As the sun set at their backs, Maggie and Jarrett took a seat on a bench at the far end of the boardwalk away from the crowds. Taylor wandered down onto the beach to scavenge for seashells.
“Thank you, Jarrett” Maggie whispered, watching the way the wind blew Taylor’s silky hair across her shoulders. “Thank you so much for letting me see her. She’s more than I—” A lump rose in her throat and she left her sentence incomplete.
It was so hard to express what she was feeling, even to herself, and yet she wanted to tell Jarrett. She wanted him to know how sincere she was in wanting to be a part of Taylor’s life now. But the thought that such a life would naturally include Jarrett made expressing herself all the more difficult.
Jarrett sat on the bench beside her, his arm resting on the back, just brushing her shoulder. “How could she not be great? She’s our daughter.”
His words hung in the air for a minute, silencing them both.
“I wish I could explain how sorry I am for the way things turned out,” Maggie said when she found her voice. Just saying the words brought the ache back to her heart. “I never meant to hurt either of you.”
He lifted one hand. “Let’s not talk about this. I swore to myself before I came that we wouldn’t get into the past. Just the problem at hand. Nothing else.”
“All right.” She nodded, dabbing at the moisture in her eyes. She took a moment to collect her thoughts and get her emotions under control. “So the problem at hand is that I want to tell her I’m her mother.”
He jumped up and struck the back of the bench with his fist.
Maggie turned toward him, startled. Hurt, and she didn’t know why.
He whipped off his sunglasses to gaze intensely at her. “Why don’t you just say you want to ruin her life?”
Maggie covered her pain with anger. “You worried about hers or yours?” The moment the words flew from her mouth, she regretted them. He had given no indication he was concerned with his own welfare. Since she’d first spoken to him, he’d thought only of their daughter. She hung her head. “Jarrett––”
“You always could get the best of me in an argument, Maggie.” He crossed his arms over his chest, shaking his head. “You were always so quick. You knew how to hurt me.” He took a deep breath, tucking his glasses into his shorts pocket. “I’m not worried about myself, and I say that sincerely. It’s Taylor. This is all about Taylor.”
She glanced at him and then down at her feet. “I apologize. I shouldn’t have said that. I know it’s not true. You want what’s best for Taylor. It’s what we both want.”
A silence drifted between them. When Jarrett spoke, it was obvious he was trying to make peace. “So, how’s your mom and dad?” he asked.
He didn’t ask about Lisa. Did he still feel guilty after all these years?
When Maggie thought of Lisa with Jarrett, the pain was just as sharp as it had been the night she found out—the night she had come home and confronted Lisa. Her sister hadn’t even tried to deny it had happened, and she hadn’t said she was sorry. As an adult, Maggie had come to understand why Lisa had done it. Lisa was so jealous of Maggie that the bad girl had needed to strike out at the good girl. Though the two women had never again discussed the incident, Maggie had forgiven her sister years ago. Could she forgive Jarrett now?
“My parents?” Maggie stammered. It was so hard to carry on such a meaningless conversation when she was so wrought with emotion. “They’re the same. Yours?”
When she glanced at him, she realized by the way the corners of his mouth were pulled taut that he, too, was struggling.
He sat down on the edge of the wooden bench again. “They spend most of their time in Florida. They bought a house on a golf course in Miami. Dad plays; Mom gossips on the pool deck. Just what they always wanted.” Again there was silence.
Maggie gazed out over the dunes at the waves washing in. She watched her daughter walk along the wet sand, tossing shells back into the sea.
Jarrett was waiting for her to say something, to somehow bring the evening to a close. She could feel it.
“So how do you want to proceed?” Maggie asked when she got her nerve. “I’d like to see Taylor again as soon as possible.”
He leaned over, pressing his hands to his cheeks for a moment. “I suppose it was naïve of me to think you’d be content just to see her, just to meet her.” His gaze met hers.
Maggie sensed his fear. She could smell it on the tangy breeze. He was afraid of her, afraid of how his life and Taylor’s would be changed forever by Maggie’s appearance after all these years.
A part of her wanted to reach out and pat his hand, tell him she would never take his daughter from him after what she’d seen between them tonight. But she couldn’t bring herself to say the words—not yet, at least.
“Can I see her again this week,” she asked, “or do you want to talk to your lawyer first?”
“He’s on vacation.”
“She and I could do something together. Alone. We don’t have to tell her yet.” Maggie’s heart fluttered. She wanted to tell Taylor who she was here and now. She wanted to run down onto the beach and shout the words. She wanted to wrap her arms around her daughter and never let go.
But logic prevailed. It had to, because sound reasoning was the glue that held Maggie together. “Not unless you want to,” she heard herself say.
He stood and stuffed his hands into his wrinkled surfer shorts. Maggie had never imagined this image of Jarrett, never fathomed this was what he would become: a beach bum of sorts with a multimillion-dollar business. Seeing him like this made her proud, almost as if she had somehow had something to do with the person he was today. Jarrett had broken from the mold his parents had made for him and had become his own man, with his own interests and pleasures, his own business.
