The morning paper was full of oppression and doom. He scanned the personal columns while he waited for his car engine to rouse itself. He no longer expected to find a message from Heather, but there was no sign of the Renewal of Life either.
That was his day for teaching pianistic technique. Some of his students played as if passion could replace technique, others played so carefully it seemed they were determined not to own up to emotion. He was able to show them where they were going wrong without growing impatient with them or the job, and their respect for him seemed to have returned. Perhaps on Tuesday he’d feel renewed enough to teach his other classes enthusiastically, he thought, wondering if the printers had omitted the Renewal of Life from today’s paper by accident.
One student lingered at the end of the last class. “Would you give me your opinion of this?” She blushed as she sat down to play, and he realized she’d composed the piece herself. It sounded like a study of her favorite composers—cascades of Debussy, outbursts of Liszt, a token tinkle of Messiaen—but there was something of herself too, unexpected harmonic ideas, a kind of aural punning. He remarked on all that, and she went out smiling with her boyfriend, an uninspired violinist who was blushing now on her behalf. She had a future, Kilbride thought, flattered that she’d wanted his opinion. Maybe someday he’d be cited as having encouraged her at the start of her career.
A red sky was flaring over the turrets and gables of Manchester. Was he really planning to drive somewhere out there beyond the sunset? The more he recalled the phone conversation, the more dreamlike it seemed. He drove home and made sure he had yesterday’s paper, and thought of calling the number at once—but the voice had said Saturday, and to call now seemed like tempting fate. The success of the day’s teaching had dampened his adventurousness; he felt unexpectedly satisfied. When he went to bed he had no idea if he would phone at all.
Birdsong wakened him as the sky began to pale. He lay there feeling lazy as the dawn. He needn’t decide yet about the weekend, it was too early—and then he realized that it wasn’t, not at all. He wriggled out of bed and dialed the number he’d left beside the phone. Before he could even hear the bell at the other end a voice said, “Renewal of Life.”
It was brisker than last time. It had the same trace of a Lancashire accent, the broad vowels, but Kilbride wasn’t sure if it was the same voice. “I promised to call you today,” he said.
“We’ve been waiting. We’re looking forward to having you. You are coming, aren’t you?”
Perhaps the voice sounded different only because she had clearly not just woken up. “Are you some kind of religious organization?” he said.
She laughed as if she knew he was joking. “You won’t have to join in anything unless you want to, but whatever you enjoy, you’ll find it here.”
She could scarcely be more explicit without risking prosecution, he thought. “Tell me how to get to you,” he said, all at once fully awake.
Her directions would take him into Lancashire. He bathed and dressed quickly, fueled the car and set out, wondering if her route was meant to take him through the streets and factories and pollution the first call had deplored. Beyond the city center streets of small shops went on for miles, giving way at last to long high almost featureless mills, to warehouses that made him think of terraced streets whose side openings had been bricked up. Their shadows shrank back into them as the sun rose, but he felt as if he would never be out of the narrow streets under the grubby sky.
At last the road began to climb beyond the crowding towns. Lush green fields spread around him, shrinking pools shone through the half-drowned grass. The grimy clouds were washed clean and hung along the horizon, and then the sky was clear. He drove for miles without meeting another car on the road. He was alone with the last day of April, the leaves opening more confidently, hovering in swarms in all the trees.
Half an hour or so into the countryside he began to wonder how much farther his destination was. “Drive until you get to the Jack in the Green,” she’d said, “and ask for us.” He’d taken that to be a pub, or was it a location or a monument? Even if he never found it, the sense of renewal he had already derived from the day in the open would be worth the journey. The road was climbing again, between banks of ferns almost as large as he was. He’d find a vantage point and stop for a few minutes, he thought, and then the road led over a crest and showed him the factory below.
The sight was as unexpected as it was disagreeable. At least the factory was disused, he saw as the car sped down the slope. All the windows in the long dull-red facade had fallen in, and so had part of the roof. Once there had been several chimneys, but only one remained, and even that was wobbling. When he stared at it, it appeared to shift further. He had to strain his eyes, for something like a mist hung above the factory, a darkening of the air, a blurring of outlines. The chimney looked softened, as did all the window openings. That must be an effect of the air here in the valley—the air smelled bad, a cold, slightly rotten stench—but the sight made him feel quiverish, particularly around his groin. He trod hard on the accelerator, to be out from among the drab wilting fields.
The car raced up into the sunlight. He blinked the dazzle out of his eyes and saw the village below him, on the far side of the crest from the factory. A few streets of limestone cottages led off the main road and sloped down to a village green overlooked by an inn and a small church. Several hundred yards beyond the green, a forest climbed the rising slopes. Compared with the sagging outlines of the ruin, the clarity of the sunlit cottages and their flowery gardens was almost too intense. His chest tightened as he drove past them to the green.
He parked near the inn and stared at its sign, the Jack in the Green, a jovial figure clothed and capped with grass. He hadn’t felt so nervous since stage fright had seized him at his first recital. When he stepped out of the car, the slam of the door unnerved him. A dog barked, a second dog answered, but there was no other sound, not even of children. He felt as if the entire village was waiting to see what he would do.
