“Don’t you see that’s exactly why you can’t blame yourself for what’s happened to Sebastian? You knew you had a problem, but I’m sure he didn’t think he had a problem. Am I right?”
“Yes. But I wish I could have helped him, instead of kicking him out on the street…out of my life.”
“He left you no choice. You said that and it’s true. I understand why you feel bad, but this isn’t your fault. Addiction is a disease. It’s hard to be a friend to someone abusing, especially when you abuse yourself.”
He smiles for the first time since we started talking and I feel a huge sense of relief sweep over me.
“You’re smiling.” I say and I can’t help smiling back.
“You always amaze me, Emilia.” His lost look has thankfully disappeared. I sigh. I just want to melt in his arms and if there weren’t so many students milling about I would throw myself on top of him right this second.
“Oh?” I breathe.
“I didn’t realize you were such an expert on addiction.” He leans forward and gently tucks a strand of hair behind my ear.
I laugh. “I don’t know about that, but when you first told me about your hedonistic lifestyle and drinking and doing drugs at such a young age I researched it a little bit.”
“The Great Gatsby paper on hedonism? I remember.” He pauses a quick second. “Do you still worry about that? About me ending up like Jay Gatsby?” He says, softly touching the back of my hand with his fingers again.
“No.” I say, quickly. I wonder if my knee jerk reaction isn’t just to put him at ease or if I really do have no doubts.
“Really? I understand if you worry about it…don’t feel like you need to tell me what you think I want to hear. I’d rather you tell me the truth.”
I shrug. “Well, maybe a little bit. Honestly, I haven’t given it too much thought…do you think I should worry about it?”
“Should? I don’t want you to worry about it. I know I’ve been so focused on getting you back I don’t think about any of that either. I told you everything changed for me when I met you. I don’t know how else to explain it.”
“It helps not having those temptations…that’s why you did the right thing when you moved out of your place with Sebastian.” I stare into his eyes.
“I did that for you. Emilia, I knew you wouldn’t take me back unless I made some serious changes. I wanted to show you I was committed to you and I was willing to do anything to get you back.”
I smile. “Yes. Anything.”
“That was an exceptional day, but not as exceptional as this past weekend.” He whispers, his blue eyes, smoldering.
“I wish we were back at your place in Montecito right now.” I breathe.
“So do I.” He brushes the tip of his nose on mine. “You have to go to class?”
I laugh. “Yes.” I pause a minute, thinking about everything Logan had just told me.
“What? What is it?” He asks, looking into my eyes.
“Oh. I was just wondering…did you go to the hospital? Did you see Sebastian?”
“No. I just found out it happened. Besides, I doubt he wants to see me. His parents are on their way…actually they’re probably here by now. I’m sure once he’s allowed to leave the hospital…they’ll want to get him into rehab.”
“You think he’ll go?”
“I don’t think he’ll have much of a choice. I just hope it’ll help and then he’ll be able to get his life back together.” I expect him to blame himself again, but he doesn’t. I think I may have gotten him to understand. I hope.
“How did you find out about it?” I ask and I feel my stomach twist into a knot because I fear I know the answer.
“Seraphina called.”
I nod and I immediately hate myself for feeling jealous. It’s a life-threatening situation and he’s a friend, an estranged friend, but of course, Logan should be informed. I just hate the fact that she had to inform him.
“Don’t Emilia.” He shifts his body so that he completely faces me and takes both my hands in his. “Please don’t be upset about this. You know I love you. You’re all I want…all I need.”
“It’s okay…really.” I want to kick myself for showing any signs of annoyance over her call. Sebastian is in the hospital, fighting for his life, and I shouldn’t be so shallow to envy her.
He slips his arm around me, pulling me close. “Are you sure?”
“Yes. I completely understand her need to call you.” I nod, trying to muster my most convincing smile.
“Hm. I don’t know if I’m buying it…I completely understand if it bugs you she called. I get it. I just hope you aren’t mad?” The palm of his hand gently sweeps my back.
