by H. Mattern
Katie waited to see what Blake was going to say to Jill’s riddled prompt. Jill was often the braver one and never thought about her words before they came rushing out. The kind of person that you either loved or hated, she was the real deal who always let you know exactly what was on her mind. There was no need to guess what was going on inside that head of hers because she so willingly offered it to the world for free.
“Tell me, what’s a sign?” Blake asked and glanced up at Katie.
She felt his stare, even though she didn’t meet his eyes. The girls glanced at each other, Jill apparently waited for Katie to say or do something. When she knew that it was a hopeless feat, she decided to share the answer for herself.
“Didn’t you know that Ray Bradbury is Katie’s favorite author? Like, she’s totally obsessed.”
Blake smiled, “Oh really, I hadn’t heard that before. You know, that’s where Montag gets his name. Fahrenheit 451 is my favorite book, so when I brought him home I named him after the firefighter, Montag.”
It all made sense to Katie now. She felt like an idiot for not recognizing the name earlier. She knew she’d heard that unique name before, but she hadn’t given it much thought.
“Looks like he may be a keeper,” Jill said before she gathered up her things to head back to her own home.
“Oh, I brought a gift for Micah. Can you make sure she knows it’s from her Auntie Jill? And don’t you forget to tell her happy birthday for me.”
Katie hugged Jill, “Of course. Be careful heading home.”
Jill hesitated before letting her friend go. “I love you, woman. Everything happens for a reason.”
“Let me walk you out,” said Katie as she opened the door and walked her friend outside. She didn’t want Blake to hear any more of Jill’s dramatic rambles.
CHAPTER
17
Katie knew that Blake would be watching them from the window as they said their goodbyes, just as she had done when he said his with Don, the biker dude on the dirt bike. She didn’t care though. He could stare and gawk all he wanted, it wasn’t going to help his cause; nothing could. She was never going to say yes to the man, no matter how charming he made himself out to be.
Katie walked with her friend out to the little car. She once again hugged Jill and bid her farewell. She didn’t want to let go of her, clinging as long as possible before saying goodbye.
“Katie, I’d offer to let you come stay with me, but it’s probably best that you remain here and work this mess out.”
Jill climbed into her car, and Katie spotted a pack of cigarettes sitting in the center console.
“Let me steal one of those, will ya?”
Katie pointed to the black and blue box of Camel Crush’s. They weren’t the type that she hid atop her bookshelf, but they’d do just fine.
Jill handed Katie a cigarette, and through the window, with a pink playboy bunny lighter, she lit it up for her. Katie took in a big puff, it calmed her as soon as it hit her lungs. She knew it wasn’t a habit she wanted to indulge, but right now, she felt she deserved it.
Jill said one more thing as she put the car in reverse, just before pulling out of the driveway. It was quiet, but Katie caught them.
“Say yes.”
Katie stood in the gravel driveway staring longingly as her best friend drove off down the road. She felt like disappearing. She didn’t want to go back to Blake’s house, but for now she had no other choice. Katie took one more puff of the cigarette before she stomped it out with her foot and made a mental note to come back and collect the wicked item to rid of it properly later.
As soon as Katie returned, Blake started talking.
“Is today really Micah’s birthday? Why didn’t you say anything to me? I’ve been running through the events in my head today and I’m certain you never mentioned it once. Did I miss something here?” Blake stood by and waited, acting as if Katie had kept some big secret from him.
“It’s not really a day I like to harp on too much if you haven’t already guessed by now. How would you like it if you found out that your dad died on the day that you were born?”
Blake wouldn’t stand for that answer, and that irritated Katie. He could be such an irritatingly, pushy dude at times. Now was one of those times.
“Look, I want to do something for Micah’s birthday. I want to make it special. It may end up being the one and only birthday of hers that I ever get to be a part of, and I’m going to make the most of it.”
Blake ran around the house. Katie pictured his actions similar to that of a chicken flapping it’s wings through the air with its head chopped off. There seemed to be no purpose to his movements.
“What are you doing?” asked Katie, with her hands on her hips as she walked into the kitchen. It sounded as though Blake was tearing every inch of it apart.
“We’re going to have a party. It will only be us, but I’m going to make it as special and memorable for her as I can. I won’t take no for an answer, Katie.”
Blake pulled out a red balloon and began blowing it up. Katie slouched down into the chair at Blake’s kitchen table, her face ghostly white.
“Stop it okay, just stop it!” Katie said, near tears.
Blake turned, with the balloon still dangling in his mouth and gazed deep inside Katie’s eyes. It dawned on Blake what the expression on her face was all about. He had forgotten about the balloons. Blake put the balloon down and walked over to sit next to Katie.
“Listen, I know that this is not a day you want to remember. I understand it was a bad day for you two years ago, and you’d prefer to forget everything—every detail from that night—but you can’t do that to Micah. Death may have taken away your husband, Katie, but life gave you a daughter. Have you ever thought of that? I think it’s special she was born on this specific day. It’s like life gave you a gift in the midst of messy chaos to help you heal.”
