by Sky Corgan
Mom!” Ana’s mouth fell agape.
Well, I’m just speaking my mind, is all. You could do a lot worse.”
A lot worse than a . . .” She almost said vagabond before she remembered that Ryan had a life somewhere else. “He doesn’t belong here.” The words sounded colder than they needed to.
You didn’t think you did either.” Her mother offered her a smile.
You ladies need some help?” Ryan’s voice came over Ana’s shoulder, making the hair on the back of her neck stand up. How long had he been there?
This is women’s work, Sunshine. You do enough at the ranch. Go enjoy yourself.” Molly beamed at him.
I don’t mind at all. I’ve never been one to believe in gender roles.” Ryan grabbed a box, stepping up beside Ana to begin folding it. Knowing he was so close to her made Ana tense up. She glanced over at him, and he smiled, a sweet smile that melted her to the core. He was so helpful, and he fit into her family so well. Ana already knew it would break her heart when he had to leave. “I’m going to stay after everyone leaves and help you ladies clean up too.”
Molly reached across Ana to caress Ryan’s cheek with her hand. The way her mother looked at Ryan made Ana’s heart ache. She was every bit as in love with him as Ana was, though in a different way. Ana could tell that Molly thought of Ryan as the son she’d never had. She couldn’t help but wonder how hurt her mother would be when Ryan left too.
You’re an angel, Sunshine,” Molly said, and he simply reached up and gave her hand a squeeze.
Ana began to feel out of place. It was another reminder of how much had changed.
How long were you in New York?” Ryan asked.
Five years. I left here as soon as I graduated from college.”
Why did you leave?” He quirked an eyebrow, never missing a beat in his box folding.
Ana sighed, feeling bad talking about it in front of her mother. Her parents had both begged her not to go, but she was stubborn and refused to listen. “Because I wanted to experience more of life than just this. Bandera is small. Everyone knows everyone.”
You could have just moved into San Antonio. That would have been a lot closer,” her mother interjected.
San Antonio was too close. I wanted to be far away.” It sounded harsh, but it was true. In San Antonio, Ana still wouldn’t have felt like her life was her own. Her parents had always been there for her, picking her up whenever she fell. She wanted to be somewhere they couldn’t just dust her off. But after five years of living on her own, she had still ended up back home, needing her mother’s support.
Was it so bad out here for you?” Molly sounded heartbroken.
No.” She shook her head. “I just didn’t feel like I belonged.”
Sometimes,” Ryan spoke up, “where you think that you don’t belong is exactly where you need to be.” He smiled at her then, and the bitterness of her past was vanquished from the room. Her mother was right to call him Sunshine. He knew exactly how to chase away the rain.
CHAPTER FOUR
Ana stood with the other single ladies as Celia turned her back to them to throw the bouquet. She had no intention of going for it. With a baby on the way, marriage was the farthest thing from her mind. Best to leave it for a girl who had a chance at a perfect life.
Ryan grinned at her from one of the tables. There was a hopeful look in his eyes, like he wanted her to catch the bouquet. Part of her hated to disappoint him, but she just didn’t have the energy to go for it. Besides, marrying him was a pipe dream anyway.
Celia made the toss, and several of the girls went for the flowers like their lives depended on it. Ana stayed back. Bouquet-catching could be risky business. She had once seen a girl get a bloody nose when another girl accidentally punched her in her attempt to get the bouquet.
Better luck next time,” she said as she retreated to sit by Ryan. There was no point in avoiding him. He obviously wasn’t going to let that happen.
I guess that means I’m up.” Ryan stood to go do the garter toss.
He put a lot more vigor into it, though it wasn’t necessary. Most of the guys avoided the garter like it was a grenade. If anything, Ryan was taking one for the team.
He returned to Ana with a grin on his face, twirling the blue-and-white lace garter on his finger like it was the prize of a lifetime. “Looks like I’m next,” he said, winking at her.
In a week or so, he’d go back to wherever he came from, find a nice girl, and settle down. And Ana would still be in Bandera, pregnant and living with her mother, pathetic and alone. She rubbed the swell of her stomach.
With the festivities over, everyone gathered around outside to see the happy couple off. Ana’s eyes watered as Celia and David drove away in his truck with the words “Just Married” written in white shoe polish on the back window, and empty cans dangling off the ball hitch. Ana wasn’t the only one. Molly had tears streaming down her face as well. She stepped up next to her elder daughter and threw an arm around her neck, half whispering, half sobbing, “There she goes. My little girl is all grown up.”
We were grown up long before Celia got married, Ana thought. Heck, Celia was only two years younger than Ana. All of their friends were already married. They were the late bloomers of the bunch, and Ana was blooming still, skipping the marriage stage in preparation for motherhood.
It was bittersweet watching her sister drive away, closing an old chapter of her life and opening a new one. All Ana could hope was that they’d live happily ever after. That was all anyone wanted for a sibling.
She stood there and stared out into the street long after her sister left. It felt like she and her mother were stuck in time. However, they couldn’t linger on it for too long. There were guests to see off and a reception hall to clean up. Unfortunately, both of Celia’s bridesmaids had to go home, which left Ana, Molly, and Ryan to clean up the whole mess by themselves. It was going to be a long night.
