by Smith, Larry
heartbroken.
—Amy Blumenreder
Kissing technique learned from
watching television.
—Mark Harris
Said I pulled out,
I lied.
—Troy Nickerson
Among your sexiest
attributes: health
insurance.
—Jaynel Attolini
She left all her things
behind.
—Craig Fishburn
Loved them all, for a
minute.
—Ian Fischer
Don’t want your ring. Just love.
—Naomi Piercey
Teen homewrecker.
Still miss his kid.
—Martha Garvey
Hired me. Fired me.
Married me.
—Julie Klam
You were
my Little
Red-Haired
Girl.
—Patricia Bailey
Girl beautiful. No
Mercedes. No love.
—Sujoy Kumar Chowdhury
Jeannette’s spell influences my
every thought.
—Jordan Brady
He should have married
the television.
—Tammy Lunn
Wined, dined, free.
Bedded, wedded, flee.
—Gail L. Jenner
Never again. Maybe Once. Yes, okay.
—Emma Starr
He preferred buddies.
Buddy preferred me.
—Tara Lazar
Unfortunately eight
inches was not
enough.
—Steven Banks
More complicated than
movies let on.
—Erin McIntosh
Job requires me
to contemplate
cunnilingus.
—Dan Savage
I fell in love twice today.
—Vanessa Aricco
She got Hodgkin’s
lymphoma. I bailed.
—Michael Malice
He loved the Mac, not me…
—Ellen Holmes
Wow. Didn’t think
she’d do that.
—Gary Belsky
Maybe he will call me tomorrow.
—Jody Madala
Married a hottie,
divorced a hothead.
—Pixie Paradiso
Shhh. You won’t feel a thing.
—Emily Doherty
Me, wife, boyfriend;
polyamory can work.
—Amy Collins
Bemoaning the memory of
unreciprocated affection.
—Francis DiClemente
I love you and I’m leaving.
—Christine Stewart
Said no. Twice. When is yes?
—Lisa Brennan-Jobs
Went for milk,
never came back.
—Lindsay Freda
Well, my children still love me.
—Bill Shapiro
We kissed before
he was arrested.
—Melissa Jun Rowley
Sex. Three weeks
from Thursday, OK?
—Adam L. Penenberg
Happiness is a bed to
myself.
—Michelle Ponto
I kicked Romeo’s ass. The End.
—Lee Payne
After a divorce,
orgasms are possible.
—Becky Judge
Beloved’s face.
Like staring at God.
—Susan Dickman
He sees the me I don’t.
—Mary Catherine Hamelin
Concern with freedom became his
bondage.
—Teresa Lin
I have never been in love.
—Peter Blue
We can share secrets
and bras.
—Caroline Paul
eHarmony reject, Match.com failure,
unloveable me.
—Tammy L. Denton
Looked, liked, lusted,
loved, lost, lonely.
—Susan Hale
Gone. His child grows inside me.
—Veronica Keegan-Moore
“I don’t cheat.”
“You do now.”
—Christopher Sorrentino
Love, unreturned
is still worth
feeling.
—Lisa Stanton
Birthday cake one day late.
Forgiven.
—Tricia Callahan
It hurts even worse
in French.
—Derek Pollard
She married another guy.
Her loss.
—Will Allen
I love you but
fuck you.
—Dean Haspiel
Gave my heart;
lost a friend.
—Johan Dahlberg
Sixteen, forced to have
an abortion.
—Lynne Bailey
Loved him.
Hated her.
Now gay.
—Paul Wysocki
They all came
before they left.
—Scott O’Neil
She looked at me and ran.
—Matt LoGuercio
I am a goddess.
Please agree.
—Abiola Abrams
We “I do”-ed.
Then, he didn’t.
—Lisa Parrack
I was smitten, now I’m smote.
—Bobby Wynne
Much
married,
fourth time
is charmed.
—Erica Jong
Saw, meet, kiss,
live, share, betray.
—Chris Witko
She then turned,
laughed, and left.
—David Abutbul
She owns my heart, always will.
—Scott Lynn
Was a tramp;
now a feminist.
—Evelyn Sharenov
My sluggish laptop;
his archived porn.
—Lara Tupper
Slept with most of my friends.
—Lisa Haines
Couldn’t save him.
Thought I could.
—Jiffy Page
I want to flip my claddagh.
—Joann Wang
My marital advice?
Marry an orphan.
—Kristina Wright
Seventeen, already love
being the mistress.
—Molly Savage
Only feels right when it’s not.
—Mary Miller
It’s better when
you’re the celebrity.
—Lux Alptraum
Our song:
Pat Benetar’s
“We Belong.”
—Daniel Handler
We touch each other, 8500km apart.
—Michelle Yoon
Zooey Glass is my
only love.
—Beth Dunigan
Dogs remain
faithful,
husband off leash.
—Gail Reilly
He picked Jets over sex. Sigh.
—Paula Edgar
Best first date ever. Then, nothing.
