by Brook Wilder
“As if I had a choice.” Hannah said. “But listen, I just want you to know that I’m here for you. Always.”
Rachael found herself fighting back tears again. Damn these pregnancy hormones.
“In that case, I have something to tell you.” Rachael said. Hannah looked at her expectantly for a long moment before she continued. “The father of the baby.” She took a deep breath. “It’s Jackrabbit. I mean John Dawes.”
Hannah’s green eyes, mirrors of her own, widened first in shock and then narrowed in sharp concern.
“Wait a minute, the same John Dawes that dad arrested? The same one that is in that biker gang that got Elsie into so much trouble?”
“Well, actually he’s the president of the Roadburners now. But yeah, I guess technically he is still in it. And Elsie didn’t get into that much trouble!”
“Rae, she had to shoot a man! In the head!”
“Yeah but everyone ended up okay.”
“No, they didn’t, Rachael. Two men died that day, one of them was an police officer and a good man!”
“Okay, okay, I get it. He’s not exactly ideal father material but–.”
“Not ideal! Not ideal?” Hannah choked out.
Rachael rolled her eyes and waited for her sister to finish. Hannah made a few more unintelligible noises, before a hushed silence descended between them.
Doubts and fears that Rachael fought so hard to keep under the surface started to rise, and she finally admitted. “Hannah, I’m scared.”
Her sister gave her a sideways look but didn’t say anything, waiting for her to continue.
As hard as it was, she needed to say it out loud. “I told him.” She said. “About the baby. Well, it just kind of… all came out, but he knows.”
“And?”
“I don’t know.” Rachael shook his head. “He asked me if I was sure he was the father and I got pissed and slapped him and stormed off before we could talk about anything. And now he’s avoiding me.” She paused to take a deep breath before going on. “We were really good together, you know? For the first time in a real long time I felt…”
“Felt what?” Hannah asked.
Rachael turned and met her sister’s green-eyed gaze with a shrug. “I dunno. Happy, I guess. I felt happy.”
“Then you have to give him another chance. Don’t you think? If being with him makes you happy, why deny it for yourself? Why not give it a shot?”
“But… what if he leaves me, Hannah? Just like all the rest.” Rachael looked down at the old photograph shining up at her, “Like mom? Every person I’ve ever cared about has left me. I don’t know if I can let him in like that.”
“That’s not true.” Hannah threw one arm around Rachael’s shoulder. “I never left you.”
“You don’t have a choice. You’re my twin sister.”
“Hey, that’s not fair. You know that I stayed out of love for you.” Hannah smiled. “Even if you don’t believe it.”
Rachael snorted. “Of course. I love you too, sis.”
The smile slowly slid from Hannah’s face. “Um, Rachael, have you, uh, have you told dad yet?”
Those doubts came crashing back and all Rae could do was shake her head. Hannah nodded. “You know you have to tell him at some point, right? I mean, he’s bound to know in a few months when you start to show.”
“I know, Hannah.” Rachael stared at the photo on the opposite page. It was all four of them together, as a family—one of the last pictures they ever took together. “Damn it, I know. I just need a little more time, alright? Just give me a little more time.”
CHAPTER SEVEN
Rachael stared down at the small, grainy, black and white photo that she held in her hands, completely unaware of the goofy smile that hung across her lips. She was completely lost to anything but the little blob that she could barely make out in the middle of the picture. It was her baby.
She didn’t know the gender yet, but she did know that her baby was perfectly healthy. All thanks to the obstetrician in Dixon that her sister had referred her to.
“Perfect.” She murmured out loud, once more unaware of what she was doing as she traced a finger over the ultrasound image. “Absolutely perfect.”
Her other hand slid down, curling around her still flat middle. It had been three months since she found out she was pregnant, and it a little over a month since she’d last seen Jackrabbit. The thought of him had dampened her spirits slightly. She had been avoiding him since that time at the clubhouse when she’d gone and spilled the beans to the entire club.
He called a few times and each time, but she just let it go to voice mail. He texted her but she never answered. What could she even say to him? She sure as hell didn’t have an answer for him and it was easier for her like this—easier to go on pretending that she’d never have to face him again. Because the truth was that Johnny “Jackrabbit” Dawes was a huge question mark in her mind.
Rachael knew that Hannah thought she should give him a chance. Hannah would think that he deserved that much. But what if Rachael opened up and he got too close, and then he left her? And the baby?
No, she couldn’t do it. It was too big of a risk and that was all there was to it. Scaredy cat, her inner voice mocked. Rachael tried to shrug it off but she couldn’t. You’re just afraid and you can’t even admit it to yourself. You’re scared.
