by Tina Gayle
Still, he couldn’t give her what she wanted. His issues with his brother were just that: his issues.
****
Lighting flashed from the window, pulsing in time with her troubled thoughts. Brain activity and Derek’s deep breathing prevented Jillian from relaxing and falling asleep.
He refused to share his thoughts with her, choosing instead to keep everything bottled up inside. It wasn’t good for him. She wanted to grab him by the shoulders and shake him, hard.
Yet, she wondered if he’d always been this way. Even before his accident, he’d had a tight grip on his emotions. Maybe, with his parents’ death, taking care of his brother, and his strict military training, he’d learned that it was better to hide what he was feeling.
But when they made love, the man was incredibly gentle.
The sudden boom of thunder surprised Jillian, but her husband’s shout scared her more.
“No, not my baby,” he yelled, sat straight up.
“Derek!” She grabbed him by the arm. “Wake up!”
Chapter Fourteen
Wide awake, heart racing, Derek scanned the different objects in the bedroom—the dark oak dresser, the door to the bathroom, Jillian’s hand on his arm. Stunned by the change of scenery from that in his head, he tried to sort out where he was.
His fingers ran through his hair, as pictures raced through his mind—people, a car, a loud mind-numbing explosion, blood splattered on the side of a building. Screams vibrated through his head, and sent pain lancing through his skull. His fingers touched the stitches on the back of his head.
Restless eyes settled on the thick oak column in front of him. Its mate stood on the right. Blankets, sheets, and other bedding lay around him. Where had the explosion come from?
Time slowed. He listened. Rain beat hard against the window. Thunder echoed in the distance. A flash of light illuminated the floor by the bed.
She touched his arm. Her face lit by the next round of lighting, reflected her concern. Slowly, he leaned back against his pillow, and pulled her down across him, hugging her close.
“Are you okay, Derek?” Her voice rang with her concern.
“It’s all right, just a bad dream.” He shifted so she lay almost on top of him.
“Was it about the explosion?” She rose up over him.
Through the darkness, he could see her pale face. “Yes, but it’s all over now.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
He didn’t want to scare her. “No point in talking about it.”
“I was in the dream wasn’t I?” Jillian rubbed her hand over his chest. “You were trying to save me.”
“Yes,” he whispered through the haze of images flashing through his mind.
“Was I blown up in the building?”
“No.” He hesitated. “You were walking in front of the building when it exploded. There was a lady—a woman that looked like you. She had a large—she was pregnant. The building exploded right behind her.”
“Oh, Derek.” She wrapped her arms around his neck. Her tears dripped on his chest. “I’m so sorry.”
Her lips brushed over his cheek. The strawberry smell of her hair and the smooth feel of her skin reminded him of the fruit covered in whipped cream. She trailed wet kisses over his neck to his ear. Her husky voice whispered, “I bet I can divert your mind to a more interesting topic.”
His blood stirred. His fingers gripped the firm flesh of her backside. “What did you have in mind?”
She raised her head. “Well, let’s think. We could talk about baseball.”
“Baseball?”
“Yes, you know.” She ran little kisses along his jaw. “First, you need a bat.” Her hand slid down his body. “Then you need an appealing pitch.”
Her lips skimmed the edge of his. “I want you.”
Her fingers ran over his chest. “Then if the player is very skilled he can get a hit and move to first.”
One hand fell to her breast. She sighed.
“Play ball,” he whispered before covering her lips.
****
The busiest day of the week was finally over. Tired, Jillian stood in her country kitchen, taking down the paper plates that they could use for dinner. Her feet hurt.
“How long until the pizza arrives?” Kelly’s words broke a little of the silent tension bouncing around the room.
“They said it should be here in thirty to forty-five minutes.” Derek’s hands slid around her waist. He drew her back against him. His fingers played over her stomach. She almost thought she could feel the baby moving.
Jillian smiled over her shoulder at him, then thought of a topic that would help smooth out some of the unrest in the room. “Can I tell them about our plans for the house?”
He nodded and continued to rub her stomach.
“When we took out the loan to buy out Michael’s interest in the house, we arranged to get some extra money to do some remodeling. So far I had the exterior painted and new windows put in.”
“I told you the house looked different.” Kelly pointed a finger at Jason. “It’s very nice.”
“I wanted to wait until Derek returned home before I started working on the inside, so he could help me pick out colors. We might even get some new furniture.” She paused and glanced back at Derek. “Oh course, we’re not doing it all at once. It'll probably take us the rest of the year to get everything done.”
“What are you doing first?” Jason questioned.
Derek answered. “The baby’s room.”
“Of course, we have to clean it out first. It has all of Derek’s boxes in it,” Jillian finished.
“Are you also planning to remodel the kitchen?” Kelly glanced around the room.
Jillian studied the scarred butcher-block counter tops and chipped porcelain sink. “A few things.” She explained her plans. The conversation continued through dinner.
“The whole project sounds like it’ll take a while to complete,” Jason said before he popped the last bite of his pizza into his mouth.
“But it sounds like fun.” Kelly sent her fiancé a menacing look.
