by D A Carey
It wasn’t until Vince’s parents divorced and his mother moved back to Kentucky and eventually remarried that Vince learned to truly enjoy the outdoors this way. It wasn’t that he hadn’t enjoyed it before; his family appreciated the beauty of the Colorado mountains that many people never would. It was after finally getting to know, respect, and love his stepfather that Vince saw nature in a different way and understood life and nature so much better. The circle of life and the delicate balance of nature, forests, and animals were impressive and delicate when truly experienced and understood. Man could play a role in destroying this balance or strengthening it if he participated with knowledge and respect. It was important to know which trees were which, which roots were edible, and how to find water or dig a well.
Vince didn’t immediately take to the woods with his stepfather. He rebelled and snuck out at night to run the streets. He smoked, drank, and got into more than his fair share of trouble. Eventually his stepfather, Dan, won him over. Not by trying to be his dad, but by being a friend and mentor. They spent a lot of time working outdoors and hunting. Although Vince didn’t know it at the time, he was learning to be a man and have a traditional man’s value system and some self-sufficiency skills.
Later, Vince moved away, travelled, and eventually joined the Army. He did a couple of tours in Iraq and Afghanistan. He always believed it was the life skills Dan taught him that helped keep him alive. At a minimum, it was this mindset that helped keep him centered emotionally when many didn’t have the mental place of security or faith to fall back on.
Even with those skills, the years at the end of his Army career and the beginning of his marriage passed in a blur. The last tour in Afghanistan was harder. There didn’t appear to be a clear mission. Many of the locals didn’t want them there. The “esprit de corps” or clarity of mission wasn’t what it had been in the beginning. Either that or Vince was getting older and more jaded. It was hard to go on patrol and see a friend get injured, maimed, or killed and struggle with what they had accomplished or what good they were doing. It was during that time that Vince met a man who would later become his best friend.
Levi Goldman and Vince met during a series of joint operations between the Israeli and American Special Forces units. Levi and Vince spent a lot of time talking over drinks when off duty. In the field, they instinctively knew what the other would do or need. It was Levi who talked at length about the history of the Jewish people and the enemies they’d faced over the centuries. Knowing they couldn’t make everyone like them or even respect them, sometimes all they could do was choose the ground on which they fought and which units they sent into battle, or more importantly, which issues were worth fighting for.
“If nothing is worth fighting for, then that means we hold nothing of higher value than another thing,” Levi reasoned.
Levi’s immediate family wasn’t from Israel; they were from New York. The events of 9/11 hit close to home for him. There was nothing surprising to Levi about a terrorist attack. What was most tragic to him was that for that one day and for that battle, the conflict was fought in our country and in our cities. “Their fighters against our civilians,” Levi explained.
Vince remembered the conversation as clear as if it were yesterday. They were in a remote part of Afghanistan. Vince was further in his Army career and not too many months away from leaving service. When a soldier started struggling with the “why” of what they were doing, it was a good sign to change professions.
It was during that time that Levi counseled: “Vince, my friend, do you doubt that this part of the world raises and grooms terrorists much the same way people in Kansas raise wheat?”
“I know that’s true,” Vince countered wryly. “It still bothers me. How do we know that these missions or patrols are doing any good?”
“We don’t. You of all people know that in all the things we have to do our job, our piece of the puzzle. It’s a job we are trained for. We know we have to trust the man beside us to do his part while we do ours. We need and trust commanders to make good strategic decisions. We don’t have the time or luxury to second guess them. Just as you can’t be checking to see if my rifle is loaded, my gear is straight, and I’ve got my sector covered during a firefight. That’s my job.”
“That’s all true.”
“Vince, I’ll say one more word on the subject then we put this to bed, okay?” Levi spoke with the hint of an Israeli accent that came out when he was passionate about something. He’d picked up the accent more from his comrades in the Israeli army than his upbringing in New York. “Never forget that people like you and I are volunteers. We are well trained and know the risks and why we are here. We are fighting the terrorists and despots in their home territory, not ours. At a minimum, we are keeping them busy. At best, we’ve killed a threat that may have been planning a trip to yours or my home town in America. Every logic train or stream of thought should begin with that. For this topic, I choose to begin my thoughts or reasoning with faith in the belief that fighting them here saves lives at home.”
Vince got out of the Army and came back home to the world. He got married, got a job, and became a father to the most beautiful baby girl in the world. He focused on trying to live life and stay in the struggle to move up and ahead in life and work. They worked to buy a home, take vacations, and do the things most Americans did.
All that didn’t leave Vince much time in the woods. Although he missed it, there was a feeling that there wasn’t time and a fear that if he fell back in love with that lifestyle he couldn’t put his all into climbing the corporate ladder. The cubicles and corporate politics didn’t have the same importance or sense of urgency in comparison. Vince wasn’t one to hide his feelings well. He had to focus and direct all his energies to being successful in his job. So Vince dove deep into the corporate lifestyle and worked, travelled, drank, played golf, and boated, like many other people.
