by H. Mattern
“Blake, have you tried the phone again? I wonder if we’d be able to get in touch with anyone now.”
Blake nodded in agreement and went off to find his phone. Katie watched him as he searched the living room only to discover that his phone had fallen between the cushions of the couch. She continued observing in eager anticipation as he touched the screen and listened for an answer.
He made a call to one of his biker buddies and was pleasantly surprised when it worked. They chatted a bit as Katie waited around impatiently. She didn’t want to seem rude or insensitive to his friends but she couldn’t stand the thought of Jill hurt—or worse. Katie attempted not to think about it. She tried to busy herself around the house but nothing worked.
As soon as she saw that Blake had placed the phone down she came over and reached for it, “Mind if I try my friend again?”
“Sure. Feel free,” he said, waiting to see if Katie’s friend would answer.
She just stared at it for a moment, wishing and hoping that this time Jill would actually answer. Katie thought about the number, and the fact that Jill wouldn’t recognize it. Would she pick up the phone even if she didn’t know who the caller was? Katie thought about herself, and how she never answered numbers that she didn’t recognize.
“Oh, please answer,” she said as she waited for it to ring.
Katie knew Jill would probably never let her live down the fact that she was there, using Blake’s phone. It would give her ammunition for years to come, but Katie didn’t care. Katie waited as she counted the rings on the other line. It rang, and rang, and rang, no answer. Katie felt nauseous.
She decided to try her father next since he was bound to be worried and had probably begun his search for airline tickets to come and see her, assuming he wasn’t on his way already. She dialed the number, sat at the kitchen table, and waited anxiously to hear his voice on the other end.
“Hello,” came the deep voice that so often was Katie’s only form of comfort.
“Daddy, it’s me.” Katie paused and immediately broke down crying. She couldn’t contain the tears; they just kept coming. It sounded to Katie as if her father was also choking them back on the other end.
Micah came running into the kitchen with a worried look on her face; she too started to cry. Blake noticed that Katie was struggling with trying to calm Micah down while still attempting to talk on the phone, so he went to Micah and lifted her up into the air.
“Let’s go play with Montag, what do you think?”
The little girl wiped her tears and said, “doggie.”
Montag heard his name and perked up. He was no longer content to lie quietly on the floor but ready for adventure. Blake smiled at the dog, who now wagged his tail hyperactively, thrilled to be getting so much attention in these last couple of days. Montag, alert and ready for play, followed the two of them out the door.
“Oh, Katie, honey. I’ve been so worried; I’ve been trying to reach you all night and all day today. Are you OK?” Katie could tell that fear was causing his words to come in quick little gasps. She began to worry about him, about his heart and his breathing. He’d had it rough the last couple months and she hadn’t been able to be there for him. Guilt still filled her over the distance between them.
“I’m fine, Daddy. Really. Don’t worry. We’re going to be OK. Micah and I are both fine, nobody got hurt.” Katie wondered if he would consider the words a lie since she had suffered a minor injury, but it was nothing in relation to the other devastations.
“Thank God. I was so worried and praying you’d be all right. Why didn’t you call me earlier?”
“Daddy, like I said, we’re fine. The house, Daddy; the house—it didn’t fare so well.” Katie paused trying to find the right words to describe what had happened to their home. Do you say that it disappeared? How would you describe such an image? Katie didn’t even know where to begin.
“It’s gone. Everything is gone.” She heard her father sigh and could picture him sitting in his leather recliner, with his head in his hand. He did this whenever something disturbed him. She didn’t know what was going to happen next. Everything, she had come to discover, was unpredictable. Things were always open to being destroyed, ruined.
“Oh Katie. Oh Katie.” He didn’t seem to know what to say either. They stayed on the phone silent for what seemed like hours, but in reality was probably only a few minutes or so.
Katie decided to break the silence, “It’s okay, Daddy, our neighbor’s house barely got touched, and we were with him when the storm came. He’s taken us in for the time being since nobody can make it through the roads yet to get to the house. He’s helping us cope.”
She thought about the words as she spoke them. Blake really had been a lifesaver. What would she have done if it were only her and Micah, if they’d been alone, the only one’s on the street? She hadn’t ever truly appreciated having Blake there before. She hadn’t really thought about it. Katie knew that she needed to thank him. Maybe this evening, she debated within herself as she got back to the conversation.
“Hmmm, well that’s nice. Who is he again? Is he married? Does he have kids? I’ve never heard you talk about him before. Oh, wait, this isn’t that neighbor you hate so much, is it? The one you always complained to me about? The jerk with the loud parties?”
Katie could hear the concern in her father’s voice, his usual over-protectiveness, and yet at the same time, Katie thought she also heard relief in his voice. The words rang in Katie’s ear: “The one she always complained about.” “The jerk.”