I shake my head. “No…of course not, Logan. I wouldn’t be mad. If there’s anyone I’m mad at it’s myself for feeling a little jealous. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry, baby. I’m sure I’d feel the same way if I were in your shoes. You have nothing to be jealous about though…I told you I’m yours heart, body and soul. Remember?”
I nod. “Well, thank you for not thinking I’m a shitty person for feeling that way. I know she had to call you. She just happens to dredge up a lot of bad memories…I’m not a fan of those…I prefer to block them out.”
“I understand. You don’t need to explain…I’m sorry her name had to come up.” He pulls me in his arms, breathing in my hair.
I shrug. “I asked. Thank you for being honest.”
At that moment I see Professor Hastings head into the studio and I quickly pull the strap of my backpack up on my shoulder.
Logan leans back and looks in my eyes. “So you’re okay? I don’t want to head off to class and have you thinking about things and getting worried about whatever your pretty little mind will come up with.”
“Ha! Are you saying I tend to overanalyze things?” I ask, with mock annoyance.
“Possibly.” He grins then his expression softens. “But I’m serious. You’re okay? We’re okay?” He eyes me, warily and he looks so sincere.
I throw my arms around him. “Yes. I’m okay. We’re okay.”
He nuzzles my neck. “Thank God.” He whispers.
I lean back. “I’ll see you in Shakespeare.” We both stand, his hand still wrapped around my waist.
“Parting is such sweet sorrow.” His lips softly brush mine.
I laugh. “See you, Romeo.”
“I HAVE A LITTLE GIFT FOR YOU CHLOE,” I say, my hands behind my back, as I smile at her. She claps her hands together excitedly and when she simultaneously jumps in her seat, she knocks her notebook to the floor. I wonder at the same time if she’s someone who just happens to love receiving gifts and if she’s going to be mildly disappointed when she finds out it’s something silly.
“OMG! I love gifts! Since it’s behind your back…I’m guessing it’s not a British guy who can sing and play the guitar.”
I laugh and hold my hand out to show her. In my palm is a bar of Mr. Zog’s Sex Wax.
“Ha!” She takes the bar in her hand and smells it. “Coconut. I like…thanks, Em. Now this is really just for surfboards?”
“Yes. Guess who surfs?” I ask and cock one eyebrow.
“Ah. I know…maybe I’ll give him some sex wax in exchange for a private lesson.” She pauses and then starts laughing. “I didn’t mean it to come out that way.”
I laugh along with her. “Sure.” I murmur, jokingly. “So things are good with Tyler?”
She smiles and nods. “He asked me to go out with him on Valentine’s…it’ll be our first date.”
“Ooohhh.” I smile and then I glance towards the door to the classroom.
“If you’re looking for Logan. He’s just outside.”
I look back at her. “Oh?”
“Hm.” She nods. “He was outside on his cell when I walked in…you didn’t see him?” She puts the bar of wax back up to her nose and breathes in the scent again.
“No. I got here early.” I’m annoyed with
myself for letting those jealous feelings resurface yet again. My stomach twists in a knot as I say a silent mantra: I will not be jealous. I will not be jealous.
“So you probably heard about Sebastian.” She says quietly as she leans forward, resting her chin in the palm of her hand.
“Yes.” I look at her. “Do you know him?”
“No…small school. I would see him around…to be honest he always gave me the heebie-jeebies. You know?”
“I know.” I murmur.
“I never could figure out why he and Logan were buddies. Logan is just so…” Her voice trails off while she searches for the right word. “Perfect. Sebastian just seems so self-destructive besides being a complete douche.”
I wonder about her assessment and I think appearances are often deceiving. Sure Logan looks perfect on the outside, but most would be shocked to find he has these internal struggles and that’s why he has this connection with Sebastian.
“I hope I didn’t say anything to offend you.” Chloe says, quietly.
“Oh, no. I was just thinking about what you said.” I give her a reassuring smile.
