Violet purred in her chair. “I find it quite lovely. They let me exercise every day, I have all the romance novels and fashion magazines I want, and Madelyn’s food is amazing.”
Jonathan gripped the book in his hand, bending the paperback in half. “Great,” he said, eyeing my mother’s demon.
I stood and crossed the room to him. “Do you find it difficult not to return to the Destroyer, Jon?”
He pushed away from the shelves and handed me the book. “I am no fool, darling.”
The muscles between my brows tensed. “That wasn’t my question,” I said through clenched teeth.
But he ignored it.
The library doors squeaked open and Ray entered with Cheryl. My breath caught in my throat and I froze.
Everyone else froze, too.
After my fake death, I couldn’t return to my old life. As much as it pained, I stayed away from Cheryl, not wanting to put her in danger and had placed Ray and my premortal angel, Aaron, in charge of watching over her. She was the only mother I had ever known, and she was alone thanks to me. After all, it was because of me that her son, my best friend Ian, was dead.
And it was the demon standing next to me that had caused the fatal car accident.
Cheryl paused over the threshold, then scanned the occupants before her focus rested upon Jonathan. The rims of her eyes were red with exhaustion, her shoulder-length blonde hair pulled into a small tail at the back of her head.
I glared at Ray, frustrated at him for waking her up at this unheavenly hour, but he avoided my pointed stare.
Although, I knew I couldn’t be mad at Ray. He had done so much to protect her. Even after all our efforts, the Annihilator had found Cheryl and used her as bait to lure me out into the open. We saved her life, but she would be forever a target of the supernatural realm—and again, all because of me.
I swallowed the guilt that rose within my tightened chest. Cheryl set her shoulders and moved across the room toward us. My heartbeat quickened. Nervous, I reached out to her using my newly-developed gift as a soul reader, but she slammed that connection shut and shot me a look that warned. Like a corrected child, I took an automatic step back. Jonathan noticed the reaction and glared until Cheryl stopped in front of him.
“I was told you were here,” she said, her voice rough with exhaustion.
Jonathan glanced to me for a split second. A queer mixture of confusion and curiosity, mingled with fear, battled within that single look.
Cheryl’s fists clenched at her side. “I know what you are, and I know what you did to cause my son’s death.” I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to control the flood of memories: Ian going into cardiac arrest, then dying on the table. Cheryl spoke louder. “I know what you did to Sarah—to Ava—and that you tried to kill her.”
“And?” Jonathan lifted a casual brow, but he couldn’t control the shade of red that stole into his cheeks.
Moisture gathered in the corners of her eyes. “And I know you had no choice in the matter.” She swallowed hard. “Raymond has told me everything. That you have gotten close to Sar—to Ava. That you’ve saved her life twice already. That somehow, because of this strange friendship, you’ve been able to disconnect from the Destroyer.”
Jonathan exhaled a heavy breath. “Your p—?”
“I forgive you.” A tear escaped down her pale cheek.
Jonathan’s jaw clamped shut with an audible click.
“I forgive you for killing my son,” she said, her voice barely more than a whisper. “If Ava can forgive you and learn to trust you, then so can I.” And then she turned on her heel and made her escape.
Ray met her at the door to escort her back to her room. I doubted we would see them again tonight.
The color drained from Jonathan’s face. I reached out, touching his arm, but he shirked back.
“I…” He crossed the room, heading for the exit. “I’ve got to go.”
“We understand,” Laith said. “Hector, follow—”
“No,” I interrupted. “I’ve got it.” Without waiting for approval, I ran after Jonathan’s retreating form.
He was already a speck in the distance as he raced across the fields. I jumped onto the ATV and took off after him finally catching him at the border.
Once he was outside the sanctuary, he lifted his arms to the sky. The rain fell from darkened clouds, washing his upturned face.