—Tsia Christina Harris
Love is living
on Avenue D.
—Virginia Graham
My stockings looked better on him.
—Renee Guillory
Tomorrow, maybe, I’ll
sell the ring.
—Matt Tanner
My least favorite word is platonic.
—Nicole Bohn
Flicked my Bic;
busted my bubble.
—Bird E. Miller
In reunion dream,
you had hair.
—Sarah Bird
My self-esteem
died that d
ay.
—Sandi Brown
I searched him on Google.
Nothing.
—Cybele O’Brien
He lied, I cried, love died.
—Jeanette Cheezum
Tired of hurting me, she said.
—John Sheffield
He was The One.
I wasn’t.
—Cathy Collinson
Wonder-filled, and
never a dull torment.
—Diane Ackerman
Polaroid Love: Right
there. Click, whirrrrr.
—Jay Randall
Wonder Woman fell for
Green Lantern.
—Kellie Dooher
I love penises
more than chocolate.
—Mary Chang
Marriage, children, empty nest:
now what?
—Oliver House
Pining. Falling. Crashing.
Burning. Not interested.
—Stephanie Gerst
Didn’t realize I’d still be lonely.
—Pamela Cash
He was French and I wasn’t.
—Ann Lamas
Irish guys are easy.
Crabs suck.
—Alexa Joy Sherman
Will luck hold? Jury still out.
—Darin Strauss
Found him at Crazy Horse
Saloon.
—Stephanie Robertson
Love makes the
world go stupid.
—David Sandler
Longed for
opportunity…
then you knocked.
—Katie Williams
Kim sang, “Let’s stay together.”
Accomplished.
—Patrick J. Sauer
Plenty of liquor—
we’ll make it.
—Allison Shields
They never seemed
crazy at first.
—Eric Heiman
True love is a nephew’s hug.
—Alison Schulak-Moore
First kissed a girl at sixteen.
—Christina Santos
Grew up on border, loved across.
—Erin Oldroyd
It’s lonely here on
the shelf.
—Genevieve Stanhope
I put
the seat
down
now.
—Marcus Eder
He changed me. I outgrew him.
—Marcie Vargas
Love means lying about my
weight.
—Ann Ingalls
Diagnosis: Bipolar.
He still loves me.
—Valerie Elliott
Smile all day.
Cry all night.
—Tran Le Mai
She defines happiness.
I defy gravity.
—Dan Rubin
Proposal. Dowry.
Betrothal. Marriage.
Children. Love.
—Mitali Perkins
He cheated and then
he died.
—Judy McGuire
So this is me, getting out.
—Stephanie Brady
Tissues everywhere,
for semen, for tears.
—Matt Sullivan
I’m too old
for this shit.
—Abby Ellin
Three engagement rings.
No wedding band.
—Sadie Pfannkuche
He married someone else
named Christine.
—Christine Stanley
A virgin! He’s infuriated;
she’s devastated.
—Kristine Eckis
Brad Pitt missed out big time.
—Erin Walsh
Palindromantically:
Eros saw I was sore.
—Aaron Fagan
Got it right second time around.
—Gina di Bari Carlos
Like Poltergeist, without all
the ghosts.
—John Palmer Jr.
I’m fifty-three, he’s thirty-six,
why not?
—Wendy Green
His e-mail
password was
the same.
—Alexander Chee
Now I hate hearing
that song.
—T’Anna Holst
Happily single. No one believes me.
—Eliot Sheridan
Somehow I even love
his snoring.
—Lauren Given
Overwrought, fraught,
we fought over naught.
—Gail Siegel
Broken heart so
I tried suicide.
—Phillip Seep
Find,
feel,
fuck,
forgive,
forget.
Fantastic.
—Janice Dickinson
He killed the baby I wanted.
—LaDonna Jean Jacobsen
No closet could
hide this love.
—Andrea Dela Cruz
Divorce papers served on
first anniversary.
—Vicki Botnick
Knew cat would accept you,
eventually.
—Anne Ursu
I waited. He never
called back.
—Amy Black
Love has healed my
many wounds.
—Inara de Luna
Years of pillow talk.
BlackBerry breakup.
—Kathryn Aronsohn
Too optimistic for my own good.
—Joyce Riley
Loved him until nothing was left.
—Jackie Hodges
She came back,
I wasn’t home.
—Erik Raske
Bastard turned out to be
straight.
—Lanford Wilson
Jumped in young,
still going strong.
—Laura Scott
Actually, I took my own
virginity.
—Alison Carey
Before you, love was
vainglorious chimera.
—Loretta Serrano
Wife. Daughter. Dog.
Home. Miss them.
—Joe Doyle
Someone should’ve objected at my
wedding.
—Cynthia Ceilan
Want to return mail-order
bride.
—David Tamarin
A short affair
but pure lust.
—David Tamarin
He would have
been my forever.
—Tina Blanchard
Heart swells, tears
come, “I do.”
—Laurie Simpkinson
How can I
build trust
again?
—Neil Strauss
