by Tina Gayle
Chapter Nineteen
At the park, Jillian waited in the stands for the game to start. The sun beat down on her head and she wished for the hundredth time that she’d remembered a hat.
“Where’s Derek?” Michael asked as Karen Ann sat down beside Jillian.
“He’s over there in the dugout.” She pointed to the area where Derek had gathered with his teammates. “You probably should get over there if you want to play.”
“So how did the mingling go? Did you see anyone new?” Karen Ann questioned after Michael hurried away.
“No, we just walked around talking to people. You know the ‘Hi, how are you?’ kind of thing.” Jillian watched as the players started to stroll out onto the field.
“Well, that doesn’t sound too bad. So why do I get the feeling you’re upset about something?”
Jillian snuck a peek at her best friend. Karen Ann could read her like a book. Why couldn’t her husband? “Because I am.”
“Why? What happened?”
“We were walking around talking to different people when we ran into Greg Nelson and his wife. He runs that new security business in Gilmore.”
At Karen Ann’s nod, Jillian continued. “Well, you would have thought Derek had found a long lost friend. They started talking about the security business. It was nice to see him excited about something again, but then, he started telling Greg about his plans for the future.”
Jillian gripped her hands in her lap. “A total stranger. He stood there and told a total stranger about plans that he hasn’t even bothered to tell me.”
Karen Ann placed an arm around her. “So what did you do?”
“What could I do? I just stood there. Totally ignorant of what he was going to say next.” Jillian drew in a deep breath and finished. “Sometimes I want to kill that man.”
“Well, at least you know what his plans are now.”
“Yeah, even if it wasn’t the way I wanted to find out.”
The teams met in the center of the field. Karen Ann stood up and waved at Michael. “It looks like they’re about ready to get started.”
The coin flipped in the air. The crowd cheered. Derek and Michael headed for the outfield. Karen Ann settled back down on the bleachers. “Since we’re in the outfield first, why don’t you tell me how you hurt your wrist?”
Jillian relayed the bare facts about what happen. “I had a slight misunderstanding with Martin York.”
“John Paul’s father?”
“Yes. We disagreed on the way I was handling a certain situation. Needless to say, things got a little out of hand.”
“Did you hit him?”
“No, he just grabbed my wrist to stress the point he was trying to make. It’s a little bruised so I wrapped it up.” Thankful that Karen Ann couldn’t see the nasty black-and-blue marks on her arm, Jillian tried to underplay the seriousness of the fight. “We got it all worked out and neither of us are the worse for wear.”
“Sounds like there’s more to it than you’re telling me, but I’ll let you off the hook because I know Derek would kill anyone who tried to hurt you.”
Jillian centered her attention on the batter swinging for the ball. Yelling to distract the batter it also helped to divert her friend’s attention from their conversation. Time moved slowly. As each team came to bat, Jillian’s mind seemed to wander.
“So how many outs do they have?” She worked to renew her interest in the game.
Karen Ann checked the scoreboard. “Two with no runs.”
“How much longer is this game supposed to last?” Karen Ann placed a cool can against her throat. “It’s getting really hot out here.”
“It’s supposed to last two hours or until the ninth inning. Which means it could last longer than two hours if we haven’t batted.”
Karen Ann checked her watch. “I think they’ve already been playing for more than an hour. It’s ten after three.”
Jillian checked the scoreboard. They were losing three to one in the bottom of the fifth. “Derek is up after Cheryl isn’t he?”
“That’s the way they did it last time,” Karen Ann agreed.
Cheryl strolled up to bat. Jillian cheered when the ball sailed into the outfield. “She made it to first.”
“Yeah, but we’ve got two outs.” Karen Ann stared at the field.
Derek walked up to home plate and took a few practice swings. “Come on, Derek, you can do it.”
“Hit us a home run,” Karen Ann yelled beside her.
“Strike!”
“Oh, that man must be blind,” someone behind Jillian said.
“Watch it, Derek,” Karen Ann cheered.
With everyone watching anxiously, the next pitch, Derek swung. The sound of the bat connecting with the ball rang through the air, and he raced down the baseline. The ball flew into left field and passed the outfielder. With no back fence, the player had to run after the ball to get to it. The crowd burst into mayhem, screaming and shouting with excitement.
He circled the bases. Jillian screamed along with everyone else. Cheryl passed home plate with Derek five steps behind her. With a quick turn, Cheryl met him as soon as he crossed home plate. Hugging him, she planted a big kiss right on his mouth.
Jillian’s joy faded as excited by his homerun he kissed Cheryl back. He broke the kiss, threw back his head and laughed while still holding her in his arms. Jillian’s bubble of happiness burst when Derek grabbed Cheryl up and spun her around in the air. Their teammates joined them on the field, slapping and hugging both him and Cheryl with their congratulations. The team headed for the dugout to celebrate the tied score.
Hurt slammed into Jillian with a force that paralyzed her for a moment. Thoughts of her life with Derek raced through her mind.
He didn’t respond to her that way. He hadn’t told her his plans for the future. He rarely laughed. Half the time she couldn’t even get him to smile. Somehow, she’d failed him.