Oddly, this wasn’t the first time a stranger had invited Ryan to their wedding. It was, however, the first time he’d attended, and for that reason, he would never forget this wedding. Not to mention the fact that he got to spend most of the night dancing and wooing his dream woman.
The fun part was over, though.
Ryan made sure Ana got the easiest part of the cleanup, boxing the rest of the food with her mother while he went around the reception hall gathering trash, stacking chairs, and sweeping up. He could hear the two of them talking, wondering how long it would take for Celia and David to get pregnant with a baby of their own. All Ryan could think about was how he was going to convince Ana that he would make a marvelous father for her child. If everything worked out as planned, Ana would soon be following her sister’s lead in tying the knot.
It was almost midnight when the three of them finished cleaning the reception hall. Ana’s entire body ached from the day’s labor. It had been a long time since she had a day so full of activities: decorating the reception hall, getting dressed up for the wedding, getting Celia ready, participating in the ceremony, taking pictures, dancing more than she’d danced in ages, and now tearing everything down again.
Ana was so exhausted she didn’t even think to argue when Ryan offered her a ride home. They loaded up the leftover food in her mother’s car, and then they both hugged Molly before Ana climbed up into the passenger seat of Ryan’s old beat-up pickup truck. He had a crappy vehicle for a supposed businessman. She hoped he hadn’t said all those things just to impress her.
Where’d you get the tux?” she asked while they pulled out of the church parking lot. Ana remembered the brown duffle bag that Ryan had with him in the barn. Shouldn’t he have a suitcase too? Now that she thought about it, he wasn’t businessman-like at all.
I rented it this morning,” he told her, keeping his eyes on the road.
Her gaze fell to his hand, wrapped around the stick shift, so close to her thigh that she could almost feel the heat from his skin. Exhausted as she was, she didn’t want the night to
end. Ryan was so sweet, and while she knew she shouldn’t allow him to get any closer to her, she still wanted to know more about him.
How long have you had this truck?” By the looks of it, the answer was forever. The cloth on the seats was frayed in places, the black vinyl on the steering wheel was worn bare, and the inside of the truck smelled like oil and sweat. Ana rolled down the manual window to catch a whiff of the fresh night air.
I’ve had it for six months.”
Definitely not something a businessman would want, she decided. He was hiding something, but what was it? Maybe she could unravel his mystery if they spent enough time together. But wasn’t that a bad idea? It annoyed Ana that her hormones fought so hard against her sense of logic.
Even though she should end the night with him dropping her off at the house, she couldn’t resist the urge to invite him in for coffee.
He gave her a queer look, as if to say: Do we really need to stay up all night after all the work we’ve just done? But the words that came out of his mouth were, “I’d love some coffee.”
Molly hugged them both and headed to bed, in no mood to stay up any longer when she had to get back to her duties first thing in the morning.
There was a war raging inside of Ana, the familiar struggle between right and wrong. She had felt the same pull when Rick had asked her out at work. Back then, she’d been a lot less wary of the consequences. The worst that could happen was that she might lose her job. Now she was back in Texas when she should still be in New York.
Not only had Rick dumped her when she told him she was pregnant, he had also fired her and given every company she applied for a bad reference so that she couldn’t get hired anywhere else in New York. He had stained her name, made her sound like a no-good liar and cheat. With Ana unable to get a new job, her savings had dwindled to the point that when her apartment lease finally came due, she had no other choice but to come back home.
As Ana started the coffeemaker, she wondered about the worst thing that could happen if she allowed herself to be with Ryan. He couldn’t get her pregnant again, that was for certain. But he could, and would, break her heart. In a week, he’d come up with an excuse as to why he needed to leave her behind and return to his real life. She would just be a fling to him. And he’d be etched on her heart forever.
Ana was thankful for the silence in the room. Ryan had seated himself at the dining-room table while she stood over the coffeemaker. They were both too tired to say much. Or maybe they were both thinking.
What do you want in your coffee?” she asked Ryan as she poured him a mugful.
It’s too late for sugar. Black will be fine.”
Ana took both mugs and walked over to the table, setting Ryan’s down in front of him before she sat on the other side of the table and wrapped her hands around her own mug, staring into the blackness to avoid his gaze.
I had a great time tonight. Your family is lovely,” Ryan said before taking a sip of his coffee.
They’re good people.” She smiled, thinking about all the aunts and uncles and cousins, and all the love that had enveloped the night and filled her with warmth. Despite the distraction of having Ryan there, it was exactly what she’d needed. Maybe what he had said was right. Perhaps the place where you felt like you didn’t belong was exactly where you needed to be.
I hope I didn’t get in the way too much tonight.”
No.” She glanced up at him. If anything, he had made the night better. “I had a lot of fun. You were very helpful. I think my mom and I would still be at the reception hall cleaning if it weren’t for you.”
It was my pleasure.” There was a weary look behind his eyes, but they were also full of contentedness. He was happy.
I just hope that no one else got the same impression about us that my cousin did.” She refocused on her coffee, not wanting to have to watch Ryan frown.