She gave her head hard shake. I am not scared! I’m just looking out for the baby. But even she didn’t quite believe it. She threw her hands up in the air as she walked to the kitchen in her tiny apartment. It was literally a mini fridge and a microwave but it was good enough for her. She wasn’t exactly a master chef when it came to cooking anyway but it got the job done. Of course, she’d have to make an upgrade once the baby comes. But she figured she’d cross that road when the time comes.
You’re not just avoiding him, you’re avoiding everyone. This was something she couldn’t really argue with. She was almost three months pregnant now doctor but the only changes that her body had gone through were that her breast had gotten bigger and her hair became fuller. The slight weight gain had been easy to hide.
She hadn’t told anyone else yet about the baby, besides Hannah and Elsie. She just couldn’t bring herself to do it yet. Somehow, telling someone besides her twin and her best friend would have made it real. Everyone at work just thought she’d started wearing loose fitting shirts because of the heat wave and no one had questioned her. Not yet anyways.
Hannah’s voice echoed in her head. Have you told dad yet? He’s bound to know sooner or later. The thought of telling her father, the sheriff and hero of Mayville, terrified her more than anything else.
With a frustrated growl in the back of her throat, she glanced down at the ultrasound again. Her and her father never had what anyone would call a functional relationship. Especially after her mother left him. It was hard on all of them, especially Rachael. She acted out in every way she could—in every way a struggling single father didn’t know how to deal with. They had grown apart over the years. She dreamed of moving out of Mayville and to a bigger city where she could start over. He wanted her to stay close to home so he could still keep an eye on her.
Rachael brushed her thumb over the ultrasound picture and turned her mind to the baby growing inside her. It filled her with such a sense of awe. It made her think of how she would have acted had she been in her father’s position. Would she have been any different? For the first time in her entire life, she pondered if she hadn’t been too hard on her dad. After all, it wasn’t just her and her sister that had been abandoned. Her father had been abandoned as well, with two eight-year-old twin girls to take care of on top of the heartbreak.
She was still looking at the ultrasound picture when a sudden knock at her front door made her jump in surprise. She quickly put the image back in her purse and walked towards the door.
Her surprise doubled as she pulled open the door, her eyes landing on the last person she expected to see standing on her doorstep.<
br />
“Johnny?” Rachael spit out his name, shocked to see him standing there.
“I’m sorry to just show up like this, I know it’s…You weren’t answering my calls and I thought—” His voice was deep and intense and earnest as he spoke. “We need to talk, Rae. Can I come in?”
“I guess I shouldn’t be rude and slam the door in your face. You did come all the way over here.” Rachael said with more sarcasm in her voice than she intended.
She was too busy trying desperately not to give in the urge to run to him and wrap her arms around his strong body, to melt against him while he held her. She missed his touch more than she could put into words, more than she ever would have thought possible.
She stepped back to give him room to walk inside before closing the door, doing her best to not ogle him in his tight black denim jeans. He looked around her place, having only ever seen it at night and even then, the only part he spent any appreciable time in was the bedroom.
He turned around and Rachael quickly looked away. What? I wasn’t just staring at you like a piece of man candy. Don’t be ridiculous. She just prayed her blush wouldn’t give her away as he walked towards her again, this time with his hand outstretched.
“I brought you these.” Jackrabbit said as he reached inside his jacket and came back with a partially crushed handful of flowers.
“Oh, they look nice!” Rachael instinctively leaned down to smell them but drew back as she was wracked by a sneeze, and then another. Three more came in rapid succession and she backed away, eyeing the bouquet like it was hiding a bomb.
“Is there lavender in there?” Rachael waved her hand in front of her nose, trying to hold off another sneeze attack. “I’m allergic to lavender.”
“Well, fuck.” Jackrabbit growled, stomping to the tiny kitchen garbage can and smashing the flowers inside before dropping onto her couch. When he looked at her again there was such an unsure, un-Jackrabbit like look on his face that she couldn’t help walking over and sitting down next to him.
“Hey, it’s the thought that counts. Or at least that’s what they say.” She shrugged and smiled, before she sniffled again. Her nose was still tingling in reaction but it was better now that the flowers were no longer in her direct vicinity.
He met her stare and shook his head gently, sending his tousled dark blonde hair bouncing around his ears.
“We really don’t know each other, do we?”
Rachael looked at him for a long moment, suddenly reminded of all the things that had first attracted her to him. Besides the fact that he was so sexy it should be a sin, underneath that hard edged exterior was a good man with a good heart.
“There’s still time.” She finally said, “We can learn.”
Jackrabbit was quiet. And for a moment, the tension between them grew. Rachael felt her heartbeat slowly pick up. She didn’t do well with tension.
“What’s your favorite color?” Rachael asked suddenly.
“What?” Jackrabbit looked up at her with a small smile playing at the edge of his mouth.
“Come on. We’re getting to know each other. Now tell me, what’s your favorite color?”
He let out a laugh then—a real laugh, and suddenly everything felt right between them again, like it had since the first moment they had met at the Sheriff’s station.