“Is he going to be okay? I heard he’s lucky to be alive…he was taking all these street drugs and heroin…some seriously nasty stuff. I don’t know about you but those drugs scare the shit out of me.”
“He’s in ICU and I know what you mean…it’s scary.” I remember Logan’s somber look this morning and I’m grateful again it’s not him in the hospital. I know he blames himself for not being there for Sebastian, but at the same time I know he realizes he had to sever his ties with him for his own health. Hanging out with Sebastian would more than likely lead him to falling back into those bad habits. It happened that night. I can’t bear to think of Logan the way he was then.
“Emilia? Are you okay?” She asks, her eyes wide.
I look at her and push my earlier thoughts out of my head. Logan is right, I do think too much. “Of course.” I smile. “Just a lot on my mind and I hate when anyone is in the hospital.”
I say and it’s true. If there’s one thing I do my best to avoid its hospitals…too many bad memories.
“I know what you mean. Hospitals are only happy places when there’s a baby being born.” She smiles and then her gaze moves to the classroom door. “Here comes Mr. Perfect right now.”
I turn in that direction and his eyes immediately catch mine. The azure color of his tight-knit shirt makes his light blue eyes even lighter as he flashes his barely there smile and slides into the seat next to me.
“Everything okay?” I whisper.
“It is now.” He smiles, taking my hand in his and giving it a reassuring squeeze.
In the next moment, Professor Milton enters the room and quickly moves to the podium. He removes a stack of papers and our Shakespeare textbook out of his case. Then with a pile of papers in his hands he makes his way around the classroom, passing the papers out.
“These essays were quite good.” He says as he moves around the room. When he gets to my desk, he slides my essay on my desk. “Ms. King, I’d like to speak to you at the end of class.”
I nod.
“Sucks to be you.” Chloe whispers as Milton moves back towards the front of the class and begins the lecture on Julius Caesar.
I glance at Chloe and nod in agreement.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
“I’LL WAIT FOR YOU.” Logan says at the end of class as we gather our things.
I turn to him. “That’s okay. I have to get to another class. I’m sure he just wants to dump some more of his work on me.”
“Did you see what Emilia got for me?” Chloe chimes in and shows off the bar of sex wax.
Logan laughs. “That’s some powerful stuff…you know that’s how she lured me to her in the first place.”
Chloe and I laugh along with him.
“Don’t believe a word he says, Chloe. Logan is a bit of a liar.” I raise a brow and glance in his direction.
“Did you or did you not sell me some sex wax on our second meeting?” He asks, teasingly.
“I did sell you some, but that’s because you were buying a board and a wetsuit. It wasn’t like I was parading around asking you to buy some sex wax from me which is what you imply.”
Logan smiles and Chloe is still in a fit of giggles. “So, technically, you did sell me some. Right, babe?”
“You’re a bit misleading in the way you tell the story, but yes I did sell you the sex wax.” I retort.
Then from the front of the classroom Professor Milton clears his throat loudly to get my attention. I look in his direction. “Miss King?”
“I’ll be right there.” I say, slightly flustered.
“You’re sure you don’t want me to wait?” Logan asks.
I shake my head and slide the strap of my backpack on my shoulder as I hurry to the front of the room.
“Sorry, Dr. Milton. What can I do for you?” I ask.
He clears his throat again. “Is he your boyfriend?” He asks. I’m taken aback by his personal question but then I figure he’s just trying to be nice. I always had a friendly relationship with Dr. Meyer, but I think I prefer keeping him at arm’s length…friendly questioning or not.
“Yes.” I say, politely and then quickly change the subject. “So, what can I help you with?”
I stare into his green eyes, but he quickly looks away and moves towards his stack of papers on the podium. He grabs a small pile and then hands it to me.
“We’re going to start on Shakespeare’s Histories next week.” He murmurs and then stuffs his hands into the depth of his pockets.
“Okay.” I can already hear Chloe’s moaning…more depressing shit…where’s the humor?
