by Annie Boone
Susannah and Lucas
Colorado Matchmaker Series Book 1
Annie Boone
Contents
Copyright
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Preview – Eleanor and Matthew from the Colorado Matchmaker Series
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Sweet River Publishing
Copyright
Copyright 2017, Annie Boone and Sweet River Publishing
All rights reserved.
No part of this publication may be reproduced in any form, electronic or mechanical, without written approval by the author, except for short excerpts used in a book review.
All characters, places, events, businesses, or references to historical facts are fictitious and products of the author’s imagination. Any references to actual people, places, or events are purely incidental.
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Chapter One
Rocky Ridge, Colorado; 1882
Just like that, it was spring again. Snow still topped the caps of the mountains, but melted on its way down into the rivers. Flowers were beginning to bloom and the meadows once again looked lively.
No longer was the world white and grey, but filled with greens and almost all the colors of the rainbow. Even the air felt different. Susannah Jessup inhaled deeply and brushed her blonde curls back over her shoulder.
“It’s going to be a beautiful day,” she announced, hearing footsteps behind her.
The door swung open and soon Lucas’s hands were wrapped around her waist. His scruffy chin settled on her shoulder, a familiar and warm weight. Susannah couldn’t help but smile.
“And so it shall be,” he murmured, his voice still thick with sleep.
She touched his head, running her fingers through his coal black hair. “You’re awake early today. Did I keep you up?”
A heavy sigh seeped out and she felt his shoulders slouch even further down. “It’s all right.”
His grip tightened around her waist and Susannah bit her tongue. It was her fault. Lately she was just so restless, and most nights she woke in the dark to stare at the ceiling. There was no reason for it, but there was just no peace to be found.
“I’m sorry,” she apologized all the same and turned so that she could wrap her arms around him as well. The man was warm, and they still fit perfectly together after all this time. Susannah smiled, finding this comforting. “I’ll try to be quieter.”
His fingers moved gently up and down her spine, tracing imaginary circles that soothed the stress in her shoulders. They had been married for ten years now, and he never ceased to amaze her. Lucas always knew how to help her in one way or another, and it was always exactly what she needed. Closing her eyes, she gave him a tight squeeze before turning the two of them towards the door.
“Let’s get some breakfast, shall we?” And with their arms around each other, they headed inside. Their cabin was spacious, one that had been made for a large family. Over the last five years, a second story had been added on top, and there were additions on the barn as well. It was 1882, and the Jessups had managed to turn their twenty acres in Rocky Ridge into a lovely home and boarding house.
The sun was barely peaking up over the horizon, and no one would interrupt the two of them for another hour or so. Besides, Susannah and Lucas liked the occasional quiet time together. Meeting each other’s gaze, Lucas pulled out the flour as she brought out the bacon and eggs. Every Monday morning started like this, and it was a tradition they enjoyed.
“’Adown by the murmuring stream, that merrily winds through the valley, I wandered in days that are gone. With the joy of my heart’ – Susie,” he changed the name in the song at the last moment, making her grin. His voice was low and husky, his eyes dancing merrily.
“Shh,” she tried to remind him, but he kept on singing, though a little softer now, as he came around and put his hand over hers, mixing the dough together. Around and around their hands went, and Susannah wondered how she could ever feel restless in a place like this. With a man like Lucas.
But deep down she knew why. And Susannah knew that Lucas knew as well. Ten years could be a long time, especially when it was just the two of them. Without a doubt, they had been happy for the time they had had together. Well, for the most part.
It had been six years ago when she realized they needed to face the truth. There was no reason to keep leading themselves on with false hope when the facts were set before them. She would never bear a child.
After years of trying, it just wasn’t going to happen. Susannah had felt the dread that afternoon, as though someone had officially told her. One instant there had been that vein of hope, and the next there was a cold, hard truth. It was a small whisper in the back of her mind, but she knew it to be true.
Chapter Two
Rocky Ridge, Colorado; 1876
Lucas walked in the door and immediately known something was wrong. Taking his hat off, he dropped it and marched right over to her. Susannah could always meet that strong, steady gaze of his, but not this summer afternoon.
When they had first met, it was his eyes that had pulled her in. His eyes had convinced her to trust him and helped her to know she had been making the right decision to give him a chance. So when she didn’t look at him when he walked through that door, he knew.
“What is it?” He demanded her attention, grabbing her. “What’s happened? Are you all right? Did someone—”
Shaking her head furiously, Susannah ashamedly burst into tears. Hiding her face in her hands, she allowed him to lead her to a chair, and tried to gather her emotions. A grown woman, a woman with a lovely house and a wonderful husband, still wanted something more but couldn’t have it. Though she’d tried to prepare these words all day long, now they failed her.
