“I’ll drive you home whenever you’re ready. You’ve been driving all day. You need a break.”
“I can’t argue with that.”
Gazing out the window, I watched the town, my town. Every block held memories, the only memories I had without Adam. Unfortunately, even those memories hurt.
Chapter Three
A large, worn metal sign announced that we’d reached Gill’s. Kelly squeezed her car into a small spot right out front. She gave me a reassuring smile. I fought down some nerves. I’d been back in town just twice since graduating, and I’d managed to avoid seeing anyone but a handful of friends. This time wasn’t going to be so easy.
We walked into the smoky bar, and I took in my surroundings. I’d only been inside a few times when I was allowed to come watch bands play when I was in high school. An L shaped bar dominated one side, while tables and a small stage filled the rest of the space.
I followed Kelly to the bar and took a seat.
“Well, isn’t that a sight for sore eyes!” Ronny, one of my sister’s high school friends, slammed his beer on the counter and barreled over to me. He picked me up off my stool and spun me around. “What are you doing in this neck of the woods, kid? Aren’t you supposed to be in law school or something?”
“Yeah, that didn’t work out. I came home to figure things out, you know?”
“You don’t have to explain anything, Molly.” Tom hugged me after kissing Kelly hello. Five years older than me, Tom had also gone to school with Shayna. I was more than a little surprised when he started dating Kelly when we were in college, but then again, Adam had been three years older than me.
“So you’re out of uniform tonight, huh?” I took the beer Tom offered. I nodded to a guy I had graduated with, but never really talked to. It didn’t look like that was about to change.
“Hey, I might not be on duty, but don’t get any ideas. I can still arrest you.”
I held up my hands in defense. “I’ll be good.”
“Don’t promise what you can’t deliver, hon. A few years away can’t have changed you that much. I know all about your past crimes.”
I cringed. “I’m reformed.”
“Oh no, you don’t. What you need is some fun.” Kelly smiled, tossing her wavy hair off her shoulder.
Tom’s smile faded, replaced by a more serious expression. “So how are you holding up, Molly? You look good.”
“Don’t lie. I look awful. Your fiancé already made sure I knew that. But I’m doing fine.”
“Fiancé? So you told her, Kelly?”
“Yup, my maid of honor is on board.” Kelly beamed, and Tom kissed her. Way too much PDA for me.
“By the way, you couldn’t look awful if you tried.” Ronny scooted his stool closer to me.
“Thanks. You really know how to boost a girl’s confidence.”
“I can do a lot more than that.” He wriggled an eyebrow.
“I’ll keep that in mind.” I smiled at Ronny’s playfulness. “But isn’t there a special someone who would come after me?”
“Nope, I’m as single as they come. Surprising, I know.”
“Shocking.” I took a few swallows of beer, enjoying the bitterness on my tongue. It actually surprised me that Ronny was single. From what I knew, he was a successful insurance agent, and he certainly wasn’t bad looking.
“What about you? I heard a rumor someone was getting married.”
I hesitated for a moment. This was it, the first time someone had asked the million dollar question. “No, no wedding.”
“Oh. Did I hear wrong, or did you decide you didn’t want his sorry ass?”
“He left me, actually.” It wasn’t a complete lie. He was the one who’d left.
“Wow, what an idiot.”
Tom threw me a look over Ronny’s head. I hoped Kelly had given him the order to keep his mouth shut.
“Well, his loss, I guess.” Ronny gave me a sympathetic glance, and I was definitely glad to be hiding the truth. Sympathy for being spurned was better than sympathy for him dying. Much better. People broke up all the time; most didn’t have their fiancé die in his twenties.
“Well, look what the cat dragged in.”
My chest tightened as Jake Mathews stumbled over to us. He was obviously drunk, but that did nothing to play down his boyish good looks. Although not nearly as attractive as his older brother Ben, he looked eerily like him, and his brother was the last person I wanted to see.