I jumped from the vehicle. A wave of energy vibrated then lifted as the veil’s extra layer of armor peeled away from my body. The foreign elements pressed against my skin, sending a shiver up my spine. I wrapped my hands over my arms.
“It’s okay, Jonathan. Everything’s okay.”
His eyes flashed open. “What in the hell are you talking about?”
I jerked back, confused. “I’m sorry. I assumed you were upset. I didn’t know—”
“You’re a fricken genius, aren’t you, Defender.” Thunder rumbled and the evening shower grew heavier. Jonathan smiled without humor. “Tell me, what makes you think I would be upset?”
Hurt sank into my chest. “Talk to me, Jonathan. What’s the matter?”
He laughed, a desperate, painful laugh. “Who am I, Ava?”
“What?” Rain seeped into my braided hair and down my back, eliciting a shiver.
“Tell me, just who am I?”
“You’re Jonathan,” I answered.
“And who is that now?” He laced his fingers through his soaked hair. “For the first time in my existence, I have no idea who I am. I have no place to go, no home. Demons from both the Destroyer and the Annihilator don’t recognize me as anything anymore. I have no rank, no calling, no position. I am a nobody.”
“That’s not true.”
“No. I guess you’re right. I’m the Defender’s demon, aren’t I? I belong to you, don’t I?”
I pished, avoiding his stare. “You don’t belong to me.”
He spoke louder over the downpour. “You said it yourself, Ava darling, but what does that mean? That I get to live a life of celibate servitude to someone that does not and cannot love me?”
“Stop it, Jonathan.”
“What am I to you, Ava?”
I rolled my eyes, but he stared at me with such intensity, I fought the taught instinct to run away. “You are my friend.”
He growled, closing the distance between us. His arms wrapped behind my back. “And nothing more?” Water dripped from thick lashes and drained down his flawless face.
I swallowed hard. “No, nothing more.”
He shook me once. “Liar. You’re attracted to me.”
I pushed against his chest as goosebumps erupted over my body. “Jonathan.”
Then he laughed again. “What am I saying? Of course, you’re attracted to me. That is the purpose of the mortal I selected.” He pulled me closer, every line of his body tight against mine. “And it does such a good job, doesn’t it? This shell, this corpse I wear is not the genuine article. It’s not really me, is it?”
My heart broke, and against all reason, I flung my arms around his shoulders in a tight embrace. Jonathan froze within my hold.
“Jonathan.” I breathed into the skin at his neck, melting into the heat of his touch. Thunder rolled, then lightning infused the sky. My body shook right along with it. “Yes, that is what this shell you chose was for, but it doesn’t have to be. Of course I’m attracted to you. How could I not be? But it’s moved past that and into something better. You are my friend.”
I released him and he let me pull back. I took his wet face into my hands. “When I thought I was going to lose you, I realized how important you had become in my life. Even Cheryl has recognized—as everyone here has come to recognize—I care for you. Against every possible warning, I have grown to care for you.”
“And what if I choose to go back to my Destroyer?”
3
New Beginnings
Jonathan’s breath puffed in the cold, wet chill. “What if I go back to what I know—what
I was?”
Heat rose to my face, but I controlled the anger and hurt that built like the storm. “If you do, I cannot promise that what we have now will be honored in the future. I have a duty to the mortals I protect. But I guess you must find your calling. Whether it be with the Destroyer, or a path on your own, I will respect your decision.”
He stepped away, drawing my hands from his face. He released them. Rain poured between the space that distanced us. “But will you really?”
Disguised by the torrent, tears leaked from my eyes. “Jon—”
“Stop.” He shook his head. His eyes fell closed. “I’m not going back to the Destroyer. I am your personal demon, whether you want me or not, but I can’t help but wonder—”
“What?” I asked, my voice a mere whisper, but he heard me.
One brow raised as he considered me. “If you’re worth it.”
And then he disappeared. I scanned the shadowed landscape through the downpour, but Jonathan was gone. I hugged my arms, shivering from the cold and the pain.
