by London Casey
“Are you really knocking?” she called out.
I pushed the door open. I still had the ring in my hand.
I walked to the nightstand and put the ring on it.
“It’s a lot to ask,” I said. “I’m an asshole for asking it. I’m an asshole for assuming you’d do it. I’m an asshole for feeling the way I feel. You know, the guys at St. Skin are really good guys. Cass is tied down with Diem and Paisley. River is deep in a relationship that started a long time ago. Maddox and his girl, Hazel, are always taking pictures of each other and the world around them. Prick is…well, a prick. He falls in and out of love each night and every morning. Axel’s divorced. Tate keeps it straight with his business and hits the strip clubs for pleasure. Need I go on?”
Bella just stared at me.
I pointed to the ring. “I thought I was doing right by this ring. Looking back, it was all wrong. All of it. Call me fucking crazy, darlin’, but I feel like since I bought that ring, it should be put to good use. Now, making your ex jealous and pissed off maybe isn’t a good use, but it’s better than just letting it sit in my fucking drawer. With that fucking invitation. Tempting me. Fucking with my head and my heart. I thought for a second you could see that and appreciate it. Hell, come with me and let it be your moment to show you what it’s like. We could be each other’s everything and fuck the world.”
“That’s crazy, Zayne,” she whispered.
“I know it is. I know. I just want to see it play out. I want to see if she’s really happy so I could wish her happiness and be the bigger person. Really though, I hope she wants to fuck me. So I could string her along and make her piss her wedding away. Because I’ll never touch her again. And you could be there, forgetting about your shit too. We deserve it.”
Bella didn’t respond.
I reached for my phone and tapped the screen a few times, and cheap classical music started to play. I put the phone next to the ring on the night stand and walked to Bella. I scooped her up by the waist and pulled her tight to me.
“Dance with me, darlin’,” I whispered, “so we have all the bases covered.”
She touched my shoulders.
We started to sway gently.
“I don’t think you’re really supposed to dance to classical music,” she said. “Or at least, not at a wedding.”
“Right,” I said. “Do you want me to change the song?”
“No,” she said.
“Okay.”
The swaying stopped, and we ended up just standing there. Looking at each other.
What the fuck is happening here?
I put my forehead to hers. “Bella…”
“Shut up,” she said.
Then she started to sidestep, wanting me to go with her. We went to the nightstand, and she reached for the ring. I watched as she put it between her thumb and forefinger. She lifted it up, then put her other hand to my chest and pushed away from me.
“Are you serious about this?” she asked.
“Yes,” I said.
“So, I’m supposed to go to your ex’s wedding and pretend to be your fiancée?”
“Yeah.”
“After I crashed in your place because my car broke down…and I let you tattoo me…and I let you take me to bed where I ended up crying instead of screwing you.”
“Basically,” I said.
Bella sighed. “Okay. Let’s do it, Zayne.”
“Yeah?” I asked.
“Sure. Why not? I appreciate you being honest with me. I can’t get mad at that, all things considered. “
“Hey, Bella,” I said. “I need to…”
The classical music suddenly cut out. I looked at the screen and saw it was Gonzo calling.
I grabbed the phone. “I need to take this. I have something else to talk to you about, too. Just let me deal with this.”
I hurried out of the room.
Then it hit me.
For the second time in my life, I’d proposed to a woman for the wrong reason.
16
BELLA
I looked at the diamond ring and shook my head.
“What are you thinking?” I whispered to myself.
For a second, I thought about Parker. What he would have thought seeing me wearing a ring. That would really hit him where it hurt.
No, I wasn’t going to do that.
For Zayne, though, it was a little different. I respected him opening up to me like he did. Everything he said felt right. When I was with him and near him, I felt comfortable. If Zayne needed to do this for closure, then fine. I could handle it. I obviously knew what it felt like to be stuck between reality and a nightmare.
For fun, I slid the engagement ring onto my finger. I held my hand out. I had to laugh right then, because if I didn’t, I would have cried. Of all the times I thought about getting proposed to and wearing an engagement ring, this wasn’t it. At all. While I knew it was fake, it was still the first time I wore an engagement ring. On top of that, this was an engagement ring that had been on another woman’s finger.
I shook my head when I thought about everything Zayne told me. He didn’t seem the type to get sucked into a woman like he did, but the story he told made perfect sense. The guy was a bad ass tattooed biker type that did tattoos for a living. The only thing bigger than the ink on his arms were his muscles. Yet he had this tender spot that allowed him to get crushed.
“Zayne,” I whispered.
He had my interest, that was for sure.
I kept the ring on my finger and left the bedroom. I wanted to draw this out a little. More than that, I wanted to know exactly what was happening between me and Zayne. I knew I couldn’t hide forever in his apartment and in town. There was so much of my stuff back in the place I used to call home. The lines were very blurred and very confusing.
But this is what I wanted, right? It was the reason why I got into my car and just started driving. I wanted an adventure and I got one here. I touched my right hip and felt the bandage.
A tattoo. You got a tattoo, Bella.
