What the hell just happened?
I’m torn between looking at Ridley jogging toward us and Amanda starting to walk away. Clearly I’ve got to patch things up with Rid, but I call to Amanda. She stops. I run up, kiss her on the nose, give a quick “Thanks” and turn back for my, well, I hope my boyfriend.
He doesn’t stop jogging until the slamming of our bodies together ceases his forward momentum. Cupping my cheeks in each of his hands, Ridley cocks his head to crush his lips against mine. Hard and powerful. And as much as I want to be in the moment all I can think is, Holy shit! Rid’s kissing me in public.
The next thing I know he’s spearing his tongue against my lips leaving me no choice but to open up for his invasion. Two weeks, I’d almost forgotten how great he tastes. As he kisses and licks and nips and probes my mouth all the pain of our separation dissipates. His hands slide from my cheeks down to around my shoulders and waist pulling us closer, deepening the kiss.
Seriously hot.
Resting his forehead against mine, he breaks the kiss leaving both of us hardly able to catch our breaths. “Missed you,” he pants. “Went to the jetty. You weren’t there. I called your mom. She gave me Amanda’s number to help me look. Which, if you liked girls, she’s a good choice.”
“I know,” I answer him, still so confused I’m not sure how else to answer.
“Good thing for me you don’t like girls.” Then he grants me one of his Ridley Smiles. “Did I lose my chance? I mean, do you still want to talk it out?”
“Shit, Rid. I’ve been going crazy without you these past two weeks. Yes I want to talk it out. You honestly think I could stop loving you because you sent me away? You’re mine. The only one I want. The only one, got me?”
“Call me babe.”
My turn to smile. “Okay, babe.”
“I’ve been thinking. I will talk, tell you what happened. But would it be good if we just hang out tonight? Maybe make up for the two weeks we were apart? We can play MLB or watch a movie. And order pizza.”
“Make out?” I ask, wriggling my eyebrows.
“That too, I love how you feel.” He pauses. “I was stupid.”
“None of that. We’re back to our good place, okay?”
Ridley kisses me again for his answer. Softer this time. Before we leave he calls Amanda to tell her we’re going. She’s totally cool.
We make plans to meet up tomorrow.
Chapter Seven
My parents and sisters have left for the day. Ridley knew it. Apparently my mother made sure to tell him in Rid’s words, “like fifty times” before he hung up with her to call Amanda.
My mother, the matchmaker. Repairing relationships far and wide.
Really though, I can’t deny I’m glad they’re gone. Rid and I need some just Rid and Leif time.
We’d stopped off to grab a couple of pizzas on the way home. A couple bottled waters in hand later and we end up in my room upstairs, sprawled across my bed. I put a movie on my laptop.
He methodically picks off the toppings, starting with mushrooms. Each one eaten before he moves on to the peperoni. Next goes the cheese and he uses a fork to scrape the sauce off the crust. The crust is the last to go. From thin to thick, opening the thick crust and pulling the doughy fluff out, leaving the hard-baked casing on his plate. He swallows down three more pieces in exactly this order.
Rid doesn’t talk much while he eats. Not that he’s so into the movie, but more like he has something on his mind he’s not sure how to approach. The guy has one of the most expressive faces I’ve ever seen. It’s cute. And right now, it’s annoying.
When I can’t take the tension any longer I put my plate down and turn to him. “What is it babe?”
He stays focused on the laptop screen but doesn’t hesitate to answer. “Do you ever get curious?” he asks.
“Curious?”
“How it all works?”
“How what works?”
“You know, sex.” He whispers the last word like he’s worried someone other than me might hear him.
“Babe, I think what we’ve already done constitutes sex.”
“I know. But…”
But he’s talking about the big show. Wow. “Yeah. I get curious. There’s no rush though. We’ll get there when we get there.”
“Have you ever like, watched movies… you know, where, guys do that?”
“Do you mean porn?”