She fought to hide the pain pulsing through her system. She wanted him to be happy. Maybe it was time to face the fact that he couldn’t be happy with her.
Unable to stand the misery of her inadequate love, she stood after the next batter ran to first. “Would you mind driving Derek home? I think I’ll go home. “
“Sure, Jill. Are you okay?” She could feel Karen Ann’s eyes examining her. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, the heat is getting to me.” Jillian stepped down off the bleachers. “Why don’t you keep the cooler? You’ll need it more than I will.”
“All right.” Karen Ann paused for a second. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“See you later.” Jillian turned away with a little wave. The maneuver hid her tears.
The truck parked under a tree on the backside of the parking lot, she headed in that general direction, struggling to put one foot in front of the other. The crowd around the ball field gave way to a large empty field with a few tall trees marking her course to Derek’s truck.
It took every ounce of determination Jillian possessed to force herself away from the baseball game behind her. The scene on the field haunted her, running through her mind like a bad TV rerun, torturing her with a replay of his homerun. Her tears flowed freely down her cheeks, her vision blurred. She approached the truck, unlocked the door, and climbed in. Rolling down the window to let out some of the heat, she was caught by surprise when his hand landed on her shoulder.
Breathing hard, he asked. “Why didn’t you answer me?”
She stared at him and shook her head. “I didn’t hear you.”
Derek pushed the door open wider. “You want to tell me what’s got you so upset?”
She didn’t want to discuss it and forced the key into the ignition. “I’m just tired. Go back to the game.”
The key wouldn’t fit. She tried several times but her hands fumbled with the process. Frustrated, she struggled to start the truck, ignoring his pleading voice.
“Jillian, I want to know what’s upset you. Was it Cheryl
kissing me?” His hand covered hers taking the keys. “Answer me.”
She glanced at him. His hair was plastered down by his ball cap to lay wet and dripping at his neck. Gray eyes, bright with concern, watched her. His breathing was labored. He looked wonderful.
“I want to go home.” She couldn’t say anything else.
“Fine, I’ll take you.”
“I can drive myself, if you’ll give me back the keys.” She held out her palm.
“No.” He stepped forward and shoved her over as he climbed into the truck.
Jillian shifted as far away as possible for him and buckled her seat belt. She stared out the passenger window.
She’d tried to make him love her. Would’ve done anything to make him happy. But something was holding him back. He couldn’t communicate with her.
Guilt hit her. Was the lie she told to protect him actually pulling him away from her? Somewhere in the back of his mind, did he somehow know the truth?
Maybe, that was the reason he couldn’t tell her he loved her.
But how could he make such beautiful love to her if he didn’t?
Perplexed by the conflicting arguments, she realized they were sitting in the driveway of their house. She opened the door and got out. Not saying a word, Derek followed along behind her.
Once inside, she walked over to the cabinet and lifted down a glass. Her mother’s training kicked in. “Would you like something?”
“Thanks. That would be nice.” He stood next to the counter watching her. She filled each glass with ice, poured green tea into each, and then placed the pitcher back in the refrigerator.
With his glass next to him, she lifted hers to her lips.
“Are you ready yet to tell me what’s bothering you?” He picked up his glass.
Her eyes stroked his face, the flush of his cheeks from the sun. His hair was still dripping sweat on his neck. The ball cap now lay on the counter. Rage shot through her as his cold gray stare.
Understanding forgotten, guilt shelved, her anger ignited.
Lack of communication and the injustice of him ignoring all her hard work in helping him recover heated her temper. She slammed her glass back down on the counter, yelling her frustration. “Why the hell should I bother telling you what’s wrong with me when you can’t bother telling me what’s going on with you?”
He set down his drink and shook his head. “I’m not sure I understand what you just said, much less how to respond.”
“Why not try telling me”—she pointed an finger at her chest—“your wife instead of a complete stranger, what you have planned for the future?”
“Is that why you’re mad? Because I talked to Greg about a security job before I talked to you?” He rubbed his hand over the back of his neck.
“No. I’m mad because you don’t talk to me at all.” She stepped away from him.
“And it has nothing to do with me kissing Cheryl Hanson?”
Irritated by his lack of understanding, Jillian strolled back to him and stood directly in front of him. “Look, Derek.” She grabbed hold of his T-shirt. “This has nothing to do with Cheryl. The problem is that you don’t love me.”
****
Derek stared at her, lost in the conflicting information he had received. Karen Ann had said Jillian was upset by Cheryl’s kiss. Jillian stated she didn’t like him talking to Greg about a security job. Now, she claimed he didn’t love her.
“Wait a minute. I might not understand everything else that’s going on in that head of yours. But I don’t think you can say that I don’t love you.”
She released the front of his shirt and started to step away from him. He caught her by the shoulders. He couldn’t let her retreat. He needed to know what she was talking about.
“Okay, when was the last time you told me that you love me?” She crossed her arms in front of her.
Taken back by the question, Derek tried to come up with the correct answer, “Last night, after we made love.”
“And what where your exact words?” She cross-examined him.