He groaned. “Let’s put off telling her.”
She felt a slight disappointment, though his words were certainly not unexpected. “But I can see her again?” she asked hopefully.
Again he groaned. “Maggie, I don’t know you. How do I know you’re not going to take off for God knows where with her?” He flung one arm toward the sea.
Maggie rose from the bench to stand in front of him. “You do know me,” she said softly, feeling hot tears well in her eyes again. “Look at me.”
Slowly, almost as if it pained him, Jarrett lifted his gaze from his deck shoes to her tear-filled eyes.
“You know me because I’m the same person I was when you loved me,” she said, meaning every word. “I would never take our daughter. I would never jeopardize the relationship I hope—I pray—I can have with her.”
His eyes teared up as he held her gaze. “You wouldn’t, would you?”
She shook her head.
“My lawyer is not going to be happy with me,” he muttered.
She smiled hesitantly. She’d won! He was going to let her see Taylor again! “I’ll just come to your place if you want. Hang out on the beach. You can keep an eye on us. We’ll never even get in my car.”
He stalled, thinking, considering.
Please let him trust me, she thought.
“Actually, I have to go to Philadelphia Monday, and I hadn’t figured out what I was going to do with her.”
“I can come over Monday! She’ll be fine. She really will.” She didn’t want to beg, but she would if she had to.
“I’ll be gone all day. Usually she goes to a girlfriend’s or rides up with me, but—”
“Please, Jarrett, trust me. I’ve got a good job here that I love, friends. I’m not taking off for the border.” She dared a little laugh.
He glanced sideways at her. “You don’t have to work or anything? I mean, your being a doctor and all, you can’t just take off when you want to.”
“I'm scheduled to work Monday, but I can switch with a friend. It’s not a problem.”
A strange energy arced between them. They were still standing beside each other, close enough to touch if they had w
anted to. There was something about standing side by side in the twilight, watching their daughter, that wove some magical thread between them that Maggie couldn’t explain.
Jarrett could feel it, too. She knew it. She could tell by the way his breath had caught in his throat, the way his gaze lingered over her.
He cleared his throat. “Guess we’ll go on home. I’ve got a contract to look over.”
“Taylor told me about your business, about how successful you are. Congratulations.”
He glanced at her again, his eyes filled with pleasant surprise. “She did? Thanks.” He looked away again, as if a little embarrassed.
“She’s very proud of you,” she said, proud of him, too.
“Not half as proud as I am of her.”
Maggie watched Taylor walk along the white surf for a minute, and then she brushed Jarrett’s arm. Again, his warmth brought back memories of the past—just flickers this time, but all the more unsettling. “I think I’ll walk down and say good-bye. Thanks again. I can imagine how hard this was for you.”
He stuffed his hands into his pockets again, staring out over the darkening horizon. “I only want what’s best for her. We both need to focus on that and not ourselves.”
Not ourselves. Jarrett’s words echoed in Maggie’s head as she walked down the wood steps and across the beach. Not ourselves.
Did that mean Jarrett was thinking about Maggie, as much as she was thinking about him?
Chapter 11
Maggie arrived home to find Lisa gone. She’d left a note on the kitchen counter:
Decided to head home. Call you later. Hope it went well. Can‘t wait to meet my niece!
Love, Sis
Maggie dropped the note on the counter. She wasn’t surprised by Lisa’s quick exit. The two sisters had been walking a tightrope since the whole thing with Taylor had begun by carefully ignoring the reason why Maggie broke up with Jarrett to begin with. Maybe her sister had a conscience after all. Maybe the pressure had been too much.
Maggie walked out onto her deck and dropped into a chair. She dialed Kyle on her cell phone because she knew he was waiting to hear from her.
“You’re not going to believe this,” she said when he picked up. “She was the girl on the beach, the one we saw making sandcastles that day! She’s so beautiful and so smart and not mouthy like so many teenagers I see in the ER. It was just incredible.” Maggie was nearly out of breath, but she couldn’t take the time to inhale. She had so much to tell Kyle, so much to hash over in her own mind. “We went to the arcade and played air hockey and ate pizza, and . . . and we just talked. Not about anything in particular, we just talked. We hit it off right away.”
“And Jarrett?”
Maggie finally managed one deep breath. “What about him? He was fine,” she said, a little too quickly. “He was good about the whole situation.”
“So you hit it off with him, too?” He sounded doubtful.
“Well, no. Yes. I mean, not really.”
“So you didn’t get along?”
“We didn’t argue. I wouldn’t do that in front of Taylor. We were supposed to be friends getting together. We didn’t really talk too much. He’s angry, of course.”
“You can’t blame him.”
“Can’t blame him? Him? What about me?” She kicked off her flip-flops and tucked her bare feet beneath her. “He ended up with my daughter—”
“His daughter, too,” he interjected.
Maggie ignored him. “Without my knowing. What right does he have to be angry with me?”
“From his point of view, he did what was right after you abandoned the child he didn’t even know—”
“I did not—” She cut herself off and let him continue.