I wanted a tattoo for such a long time. And my tattoo story would stand the test of time. No matter what, I’d always have the ink and the story that went with it.
As I passed by Zayne’s bedroom, the door was open. I didn’t intend to snoop on him, but I heard his voice clear as day coming through the door.
“Just give me one more day, Gonzo,” he said.
I froze. I took two steps back. I side stepped and leaned against the wall.
“I know,” Zayne said. “I know you’re not comfortable with this. And no, I’m not doing anything illegal with her. It’s hard to explain. I swear, this isn’t going to come back on you, Gonzo. She has no idea about the car.”
About the car? What did that…
“I’ll pay you for your time and space,” Zayne said. “Charge me what a yard would charge per day to hold a car. And when we come to get it, just make something up. Or give me something I can tell her to make it believable. Okay? Trust me, I know it’s fucked-up, Gonzo. I just don’t want her to take off on me right now. She doesn’t need to know there was nothing wrong with the car.”
I gasped.
She doesn’t need to know there was nothing wrong with the car.
I walked forward.
I turned my head for a split second.
At the same exact second as Zayne looked out of his room.
Right at me.
Our eyes locked.
My face must have told him everything he didn’t want to know. Just like my ears allowed me to hear everything I didn’t want to hear.
“Shit,” he said. “Gonzo, I gotta go.”
Zayne hurried to toss his phone to the bed.
I reached forward and grabbed the door, shutting it.
Then it hit me.
Zayne had been lying to me the entire time.
I stuffed everything back into my two bags. That’s what I had been reduced to. Two fucking bags. That’s what I took when I left the apartme
nt I shared with Parker, and it’s what I planned on leaving with now.
He lied to me.
All the other crazy shit didn’t mean a thing because it was all based on a stupid fucking lie. After everything I had gone through with Parker, the last thing I needed was someone else lying to me. Pushing me into a life and situation I didn’t want to be in.
I couldn’t stand it.
My body shivered and then raged with anger.
At least you didn’t sleep with him.
I gritted my teeth.
That was the problem. I wished I had slept with him. I mean, sure, I would have probably regretted it by now, but whatever. Zayne was probably a masterful worker between the sheets. He was strong, inked, and would have used me for his own pleasure. That’s exactly what I needed. The harder and faster, the more I would forget about my own pain.
But not anymore.
That was all gone now.
It had all been lies.
“Bella.”
I zipped my second bag and turned. “Take me to my car. Since it’s fixed.”
“Wait a second.”
“No. My car was never broken, was it?”
“It had to be towed,” Zayne said.
“And all it needed was some water, right?”
“I honestly don’t know.”
“Honestly? Honestly? That’s the word you want to use right now, Zayne?”
“Hey, give me a second here.”
“No,” I said. “Take me to my car or I’ll call for a ride.”
“Call for a ride? What do you think this is, some big-ass city?”
He smirked a cocky fucking smirk, like he didn’t give a shit that I was pissed. That he hurt me. That he took the last little frayed edges of my heart and tied them together, just to make everything that much worse.
“I’ll walk,” I said.
I grabbed my two bags.
There was no walking with the two bags. They were damn heavy. Bad enough that I had to ride on the back of a motorcycle with them strapped to my back. But whatever, I wasn’t going to let Zayne win this.
He stepped back out of the doorway, giving me an exit.
As I walked by him, he said, “I know you’re pissed at me.”
“Pissed?” I growled. I stopped and dropped the bags. I faced off with Zayne, looking up at him. “You lied to me.”
“I know.”
“What the fuck?”
“Look, I just…I saw you. You were crying, Bella. I tried to play it off. I didn’t want you to go running back into something that was bad for you.”
“Bad for me? You don’t know me.”
“I know enough.”
“You didn’t then. And even still, you don’t get to make my decisions for me.”
“So, if I told you that it was a quick fix and you’d be back on the road in no time…what would have happened? You wouldn’t have crashed here. You wouldn’t have gotten to meet Diem and Paisley, gotten time to sit and write. You’re a writer, darlin’. You said it to me. You should be writing. Not worrying about a career as a waitress at a diner. Who cares if you work at a diner, anyway? You can’t let someone judge you for that. And you said it yourself, you were actually wondering if you were wrong over what happened with-”
“It’s my life, Zayne,” I said. “That’s all that matters. You told me my car needed to get fixed. That Gonzo would take care of it. You lied to me and then made him lie.”
“He didn’t want to do it.”
“You paid to have him hold my car so you could keep me here. Like I’m some kind of…prisoner!”
“Prisoner?” Zayne asked. “Come on now, Bella…”
“Take me to my car. Right now.”
Zayne gritted his teeth and looked down. Then he nodded. “Right. Let me at least grab your bags for you.”
“Fine,” I said.
I walked away.
I didn’t want to hear anything else.
It hurt and I wasn’t going to cry. At least, not in front of Zayne. I had a long car ride back home to cry my eyes out. Then I could call Emilio and beg for my job back. Worst case, there were plenty of restaurants and diners in and around town to get another job. Because that’s what I was meant to do, wasn’t I? Just float the hell around until things made sense again. I couldn’t call my own best friend because her body smelled like the sweat of my boyfriend. My ex-boyfriend.