Energy pressed against me, warm and comforting, and I turned into it. Something heavy fell upon my sodden shoulders and covered my head, and Darius drew me tight within his embrace.
His rain-saturated shirt told me he witnessed the whole exchange between me and my personal demon, but I didn’t care. The familiar fragrance of him wafted from the flannel inlay of his coat, and I held onto him until he picked me up and cradled me back into the warm and dry of the sanctuary.
By the time we returned, the others had gone to bed, and I was exhausted.
“He didn’t mean it,” Darius said as he unlocked the door to my suite.
I wondered if I should be more upset that he kept his own key into my bedroom, but I wasn’t. In fact, if I were being honest with myself, I kind of liked it.
Darius pushed opened the door, leaning his tall body against the frame. His wet shirt pulled tight against the toned muscles of his upper torso.
“A man must have purpose in his life, and as of right now, he’s trying to figure out what that is.”
I looked up into his honey-colored eyes. “But he has purpose.”
“Does he really? Have you given that to him?” he asked, brows raised.
I clamped my mouth shut and swept beneath his arm. The door clicked closed. His energy emanated warm and strong behind me.
“He’ll figure things out soon enough,” he said.
“You’re suddenly Team Jonathan? What made this change?”
He shrugged, moving into the bathroom. “I’m learning from other people’s mistakes. Nikolaos and Alexander dismissed Violet’s bond with your mother as something less than what it was—and still is.” Darius turned on the shower. “Though I wish he were a girl, I know Jonathan is special to you, and while I still have a chance, I won’t fight that.”
He ambled to his room, removing his shirt as he went. I spied the markings of a dark tattoo that stretched down the left side of his remarkable back. He didn’t bother to shut the door—an adjoining suite that was originally my nursery. He’d taken over the space after I had been found and brought back to the sanctuary.
“Now get in the shower before you catch your death,” he said, disappearing around the corner.
“I just want to sleep,” I said, grumbling. Frustrated, I called after him. “I’m immortal. I can’t get sick.” But I still shivered within his coat. “And what do you mean, while you still have a chance?”
Darius leaned from his room; his lopsided grin turned my insides to mush. “Get in the shower, or I’ll make you get in the shower.”
“Oh, go away.” I went to my bed, but before I could even hit the comforter in the full glory of my wet clothes, Darius spun me on the spot.
Eye level to his bare-muscled chest, my face burned, and my hands pressed against warm flesh. Connected to the same tattoo on his back, the inkwork continued over his shoulder, the left side of a chiseled pectoral, and down his rib cage, arresting my attention. I fought the desire to trace the angelic Chords with my fingertips, wishing I knew how to read the archaic language.
Standing well over six feet tall, Darius loomed. I swallowed against the nervous flutter of butterflies in my stomach.
“Fine. At least change from your wet clothes. Shall I help you?”
I gently pushed away from him. “I think I can manage, thank you.”
He chuckled but left without further encouragement, shutting off the shower when he passed. “Well, you just let me know when that changes.” His eyes smoldered as he looked me over, then he withdrew into his room.
My nerves tingled, but not from cold. It took me longer than I thought to shake off the new, yet exciting way my body responded to my temporary Guardian. I managed to change from my wet clothes and into my comfortable bedtime shirt. The white flowing material fell midthigh, tickling my overexcited skin.
I set my father’s knife into its drawer next to the other collected blades, then blew a goodnight kiss to my parents. A sketch of my mother and father sat on top of my nightstand—both gifts from Elisa. My father’s drawing was recently added as a present for my twentieth birthday.
A fantastic mix of both parents, I had my mom’s long brown hair, hazel eyes, and full lips. But my oval face was my father’s, as was my straight nose and strong jaw line. Would my father be proud of me? Of what I had become?
I fingered my pendant laying comfortably upon my chest. It hummed against my skin.