“From his point of view, he’s been the stand-up guy here, and now he’s getting put through the wringer. A single man takes the baby his ex-girlfriend gave up for adoption, raises her on his own until she’s a teenager, and suddenly her mother appears and wants her back.”
“I didn’t say I was going to try and take her back.”
“You told me you insinuated to him that you would threaten legal action.”
“Only because he was being an unreasonable ass!”
“So that’s why you’re upset? Because he’s an unreasonable ass?”
She moved the phone to her other ear. “I’m not upset. I’m excited.”
There was a pause on the other end of the phone. Obviously Kyle didn’t believe her.
“Okay,” she conceded. “I’m a little upset, but I’m excited, too.”
“It’s okay for you to be both at the same time, you know.”
“Are you my psychiatrist now?”
He chuckled. “That is why we’re here for each other, isn’t it? Cheaper than a psychiatrist.”
She propped her feet on the rail of the balcony. This was Kyle she was talking to. She might as well spill her guts now and get it over with.
“I didn’t expect to feel this way about him,” she confessed. Surprisingly, her eyes grew scratchy and began to water.
“What do you mean?”
She wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand. “Kyle, I just buried my husband and baby. I shouldn’t be—”
“Attracted to another man?”
“I didn’t say I was attracted to him.”
“Are you?”
“No. Of course not.”
“No, you’re not attracted to him?”
She closed her eyes with a groan. “No, I don’t want to be attracted to him. That’s sick. I just became a widow.”
“Yeah, but it's more complicated than that, isn't it? You and Stanley were over a long time ago, maybe before you ever got started. And you once told me you never got over Jarrett McKay.”
Maggie rose to lean on the rail. The salty breeze caught her full in the face, clearing her thoughts.
“Maggie, you still there?”
“Yeah.”
“So?”
“So this is stupid. I shouldn’t feel like this about him after all this time. We were kids.”
“Kids can be in love.”
“He got me pregnant, had sex with my sister, and then went off to Spain, leaving me knocked up with no one to talk to but Attila the Mom. That’s not the kind of man a woman is attracted to.”
“Let’s review the facts. He did get you pregnant, but you were an equal partner in that. He was drunk and didn’t know she was your sister. He apologized and you broke up with him anyway. You never told him you were pregnant and—”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” she said, growing angry. “The fact of the matter is he has my daughter.”
“And you think you can have her back.”
The cold reality of Kyle’s words stung and her throat tightened. “I can’t have her back, can I?” she asked in a small voice.
“If you mean can you take her from her father, erase his existence and everything he did for her, no. Afraid not, sweetheart. You’re too smart to think that’s possible, too good-hearted to try. But if you mean, can you have a relationship with her now and be a mother of some sort, maybe.”
She walked back into the dark living room and flipped on a light. “Do you always have to be so damned honest?”
“It’s what you pay me for. Now back to the Jarrett topic.”
“No, Kyle,” she groaned. “Leave me alone.”
“How does he feel about you? Is he attracted to you?”
“Are we in high school again?”
“So, he is attracted to you?”
“I don’t know.” She went to the refrigerator and grabbed a bottle of water.
“Do you care?”
“I don’t know about that, either.” She leaned against the kitchen counter, unscrewed the lid from the bottle and took a sip. “This is just too complicated. I wouldn’t want to fall into a relationship because it was easy. I made that mistake with Stanley. I won’t settle again.”
“So take it one day at a time, babe.”
There was silence between them for a minute. She smiled. “Thanks, Kyle. You’re a dear. A great psychiatrist.”
“Speaking of my aptitude, ding, your time is up. I’ve got a date.”
“Sorry. Thanks for listening.”
“Unless you’d rather I canceled. I could come over, bring a movie.”
“No, no, I’m all right. You go on your date.”
“You sure?”
She took another sip of water. “I think I’ve had enough of your honesty for tonight. Have a good time and call me tomorrow.”
“Will do.”
“ ’Night,” Maggie said.
“ ’Night. And Maggie?”
“Yeah?”
“It’s going to be all right. Things have a way of working out. Think positive.”
“Think positive,” she repeated. “ ’Night.”
Maggie laid her phone on the counter, but just stood there in the dark kitchen.
Her meeting with Taylor had gone better than she would have guessed. But the whole interaction with Jarrett bothered her. She didn’t care what Kyle said. How could those memories, those feelings, have come back so quickly, so easily?
So realistically?
Surely she couldn’t still be in love with him all these years, after what he did. Could she?
What had Taylor thought of her? Her gaze strayed to the phone on the counter. Instead of wondering, she should just pick up the phone and call Jarrett. She had a right to do that. After all, Taylor was her daughter.
But what if he didn’t want to talk to her?
“This is ridiculous,” she muttered, picking up her cell. “I’m not in high school anymore.”
She called their home phone. He hadn't given her his cell yet.
“Hello.” His voice was all too familiar.
“Hi, it’s me . . . Maggie.” Now that she had him, she wasn’t quite sure what she was going to say.
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