Something was definitely wrong between the two of them. Jillian brushed her concerns for them aside and stood. “We’re in no hurry.”
She grabbed an empty pizza box and set it on the counter. “Derek, why don’t you show your brother your new hiding place while Kelly and I will clean up the kitchen?”
Derek stood, kissed Jillian on the cheek, and led the way out the back door. “Come on, Jason, I’ll show you my new workshop.”
A wistful look flashed across Kelly's face as she watched the men walked away. Jillian noticed that Jason hadn’t bothered to kiss her before he left.
“Are you and Jason doing okay?” She stuffed the boxes in the trash.
“Yes.” Kelly added the paper plates to the pile. “Why do you ask?”
“It just seems like—there’s a problem.” Jillian led the way into the living room, sank onto the couch, and kicked up her feet. “Why haven’t you two set a date yet?”
“I guess you could say it’s my fault. I keep stalling.”
“Why?”
Long, manicured fingers toyed with the fringe of a decorative pillow. “Jason wants children, I’m not so sure that I do. My career is important to me.” Kelly’s voice sounded confident, but a little forced.
“Why can’t you have both?”
“I just don’t want to devote the time it takes to having a family right now when my job requires so many hours.” She twisted the fabric of the pillow into a knot.
“That makes sense. Doesn’t Jason understand?”
“He says he does, but he refuses to get married until I’m ready to start a family.”
Jillian shook her head. “I don’t understand.”
“I don’t know, maybe he’s afraid I’ll never want to have children.” Kelly grumbled, “I think it’s his way of convincing me.”
“Is it working?”
Kelly’
s face crumbled and tears filled her eyes. “No, because I can’t have children.”
Jillian wrapped her arms around Kelly's shoulders, sharing her heartache and struggling to offer comfort.
“When I was nineteen,” she explained between fits of sobbing, “they found a growth on my uterus.” She wiped her tears, but the flow didn't stop. “It wasn’t cancer but...because of the size, they removed part of my uterus.” She gulped in a quick breath. “Which means I can’t carry a baby full term.”
With a hiccup, she shoved her blond hair off her shoulder and started again. “At the same time, they tied my tubes so I couldn’t conceive.”
Jillian winced at the sight of Kelly's agony.
“If I tell Jason, he’ll hate me.”
Jillian wanted to console her. “No, he won’t. He loves you.”
“He’ll say I lied to him, but I didn’t,” Kelly cried. “I just told him I didn’t want kids.”
“Maybe you could adopt. Strangely enough I heard about someone the other day that might be trying to find a home for her baby.” Jillian fought to give Kelly some type of hope for a future. “She is just out of high school and wants to go to college. Her boyfriend dumped her, so she’s scared and alone.”
A tiny spark flickered in her eyes. “Do you think she'd be willing to let us adopt her baby?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t talked to her. But I know she doesn’t want to get an abortion.” Jillian patted Kelly’s arm. “Maybe if you guys help her by giving her a job and letting her get to know you, she might consider it.”
Would Jason go for this idea? She honestly didn't know her brother-in-law well enough to know for sure, but she knew she had to try. “But first you have to tell Jason the truth.”
****
Derek sanded a little harder on the piece of wood he was working with. “I’m not throwing you out, Jason. I just want to sell the condo.”
“But why sell it now?”
“I want the extra money to help with the remodeling Jillian has planned.”
“I thought it sounded a little expensive.”
“Probably. And with the baby coming, I want to have some extra cash available.” Derek continued sanding the crib. If his brother was the adult his wife claimed him to be, it was time he stood on his own. “Besides, Jillian wouldn’t ever live there, so there’s no point in my hanging onto it. I might as well sell.”
“That makes sense,” Jason answered.
“If you want, I’ll let you have first dibs on buying it.”
“How much do you want for it?”
“Don’t know. I’ll need to get it appraised. Interested?”
“Maybe.” Jason examined one of the table saws and brushed his feet over the sawdust on the foot. “I didn’t know you enjoyed making things with wood. I remember Dad showing us how when we were younger, but you never seemed very interested.”
“To tell you the truth I didn’t enjoy it then, but now that I don’t have Dad telling me what to do and making me clean up after him, I find it’s kind of fun.”
“Yeah, he used to make me sweep the floor before I cut any piece of wood. Said I had to know how to clean up my own mess. It was just his way of getting me to clean up after him.” Jason smiled fondly.
“He was a crafty old devil.”
Studying the cradle, Jason suddenly looked up. “So how do you like being married?”
Derek stared at his brother, judging his response to his answer. “It’s wonderful. You should try it.”
“It's not going to happen any time soon. Kelly doesn’t want to have children and I refuse to get married until she is ready to start having a family.”
“Is that really fair?”
“No, but what else can I do? I don’t want to marry her only to find she won’t give me children.”
“Have you asked her why she doesn’t want children?”
“Yes, but she always gives me silly excuses like her career, our freedom, not wanting to change her body.”
“How long has this been going on?” Derek wondered if this was the reason the two didn’t seem to be getting along.
“About six months. That’s why we put off the wedding date.”