“Watch it, Mathews,” Tom warned as Jake took a seat a few stools down from me.
“Let’s get a table.” Kelly took my hand as if to emphasize the point.
“Good idea.” I let her tow me along.
I pulled out a chair and sat between Ronny and Kelly at a small table in the corner, hoping Jake wouldn’t decide to follow. I wasn’t that lucky.
Straddling a backward chair, he sat down directly across from me. “What’s made you decide to grace us with your presence?”
“Mathews,” Tom growled this time.
“Can’t I ask the girl a question? If she’ll just answer me, I’ll leave her alone.” He talked as if we were virtual strangers, and even though his behavior wasn’t unexpected, it still stung.
“I’m back in town for a while. What else do you need to know?” I drank the last drops of my beer and placed it down on the table in front of me.
“When are you leaving? It can’t be soon enough.”
I braced myself on my chair as I felt tears threaten. I hated how emotional I’d become.
“All right, that’s enough.” Tom stood up, grabbed Jake’s arm, and towed him away from the table. Even over the chatter of customers and the music, I heard the rest of their conversation. “Leave Molly alone. She has enough to deal with without your crap. You got it?” Tom looked ready to punch him.
“What’s she got to deal with? Finally realizing how much of a bitch she is? She has some nerve coming back here after what she did to Ben.” Jake crossed his arms over his chest as if he couldn’t care less what Tom threatened him with.
“What she did to Ben? She broke up with him, and she had every right to do it. She can’t help that he flipped out over it.”
“She nearly destroyed him. She nearly fucking destroyed him.”
My chest tightened again. This was exactly what I didn’t need to hear.
Tom, likely realizing I could hear every word Jake said, pulled him further away, and I lost the rest of the conversation.
Ronny slid an arm around my shoulder. “Don’t let him get to you. Ben’s a big boy. He doesn’t need his little brother mouthing off for him.”
I shifted in my seat. “I can’t imagine Ben even cares about that anymore. It was five years ago.”
“Five years is a long time.” Kelly’s casual voice made me doubt the sincerity of her words.
“Are the Grizzlies playing tonight?” Ronny asked.
“Wait, they’re still together?” Kelly hadn’t mentioned Ben or his band in a long time, and I’d never been the one to ask after him.
Kelly bit her lip. “Yeah, same as always. And no, they aren’t here tonight; I think they’re playing tomorrow.” She watched me, waiting to see my response.
I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding. There was no way I could handle watching Ben play tonight—or possibly ever. I wasn’t sure how I was going to avoid him in a town the size of Clayton Falls, but I hoped my stay would be short enough that it wouldn’t be too big of a problem.
“I need another beer. Should I grab this round?” I started to push out my chair.
“Don’t worry about it; I’ve got the next one.” Ronny put a hand on my shoulder letting me know to stay put.
I nodded, not in the mood to argue. Tom came back over to the table, thankfully without Jake.
“I’m sorry about that, Mol. I guess some things never change.”
“It’s not your fault, but I appreciate you stepping in.”
“Of course. We’re here for yo
u.”
“Trust me. I’d make Tom sorry if he didn’t take care of it.” Kelly grinned.
Ronny returned to the table with a round of beers, and I quickly downed mine, waiting for the two beer buzz to hit me. I had my drinking down. One did nothing, two gave me a buzz, and the third started pushing me into numbness territory, the place I liked to be.
“Hey, guys, mind if I join you?” The man looked to be in his late twenties. He was incredibly tall and broad with dark hair. I definitely hadn’t seen him before.
“Hey, man, take a seat.” Tom gestured to the table.
Flipping around the chair that Jake had vacated, he sat down. “Hi there, I don’t think we’ve met.” He held out his hand. “I’m Gavin.”
I accepted the firm handshake that lasted a moment longer than it needed to. “Molly.”
“This is the friend of Kelly’s I was telling you about,” Tom broke in.