A tall slim tree lay on the green. Presumably it was to be a maypole, for an axe gleamed near it in the grass, but its branches had still to be lopped. Whoever had carried it here might be in the inn, he thought, and turned toward the building. A woman was watching him from the doorway.
She sauntered forward as his gaze met hers. She was tall and moderately plump, with a broad friendly face, large gray eyes, a small nose, a wide very pink mouth. As she came up to him, the tip of her tongue flickered over her lips. “Looking for someone?” she said.
“Someone I spoke to this morning.”
She smiled and raised her eyebrows. Her large breasts rose and fell under the clinging green dress that reached just below her knees. He smelled her perfume, wild and sweet. “Was it you?” he said.
“Would you like it to be?”
He would happily have said yes, except that he wondered what choices he might be rejecting. He felt his face redden, and then she touched his wrist with one cool hand. “No need to decide yet. When you’re ready. You can stay at the Jack if you like, or with us.”
“Us?”
“Father’ll be out dancing.”
He couldn’t help feeling that she meant to reassure him. There was an awkward pause until she said, “You’re wondering what you’re supposed to do.”
“Well, yes.”
“Anything you like. Relax, look around, go for a walk. Tomorrow’s the big day. Have some lunch or a drink. Do you want to work up an appetite?”
“By all means.”
“Come over here then and earn yourself a free lunch.”
Could he have been secretly dreaming that she meant to take him home now? He followed her to the maypole, laughing inwardly and rather wildly at himself. “See what you can do about stripping that,” she said, “while I bring you a drink. Beer all right?”
“Fine,” he said, reflecting that working on the maypole would be a small price to pay for what he was sure he�
��d been led to expect. “By the way, what’s your name?”
“Sadie.” With just the faintest straightening of her smile she added, “Mrs. Thomas.”
She could be divorced or a widow. He picked up the axe, to stop himself brooding. It was lighter than he expected, but very sharp. When he grasped a branch at random and chopped experimentally at it, he was able to sever it with two blows.
“Not bad for a music teacher,” he murmured, and set to work systematically, starting at the thin end of the tree. Perhaps he should have begun at the other, for after the first dozen or so branches the lopping grew harder. By the time Sadie Thomas brought him a pint of strong ale, his arms were beginning to ache. As she crossed the green to him he looked up, wiping sweat from his forehead in a gesture he regretted immediately, and found that he had an audience, several men sitting on a bench outside the inn.
They were Kilbride’s age, or younger. He couldn’t quite tell, for their faces looked slack, blurred by indolence—pensioned off, he thought, and remembered the factory. Nor could he read their expressions, which might be hostile or simply blank. He was tempted to step back from the maypole and offer them the job—it was their village, after all—but then two of them mopped their foreheads deliberately, and he wondered if they were mocking him. He chopped furiously at the tree, and didn’t look up until he’d severed the last branch.
A burst of applause, which might have been meant ironically, greeted his laying down the axe. He felt suddenly that the phone conversations and the rest of it had been a joke at his expense. Then Sadie Thomas squatted by him, her green skirt unveiling her strong thighs, and took his hands to help him up. “You’ve earned all you can eat. Come in the Jack, or sit out if you like.”
All the men stood up in case he wanted to sit on the bench. Some looked resentful, but all the same, they obviously felt he had the right. “I’ll sit outside,” he said, and wondered why the men exchanged glances as they moved into the inn.
He was soon to learn why. A muscular woman with cropped gray hair brought out a table which she placed in front of him and loaded with a plateful of cheese, a loaf and a knife and another tankard of ale, and then Sadie came to him. “When you’re done eating, would you do one more thing for us?”
His arms were trembling from stripping the maypole; he was only just able to handle the knife. “Nothing strenuous this time,” she said reassuringly. “We just need a judge, someone who isn’t from around here. You’ve only to sit and choose.”
“All right,” Kilbride said, then felt as if his willingness to please had got the better of him. “What am I judging?”
She gave him a coy look that reminded him of the promise he thought he’d heard in the telephone voice. “Ah, that’d be telling.”
Perhaps the promise would be broken if he asked too many questions, especially in public. It still excited him enough to be worth his suffering some uncertainty, not least over how many of the villagers were involved in the Renewal of Life. His hands steadied as he finished off the cheese, and he craned to watch Sadie as she hurried into the village, to the small schoolhouse in the next street. He realized what they must want him to judge at this time of the year as the young girls come marching from the school and onto the green.
They lined up in front of the supine maypole and faced him, their hands clasped in front of their stomachs. Some gazed challengingly at him, but most were shy, or meant to seem so. He couldn’t tell if they knew that besides casting their willowy shadows toward him, the sun was shining through their uniforms, displaying silhouettes of their bodies. “Go closer if you like,” Sadie said in his ear.
He stood up before his stiffening penis could hinder him, and stroke awkwardly toward the girls. They were thirteen or fourteen years old, the usual age for a May Queen, but some of them looked disconcertingly mature. He had to halt a few yards short of them, for while embarrassment was keeping his penis more or less under control, every step rubbed its rampant tip against his flies. Groaning under his breath, he tried to look only at their faces. Even that didn’t subdue him, for one girl had turned her head partly away from him and was regarding him through her long dark eyelashes in a way that made him intensely aware of her handfuls of breasts, her long silhouetted legs. “This one,” he said in a loud hoarse voice, and stretched out a shaky hand to her.