“How do you get over something like this, Blake? How do you let things like a red balloon just be a red balloon?”
The question came out of the blue and Blake was unsure how he should respond. Usually, whenever Blake got intense with Katie by challenging her thoughts, she’d backed off and would put an end to the conversation, yet here she was asking for more. Here she was, looking to him for an answer. The conversation wasn’t being shut down, but rather lit on fire this time. If only he had answers, just one that would make all the pain go away. None exist, he thought to himself.
“I don’t know Katie, one day at a time, I suppose.”
“Can you tell me why life has to be so hard? That’s what all the great song lyrics and poetry are all about right? Pain. Death. Bleeding hearts.”
Katie was now crying.
“How can you heal from such a wound? How do you stitch up those kinds of gashes, Blake?”
Blake reached over and placed his hand on Katie’s. He hoped that she’d accept it and feel how much he cared about what she was going through. If only she would understand that she didn’t have to go through it alone.
“I don’t have an answer for you, but I do know that love wins. Always.”
Katie pushed away his hand and crossed her arms in front of her, sure that Blake’s words were laced with ulterior motives.
“I just can’t.”
Katie left the table and walked outside with Montag slouching down on the steps of the front porch, she continued to cry. Blake followed her to the doorway.
“I’m so sick of the tears. At what point does one run out of them? Surely, I’ve come close to my limit.” She said it as she looked up to the sky.
Blake heard her plea to the heavens and opened the door.
“Katie, come back inside, please. I want to help you through this. We can figure it out together if you’ll let me.”
“Why? So I
can become vulnerable again and risk death taking another man away from me? No Blake, I’m not going to stay here with you.”
“I understand. I won’t make you.”
Katie took a deep breath, opened her hand, and shook it out in front of Blake as if asking him to give her something. He was confused at first, unsure what she was requesting until she voiced it.
“The balloon.”
He reached in his pocket, pulled it out, and placed it in her palm. Blake walked back inside and left Katie with the balloon laying deflated in the palm of her open hand.
He decided to get started on his own version of a birthday cake while Katie dealt with her demons on the porch. He began taking frozen fruit—strawberries and blueberries—from the freezer. Once Katie had come back inside, Blake began unveiling the little surprises that he was gathering one-by-one for Micah when she woke up. There wasn’t any cake mix, but he did find whipped cream, in the spray container, he searched for. He held it up to Katie.
“Will she eat this?” He asked.
Katie nodded, “She’ll eat anything with sugar in it.”
Blake sprayed a mound of whipped cream onto a plate. It looked like snow-covered mountains. He then added several strawberries and blueberries around the edges. To top it all off, he drizzled chocolate syrup over the top.
“I only found one candle, so we’ll just have to improvise.” The candle stood straight up in the middle of the cool whip.
Katie knew Micah would love the little party that Blake had created. It would be special. She decided right then that her daughter deserved to have this day. It was time to stop fighting it. It was time to live.
She put the balloon to her lips, and began filling it up with her slow, broken breaths. Tears formed with each exhale, but Katie knew this was the right thing. It was her daughter’s birthday.
Blake finished in the kitchen and found Katie sitting with the blown-up, red balloon between her fingers. He didn’t want to draw any attention to it, so he attempted to distract her.
“I wish I had something to give Micah as a gift.”
“Don’t worry about it, I don’t even have a gift for her. She’s not used to birthdays; remember? She has zero expectations.”
“Does she like movies?”
Katie gave Blake a skeptical look that suggested he was a total dork.
“Are you kidding me?”
“What? All kids like movies, right?”
Katie rolled her eyes and remembered they really didn’t know much about one another. How would he know that they didn’t have a TV? How would he know that she had very strong opinions about the box in people’s living room—that it killed brain cells, for instance?
“We don’t have a television.”
Blake gaped in shock. “Are you serious? No TV?”
Katie actually smiled a little at his response. She was used to this reaction, especially from men. Her father was always on her case about getting a television. He used the same reasoning as he did for the cell phone: so she’d be able to keep up with current events. Katie had fought him on it and won. She didn’t want Micah’s mind to be ruined and drained of her creativity by watching shows and playing video games.
“Nope. No TV.”
“Okay, well tonight we are having a movie night. Micah will watch her very first movie with me, and I have the perfect one in mind.”
Katie didn’t know whether or not she should fight Blake on the issue. She didn’t want her daughter becoming addicted to the big screen, and she definitely wanted to avoid future will battles. But Blake looked so pleased with himself. He seemed convinced that this would make her day extra special. She decided not to make a fuss. They’d be moving away soon and he deserved this little bit of happiness after all he’d done for them.
Katie watched as Blake went scrounging around in the TV stand, pulling out one DVD after another. To her surprise he pulled out what looked like a very old movie in VHS format.