He asked several times over. “Something is clearly wrong, and I won’t have it. Did someone hurt you? Who hurt you?” At first Lucas had been loud, ready to take charge and ride into the problem no matter what it might be. But then he grew softer, and knelt beside her. “Susannah, my darling, please. Let me help you.”
Long blonde tresses covered her face as she tried to hide her tears. It was one of her crowning achievements, the luxurious locks that she knew often caught the gaze of envious women. When it was completely unpinned, it went right past her hips. In the sun, it shined boldly like gold and she knew Lucas liked to run his hands through it. But this time, he was trying to push it out of the way, to reach her. The pounding in Susannah’s heart only grew louder as she knew she couldn’t put it off, that she couldn’t lie.
“I’m sorry,” she gulped, finally straightening up. Sniffling, she tried to wipe away the tears. There were too many, however, so she took to rubbing her face. Lucas grabbed her hands and pulled them away, bringing out his ha
ndkerchief.
He gave her such a look of gentleness that it made her want to burst into tears again. After all, he had no idea of what she was about to tell him. He couldn’t possibly know just as she couldn’t know how he would react. After all, the house had been built to ensure enough rooms for their future children.
Shaking her head, she forced herself to inhale, and motioned for him to sit down. Lucas did, but still leaned forward and took her hands in his. “Susannah, you can’t do this to me,” he tried to tell her delicately. “I just—”
“I can’t have children.”
She hadn’t meant for the words to come out like that, so… harsh. But she couldn’t take his tenderness knowing how upset he would be with her keeping the truth from him. Turning away, she slipped her hands out of his and clasped them together in her lap. It took all of her strength not to run away.
Lucas stuttered. “Well now, you don’t know that for sure—”
She prayed for strength as she continued. “I don’t, but I believe that’s the case. It’s the only thing that makes sense. I know it was the same for, um, for two of my aunts. They were barren all their lives, you see, and I didn’t think… well, I believe that’s the case for me. I can’t—I can’t have children.” She choked on the words, squeezing her eyes shut. They hurt so much to say. “Lucas, if you want, I’ll go. I know this isn’t want you wanted out of our marriage. I’m sorry.”
Of course she wanted him to beg her to stay. She wanted to hear him say that she was being silly. She wanted to hear him say that not having children wasn’t the end of the world. She wanted to hear him say he loved her no matter what.
But he didn’t say anything and the silence lingered. Susannah’s shoulders slumped as she buried her face in her hands again, and she prayed for guidance. Surely God wouldn’t desert her, too.
But Lucas did. He silently stood up and left the kitchen, walking out through the back door. She didn’t know it until she heard the door slam shut. The noise startled her and she jumped, finding herself alone.
When she realized he wasn’t coming back, she wasn’t sure what to do. It was late in the evening, well past suppertime and she was still alone in the house. She tried to go to bed, but sleep wouldn’t come.
Each minute seemed like an hour as she tried to decide if she should stay or go. She couldn’t bear the thought of never seeing Lucas again, but she may not be able to control that. She was certain he deserved a wife that was a complete woman. A woman who would bear his children and be the heart of their home and family.
But she couldn’t be those things for him—or anyone else. As she paced the floor hoping her husband would come home and tell her everything would be fine, she knew it was likely that her marriage was over.
Now she had to decide if she should pack her things and go before he came home or wait to hear it from him that she should leave.
Chapter Three
Rocky Ridge, Colorado; 1882
Now, she shuddered and realized where she was. Years down the road, and Lucas was still there. Having noticed the ripple between her shoulder blades, Lucas squeezed her hand. “Susie, honey, what’s wrong?”
It was such an innocent question, and she pondered why the answer had to be so heavy. She wished she could lie, but she couldn’t do that to him. Not to Lucas. She had hurt him enough, and had sworn she would do everything in her power to make sure it never happened again.
But to bring it back up after they had been doing so well, her voice grew soft. “I was just thinking about… about if we’d had children. That’s all.”
He grew still. Stiffening, he took a deep breath and she listened, squeezing her eyes shut. She hated that so much, the way he paced himself like that. Lucas had been a Texas Ranger, and was now the sheriff of Rocky Ridge.
She’d seen him in action before, fast-paced and taking charge. But with her, he was different. And sometimes it scared her, wishing he would shout and yell instead of waiting to collect his thoughts. Any woman would appreciate that, Susannah knew, but sometimes she wished he’d let her see how he really felt. The raw emotions she knew were really there.
“They’d have your eyes,” he said finally. “And your smile.”