He fit right in and was good at it. Good at the work he did, good at golf, and good at boating, drinking, and carousing, which made him bad at marriage. If people were honest and without emotion after a divorce, they could acknowledge that there was blame enough to go around. When Vince was honest with himself, he could admit that most of the blame was his. There were some things he wished his wife would have done differently, yet in his heart, he knew that if he had been the husband he should have been, he’d still be married and being the dad he wanted to be to his daughter.
It was during the rocky portion of his marriage leading up to his divorce that Vince started spending more time with his stepfather Dan. As was Dan’s way, he didn’t give advice unless directly asked. He didn’t lecture; he just smiled and lived and enjoyed each moment as if it was his last. And he taught. Dan was always teaching something. It was in spending that time with Dan on his farm, in the woods, and with his dogs hunting that Vince finally started to feel centered again. He hadn’t realized he’d lost his center until he rediscovered it. By that time, the damage was done. Too many harsh things had been said and done. Divorce was the result.
Vince was never a very extroverted type with his emotions or deepest feelings. When things got bad, Vince got quiet or diverted his emotions elsewhere. So as work had its own stresses and the divorce and lawyers and court dates worked through their painful process, Vince spent more time with Dan in the woods or stopping by country diners for lunch and laughs with the local old timers. It kept him sane. The process of going through a divorce was bad. The guilt that it created for him with his now ex-wife and daughter took its toll.
They say that out of adversity there is a silver lining to the cloud if we keep an eye out for it. This period served as a wakeup call and a catalyst to get Vince back to who he should be. His only regret was that he hadn’t got there sooner.
Then out of the blue, Dan announced he had cancer and only a short time to live.
It was unthinkable and devastating to believe that Dan could be dying. He was such a strong and vigorous man. They’d hun
ted the previous weekend. Over the two days, he probably walked twenty-five miles. Dan appeared so healthy, in his early sixties and still a strong man by most accounts.
In Dan’s way, he handled it stoically and with a smile and actually made the people that came to weep with him laugh with him instead. They left him with a smile on their face and a tear in their eyes.
Dan fought the cancer hard and turned the month they gave him into a year, then into eighteen months, but the disease was too strong and Dan succumbed.
On the day of his funeral, the small church in the country that was older than the state was inundated by hundreds and possibly over a thousand people who came to pay their respects. Dan was one of the most well-liked and respected men in the community. Eventually the condolences, food, and well-wishers waned, and Vince’s mother was left alone on the farm with the horses, dogs, and chickens, and a huge hole in her heart and soul.
It was around this time that Vince’s ex-wife Ellie announced she and Kate were moving to Chicago where Ellie would pursue a new job. The move would allow Kate to attend college and eventually law school where she always wanted.
Vince was left with a big, empty house meant for a family, not a single man. The job he did by day sometimes felt like an endless ladder to nowhere. He had the hunting dogs and horses left to him in Dan’s will but no best friend to hunt or do things with. It was the type of low point that could drive many men to drink. It wasn’t that Vince was against drinking, it was that he’d done so much of it when he was younger and seen it do so much damage to friends and family that at an early age he taught himself a sort of alcohol defense mechanism. Vince only drank when things were good, when a hard day of work was done, a promotion gained, or in celebration of a wedding or birthday. When things in life were hard, when work was a struggle, or when there was an argument at home, he didn’t drink. Partly from habit, though mostly because he might not be able to crawl out of it later.
It was one of Dan’s best friends and hunting buddies, Greg, in particular that got him back out hunting again and living life with the smile that Dan taught him. Unfortunately, there were fewer and fewer places to hunt. Dan had known everyone in the county and was friends with them, not Vince. The family farm as a way of life was dying, and that made it harder still.
***
When Vince got back in his truck, the radio program he caught midway through was discussing recent attacks on police and rehashing or debating an older case in which several policemen were shot in Dallas a few years ago:
“…that case it was an individual who was part of a domestic hate group that attacked policemen in Dallas. The problem with that case, which many of us brought up at the time, is that it was the first one to legitimize attacks on police.”
“Wow, that’s a strong statement. Nothing legitimizes attacks or gun violence. I don’t know if I’d go that far.”
“Wait a moment, if you remember, at the time there was no immediate outcry from the president and other leaders decrying the attack. In fact, the country’s top law enforcement leader, the U.S. attorney general, released statements sympathetic to the attackers and their organization.”
“I remember the president came out with some strong language condemning the attacks.”
“Yes, but that wasn’t until sometime later. It was easy to tell it was prompted by the national criticism of his initial tepid response to the attacks. By that time the damage was done, policemen knew they weren’t supported, if they didn’t know it before. More importantly, these radical domestic organizations were emboldened to plan more attacks because their terrorist type strategies were not condemned. Although it is my opinion that they were supported at the top levels of government.”
“To say it was supported may be a strong statement. Perhaps I would agree to say they weren’t condemned strongly enough.”