Ridley doesn’t respond in words, but answers me with his Ridley Smirk.
“Sure I have,” I tell him. Honesty’s the best policy with him, I’ve derived by our breakup. Even if not a lie but an omission. “Especially when I had to pretend I liked girls. I needed something to conjure up in my mind so Amanda wouldn’t get suspicious. Haven’t you?”
“No. My mom put parental controls on the internet.”
Of course she did.
The man is almost twenty.
When our movie ends I go to one of my favorite free porn sites and cue up what looks like a good video. Ridley watches intently, like he’s mentally taking notes. There are sexy grunts and groans coming through the speakers but the movie’s not what interests me, keeping my eyes fixed on Rid biting his bottom lip. He’s on his belly, chin propped up on his hands. His knees are bent, ankles crossed in the air.
Watching him, I wish so badly to be a fly on the wall inside his brain. To see how he processes what he’s seeing on the screen. Is it turning him on? The movie does nothing for me. Watching Ridley watch the movie does everything for me.
About half way through the video he turns to me. “Those men are hot,” he says very automated. No inflection to his tone. “I like seeing them naked. But…”—inflection back—“I like seeing you naked more. Seeing those guys doesn’t make me feel at all how you make me feel.”
“Thank you for saying so. You don’t know what that means to me, babe. They don’t make me feel the way you do, either.”
“Can we make out, because I’d really like to see you naked again? And um… take you in my mouth. I liked doing that for you.”
“Depends,” I answer.
His brow furrows. Again with the cute. “On what?”
“On if you’ll let me take you in my mouth too.”
His answer surprises me. Not one of his communication smiles or even a direct answer to what I just said. Ridley answers me, a look of all the seriousness in the world directed right on his face. “I’m glad I fell in love with you.” Then just as abruptly, whips his shirt up over his head. Bare chest on display. With all that luscious, peaches and cream skin only inches away as a distraction, he impatiently prods me, “Well… come on. We have lost make out time to make up for.”
Yes we do.
Quite a bit later after we both happily expended energy and body fluids, a few times, we’re lying naked in my bed. He has me tucked up under his arm, drawing light circles with the tip of his index finger over my abs. The action tickles as much as it feels good.
The best part of the whole evening is not having to hurry to dress. Getting to lie in each other’s arms. A foreshadow of how life will be once he gets to school with me.
“Gabe came to talk to me,” he finally breaks the silence of our time together. I hate the mention of Gabe while we’re naked in my bed. It feels wrong. But I don’t tell him that. Rid’s not saying anything wrong. They’re my insecurities to get over.
“Yup,” I mutter. Seeing as besides me and Gabe, no one else knew about us at the jetty, and he’d told Rid not to say anything.
“He told me stuff. About you. About how to make you happy in bed.”
“Babe, listen to me. Anything you do will make me happy in bed because it’s you doing it. Gabe doesn’t know me like you do.”
“Maybe not. But when I asked him how he knew that stuff about you, he said because he had you. At the jetty. At our jetty. He warned me, said I wasn’t special. That you take all your men there. He said it, all your men, Leif.”
“Babe.” Is all I can
think to say, then suck in a deep breath through my nose to check my temper. I’m not mad at Rid. I’m furious with that asshole Gabe Cera for putting asinine ideas in his head in the first place.
“I know there have been other men in your life. I’m not stupid. I just thought or at least I wanted to be special to you.”
“Ridley. You listen good, you are special to me. I’ve messed around with exactly four guys in my life. Including you. Gabe was one. I had a boyfriend for several months at school. One other guy and you. That’s it. And I never loved any of them. Not even my boyfriend of five months. Only you.”
“But Gabe said—”
“Who you gonna trust, me or Gabe? He went with me to the jetty once Rid. Once. And that summer, after graduation, I brought one other guy there. The jetty’s the most private place for someone not ready to be out.” I rub my hands over my face to calm down because I’m starting to feel agitated. My voice rising.
“You’re mad,” he says.