“That’s him, Dad, the asshole that lives across the street.” The words came out just as Blake walked into the kitchen to fill up Micah’s sippy cup. Katie hoped he hadn’t heard her, she hoped he came in just after the words were spewed. She didn’t feel that way anymore, did she? After all his kindness, was it still his fault? She had begun to forget about the past and actually like Blake. It would be hard to explain those words, though.
As Blake walked past her, his eyes were downcast; they didn’t even try to meet hers. His body language told Katie he had heard.
Katie wished that she could put down the phone and run after him in order to explain. She wished there were a rewind button she could push and go back to delete the words that were just said. She wished he would remain for the rest of her description of him, but he didn’t, and the crime had already been committed. There was no going back; a sour taste formed in her mouth that she couldn’t seem to swallow.
“Oh, Daddy, I’ve made such a mess of things. I don’t think I feel that way anymore. I didn’t even know him back then, besides, I never tried to. I never gave him a chance. He isn’t the jerk I always assumed he was; he’s actually a pretty good guy. Oh, how I’ve made a mess of everything.”
“I’m glad, not that everything is a mess, but I’m thankful you have someone there to help you. Don’t worry about all the mess-ups. Who knows, maybe there’s more to this story than you would’ve ever thought.” Katie could read the matchmaker statement that was strung together within her father’s words.
“Daddy! I’m not in that place right now. I will never be in that place; please stop acting like it’s a possibility. I don’t need a man. I’ve been fine the past couple of years without one. I’m not a little girl anymore.”
Katie tried to wrap things up. “Daddy, I need to go. I’m using his minutes and I’m sure he has other calls that he still wants to make. Love you. I’ll keep you posted on the house.”
“Katie, I love you, too.”
Katie had mixed feelings about getting off the phone; she didn’t want to leave her father and have him go back to worrying about her safety, but she felt done. She knew it was time to go and so she simply said, “Goodbye, Daddy,” and pushed the end button, forcing herself to let go of the call and come back to reality.
&nb
sp; She wanted to call Jill again but all Katie could think about was what Blake had heard. Was it possible to repair the damage that those words had caused? Whoever said, “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me” was dead wrong.
Katie had been on the receiving end of words like those. The thought of him hurting because of her—it pierced her heart. It didn’t take her long to find him; he was trying to teach Micah how to throw the basketball. The sight sent chills all through Katie. It was so sweet.
“Can I play?” Katie asked. She lifted her hands out in front of her.
Blake turned to her, the look in his eyes made Katie want to run and hide. Her assumption was correct: he had heard the words. It was written all over his face. His eyes were no longer playful, but had turned cold and distant as if shielded. Why would he need protection from me? Katie wondered. Wasn’t he the one that caused all this mess in the first place?
Katie walked over to them since Blake hadn’t responded.
“I’m open,” Katie shouted, trying to lighten the thick air that had made its way around them.
Blake threw the basketball to Katie and as she reached up to catch it, she realized for the first time how big his shirt really was on her. The sleeves hung down way past her under arm. When her arms were raised she could feel the air running inside down to her belly. He can see skin, she thought to herself, and she immediately pulled her arms down to her sides.
Something was going to have to be done about their clothing and Micah’s diapers.
Katie attempted to play with her one good arm. She dribbled the ball, knowing that it would be considered traveling as she made her way towards the pole and basket. She knew that by the looks of her, it was obvious that even with two good arms she had no basketball skills.
Katie saw Blake smile at the way she handled the ball. She found herself wanting to flirt with him a little. Katie knew that it would be mean, since the purpose was for selfish benefit, but she hated the feeling of disappointment that continued to linger heavy in the air.
She never told her dad about the accident and details surrounding it, so why did she have to call Blake so many horrid names? Katie was learning he wasn’t the monster she always assumed he was. Her heart was full of so many mixed emotions.
After a few minutes, Micah was bored and ready to go back inside. Katie walked over towards Blake. He still didn’t meet her eyes.
“I’m sorry about what you heard, Blake. I’ve been dealing with some stuff, but I’m working on all that. Look, I’m glad you were there for us, there’s no telling where we’d be if you hadn’t been.”
Blake simply shook his head, said, “no biggie,” and walked back into the house.
Katie felt relieved at the ease of the confrontation. What appeared to be so difficult had actually proven quite easy. She had done her part, thanked him for all that he’d done, and now everything was put behind them.
Katie followed Blake back inside the house with a smile on her face, but once they were inside and she shut the door, he was gone.
“He must need some time alone, baby,” Katie told Micah who was starting to whine for Blake in her two-year-old voice, and taking to calling him, “Bake.”
The dog walked into the living room and distracted Micah; she wiggled to get down. Katie watched as the little girl comfortably walked up to the big, furry Golden Retriever and started pulling on his hair and ears and wrapped her hands around him as tight as she could. She squeezed him in a bear hug: such love from little girl to dog. Montag didn’t complain. He just lay there.
“We should get a doggie, shouldn’t we?” Katie said to Micah. She thought about the conversation that she’d had with her husband on this topic. She had debated getting a puppy when they were first married, but he wasn’t a dog person. “Too much work,” he would always say, and so they let the subject drop.