“Okay, then we are down to semantics at that point. You have to remember that the Dallas police shootings didn’t come long after the mayor in Baltimore encouraged rioting and police shootings in her own city. It wasn’t long after those events that the president sent the attorney general to Missouri to investigate police there.”
“Are you saying that the president should not have sent the attorney general to Missouri?”
“Yes and no. The American people have to know the president is in tune with their needs and will use all the tools at his or her disposal for both the good of the country and the individual. From that view, I understand the desire for some type of involvement from the executive branch. However, I don’t believe the president had any personal experience with racism of that sort and was not responding out of a connection to the event, but was rather pandering to a voting bloc.”
“True, he is a politician. We all know that. This is not a discussion on that president’s accomplishments or failures and—”
“You’re right, however, we can’t discuss the police shootings and general decline in our police work and rise in crime over the past decade without looking at events like Dallas, Baltimore, and the president’s response in a cause and effect way.”
“Okay, I’ll bite. How do you think those events directly impacted where we are today?”
“It’s simple and direct. First, a president who was powerful and popular in many areas chose to exert his response or non-response to affect some of these internal radical organizations and their approach. I believe strongly that the facts support that his actions confirmed this radical course of action for those groups. Second, you have the events in Baltimore, New York, Texas, and Missouri that put policemen on notice that, despite some election time rhetoric, they don’t have the support of their leadership at the highest levels. If they do something difficult or confrontational, there is a very good chance they will be fired or prosecuted. These men and women don’t make enough money to justify that risk, so many of the best and brightest are leaving this noble calling. Some of the replacements are not as well trained or noble in their approach. I fully acknowledge that we have always had sporadic cases of corrupt policemen or horrendous wrongs that need to be righted, as happened in North Carolina. It’s important that we treat those as exceptions and not the rule or an excuse for domestic terrorism.”
“Thank you. After a short break to pay our sponsors, we will return with the market report...”
<< Ellie >>
Kate bounded down the wooden stairs of the old three-story home in Chicago’s northwest side. “Mom, this is so cool!”
“What’s so cool, hun?” Ellie responded with an amused smile. It did her heart good to see her daughter so exuberant and happy. In truth, Kate and Vince were alike in more ways than either of them noticed. She worried about Kate missing home and time with her dad.
Kate beamed. “I can see the tops of the tall buildings in downtown Chicago from my bedroom, and there’s a subway station only three blocks from here! I can finally do things my friends back home only talk about. I can go to Navy Pier or get really good pizza or anything else I want.” Kate’s unrestrained tone reminded Ellie more of the child she had been and less of the more cynical teenager she acted like sometimes.
“Well, you need to be careful, young lady. You didn’t grow up here, and this isn’t Kentucky. Bad things can happen,” Ellie cautioned.
“Mom, you worry all the time. You’re starting to sound like Dad.”
“L-o-l,” Elli said, mimicking the textspeak Kate used so often. “Okay, I’ll stop. I don’t want to be that obsessed about all the bad things that can happen.”
“He didn’t even get excited when I got into the University of Chicago,” Kate said in a dejected tone. Kate didn’t normally open up often and share her inner feelings, so Ellie knew this was important to her. “Mom, that was my dream, and he barely sounded excited. He has no idea what a special school this is and how much it means to me.”
“Honey, your dad worries so much about you because he loves you. He probably worries more now than ever.” Ellie pulled Kate in for a hug. “I�
�m sure he’ll miss you so much more than you can know. It’s hard to show excitement when you have those feelings underneath.”
“Well, you’re excited for me,” she whined.
Ellie smiled. “Yes, but I’m here with you. I get to see you every day.”
“Aren’t you excited to be here? It’s like you can do everything here and you couldn’t do anything in Kentucky.”
“Honey, I’ll always miss Kentucky. It was home to me for so long. It has family and friends and so much good to offer. You’ll miss it in time, too. Honestly, I already do some,” Ellie said wistfully. “Yet this is a fresh start,” she continued. “I love Malcolm, and he’s a good man. This will be a great school and experience for you as well. It’s the right thing at the right time for both of us. And yes, I’m excited too! I love shopping here and all the restaurants. The pace of life is vastly different than Kentucky.”
Ellie watched Kate skip out of the house and noted with pride that she could make being dressed simply appear so trendy. She was wearing skinny jeans and a chic top from one of the expensive stores. Her hair was in a ponytail. She used to wear it that way all the time for comfort and because her dad liked it. These days she wore it that way less often, instead choosing to go a little bit more stylish and adult with her hair and makeup. Additionally, Kate wore the Nike shoes she insisted her dad buy her where they put her name on the side. Kate would never be the tall, long-legged runway model. She was close to five feet tall, trim and cute with strawberry blonde hair and her father’s piercing blue eyes. She was what some would call more of a “Maryanne” than a “Ginger,” despite the red tints in her hair. Being full of energy and focus and incredibly smart, older people would see something in Kate and insist she was an old soul.
