why couldn’t she see that he was doing this for her? Why did she have to act as if he were the heartless bastard here? Did she think, for one second, that this was easy for him? He couldn’t even let himself imagine what it was going to be like watching her go through everyday life, oblivious to him. Yet, that was the way it had to be, the way it was supposed to be.
He watched Olivia march toward the bathroom, her back iron-rod straight with indignation. She was trying so hard to keep it together. Faster and faster, her steps carried her away from him, until soon she was running for the brick building outside the gated entrance.
That hadn’t gone well at all. Granted, he didn’t expect her to jump at the idea of letting him veil her memories, but he’d thought, with some coaxing, she’d at least come around to discussing it—now, not so much.
Muttering a curse, he turned and strode away—get in, get out, and get on the road again. The longer he dragged this out, the harder it was going to be on both of them. He’d try talking to her about this one last time. Perhaps she’d be more amicable the second go-around. If not, then he’d have no other choice but to take matters into his own hands. He loved her too much to let her suffer through the loss of letting him go again.
He wasn’t gone more than ten minutes. It hadn’t taken him long to hide the stone in the world’s largest man-made grotto constructed from a collection of precious stones gathered from all around the world. Immanuel’s Stone would blend right in here. Even if Haden did discover it was hidden here, chances were good he’d still be searching for the damn thing when Jesus came back.
If they’d had more time, he would have liked to take her through the nine separate grottos, comprising the Redemption. It’d be nice to share this with her. They really were a stunning work of art, and the distraction would be nice. Since coming back here, their time together hadn’t exactly been easy, and now with his proposal of a mind scrub on the table, it wasn’t likely to get any better.
As he crossed the parking lot, he could see Olivia sitting in the car and felt the simmering burn of her anger, the sting of her offense. Glancing back at the Grotto, he sighed. Would he have enough time to take her inside? Would extending this olive branch balm her hurt feelings?
Aw hell… He opened the passenger door and held out his hand. Olivia looked up at him, her brow arched in surprise, but she made no move to take it. “What?” she snapped crisply.
He reached inside the car and took her wrist, gently dragging her reluctantly from the car. “Come here, Olivia.”
She sighed, sounding more tired than he’d ever heard her. “What do you want, Liam? I thought we were in a hurry, remember?”
“We are, but I want to share this with you, and I don’t see us getting another chance.” Her curiosity gave him temporary reprieve of her anger—a small beacon of encouragement, despite the frown that still pulled her brows together, or the subtle jutting of her bottom lip that made his mouth water with need to kiss her.
“First things first.” He pulled the necklace from his pocket and refastened the empty silver chain around her neck. Bending down, he softly kissed her cheek, not trusting himself enough to stop if he tasted her lips.
She reached up and brushed her fingertips across the base of her throat, feeling for the bare chain. Wordlessly, he took her hand, threading his fingers between hers, and led her toward the entrance. She followed along with her brakes on, taking reluctant, stuttering steps behind him.
“What are you doing, Liam? Where are we going?”
“Inside. I’d like to take you through here before we leave. It’s very beautiful, and I think you’d really like it.” As they approached the entrance, her resistance ceased. He glanced back to see her looking up at the mountainous archway leading into the Grotto. Her eyes locked on a recessed area near the top where the statue of an angel stood with arms and head arched high toward the heavens.
“Liam, this is beautiful,” she murmured, pulling him over to get a closer look at another statue near the entrance. The sculpture was of an angel with a sword in his hand, his arm raised high in the air, thrusting the blade toward the shimmering rock on the ground. She looked back at Liam, then at the statue, then back at him again. “Is that…you?”
“No, it’s not me.” He kept walking, tugging her along as she craned her neck back to get one last look.
“Are you sure? Because the resemblance is striking—”
“I’m sure. The monument is of Michael, the Archangel of War.”
“It’s stunning…”
“I assure you, the replication doesn’t do him justice,” he replied a bit tartly. It shouldn’t bother him that Olivia was fawning over his likeness, but it did. The spark of jealousy lit his veins, spreading like a slow, burning poison. He carefully kept his eyes averted, waiting for the tell-tale jade
color to dissipate. His lack of emotional control shamed him. To cover his disconcerted state, he distracted her with conversation while he led her to Paradise Lost. “I fought under his command for many centuries.”
“Do you miss it?” Her questioning eyes probed him.
He looked at her, not quite sure how to answer that. “Sometimes. War is in my blood. I think a part of me will always crave it.” When she stiffened, he took her other hand in his and added, “But not as much as I crave you.”
“Please…” She dipped her head, a demur smile touching her lips despite her effort to hide it. “You don’t have to say that—”
Cupping her cheek, his thumb brushed over her flawless, porcelain skin. “You know I can’t lie.”
She reached up and caught his wrist, holding his hand against the side of her face. “I know. That’s why I got so upset when you talked about taking my memories. If you didn’t intend to do it, you couldn’t even speak such things.”
His thumb brushed across her bottom lip, silencing her. “Please understand it was never my intention to upset you, Olivia. I don’t want there to be discord between us. I just want to share this with you. Let’s enjoy this time together, and we’ll talk later.”
She nodded, agreeing to the temporary truce. Despite his best efforts to ignore the tightening in his gut, deep down Liam knew trouble was on the horizon. Just like the haunting presence of the calm before a storm, so was this time with Olivia.
***
Ashley woke to the pounding of her heartbeat hammering away at her brain. She groaned, cursing herself for taking a page out of Mitch’s Stupidity Playbook, and Moj was definitely not her new best friend. Thinking back to how many of them she’d had—last count was four, maybe five. Holy hell, did her head hurt! How did she get home last night? Her memory was spotty at best, but unfortunately, her fight with Balen was coming back to her with painful clarity.
“Shit…” she moaned, now wishing for a little amnesia to numb her embarrassment. Had she really told Balen to leave? Had she really accused him of not caring for her? Guilt hit her like a sucker punch in the gut. She scrambled off the bed, and stumbled over to the window. Would he be out there sitting next to her door as he did every night? She could hardly blame him if he wasn’t. She certainly didn’t deserve his devotion—not after the way she behaved last night.
Shades of Darkness (Redemption Series) Page 31