Baffled by her insistence, he thought for a moment. “I don’t know. Something about your meaning the world to me.”
She shook her head. “See, that’s not the answer to the question. I asked when was the last time you said the words I love you to me.”
He stared at her. A light glowed on the horizon. “Okay, so you’re upset because I haven’t said the words I love you. All right, I love you.”
Jillian dropped her head. “No, Derek, you just don’t seem to get it. It’s not just the words. You don’t respond to me the way you do to other people.”
He slid his hands off her shoulders and down her back to draw her closer. With her in his arms, he nudged a finger under her chin and lifted her head so he could look in her eyes.
He could see the hurt he’d unknowingly inflicted. “I don’t know what you mean. Of course, I respond differently to you than everyone else. I’m in love with you.”
Tears clouded her eyes. “But I don’t make you happy.”
“Yes, you do.”
She briefly shut her eyes. “No, you smile and laugh with everyone else but not with me.”
He shook his head. What was she talking about?
“Take today for example. You laughed and kissed Cheryl in your excitement over your homerun. When have you ever done that with me?” Jillian placed her hands on his chest.
“I enjoyed playing baseball with you.” He smiled, remembering the teasing game they played the other morning.
“That was different. We were making love.” She paused and stared at her hands that were positioned on his chest. “Somehow, I’m not giving you something that you need. You can’t let go and express your true feelings.”
She buried her head in her hands. “I’m so sorry, Derek. Somehow, I’ve failed you.”
Upset, he struggled with a way to show her and wrapped his arms around her, letting her arms find a home behind his neck. He picked her up and swung her legs back and forth like a pendulum. “Do you want to go in circles too?”
He started to spin.
“Derek, this wasn’t what I meant.” She smiled when he stopped and set her on the counter.
His hands cupped her face. “Jillian, I love you. If I haven’t said those exact words enough, I’m sorry.”
“I know that. But don’t you see somehow I’ve failed you.” Her hands covered his as her tears spilled onto her cheeks..
“No. You didn’t fail me. I just didn’t realize the importance of sharing my thoughts with you. I guess because I need you so much. I thought you knew what I was feeling.”
“Derek, I love you. But I can’t read your mind.”
He brushed her tears away with his thumbs. “I know, honey. I guess, it was easier believing you could.”
With the tenderness she deserved, he softly kissed her forehead, eyes, and cheeks. He drank the tears from her face. Down her neck to her shoulder, he wanted to show her with his gentle caresses that he loved her. That he would always love her.
His hands skimmed over her shoulders, down her back to her hips. He edged her legs apart and stepped between them. With her body positioned on the counter, he pulled her close to his consuming desire.
Her yellow sundress rode high on her thighs. He shoved the barrier out of his way as his hands ventured over her thighs to the moist wet heat at the juncture of her legs. Her moan of pleasure washed over him. Her panties hit the floor as his finger explored the depth of her passion.
Breathlessly, Jillian whispered in his ear. “I take it you want to make love.”
He grinned down at her. “See, I knew you could read my mind.”
Derek stepped out of his nylon shorts then drew her back into his arms. He pressed against her, absorbing the heat of her lust. Her breathing heavy in his ear, her legs wrapped around him, he leaned her back onto the counter.
He felt her buck beneath him, heard the throaty groan of her need. He plunged deeper. His powerful stro
kes swam through every shiver and twinge her body gave in reaction to his movements. She matched his speed and drove him farther into the turbulent waves that crashed against his senses.
He pushed onward, the pleasure building until he felt suspended in time. His name whispered from her lips sent him over the edge. He poured himself into her.
****
Jillian felt the cold counter under her skin and glanced around. They were still in the kitchen. “We’ve never made love in the kitchen before. That was kind of fun.”
Derek rose above her, his face beaming with delight. “There’s lots of places we haven’t made love. This is just one of many.”
Amazed by the prospect, she tried to envision other places. “Like where?”
“Well, we could try the shower upstairs.”
She caught the glint in his eyes. She wiggled beneath him so she could get up but he held her in place.
His hand moved the fabric covering her breast. “Come to think of it this place has a few more possibilities. There’s really no reason to go rushing off just yet.”
He dipped down, wetting the tip of her nipple with his tongue.
She shivered beneath him. “Derek, this counter is getting cold.” He stopped his caress and helped her up.
“I know just what will warm you up.” He strolled for the stairs with her hand in his.
“I’m sure you do.” Jillian followed along behind him.
He pulled her up beside him, and wrapped his arm around her waist. “If I haven’t told you in the last five minutes, I love you.”
Thrilled, she hugged him close. “That goes for me, too.”
“You love you.”
“Yes, but I love you, too.”
“Good. Now that we’re both in agreement on that subject, where would you like to make love next?”
Unable to think, she offered his earlier suggestion. “A shower sounds nice.”
“Then a shower it is.”
****
“So what happened to you and Michael yesterday?” Jillian asked the next morning when she opened the door to let Karen Ann into the store.
“We decided you and Derek needed sometime alone. So we headed to my place and ordered a pizza.”