Jackrabbit glanced at her then, a look that seared straight through her.
“Green.”
“See? That’s good we’re getting to know each other now.” Rachael said, suddenly breathless. “Mine is black, by the way.”
“My second favorite.” He said. “Music?”
“Patsy Cline.”
“Really?” His eyebrows shot up in surprise, “I would have pegged you for a rock and roller.”
Rachael shook her head, laughing. “Patsy Cline all the way. That woman knew about heartache. You can tell in her songs.”
“Classic rock, all the way.”
“I could have guessed.” Rachael laughed again. “There are Led Zeppelin and Black Sabbath posters all over your walls.”
“Oh, yeah.” He replied. “Now, what about your favorite food?”
She was just about to answer when Jackrabbit stopped her with a hand on hers.
“Wait! Don’t answer that. Let me find out tomorrow.”
She cocked her eyebrow at his suggestion. “Tomorrow?”
“Yea. I’ll take you out.” He offered.
“Like, on a date?”
“Yeah, on a date. A real date. We haven’t tried one of those yet.”
Rachael thought for a moment. “No, I guess we haven’t. We’ve always just skipped right to dessert.”
His lips curved into a lopsided grin—deeper and sultrier—that demanded Rachael’s attention and sensuality. That unforgettable sexy grin always had a way of getting to her. She held his ocean blue gaze for a long moment before finally answering.
“Sure, why not.” She said, far more casually than she should, considering the million butterflies suddenly flapping around inside her.
“Great, I’ll pick you up tomorrow. Seven?”
Rachael nodded, bubbles of excitement rising up inside her stomach along with those pesky butterflies. “It’s a date.”
Jackrabbit grinned his lopsided grin as he stood and headed for the door. “Yeah, it’s a date.”
***
Jackrabbit combed back his dark blond hair as best he could. It had grown a little too long and was starting to curl at the ends. He did the best he could with it but there was no way he could hope to tame it.
He slipped on the jacket, a dark blue that matched the blue in his eyes—not that he noticed. The only thing Jackrabbit was aware of was the nervous feeling making its way through his gut as he tugged at the hems of the jacket sleeve. How the hell do people get used to wearing these damn things?
If felt weird not wearing his riding leathers, that was all. No other reason he would be nervous. He was just uncomfortable in a fancy suit jacket that he wasn’t used to. There was no way he could wear his leathers though—with the Roadburners patch emblazoned on the back. Not tonight. Not to where he was taking Rachael for their first official date.
He shook his head at himself in the mirror. It sounded ridiculous in his mind, like a high school kid going to his first dance. Though if he were being honest with himself, it wasn’t too dissimilar to how he felt at the moment. A young, untried boy, hands shaking and nervous about his first kiss, afraid to get it wrong.
Well, this is as good as it’s gonna get, Jackrabbit thought before finally leaving. He drove the truck he had for moments like tonight when he needed something more than his bike, and picked up Rachael right at seven. Somehow, he managed not to swallow his own tongue when he saw her in the short black dress that clung tightly to her curves and left nothing to imagination.
She looked like pure sex. Her auburn hair was curled in some way that just flirted with the bronzed skin of her cheek and teased glimpses of her long neck. Damned if he wasn’t dying for a taste already and their night had only just begun.
It was a forty five minute drive on a long stretch of highway before he was pulling into the parking lot. The restaurant sat on the top of a small hill like a fortress strewn with winking star lights as he parked, hurrying around to the passenger’s side entrance to help Rachael out.
“Watch out, it’s a big drop down.” He grabbed her waist and lifted her against him. His only intention was to help her down. But the moment she was in his arms, it was like his whole world shifted right way up again. For the first time in a month he felt right.
Jackrabbit swallowed hard at the thought and let her slide slowly down his body as he tried to get his wayward mind back on track. Tonight was about getting to know each other, nothing else. His body cried out in disappointment but he forced himself to ignore it, and to ignore the way every muscle tightened at the smell of her sweet and spicy perfume.
Rachael gasped and he felt it ripple all the way through him. He had
to close his eyes and take a deep breath but that only drew her in and overwhelmed his nostrils with her heady scent. Fuc! Get a hold of yourself, Jackrabbit. It’s just a fucking date!
With his little pep talk firmly in mind, he forced himself to take a quick step back, and then another just to be safe. Only then did he see the direction of her gaze and the reason for her gasp.
“Lupo’s?” Rachael stared up at the five star restaurant. “How did you get a reservation here in a day? I thought they were booked out for months?”
“I made a few calls.” Jackrabbit said, shrugging it off. Turns out one of ex-military buddies knew a friend who knew a friend who knew one of the cook’s at Lupo’s. For better or worse, Jackrabbit now owed several people favors, but the look on Rachael’s face made it all worth it.