I eyed my dreamcatcher and the small onyx stone set in the center. It rested in a mesh of delicate webs that glistened and crisscrossed inside a white, linen-wrapped hoop. Three small, white feathers fell from the circle.
I thought back to all the times I had worn it. It calmed the bad dreams and stopped Jonathan from entering and tormenting my sleep. Now he could enter anytime he wished, having found a loophole of no longer posing a threat to me—but I wouldn’t wear it tonight. I didn’t want to risk it. If he needed to see me, mal-intent or not, nothing would bar him from doing so.
I crawled beneath my covers and melted into my sheets. Darius entered wearing his pajamas, only a pair of drawstring sweat pants. I rolled my eyes, pretending to be annoyed at his lack of clothing, all the while secretly admiring the beautiful muscles and rock-hard waist.
I had been attacked twice in my sleep by two different demons, and as a result Darius was assigned as my guard and slept on a chair in my room. When he had stabbed Jonathan, I feigned hostility, not allowing it. He had hesitantly complied.
Then the visions began. Vivid and disturbing, these premonitions woke me on the first night where I found myself sobbing and cradled in Darius’s arms. Then again, the second night. By the end of the month I had allowed the door to be reopened between our rooms. The missions to save the mortals I dreamed of helped dispel the anguish, and even though we still hadn’t trained together, the chasm between us was nearly bridged.
Darius sat at the edge of my bed. “Where do you want me tonight?”
The muscles between my brows creased. “What do you mean?”
“Ava.” He sighed then braced his arms over my extended legs. “It’s been a month. You know I’m sorry, and if you don’t know, I can prove it to you.” Sincerity oozed from him as he forced his soul open to me, but I waved him off.
“It’s not necessary. I get it.” But more than that, I didn’t think I wanted to know what was inside Darius’s soul. The last time I had that opportunity, I had been shocked to realize that most of his thoughts were single-minded and all converging on one point—me. “You act as if I purposefully tried to shut things off between us.”
“You did, but I understand why.” When I went to argue, he leaned closer, silencing my words. “Ava. I want you to give us a chance. I want you to give me a chance.”
“Darius—”
“I want to be with you,” he said, and I squirmed beneath his heavy gaze. “I looked for you for an excruciating twenty years. We are meant to be together—”
�
�And what if that’s the only reason you want to be with me?”
He jerked back, shocked.
“My dad.” I took a deep breath. “My dad warned me, heck even you warned, that men might think they’re in love with me because of my role as a Defender. What if—what if that’s the only thing pulling you to me?” My face flared in humiliation. Why did I have to ask a question I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the answer to?
Seconds ticked by, but Darius only stared at me, his eyes searching for some unknown response. When I thought I might die of discomfort, he took my face in his hands. “When you first arrived, I worried over the same thing, and if you remember, I didn’t let my natural attraction to you dissuade me from being annoyed by you.”
“What?” Caught off guard, I laughed.
“I’m serious. Your first few days here were awful and you were incredibly annoying.”
“I was annoying? You were super annoying. Drugging me, twice. Choosing a new Defender without asking the others—”
He held up one hand. “Hey, I wasn’t going to showcase examples. I was just saying…” I covered my mouth, stifling a giggle. “But from the very first moment I saw you at Ray’s home, I was attracted to you. Not just your looks, but your spirit and your strength. I knew who you were the second I saw you. Yes, I had been looking for you, but your mother told me I would have a choice. I was to watch over you until you came of age and if things… progressed—” He shrugged, nonchalant. “Then she gave me her blessing. Our callings don’t force us to be together.”
“And how do you know that?”
“Look at Nikolaos. He left.”
I wagged my finger. “No. You cannot use Nikolaos as an example. He’s insane.”
Darius laughed out loud. The sound danced upon my insides, spreading warmth to the tips of my frozen toes.
“Very well. Did you know that Cedric and Fiona have been separated more than half a dozen times?”
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