When she stepped forward he was afraid she would take his hand in front of all of them. But she walked past him, flashing him a sidelong smile, as the line of young girls broke up, some looking relieved, some petulant. Kilbride pretended to gaze across the green until his penis subsided. When he turned, he found that several dozen people had gathered while he was judging.
The girl he’d chosen had joined Sadie. Belatedly he saw how alike they were. Even more disconcerting than that and silent arrival of the villagers was the expression he glimpsed on Sadie’s face as she glanced at her daughter, an expression that seemed to combine pride with a hint of dismay. The schoolgirls were dispersing in groups, murmuring and giggling. Some of the villagers came forward to thank Kilbride, so hesitantly that he wasn’t sure what he was being thanked for; the few men who did so behaved as if they’d been prodded into approaching him. Close up their faces looked flabbier than ever, almost sexless.
Sadie turned back from leading away her daughter to point along the street behind the inn. “You are staying with us, aren’t you? We’re at number three. Dinner’s at seven. What are you going to do in the meantime?”
“Walk, I should think. Find my way around.”
“Make yourself at home,” said a stocky bespectacled woman, and her ringleted stooping companion added, “Anything you want, just ask.”
He wanted to think, though perhaps not too deeply. He sat on the bench as the shadows of the forest crept toward the green. He was beginning to think he knew why he’d been brought here, but wasn’t he just indulging a fantasy he was able at last to admit to himself? He stood up abruptly, having thought of a question he needed to ask.
The inn was locked, and presumably he wasn’t meant to go to Sadie’s before seven. He strolled through the village in the afternoon light, flowers in the small packed gardens glowing sullenly. People gossiping outside the cottages hushed as he approached, then greeted him heartily. He couldn’t ask them. Even gazing in the window of the only shop, a corner cottage whose front room was a general store, he felt ill at ease.
He was nearly back at his starting point after ten minutes’ stroll when he noticed the surgery, a cottage with a doctor’s brass plaque on the gatepost, in the same row as Sadie’s. The neat wizened gnomish man who was killing insects on a rockery with precise bursts from a spray bottle must be the doctor. He straightened up as Kilbride hesitated at the gate. “Is there something I can do for you?” he said in a thin high voice.
“Are you part of the Renewal of Life?”
“I certainly hope so.”
Kilbride felt absurd, though the doctor didn’t seem to be mocking him. “I mean, are all of you here in the village part of that?”
“We’re a very close community.” The doctor gave a final lethal squirt and stood up. “So don’t feel you aren’t welcome if anyone seems unfriendly.”
That was surely a cue for the question, if Kilbride could frame it carefully enough. “Am I on my own? That’s to say, was anyone else asked to come here this weekend?”
The doctor looked straight at him, pale eyes gleaming. “You’re the one.”
“Thank you,” Kilbride said and moved away, feeling lightheaded. Passing the church, where a stone face with leaves sprouting from its mouth and ears grinned from beneath the steep roof, he strolled toward the woods. The doctor’s reply had seemed unequivocal, but questions began to swarm in Kilbride’s mind as he wandered through the fading light and shade. Whether because he felt like an outsider or was expected to be quite the opposite, he skulked under the trees until he saw the inn door open. As he returned to the village, a hint of the stench from the factory met him.
&nbs
p; The bar was snug and darkly paneled. The flames of a log fire danced in reflections on the walls, where photographs of Morris dancers hung under the low beams. Kilbride sat and drank and eventually chatted to two slow men. At seven he made his way to Sadie Thomas’ house, and realized that he couldn’t remember a word of the conversation at the pub.
Sadie’s cottage had a red front door that held a knocker in its brass teeth. When Kilbride knocked, a man came to the door. He was taller and bulkier than Kilbride, with a sullen almost circular face. A patchy mustache straggled above his drooping lips. He stared with faint resentment at the suitcase Kilbride had brought from the car. “Just in time,” he muttered, and as an afterthought before Kilbride could step over the threshold, “Bob Thomas.”
When he stuck out his hand Kilbride made to shake it, but the man was reaching for the suitcase. He carried it up the steep cramped stairs, then stumped down to usher Kilbride into the dining kitchen, a bright room the width of the house, its walls printed with patterns of blossoms. Sadie and her daughter were sitting at a round table whose top was a single slice of oak. They smiled at Kilbride, the daughter more shyly, and Sadie dug a ladle into a steaming earthenware pot. “Sit there,” Bob Thomas said gruffly when Kilbride made to let him have the best remaining chair.
Sadie heaped his plate with hotpot, mutton stewed with potatoes, and he set about eating as soon as seemed polite, to cover the awkwardness they were clearly all feeling. “Good meat,” he said.
“Not from around here,” Sadie said as if it was important for him to know.
“Because of the factory, you mean?”
“Aye, the factory,” Bob Thomas said with unexpected fierceness. “You know about that, do you?”
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