“I see. You’re the maid of honor who’s been living in Boston.” Gavin checked me out as best he could with me sitting right there at the table. He evidently liked what he saw, as his perusal ended with a satisfied grin.
“Gavin’s been my partner for two years now,” Tom explained.
“So you’re a cop too.” I smiled, eyeing the bar, contemplating how long I needed to wait before it was socially acceptable to get another beer.
“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” he asked flirtatiously, and I decided it was time to get up.
“My turn to buy; anyone want?” I stood up before Ronny could stop me again.
“I’ll go with you.” Ronny’s clinginess surprised me, but I didn’t mind it. It was just Ronny acting big brotherly.
“I’ll take another,” Tom called. “But no more for Kelly if she’s driving home.”
“Oh, so now you decide for me?” Kelly pouted.
“Honey, I’ve been deciding for you since before you were legal.”
“Fine. See, Molly, aren’t you glad you didn’t drive?”
“Sure.”
“You want anything, Gavin?” I asked.
“No, I’m fine.” He held up his beer as evidence.
Heading to the bar, Ronny pulled me close to him. “It’s good to have you home.”
“Thanks. It’s good to be home… I think.”
He laughed. “You haven’t been back long. Give it some time.”
A light voice pulled my attention. “Molly? I thought that was you.” So, Katie was bartending at Gill’s. Not too surprising.
“Yeah, I’m back.”
“So, can I see it?”
“See what?” I asked with confusion.
“The ring, dummy. I bet it’s a gorgeous rock.”
“Oh. Well, I don’t have it anymore.” I looked at the faint tan line on my left ring finger. I’d taken off the ring the night of Adam’s funeral. I couldn’t bear to look at it anymore, to think about the future we’d never have.
“Oh. I’m sorry. That must suck.” Good old Katie, she never did have a filter to stop her from putting her foot in her mouth.
“It’s fine. Could we get three Millers?”
“Sure, but we’ll have to get together sometime soon, okay? And don’t worry, you’ll find yourself a new man. Heck, Ben’s still single. Maybe the two of you can work things out.” Katie always meant well, but she also loved matchmaking. Throwing Ben’s name in the mix only stacked the cards against her if she actually wanted to catch up.
I slipped a ten on the bar and took a beer, leaving Ronny to take the other two.
Gavin started chatting me up again the second I returned to my seat. “So, is it nice to be out of the big city? I’m sure it was a little overwhelming for a small town girl like you.”
“Maybe when I first went, but I lived in Boston for almost five years.”
“True, but don’t they always say you can take the girl out of the country, but you can’t take the country out of the girl?”
“Are you a country boy then?” I hoped the conversation would shift off of me.
“I’m from Georgia actually. Augusta.”
“Oh, what brought you to Clayton Falls?”
“Looking for a change and a beach.”
“Yeah, the water’s nice.” I smiled.
“We’ll have to head down to the beach together sometime.” It was a statement and not a question.
“Maybe.” I turned my attention to my beer, reaching the half-way point, drifting into my comfort zone.
“So, are you staying with your parents?” Gavin asked.
“At my mom’s house, but she’s living in Seattle with my sister and her family right now. My sister works long hours in her residency—as does her husband—so Mom’s helping with the kids.” I left out the part about my mom needing distance from the town as much as I did.
“Oh, all right. How does it feel to be back?”
“It’s weird to be here by myself, but I’m sure I’ll get used to it. Where are you living?”
“I’ve got a place over on Maple. It’s not much, just a two bedroom, but it’s fine because it’s only me.” There he went, trying to emphasize his availability. “It does have a fantastic view, though.”
“Great.” I hoped the one word responses let him know I wasn’t interested. He was an attractive guy, but I wasn’t in the state of mind to even play the dating game.
I drained the last of my beer and settled back in my seat. Part of me wanted another, but I knew it’d be getting into drunk territory, and I couldn’t do that at Gill’s. At least not yet.
“Kelly, is there any way you could give me a ride home?” I asked.