People will think what they will. That doesn’t make it true.” He didn’t sound offended. If anything, he just seemed relaxed. “Your mother gave me the day off tomorrow. I’d like for you to show me around town, if that’s all right.”
I thought you didn’t explore the places you visited?” It was more of a gentle letdown than a question. If she remembered correctly, he needed to save on gas money, and if he wanted to take her car, she could use her own money issues as an excuse not to.
I don’t usually, but I have a feeling you’d show me a good time.” He loosened his tie, his smoldering gaze causing her sensual side to bubble up unbidden. It took everything Ana had to stuff it back down.
I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
Why not?”
Because some people around here already have ideas about us. I don’t want to put any more in their heads.”
“Who cares what they think?”
“I do. I have to live here. You don’t. And if you haven’t noticed yet, I’m pregnant. The last thing I need is for people to think I’m more of a floozy than they already do.”
“You’re not a floozy, Ana. You’re just a girl who made a mistake.” His voice was soothing. “Besides, we’re just friends, right? Is there some law against a woman having male friends in this county? If you’re going to let what other people think dictate how you live, then you might as well never leave the house. I learned that a long time ago.”
Just friends. He said we’re just friends. A mix of relief and disappointment rushed through Ana. She could go out with him as a friend. And if people thought anything different, that was on them. He was right. She shouldn’t allow what other people think to ruin her life, especially when she knew the truth.
“Friends. I think we can do that,” she said finally, exhaling before draining her cup of coffee.
“Good. I’ll look forward to it then.” He stood and took both of their empty cups to the sink, rinsing them out before putting them in the dishwasher.
Ana kept her eyes on his butt the entire time, a bit sad that she’d never see it unencumbered by slacks. Something told her she was letting the best sex of her life slip away, but it was worth it to save her dignity.
Ana stood to flank Ryan’s side as he showed himself to the door. “What time do you want to go tomorrow?”
“Whenever you wake up.” He turned to her when they reached the door, and Ana’s heart skipped a beat at the dark look in his eyes. It made her feel weak and wanton for the taste of his lips.
“Well, I don’t wake up at the break of dawn like my mother does.” She laughed uncomfortably. The longer she looked at him, the more her resolve dripped away. This was dangerous, being with him like this, in the dim light where he didn’t feel the need to conceal his desire for her.
“I’m sure I’ll be awake before you, but that’s all right. You know where to find me.”
“I do.” She rocked on her heels, feeling more nervous by the second.
“You look so beautiful right now, Ana.” His words pierced through her defenses, straight to her heart. Of all the times to tell her that she was beautiful. Her face was oily from the makeup that had melted off her from sweat, and her dress was stained from the after-wedding cleanup. Hardly attractive.
“A vision,” she replied sarcastically. When Ryan reached up to sweep a few loose strands of hair behind her ear, Ana froze. The room was barely big enough to contain all the electricity shooting through the air. All she could think of to say to stop the impending intimacy between them was, “You should go.”
“Is that what you want?” He was giving her an option to send him out the door without knowing his touch, his kiss. It killed Ana, but she had to take it. Not knowing was the only thing that would hold her together.
“Yes. That’s what I want.” She failed to even convince herself.
“Do you know what I want?”
The answer was obvious. He wanted to sweep her off her feet, to make her forget about what Rick had done to her, to pretend that he cared for her. But it must be a lie. He was just like all the others. He had to be.
&n
bsp; “I want to kiss you. I’ve wanted to kiss you from the first moment I laid eyes on you. And despite what you say, you want to kiss me too. But you’re afraid, and I get that. I know you didn’t come back here because you wanted to. You were running from something, someone who hurt you badly. And you’re scared of being hurt again.
“I have no intention of hurting you. If you truly don’t want me, then I’ll walk out that door and we can pretend this never happened. But I want you to know I care about you, and I couldn’t walk away tonight without taking a chance to see if you feel the same way too.”
It felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room. The sound of their breathing and the crickets chirping outside was amplified tenfold along with the drumming of Ana’s heart in her ears, and all she could think about was tasting Ryan’s lips, seeing if they were as sweet as his words.
She was so lost it was overwhelming. For a split second, she just let everything go. She tangled her fingers into Ryan’s blond hair and drew him down to her for a kiss that ignited her whole being with a desire so intense she thought it might consume her.
He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her against his broad chest. She placed her palm on the front of his shirt. The firm muscle beneath drew out a sensuality within her that she’d thought she had lost the moment she discovered she was pregnant. Instead of feeling like a vessel for carrying her child, she was all woman again with one kiss, filled with need and want and energy, so much she could barely contain it all. So she didn’t try to contain it. She lavished attention on his mouth, slipping her tongue inside to dance along with his, pressing her body against him to savor the feel of his arousal, kissing him until she had no breath left and the only thing that existed in the entire world was the two of them.
When she finally pulled away, she was dizzy with sensation and the disbelief of what she had just done. And the scariest thing of all was that she didn’t regret it. She had been certain she would, but looking at Ryan now, at the affection in his eyes, she allowed herself to believe his words.