Watching Micah and Montag made Katie ponder the idea again; after all, every kid should have a dog in her life. They make the coolest friends, and it’s been proven that happier children are the ones who are raised with dogs. Katie decided that as soon as things were back to some state of normalcy, she would look into getting a puppy for her little girl and herself.
Blake came walking back into the living room. “Can we talk?”
Katie looked up at him in surprise. “Um, sure.”
Blake walked out to the porch. Katie followed.
“Katie, I don’t get it.” Blake said running his hand over his shaved head.
“Don’t get what?” Katie asked.
“I can’t just let it all go.” He looked at Katie’s bewildered expression and continued. “You don’t know what I want to talk to you about? Seriously? God, Katie; grow up, would you?”
Katie started to blush from being put on the spot. “I just thanked you and told you how much I appreciated all you’ve done. What more do we need to discuss?”
“I just don’t get what I ever did to you Katie.” Blake crossed his arms and then repeated himself. “An ‘asshole’, Katie. You told your father I was an asshole? You didn’t even know me.” His head was down as he spoke, as if the sight of her made him sick.
“And you said ‘no biggie’, remember? Why must we keep harping on it?” Katie snapped back at him.
She had hoped that Blake would just let the incident go, but she was wrong. She didn’t know what to say to him. They hadn’t had the greatest interactions in the past, but Katie felt that it wasn’t solely her fault. She wasn’t about to take all the blame for this incident.
Blake stood in front of Katie with his head down low and arms crossed as he waited for her to respond with something more.
Katie noticed his jeans; they were faded and dirty from climbing through her house, and stained from what she could only guess to be blood. She remembered her shoulder, the way that he had cared for her. Guilt crept up inside her. Blake’s shirt, which had once been white, was now stained with black soot. He looked tired and in need of a shower.
How could I have said that about this man? I never knew that he was so kind; I never gave him a chance. She wanted to apologize, but the grudge she’d been holding onto for years took precedence. It was his fault, wasn’t it?
CHAPTER
10
Micah continued to play with the dog while Katie stood, facing Blake. She had no idea where she should even begin. If only the words hadn’t come out. If only they’d been given a chance to become friends on their own time, rather than the sky’s.
“I said I was sorry Blake.”
“Katie, you never even knew me. How could you say those things? How could you have such dislike for someone you had never even met? I just can’t wrap my mind around it.” He continued without pause. “You never even tried to get to know me. I came over to your house time and time again, just to check on you and attempt to offer you friendship. I had hoped to get to know you, but each time you brushed me off—you ignored me and never even answered your door. Yet you treat me as if I’m garbage. I just don’t get where you come off calling me an asshole.”
Katie found herself thinking about how stupid and immature he was to be pitching a fit like this and demanding this conversation. After all, they were only words. Why does he have to make such a bit deal out of it? She caught herself mid-thought and remembered that only moments earlier she was considering the hurt those words could cause. How wishy-washy am I? she wondered.
She didn’t want to be having this conversation with him. It’s not that she felt justified; it’s just that it was in the past. Why must he dwell on it?
“I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say.”
Katie walked towards him, but was surprised that he backed away from her. He wouldn’t even sit down. He put his hands in his pockets, then quickly took them out, rubbed the scruffy hair that was beginning to
get longer than normal on his face, and put his hands back in his pockets. He seemed overwhelmed and antsy.
“That’s not good enough,” he said. “Do you really think I’m a jerk? Seriously, Katie, do you? Is that why you keep trying to pull away from me when all I’ve been doing is try to help you?”
Blake looked at her, expecting an answer. His eyes, in honest wonderment, glared at her.
Katie didn’t have an answer. How do I feel about Blake now? Her dislike wasn’t as determined as it had been before, but it was definitely still there. Would she call him a friend? Didn’t he deserve that after saving her and Micah’s life? What about that other night? What about her husband?
“Fine. No. I don’t think you’re a jerk. Not anymore.”
Blake was shaking his head, “What did I ever do to you in the past to make you feel like this, to make you say these things? I always attempted to be friendly, to both you and your husband. I just don’t understand it.”
Katie felt as if those words were a direct blow to her. How could he bring up her husband? He never even knew him. It crossed her mind right then that perhaps he really was a jerk.
Blake crossed, then uncrossed his arms and began to pace back and forth, as if frustrated, thinking, and trying to decide what it was that he wanted to say next. Katie watched anxiously. She knew her words must have cut him deeply for him to be having such an intense reaction.
“I’m sorry, Blake.”
Katie really didn’t know what else to say to him. She knew that it wasn’t completely honest, but she didn’t have the energy to say more. Katie was ready for this conversation to be over.
“Come on, Katie, you can do better than that. What did I do? I want to hear it. I want you to say something, give me a reason. What did you dislike about me so much? Did you and your husband sit back and talk about what a tool I was?”