“Oh, sure. I’ll take you home and then swing back.”
“How about I take you home? I was thinking about leaving as well,” Gavin offered.
I shot a pleading look at Kelly, hoping she caught it.
She did. “It’s not a problem. On second thought, I might head home myself.”
“If you’re sure.” Gavin didn’t hide his disappointment, and I wondered if he actually thought something was going to happen between us.
“Good night, everyone.” I stood up and pushed in my chair.
“Night. Don’t be a stranger.” Ronny smiled.
“It was great meeting you. I’m sure I’ll see you again real soon.” Gavin also stood.
“Bye, see you at home, Kelly.” Tom kissed her.
I caught a few words of conversation from the table as we headed to the door.
“Damn, you’re right; she’s gorgeous.”
I turned around to catch Gavin staring at my ass. Wonderful.
We got into the car and took off toward my house.
“Thanks for taking me home.”
“No problem, hon. I could tell you didn’t want a ride from Gavin.”
“Not a chance.”
“Yeah, he was coming on pretty strong. Tom’s convinced you two are going to hit it off and end up together. You know, his partner with my best friend. Maid of honor and best man, as cliché as it gets.”
“Fantastic.”
“Tom knows you probably aren’t ready to date yet, so I promise he didn’t set up tonight… but he probably would have done it soon anyway.”
“It’s okay, but it isn’t going to happen.”
“I didn’t think so.”
I laughed. “I’m that obvious?”
“No, but if you are getting together with anyone in this town, it’s Ben.”
“Oh come on, you know that’s not happening. Besides, he hates me.”
Kelly pulled the car to a stop behind my Civic.
“He doesn’t hate you. You hurt him, but he still has feelings for you.”
I paused with my hand on the door handle. “How would you even know that?”
“He still writes songs about you.”
“How do you know they’re about me?”
“They are. Trust me. How many blond haired, blue eyed girls have stolen his heart?”
“Well, it doesn’t matter; I’
m hoping to avoid him.”
“You do realize how impossible that is, right?”
“Maybe, maybe not.”
“Okay, be delusional.” She unbuckled her seatbelt and reached over to pull me into a hug. “I’m glad you’re home. Call me if you need me, okay?”
“I will.”
I got out of the car and to the front door, glad I had the three beers to protect me from the loneliness of stepping into an empty home.
Chapter Four
His arms reached out for me as he struggled to keep his head above water. “I need you, Molly, I need you!” His anguished cries pierced me. I fought to reach him. It was like some invisible hook had me and wouldn’t let me jump in after him. If I could only free myself from the hook’s hold, I’d be able to save him. His head disappeared into the water just as the hook released me and sent me plummeting into the cold abyss.
I woke up screaming and covered in sweat. Confused by the complete darkness, I felt around, trying to figure out where I was. As my eyes adjusted, I remembered I was in my childhood bedroom. I was home. The red numbers on the digital clock read 4:15, and I knew I wouldn’t be getting anymore sleep.
Digging through a suitcase, I found a sports bra, tank, and shorts. I tied up my running shoes before heading out the front door into the still dark morning.
I ran toward the beach, taking the route I’d always taken back when I lived at home. Running in the dark felt strange at first, so different from the constant light of the city. I liked knowing I was nearly invisible.
I couldn’t shake the dream. Even the pounding of the waves failed to drown it out. I kept seeing Adam’s face, his pleading eyes, and the helplessness in his voice. My feet hit the sand, and I tried to concentrate on the way the wind felt on my face. Only two miles in, I sank down, unable to run through the pain. The tightness in my chest threatened to suffocate me as I leaned back onto the damp sand. Closing my eyes, I silently begged for relief.
“Are you okay? Miss, are you hurt?” The voice startled me, and I sat up too quickly, feeling dizzy. My hands moved through the grainy sand. The rising sun told me I had fallen asleep on the beach.
I searched around for the source of the voice, but still disoriented, I accepted the outstretched hand before finding the face.
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