by BAKER, J. B.
When the last vestiges of orgasm finally leave me and reality sets in, I start feeling apprehensive. I don’t want to be left in a position to get hurt again. My breathing speeds up until the only thing I can hear is my heart pounding in my chest. My dad left me hanging and Sean left me hanging. His lack of feeling towards me had saddened me and weakened my self-esteem.
With my heart hammering away like a cylinder in an engine, I wait for Sean to say something. I need him to tell me that what we just did was incredible and a new beginning for something wonderful. Unlike earlier in the restaurant, I need a little more reassurance. I relish feeling him close to me. He seems as reluctant as I am to release our hold of each other. For the moment, he seems content to have his nose buried in my hair.
“Rachel?”
I tense when I hear his voice. I don’t know how long we have been standing like this for, holding onto each other.
“So, what happens now?” I blurt not able to wait any longer.
I watch Sean carefully. The whole atmosphere in the room has changed since we had sex together. I can literally see the tension floating in the air.
Sean shrugs.
“I guess we can have a beer now. Nothing like it after some really good sex.”
Is that all I am to him – good sex? I frown. I don’t like the flippant way he’s behaving. It reminds me of back then. Sean’s treating me like some slut he picked up in a bar and took home for a one-night-stand. I know things went really fast between us again, but that is still no reason to make me feel as bad as I do. What we just did to one another was magic and it had felt so right.
“Do you want a drink?”
“What?” I am too lost in my own world to hear Sean.
“Do you want a drink?”
Sean frowns at me. For a millisecond, I think I see concern register on his face.
“If you’re having one.”
“I’ll have a beer…you?”
“White wine if you have it.”
It was a stupid question. We are at the George V – of course they have white wine. I watch him open a bottle of wine for me and pour a large portion into the glass. When he is done, he gives me my glass.
“Cheers.”
“Cheers.” I take a sip and my eyes open a fraction wider. “This is good.”
“Yeah, it’s a nice little Chablis,” he says drinking his beer straight from the bottle.
Sean studies me for a few heartbeats as I move about the large living room in the suite.
“Why don’t we sit down before you fall down?”
Sean indicates to the large cream-coloured sofa. I sit down gratefully. I take another sip of wine.
“So, what now?”
The curiosity is killing me. I can’t wait another second without knowing where we are heading with this, with us.
Sean arches his eyebrows.
“What does it look like? Just two people having a drink after some insanely hot sex.”
He shakes his head at the memory and whistles happily.
I could kill him. He’s treating what happened between us as something meaningless.
“Is that all it is to you?” I snap.
I couldn’t hold back. The expression on my face is wild.
“Two people having crazy sex.”
“Well, uh, yeah. I really liked it.”
Sean frowns and shrugs as I watch him make up his mind about what he is going to say next.
“I think you’re going to have to spend quite a bit of time with me from now on.”
My heart lurches, nearly skipping a beat. Sean bloody Courtney wants me to spend more time with him. Of course it’s a yes. It’s the best news I’ve had since he said that he would save my company.
“I’d love nothing more than to spend more time with you, Sean…”
“Good, that’s settled then.”
Sean slaps the palm of his hand on his thigh happily.
“Tomorrow, we each head home, but when you come to London, I will arrange for you to move in with me. It’s about time you got to know Portia better…”
As Sean rambles on about our future together, I feel cold sweat trickle down my back. Is this really what I want?
Chapter 18
SEAN
Hey, baby, how’s it going?
I can’t wait for you to move in with me.
It’s been three days since that amazing night in Paris and still no word from you. I hope everything is okay.
I type a series of quick-fire messages on WhatsApp. To be honest, they are not the first. Every day since I left the hotel, I have been writing to her, but she never responded. This morning, I was even tempted to call the New York offices and find out what’s going on from Michonne. Portia dissuaded me; she said that I needed to give her time because it is a big decision to move in with someone. I relented.
Portia has also been giving me a series of sensitivity classes since I got back from Paris. When I mentioned the bit about how I told Rachel about moving in with us, she winced. The lecture I received from my sixteen-year-old daughter after bordered on the insolent. She basically said that I might just as well have commanded her to move in with me. In hindsight, I realize that I was not particularly romantic. Maybe that is what scared her away.
It’s five o’clock in the afternoon and I still haven’t phoned. I promise myself that I will wait a while longer like my daughter suggested. I just don’t know how much longer I can survive without knowing what’s going on with her.
I pick up my phone and type another message.
Rachel, I am really worried. What’s going on with you? Let me know.
I delete the last words and retype:
Please let me know.
I chuck the device on my desk and sigh. This situation really sucks.
Chapter 19
SEAN
Two weeks have passed and still no word from her. I lost my nerve two days after Portia told me to give her some space. It was the right decision. As it turned out, Rachel has not been back to the office once since her return to NYC – where the fuck is she?