Her heart pattered. “Hopefully my hair, too.” She glanced up at his. As usual, it was a dark mess standing up at all ends. She put a hand up to try to tame it. “I just don’t understand why it’s so unruly.”
“It’s the west, darling,” he stated casually, having had all his life to get used to such a head of hair. “The wind does things to it.” She snorted, since it’s what he always claimed. “And we’d have four boys and two girls.”
She tried to focus on the joy of that moment, and not on the loss of the past. After all, you can’t miss what you never had. “Six children, really? That’s a handful, Lucas.”
He smirked. “You’d love it. You’d be running all over the place, trying to wipe mud off their faces. Half the summer those boys would run around so much we’d probably never even see them.” She scoffed but he continued, softly swaying side to side with her. “And the girls would look just like you. They’d have long blonde hair and the prettiest voices. Like angels, really, and I’d teach them to dance by having them stand on my boots.”
Putting the bowl down, she sighed and reached up to touch his hair again. Mostly to straighten it, she told herself, but it also made her feel close to him as she watched his eyes. This morning they were more green than gray. The usual sparkle seemed dull now as he looked at her thoughtfully. “We’d go pick blackberries in the summer,” she conceded to the fantasy, since she thought about it often herself. “And gather a little tree to decorate for Christmas. We’d swim in the river and have picnics every Sunday after church.”
He nodded, still seeing something that wasn’t there. “That would be nice, wouldn’t it?”
And she looked away. “It would.”
The moment came to an end as they both heard the trampling on the stairs. Every step squeaked and Lucas kept saying he meant to fix it, but they both knew it wouldn’t happen. After all, it was convenient. It was the warning they needed to remind them that they were no longer alone in the house.
Pulling apart, Lucas started humming again and tended to the fireplace as she finished stirring the biscuit dough. Then sure enough, two seconds later Miss Lydia Cowell appeared in the doorway. The young woman was bright eyed and bushy tailed, her hands flitting about like a little bird’s wings. She smiled brightly and then her cheeks turned bright red as she took a step back and bumped into the wall.
“My goodness,” she proclaimed embarrassedly. “I apologize for interrupting anything. Shall I return upstairs?”
The hope in her eyes dimmed only for a moment until Susannah shook her head. “Of course not. Good morning, Miss Lydia. Please come in. I hope you’re hungry. Breakfast will be ready any minute now, I assure you.”
Skipping forward, she beamed and leaned on the table to look at what was cooking. Lydia Cowell was a young woman from New York City who had come west to Rocky Ridge hoping to find a husband.
So many other women—including Susannah, herself—had left homes in the east to find love and adventure in Colorado, Wyoming, and even as far as California. Back East it was like another arranged marriage, with mail order brides meeting their husbands just before the wedding.
The woman with Susannah and Lucas now was a lovely little thing with curly blonde hair and bright blue eyes. She was short but her bold spirit made her seem taller. Still dressed in the latest fashions, it was nearly impossible to tell why such a slip of a girl would dream of being out in the open territory of Colorado.
But as she turned, the evidence presented itself. Her mother had been prone to fits of madness, and in Lydia’s childhood the woman had thrown the little girl into the fire. Scars touched the base of where her left ear should have been, trailing down her shoulder and beneath the dress. From most angles, she appeared to be perfect and unblemished. But there was a side that
her scars couldn’t be hidden. They were horrific. Even Susannah had to remind herself not to stare.
“It smells just lovely. Are you in need of any assistance?” Lydia offered, pretending not to notice. Her eyes roamed over the table. “Oh, biscuits with bacon. Why, I haven’t had that since…” she trailed off for a moment, as though remembering something sad. She shook her head gently as if she was refocusing her thoughts. “Well, I’d love to help if I’m not too late.”
Lucas nodded, and handed over the bowl of fruit with a big smile. “Why, thank you. And since you’re volunteering to help, I’d best finish preparing for the day.”
His eyes drifted from the young woman over to his wife. Susannah met his gaze and they shared a sobering moment, glad to have each other. Her heart thudded and she knew his mind was working fast, just as it always did.
“I’ll return soon, ladies.” And with that, he left them to finish breakfast.
“He’s very nice,” Lydia announced once he was gone. She sorted through the blueberries and popped one in her mouth when she thought Susie wasn’t looking. But Susannah always knew, and smiled as she pulled the biscuits out of the oven.
“And this is such a lovely home. I didn’t really see it yesterday, seeing as it was rather dark when I arrived… I never dreamed that a land could be so vast. It seems like the trees will never end.” She chattered happily as she picked through the berries, cutting a few of the larger ones before placing them in a bowl that she set aside.