“If you could work on Henry IV, Part I and Part II as well as Henry V that would be very helpful.” He says as he shuffles back to the podium and stuffs his papers in his briefcase.
“Sure. Did you want me to focus on the history of the plays or is there something else you’d like me to focus on?” I ask and I wonder: the nerve of this guy asking me to do all this work without giving me any direction.
“Yes. That sounds good.” He says as he makes his way to the door. “Do you think you could have Henry IV prepared by Monday?”
“Sure.” I say. There goes my weekend…at least I’ll have a little fun and a welcome break on Valentine’s.
“SO WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR VALENTINE’S?” Bryn asks as the two of us take a much-needed break from our homework. It’s Wednesday night and we’re sitting on the floor of the living room devouring a large pizza covered with sausage and peppers.
I watch Bryn pick off the peppers and put them on the side of her plate. “Why did you say you wanted peppers when you’re picking them all off?” I say as I scrunch my face at her.
She takes a bite. “I like the flavor the peppers add to the pizza, but I can’t eat them. They make me burp and then I taste them for days. I can’t stand it. That doesn’t happen to you?”
I shake my head and answer her previous question. “I don’t know what we’re doing…he just said he made plans or something like that. How about you and Josh? Do you know what you’re doing?”
She laughs. “Probably what you’re doing.” She waggles her eyebrows up and down.
Then it hits me. “Ah. Maybe.” I twist a piece of melted cheese around my finger and bite it off. “So…that’s what you two are doing? No other plans? Just…what was your clever quote from Othello…making the beast with two backs?”
She grins. “Maybe we’ll try and beat your record.”
I roll my eyes at her. “Either way…you’ll have fun trying.”
“So what’s the latest on Sebastian?” She asks as she continues picking at her piece of pizza. “He’s lucky to be alive from what I’ve heard…from just about everyone.” Her voice resonates with definitive knowledge.
“He was transferred out of ICU. I’m not sure when he’ll be released, but Logan says his parents are making him go into rehab once
he’s out. My guess is he has got a long road to recovery ahead of him.”
“That’s for sure. Did Logan go and see him or is he planning on going? My opinion is he should stay clear…just not a good idea for him to go that route again if you know what I mean?”
I know exactly what she means and I couldn’t agree more. She was at my side that night, and she knew he had fallen back into that dark place. There’s no doubt it’s easier to push temptation away when it’s not right in front of your face.
“No…he hasn’t gone to see him. Anyway, Logan doesn’t think he’d be too thrilled to see him. Probably best for him to stay clear…maybe rehab will help him get his life back on track.”
She bites a piece of crust and we’re both quiet for a few minutes…lost in our thoughts.
“Do you really think he’ll go to rehab? I don’t know…Sebastian seems the type to deny there’s a problem and I can easily see him refusing to go. Just don’t see him going in without kicking and screaming. You can’t exactly force him, can you?”
“From what Logan says, I think Sebastian’s parents won’t give him a choice. They already cut him off financially and they thought that would get him to get his act together…you know, tough love. But now that he’s nearly overdosed, he’s really left them with no other option. They’re not going to just let him get discharged from the hospital and go back to doing what he was doing.”
She tosses the rest of her crust in the pizza box and leans back against the sofa. “You’re probably right. I feel bad for his parents…that sucks.”
I nod. “I know…that’s one of the reasons Logan and his mom and dad were so estranged for so many years.”
“Things are better now, right?” She asks, brushing her hair over her shoulder and putting it in a loose braid.
I nod. “Much.”
“I hate to bring up a sore subject…plus you know how much I can’t stand the bitch, but are you okay with Logan talking to her? I mean, that would bug the shit out of me and I don’t see why you don’t nip it in the bud.”
“I know what you mean, but I don’t think it’s my place. His friend…I know they’re not friends now, but wouldn’t you be worried about a former friend if they were in the hospital? He almost died and unfortunately she’s the link between the two.” I shrug.
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