“I didn’t realize people still watched those things,” she said as he brought the movie to her.
“For someone who didn’t have a TV, you seem pretty knowledgeable.”
Katie laughed. “My husband and I fought over the decision. He was a bit of an electronics geek, so I know more than you would think about boy toys.”
“This was my sister’s favorite movie. Micah reminds me a lot of her, I think she’d really like it.” Blake said as he held up the black rectangle with the red-haired mermaid princess on the cover.
Blake looked at Katie with tender eyes. She realized that although he knew lots of things about her story, she knew barely anything of his.
“You have a sister?”
“I had a sister,” he replied. “We went to see this movie together at the theatre. Everyone thought we were twins; we loved the attention that we got from being so close in age. We’d often pretended that it was the truth. That was a fun day. Our whole family was together, come to think of it. It might have actually been the last time we all went to see a movie. I don’t remember, most of the memories kind of blur together after that.”
Katie moved closer to Blake, “What happened to her?”
“She drowned. We were at a friend’s house, playing hide-and-go-seek. She was supposed to come find us, but roamed outside. I don’t know what happened. All I know is I heard the parents screaming to each other to call 911, and when I came out of hiding she was pale on the cement beside the pool. It tore my family apart to lose her.”
Katie listened and could tell by the hesitations in his voice that Blake fought back tears.
“How old was she?”
Blake had to think for a minute, “She was almost five, and I was six when it happened. Her name was Brandy. Micah reminds me so much of her. Those eyes!”
Katie saw the pain in his expression; she didn’t think he had ghosts in his past. Why didn’t she consider that? Don’t we all have ghosts we’re battling in some way or another?
“Blake and Brandy. Sweet, it even sounds like twin names.”
Katie didn’t think before she spoke. She glanced at his face and hoped that her words wouldn’t cause him more pain from the memory. Before she had time to dwell on the thought, Katie heard Micah begin to cry down the hall and the two of them walked into the master bedroom to check on her. With thoughts still very much on the fact that Blake had lost someone dear to him, she wondered why he hadn’t mention it when she was telling him her life story? Why didn’t he answer her questions about how to deal with death when he had experienced it also?
“Happy Birthday, beautiful,” said Blake, as he lifted the little one up in his arms. “We have some fun surprises for you.”
Micah bounced up and down, and attempted to say the word “surprises”, but it didn’t come out right. She settled with “prizes” and giggled at the new word.
As soon as Micah saw the cool whip and fruit, she jumped up and down pointing and saying, “mine,” ready to dig in. Blake smiled and nodded.
“Yep, just for you.”
Katie stood by and watched the two of them communicate. Was she really going to pull them away from one another? Micah was doing so well as she’d adjusted to this new place, this new life. But they couldn’t stay. She just couldn’t stay here. Besides, staying for Micah’s benefit wasn’t a good enough reason to say yes.
Blake looked over at Katie, “Should we sing Happy Birthday?”
Katie nodded her head, so he lit the candle and they began belting out the little song. Micah clapped her hands together as the couple sang.
“Now, blow out the candle, honey,” Katie told the birthday girl.
It didn’t take long for Micah to blow the candle out and start digging into the white mountain of sugary goodness while Blake stood by and watched. Katie couldn’t tell if he was gett
ing more joy out of this little moment or if Micah was. She wished at this second she had a camera to document his expression as he watched the events unfold and Micah’s innocent delight. Her daughter was having her very first birthday party, and it was so much more special than she had ever imagined it would be.
After the dessert was gone, Micah spotted the red balloon lying desolate in the corner. She walked over and was mesmerized, hugging it, launching it into the air and running after it, playing her own game of tag. Katie stood and considered this very moment to be her favorite part of the whole day, if she had to pick just one.
Blake handed Micah the gift that Jill had left for her and the little girl looked to her mother with questioning eyes, unsure what to do with it.
“You open it,” said Katie.
Micah tore into it and found a little tiara in the box. It was perfect. Today was her day to be a princess. Blake placed it on her head and watched as she lit up. She was so adorable as she attempted to throw her head back and try to see the tiara for herself on top of her head.
“Here, let me show you,” Blake said, and he picked her up and carried her into the master bathroom where the big mirror stood above the sinks.
The little girl stood on the counter, and with her hands touching the mirror she giggled.
“Mi-Ah” she said as she attempted to define herself.
Katie and Blake looked at each other in awe of this moment. It was perfect. Blake led them back out to the living room and showed Micah the movie cover.
“I have another special surprise. We are going to watch a very special movie. It’s called The Little Mermaid.”
Blake sat down on the couch and Micah ran to cuddle next to him.
Katie noticed that Micah’s hands and face were still covered in sugary goo and debated calling her back to the sinks to get washed up, but she let it go. Blake and Micah were comfy on the couch already and anxiously waiting for her to come join them.