Derek pointed out the obvious. “You know, there may come a time when you have to decide whether you want to marry Kelly and not have children or look for someone new.”
“I know, and it’s killing our relationship.” Jason sighed.
Derek glanced at the clock on the wall. “Maybe we should get back to the girls. We’ve been out here for quite a while. Remember don’t mention the cradle to Jillian. It’s a surprise.” He set down the sandpaper, and stepped to the door. “It won’t be long now before I need to put my wife to bed. It’s way past her bedtime.”
****
Jillian squinted at the clock. Nine-thirty. No wonder, she was having trouble keeping her eyes open.
Just returning from the kitchen, she handed Kelly her wine. “Would you like Derek and me to leave you alone with Jason when they come back in?”
Kelly toyed with the wineglass. “I guess, but I really don’t know what I’m going to tell him.”
“Tell me what?” Jason asked, entering the living room.
Jillian turned. He and Derek were standing in the entryway from the kitchen. They must have come into the house right behind her, and she hadn’t even heard them.
Jason sank onto the couch beside his fiancée and asked again. “Tell me what?”
Tears clouded her eyes before Kelly lowered her head. He shifted closer and wrapped his arm around her shoulders.
Derek captured Jillian’s hand. “Honey, you look tired. Let's get you up to bed.”
She smiled. This was her exit line. “Good-night guys, we'll see you both in the morning.” She drew her husband along behind her as they headed for the stairs.
“Why are you dragging me off to bed?” he asked when they entered their bedroom.
She released his hand to undress. “Maybe I wanted to do wild, wicked things to your body.”
“Seeing as you’re asleep on your feet, I think there’s more to it than that.” He placed his hands on her shoulders and guided her down onto the bed.
Exhausted, she lay back on the bedspread and closed her eyes. Derek lifted one leg at a time and tugged off her shoes.
“What was it Kelly had to tell Jason?”
Her eyes sprang open when he undid the button on her pants. Watching him, she tried to gauge his reaction. “Kelly can’t have children.”
With no change of expression, he slid her pants down her legs. “How long has she known?”
Jillian noted the intense glare in his eyes. “Since she was nineteen. She said when she first met Jason he didn’t want children. She thought she was safe. Then he changed his mind.”
Derek helped her to her feet and yanked back the covers on the bed.
“She’s petrified of losing him, so she pretended that she didn’t want children.” She laid her hand on his chest when he would have turned. “Derek, you have to let Jason handle this.”
****
With his wife tucked in bed, Derek undressed in the dark. He could hear her soft breathing as she eased into sleep. The lady is a diamond among rocks. Their relationship had been built on solid ground. Not once had she misled him—another reason in his long list about why he loved her.
He climbed into bed, drew her close and snuggled against her shapely body. He relished the bliss of having someone to hold that he could trust. Completely at peace, he drifted off to sleep.
****
The next morning in the kitchen, Derek couldn’t hold back his doubts. “How can you ever trust a woman who lied to you?”
“Come on, bro, she was scared,” Jason argued.
“Of what?” Derek huffed. He could see no reason for Kelly to have lied over something so important.
“Of losing me.” His brother wrapped his hands around his coffee cup.
“Right.”
“It’s n
ot really Kelly’s fault. I’m the one who changed my mind.” Jason paused. “Actually, you might say it’s your wife’s fault.”
“Jillian!” Derek slammed his hand on the table. “How can you blame her for your girlfriend lying to you?”
“Calm down.” Jason stared at him, silently conveying the message that he wouldn’t continue until Derek had settled down.
He drew in a deep breath. “All right, go on.”
Jason stared into his cup. “After Jillian’s father died, we had a chance to talk. She was upset, and I—I was trying to calm her down. So we started talking about what we wanted in the future.” He paused to take a sip of coffee.
“I told her about how I wanted to marry Kelly and she told me about how she wanted a child. She had this very elaborate plan as to how to get pregnant.”
Derek remembered Jillian explaining her plan. He wondered what would have happened if he hadn’t shown up at her hotel room that night.
“Anyway, she started talking about how special a child could be. I had never thought about it before, but I started seeing her point. After that, I started thinking about having children too. Naturally, I assumed Kelly would want children. When she didn’t, I wasn’t sure what to do. I tried to force her into it by refusing to get married until she agreed to start a family.” Jason glanced up as if seeking counsel.
Derek held back. “So what now?”
“Kelly said Jillian knew someone who might let us adopt her child, if we helped her with the expenses,” Jason answered.
“Let me guess. Susan.” Derek replied. Damn. His wife wanted to fix everyone’s problems.
“I don’t know the girl’s name. Just that she’s pregnant and she doesn’t want to have an abortion,” Jason answered.
“And what if that doesn’t work out? Are you still going to marry Kelly?”
“Yes. It’s not her fault she can’t have children. We’ll try adopting a baby another way.”
Satisfied with the answer, Derek nodded his head. “All right. What would you like for breakfast?” He stood and strolled into the kitchen.
“Don’t care, but it’s supposed to be hot today. Why don't we grill something for lunch today?” Jason suggested as Derek removed the cereal from the pantry.