No. I shake my head. “Not mad, not at you. But I’ll admit to wanting to beat the crap out of him. Usually when I go, it’s to think. And that’s why I brought you, because it’s my special place to think. I didn’t know you’d give me you that night. Gabe showed up there, after you sent me away. He told you that shit because he wanted what you have. I turned him down.”
“You turned him down? We were broken up.”
“I don’t know… you might have broken up with me, but I was still very much with you.”
“So the jetty is our place now?”
“It’s our place. Only ours.” I reach over to grab his plate, stacking it on top of mine and setting them down on the nightstand. Next goes the pizza box, tossed to the floor. “Now I gotta ask, what if someone saw us kissing in the park?”
“I won’t flaunt us in my mom’s face yet. But I’m done hiding. We are together. I’m proud we’re together. If Mom can’t see that, I don’t know what to tell her. Those two weeks without you were horrible, Leif. Horrible.”
Well, that’s that. Ridley decides to end the conversation by rolling over pinning me to the bed. His lips press against my throat. Up to my jaw, then finally he reaches my lips.
I’m sure things are about to get good again when my phone rings at the same time his does too.
My call, my mom: “Hey sweetheart, just wanted to let you know we’re about fifteen minutes out from home.” The only reason she’d call today of all days is to make sure the family doesn’t catch us in a naked clinch, like we are now. Good call mom.
Ridley’s call, his mom: “Rid, where are you?”
“I’m with Leif.”
She still talks louder than necessary into the receiver. I’m trying to get off the phone with my mom. “Okay,” I tell her, “I’ll see you when you get here.” And I hang up right away because Rid’s mom. Damn that bitch. “Leif? I thought you ended that friendship.”
“I was wrong.”
“Well, I think it’s for the best.”
“Mom, you don’t get a say. I’ll talk to you at home.” He hangs up on her.
Taking control of his life? That’s one of the hottest things I’ve ever seen. “Holy shit, Rid. You standing up to your mom was so hot and we can’t do a thing about it because my folks are almost home.”
“Six weeks,” he reminds me and pecks my cheek even as he pushes up from the bed to dress. “Six weeks, we’ll be home free.”
“I can’t wait to wake up next to you babe.”
My words might not be what most people choose to end the kind of conversation we just had with, but for us, it’s the best thing I could’ve said. Not that I don’t have a litany of things to say about his mother. I’ll be the bigger man and keep them to myself for now.
For now my only job is to reassure him that I’m all in. The new life he craves is only a few weeks off and we’ll tackle whatever challenges come along together. He never has to be lonely again.
After we make the bed, I carry the plates and water bottles while he takes charge of the empty pizza box and we head downstairs to throw the trash away. I wash up in the bathroom, then head into the family room to wait for Ridley taking his turn. We’re fully dressed and totally engrossed in a game of MLB on the PlayStation when we hear the family walk in.
“Hey Mom, Dad,” I call from my spot on the floor with my back resting against the sofa. Rid next to me. We moved the coffee table so we have room to sit with bent knees. Arms resting against our bent knees with controllers in hand. Nothing about the scene suggests that fifteen minutes before we’d been naked in each other’s arms after haven gotten one another off not long before that.
“Hey sweetheart.” Mom walks into the family room. “Everything good?”
I look at her and smile. “Yeah, everything’s great.”
She lets it go. There’s this special something that passes between us. I’m not sure what to label it as, but I just know, especially seeing and dealing with Ms. McAllister, how damn lucky I am to have her for my mom.
“Hi, Ridley. Good to see you again. I hope it’ll be more often,” she offers.
“Hello Mrs. Fraser. It’s good to be here. I’m sorry I’ve been absent. My mom…she’s well…”
Mom holds up her hand to stop him right there. “I get it. Leif has explained everything. And we’re all adults here, so it’s Cassie, Ridley. You can call me Cassie.” Then she squats down so she’s face to face with Rid. “If you need me to talk to your mom, I’d be happy to. It’s what I do.” Then she reaches out, squeezes his shoulder briefly and stands to walk back out to wherever she’s going in the house.