I have a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. I don’t know what the problem could be, but I instinctively know that there is one. However, for the life of me, I don’t know why. We spent the most magical night together in Paris. It was what I had been waiting for since I made that stupid decision to leave her two years ago. It never swam on the surface, but it was always there like a shadow on a sunny day – I always wanted Rachel Saunders since the day she graduated and entered my life. I was only too blind and stubborn to see it.
I pick up my phone. I stare at the device in my hand for a moment. I want to pour out my heart to her and tell her how much I love her. I never got around to doing that in Paris. I think, had I done so, she might not have disappeared on me.
Rachel is nervous. I can understand that after the way I treated her the first time around. To top it off, her father left her and her mother when she was little. Also, her mother was not exactly the best of mother’s. It’s a lot to deal with. If it were me, I too would have trust issues.
But what can I do? I don’t even know where she is. Apparently, Michonne doesn’t know where she is either. Although, I doubt that. Those two were always as thick as thieves and I wager they still are. Intuitively, I know she is in on it, whatever it is.
I press my lips together. I have to do something to find out. This cannot continue. Already, I am taking out my moods on Portia and my staff. It’s not fair to her or to the employees who are unfortunate enough to step into my line of fire. Something must be done.
A knock on the door to my office rattles me out of my contemplations.
“Come!”
Stacey strolls in reluctantly. She too has recently been on the receiving end of one of my tirades.
“Mr Courtney, I have some news for you from legal in New York.”
She paces across the room like a slinking panther. It’s a move that would have had me hard as rock a few w
eeks ago. Stacey would not have had a chance to escape my clutches. In moments, she would have been pinioned on my desk with my cock buried in her pussy.
Not now. All I want is Rachel. I smile. The feeling reminds me of my wife. That was the last time I felt this sensation of total satisfaction in having found the right person. I could be in a room full of nude beauties for the night and leave the space the following morning without ever having sampled their wares. That’s how much I love her. That’s how faithful I would be to her if she would let me.
I absentmindedly take the envelope Stacey hands me and rip it open. I frown. This is the last thing I expected. My gaze scans the print from left to right, from left to right again until I bunch my hand into a fist and crumple the paper into a ball. I can’t believe what I just read. It’s impossible and doesn’t make the least bit of sense.
If I weren’t Sean Courtney, the billionaire, and richest man on the planet, I would have cried there and then. I feel as if somebody just ripped my heart out of my chest and threw it on my desk in front of me. This is all fucked up and I swear I will get to the bottom of this, even if it costs me my entire fortune.
Chapter 20
RACHEL
The moment I step out of the elevator on the thirtieth floor at my new workplace, I notice the change in the vibe across the vast open office space. It’s different to the first day I started work here at Mercury Hotel Group and it’s different to the day before. What the hell is going on around here?
The entire ride up in the elevator, my fellow co-workers had talked about some take-over. Is this some horrible scene of déjà-vu? Is some predator buying up the whole hotel group or what? The people in the lift spoke of some billionaire investor, but nobody knew his name. I attempt to put the idle gossiping to the back of my mind and focus on the day at hand.
As head of communications for the hotel group, I am in charge of everything from the company’s corporate messages to crisis control whenever there is a problem at one of our properties that could impact the brand image.
I love the work, but I miss Michonne. She decided to stay at Courtney’s out of loyalty. She said that my issues with Sean were none of her business. She also called me the stupidest white girl she’d ever laid eyes on. She came at me repeatedly with stuff like Sean’s in love with you; I saw it when he was at the office before Paris; how can you look love in the face and shun it?
There had been a lot of stuff like that. I listened to none of it. Sean is not capable of love. He is addicted to control. He told me as much after he took me on the table in the hotel suite. He said I would move in with him when I moved to London. He never asked. He commanded. That was when I froze. My mind did at least. However, my body was still under his spell as it let him coax another four orgasms out of it until I was a motionless wreck on his bed.
We had fallen asleep after that. When I woke up the next morning, he was gone. There was a note and a little box containing a platinum chain with a diamond, I guessed to be about four carats, inside of it. I never wore it and I never read the note. Instead, I left the necklace back at the hotel and flushed the paper down the toilet.
I don’t know what came over me. I should have been happy. The man I always wanted was willing to take the next step, no matter how dictatorial his methods. He wanted to include me in his family and have me be a part of his daughter’s life. How many times did he write about that in the endless messages he sent me? It got so bad that I had to get myself a new number. I still have the old one, but I leave it at home where it accumulates messages I never read.
By now, Sean should be aware of the fact that most of the ticks never changed colour to blue. Even he, as someone who is not the biggest technology buff, must know what that means. I guess not. I still hear it vibrating on the other side of the open-plan space in my loft.
“Hey, you. How are ya?”
I smile at Deborah who is in charge of HR.
“Yeah, good. What’s going on around here? Everyone is on about some take-over.”
Deborah moves closer. She has an affable face that invites you to tell her just about anything. Basically, that is what everyone at the office does, except me, of course. If I told her about Sean, she would have me on the next flight to London. Why can’t anyone else see what he is capable of? He never loved me. Sean only loves his wife and daughter. I can never live up to that.