My only other choice was to pack up for good, sell my car for a few hundred dollars, and buy a plane ticket to my old hometown. The small town that made me, broke me, and sent me away right after I turned eighteen. The town where I kissed my first boy, smoked my first cigarette. The town where I lost family and friends because of time and decisions that weren’t my own. The town I left and promised to never come back because it didn’t want me back there.
All these things raced through my mind like prized horses speeding around a track with lots of money riding on them.
I bit my nails as I looked out the window of Zayne’s truck.
We didn’t speak a word.
He pulled into the same lot where he did the day we met.
“Stay here,” he said. “I’ll be back with your car.”
I grabbed my bag and unzipped the front pouch. “Let me give you money for the repair work.”
Zayne reached across the truck and touched my wrist. “No, darlin’. This is on me. All of it is on me.”
I glanced at him.
Damn him for being sincere. But I had to fight it off.
“Okay,” I said.
I shook his grip away and sat there.
I watched him get out of the truck and walk toward the garage. It was hard for me to grasp the notion that there were any decent men in the world right then. What the hell had I been expecting? Zayne had shown up out of nowhere on a motorcycle, smoking a cigarette, being flirty and cool. Was he really going to be the man to make me forget about the past and look forward to the future?
I rubbed my forehead, feeling really stupid.
It took all of two minutes for Zayne to return, driving my car.
He stopped and got out.
I got out of his truck and put my bags into the backseat of the car.
“Gonzo said you’re good to go,” Zayne said. “The car is old.”
“Thanks for that breaking news,” I said.
“He put some full gallons of water in the trunk for you. Ones that aren’t leaking.”
“Funny,” I said.
I slammed the back door and walked around to the driver’s side.
Zayne backed away, showing his hands.
I stood there, awkwardly.
Don’t do anything, Bella. Just get in the car and drive away.
But I stood there, lingering.
“Bella,” Zayne said. “I have to say something.”
“No. I don’t want to hear a thing.”
“You’re wearing the ring still.”
I looked down and realized I was indeed still wearing the engagement ring. “Oh. Right.”
I slid it off my finger and put it into Zayne’s hand.
“Sorry,” I whispered.
“I’m sorry,” Zayne said. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I should have known better. I’m telling the truth, darlin’. When I saw you. When you looked at me. When we started talking. It all just came together in my head. That’s my fault.”
“What came together, Zayne? Huh?”
He reached for me. He grabbed my hand for a second, nodding. “I thought we could fix each other. Maybe distract each other, at least. Figure each other out a little. I don’t think that’s so wrong.”
“You lied to me,” I said. “And you did it for your own benefit. Then you asked me to pretend to be your fiancée to make your ex jealous at her own wedding. At what point does that do anything for me?”
“Because I wanted to show you how you deserve to be treated,” Zayne said. “I told you the other night what I would have done if things kept going. And it wasn’t just f
or fun and pleasure, Bella. I would have showed you how beautiful you are. Same with everything else. You don’t think you’re worth a damn, and that’s wrong. You’re mad at me, and that’s fine. You deserve to be mad at me. I just hope you know you’re worth more.”
“More than being lied to, Zayne. More than being tricked into whatever you had going through your mind.”
“Yeah. I agree with that.”
I got into my car and started it. She started on the first try, and she sounded smooth and happy. That was rare for me.
I looked at Zayne.
“Gonzo knows his shit,” he said. “I’m sure you’ll be good driving this wherever you have to go. And if something happens and you’re nearby, give him a shout.”
“I won’t be around here again, Zayne,” I said. I felt bitchy, and wanted to throw it all at him.
“Of course you won’t,” he said. “Drive safe, Bella.”
“Good luck finding another person to take to that wedding. Have fun making your ex jealous. I’m sure it’ll all work out in your favor. I hope you get to screw her in her wedding dress.”
Zayne crouched down. He swallowed hard. “Whether you like it or not, Bella, we’re in the same boat.”
“Well, I’m jumping out of this boat.”
“Do you know how to swim?”
“I’ll learn,” I said. “Now let go of my car or I’ll drag you through the parking lot.”
Zayne grinned. “Fuck, you’re beautiful, Bella. If that’s the last thing I ever get to say to you, just know that. You are fucking beautiful.”
I didn’t look at him. I blinked fast. I wasn’t going to show emotion.
But I didn’t move fast enough.
Zayne leaned into the car and planted a kiss to my cheek.
“Drive safe, darlin’,” he whispered.
Then he was gone. Walking away. Going back to the garage.
I looked in the mirror and watched him walk away.
My chest hurt. My head hurt.
Everything hurt.
And now I had no choice.
I had to go home and face the people who broke my heart.
17
ZAYNE
“Gonzo,” I said.
He turned and grabbed a rag and wiped his hands. “Yeah?”
“I’m sorry I put you in that position,” I said. “I shouldn’t have done that.”
“No worries, Zayne. I just didn’t want that sitting around and have something happen.”