Only I would recognize the smile still playing across his lips is because she told him we’re all adults here. His mother treats him like a child, my mother tells him we’re all adults. The one thing Ridley craves. Well, the one thing besides me, that is.
July
Chapter Eight
We were supposed to hang out with Amanda today but she got the opportunity from Caitlin, Gabe’s girlfriend, to go see some concert out of town. I told her to go, we’d catch up later. So that leaves Rid and I to spend the day together since it’s his day off and his mother is at work.
I’m looking inside the refrigerator trying to figure out something for us to eat for lunch when Rid walks up behind me and tags my hand from the door. “Come with me,” he says.
It’s still hard to believe this is the same man I met in full-blown meltdown mode just weeks ago. Even if he’s not quite there with other people, Ridley looks me in the eye as best he can, more times than he doesn’t. He shows his confidence with me more times than he doesn’t.
Now being one of those confidant times, he leads me up the stairs and inside his bedroom. I’ve been in here a hundred times since we’ve started hanging out, but never alone while his mother’s at work. Today he shuts the door and locks it. Regardless of the growing anticipation in the pit of my belly and my crotch—I figure he wants to mess around again—I can’t stop thinking about why his mother lets him keep a lock on his door. Knowing what I know about her, I’m surprised she lets him have a door to lock. Maybe she couldn’t get it off the hinges?
He tugs my hand to get my attention. “What’s going on?” I ask.
“My mom is gone.”
“Yeah. I know.”
His ears turn a bright red as he releases my hand to drop his hands to his sides, rigid. Open. Close. Open. Close. Whatever it is must be serious. He hasn’t done the open and close thing for a while. Not since our break up.
“I want to be with you,” he says matter-of-factly. Yes. Matter-of-factly.
I cock my head to search his face, maybe get a read on things. Shit. I’m really scared. Does he regret what we did yesterday? God help me, what if he wants to break up again? Please don’t let it be that.
“You are with me,” I say back, not sure what else to say.
My heart is beating out of my freaking chest. It hurts to breathe.
Open. Close.
Open. Close
.
“No,” he says. “I want to be with you like in that movie we watched yesterday.”
Open. Close.
Open. Close.
The man lays it out for me and all I can think is oh, thank Christ. He’s not breaking up with me. But we just watched that movie. He’d never even seen gay porn before. I don’t think he’s seen hetero porn before. I love him and I don’t want him doing anything because he thinks he’s supposed to. It’s a big step.
From this point on, we’ll be a couple whose had intercourse. Intercourse, really Leif? What the hell is wrong with me? I used to be cool, now I’m the guy who says intercourse instead of ‘done it’ or ‘gone all the way’.
Whatever, it doesn’t change the sentiment. Some people can be totally casual and look at it as nothing more than a perfunctory act. I’m not one of those people and I know Rid isn’t either.
“You mean you want to take it to the next level?” I ask, just to be clear.
Open. Close.
Open. Close.
I’m so proud of him. Taking the lead on this despite how hard it is for him to ask for what he wants. But he does take the lead, keeping his fists closed he looks in my eyes as much as an autistic man can. “Yes,” he whispers.
I walk over and drop down on his bed. He’s made it up with clean, fresh smelling sheets folded down over the comforter, crisp and white. “You sure?”
“We’ve been together a while now. Gabe asked me if we’d gone this far yet.”
There it is, exactly what I worried about. “That’s none of his business, you know.”
“I know. But I told him no.” He looks away from me like he thinks he’s in trouble. I’m going to lose him here. His hands—Open. Close. Open. Close. “He said that’s what you do when you’ve been together as long as we have.”
“Do you want to do this because Gabe said you should?”
His fists stay closed and he looks at me side-eyed again, “No.”
Summer of the Boy Page 7