“It’s true. Bob from accounting said that the boss ordered him to prepare all of the files for the new owner.”
Deborah looks around furtively.
“It also appears that he is here this morning. He wants to meet all of the main people in the firm. I guess that also includes you and me.”
I gulp. Another billionaire investor crossing my path, it’s the last thing I need. I start to make my way to my office.
“Hey, Rachel. What are you doing for Christmas?” asks Deborah.
I shrug. I haven’t really thought about it. Michonne invited me to join her, her husband, kids and grandkids at her eldest son’s place near Lake Tahoe, but I haven’t said yes yet. Frankly, I don’t really care about the festive season. I’ve never really had a good Christmas in my life.
“Oh, I’ll be at my place. Cook something nice and have an early night. That’s about it.”
Before Deborah has the chance to invite me or feel sorry for me, I excuse myself and rush off in the direction of my office. With a sigh of relief, I open the opaque glass door and step in.
“You are a difficult woman to find, Rachel Saunders. But always well worth the wait. You look absolutely stunning.”
My eyes snap open when I hear that familiar voice that always sends shivers of pleasure up and down my spine that last until long after his voice has died down. I see him but I do not register him. He’s like a ghost, a long lost apparition I met and forgot about. I hear him speaking again. I hear a sound. It envelops me again in its seductive embrace that captures me in audio limbo as if it were a pool of molasses.
“I only hope you are not going to make me buy another company to gain your…”
“What!”
In a flash, his hazy silhouette comes into focus. For the first time in two months, I see him. He looks better than ever, albeit there are a few new lines of worry etched onto his forehead. I wonder whether I am the cause. I swallow. He is so beautiful in the most meticulously masculine way. There is no pleading in his gaze. I can see he missed me. I know he missed me, but I know he would never beg. He looks more worried about my wellbeing than anything else.
“What did you just say about the companies?” I croak, trying to attain some form of cognitive equilibrium.
“I was trying to tell you in my way that I love you…”
I swallow as if I have this huge tennis ball lodged in my throat. I freeze. He said he loves me. No, he’s telling me that he loves me. Oh, my God. This can’t be happening. The tears well up in my eyes. I have been such a bitch to him these past months. How can he love somebody like that?
“At first, I thought that buying Sunbeam Energy was the easiest way to get back in touch with you. So, I did. I wanted to make it right after the way I treated you on my yacht. I was out of line and an asshole. I guess I wasn’t used to the feelings you evoked. I know now that I already loved you back then. I just didn’t want to admit it.”
“Uh-huh.”
I have nothing more. The inside of my head is like a vacuum. I always felt it. I knew he loved me, but like him, I did not or could not admit to it. In my case, it was more complicated. Every time I thought about him having feelings for me, I banished the notion with the simple explanation that no hot billionaire was going to love me.
“Well, I am admitting it now. I love you, Rachel Saunders, and I want you to be a part of my life.” He presses his lips together as if he’s in pain. “If you don’t want that, I will respect that and leave you alone.”
A huge smile appears on my face. It is the first one since Paris.
“Come here and kiss me, you fool.”
Seconds later, I am fucking kissing him. I could burst with happiness that he was so persistent. Argh, it feels so good to be in his arms again. His tongue has just turned up its plundering of my mouth a notch, making me lose my train of incoherent thoughts completely. It caresses my own in deep and insistent lashes. Mine follows suit. I can’t stop. The man has me in a vice and I love it.
To be honest, I had dreamt of this since the day we parted. The sweet notion hung in my brain like a lost neuron stuck in one place. I gasp into his mouth. His hands have moved down my body and hold me by the hips, pulling me toward him. I can feel his erection press against me through the fabric of our clothes.
Another whiplash of his tongue and my legs melt away beneath me – He holds me tight, drawing everything I have out of me. I never want this to end. I love him too, I realize. I always knew it. I only ran away because I was too afraid of my own happiness. I treated it like a fickle mirage – one moment it is there and the very next it is gone. I know now that Sean will never be gone.
Sean stops his caressing and takes a step back. He looks at me closely. I am breathing heavily and I feel that my cheeks are a bright pink. The sight of him makes me shudder with pleasure. The guy looks incredible. I can somehow feel his eyes rove over my physique like flaming green orbs that have the power to undress me. I don’t see his lips move because I am too transfixed by his gorgeousness that I still can’t comprehend the fact that he is standing in my office. Only when his voice that like black-satin penetrates the air as a corporeal force touches me, ruffling the flutter of my sex to new heights, do I rouse from my self-imposed sexual exile.
“Do you really want this? Us?”
I nod meekly.
“I want nothing more, Sean. I love you. I was just so afraid that it wasn’t real and that I didn’t deserve such happiness. I am so sorry for disappearing and resigning on you.”
He strokes my head.
“Don’t worry, my love. Just never do it again – promise?”
