As Mummy’s voice invades my brain, I groan and close my eyes at what’s coming next. Mummy’s into psychic readings and all that jazz. She calls at least once a week with an update for me.
Her previous psychic ended up kicking the bucket, by her own hand.
“Sorry, Mum, just tired. What’s up?” I ask, rolling gingerly to my back, settling in for a long chat.
“Well I went over to see Cleo, finally, after your father let me out of bed.”
“Gross, Mum. I don’t need to be puking all over myself right now. I really am too tired to do anything but lie in bed and go to sleep.”
Mum clucks her tongue and I hear a giggle as she shuffles, a door closes, and she starts whispering.
“He’s looking for me so I have to hide in the closet and whisper. Now where was I? Oh yes, I finally got to escape and went to see Cleo and she gave me a banger of a reading for you, love. According to what she’s seen, you need to steer clear of farming, or growing, something of that sort,” she says breezily, making my eyes roll closed.
Scatty woman.
“Oh! And you know, she was muttering something about cages and not just doing something or other about it. I don’t quite remember it all because she had me drinking some of that vile tea she makes. I was looking for somewhere to spit it out, you know.”
Great, just what I need today, a half-arse reading that I’ll be agonizing over and trying to decipher all afternoon.
“Mummy, can’t you just one time actually listen and give me a full account of this instead of your half sentences and scatty flippin’ ramblings?” I mutter.
“Well excuse me, Lucille, but I was busy trying not to die from tea poisoning, and for some reason Daddy didn’t want me leaving the house this week. He made it really difficult to even get to Cleo, and then when I got home today he started distracting me and I forgot some of what Cleo said. I remembered the important bits, though. No growing and something about a cage and not running.”
Okay, no physical activity, I already know that.
“Okay then, Mummy, thanks for the heads up. And tell Daddy I said thanks for threatening that neighbor of mine with a court case. I haven’t smelled even a hint of cabbage this last week, thank God.”
That has her giggling and I enjoy the next half hour as she prattles on about some green project she’s got going while she hides from Dad. Really, I can literally hear him bellowing, searching for her as we speak.
Then Dad turns into an absolute bear.
“Come out already, you barmy woman! I’ve made lunch!”
“Oops! Gotta go, love. Tell that man of yours I said hello.”
She’s off even as I let out a disgruntled gasp and I toss the phone with a sneer. I told the crazy cow months ago that Freddie and I were on the outs. You’d think she’d have at least listened to that.
Mummy and Daddy are a right pair of scatterbrains.
***
I groan as I start gagging again and dive head-first into the toilet bowl for the fourth time.
It’s been well over a month since I got implanted with my genius baby and I feel like freaking hell just shat me out and started stomping all over me.
I’m carrying a baby. One who seems intent on killing me before I even start showing. To be honest it’s been the worst experience of my life so far, and that’s saying a lot. I once had Mummy drag me off to a farm one summer to help them bring in their harvest.
It was the worst experience of my life when I realized they were into old-school methods and chose to do things the natural way, namely hand picking all their crops and doing some sort of hoodoo prayer over every freaking corn cob.
I’ve already gained weight. I am not glowing like Callie and the other inhuman bitches of the world apparently do, and I am so not even going to start on what I look like.
Let’s just say that when you feel the way I do, washing your hair is a luxury you can’t afford.
Oh, and another little gem of absolute bliss? I can’t work right now. I’ve been shoved onto a leave of absence after I went to work one afternoon and started making clam chowder.
It ended badly. Very badly.
I had to drag my ass home on the condition that I could return to work when my stomach flu was over. Nope, no one knows about the hostile entity inside me as yet.
“Stop it! Your dad’s like a freaking genius or something. Don’t you know that if you kill me you won’t live either?” I flop to the bathroom mat and wait for the angels to come take me.
I want to cry a little as I feel the nausea settle to a bearable throb in my gut, that’s how grateful I am to be free of it. At least for now. Okay, so I do cry a little as I lie there and let the coolness of the tiles sink into my skin and cool the raging heat seeping from my bones.
I feel so crappy right now that I almost laugh when the doorbell rings, followed by a swift knocking.
You think I can move now? Not in this lifetime, whoever you are.
“What the hell!”
Oh God, I think when I hear that voice and look up to see the idiot of my dreams standing in the doorway, his face a mask of stony displeasure.
“Go away, Cage. Just go away,” I mutter, only caring a little that I look like the crusty part of Satan’s jockstrap right now.
He doesn’t listen, though. Does he ever freaking listen!? He stalks my way with a scowl before bending low and sliding his arms beneath me.
The way he lifts me is so freaking hot and I find myself clutched to his chest before I can even think of trying to wiggle down.
“Christ, Luci. What the fuck, baby?” he barks when he finally gets an eyeful of me.
“Stop yelling and put me down, Cage. I wanted to shower,” I mutter, finally finding the strength to start wiggling.
His arms clamp tighter around me and I see him sniff once before closing his eyes and changing direction, heading back into the bathroom.
“You can have a bath after I brush your teeth and get some of that…stuff out of your hair,” he mutters, dumping me on the vanity before going to run a bath.
“I can do it. Go away.”
Oh please don’t leave. Don’t leave me all alone with this demon baby, I plead silently, my mind finally snapping a little.
How in God’s name did I ever think I could do this stuff alone?
He narrows his eyes and comes back to grab my toothbrush. I don’t even care if I look like a pathetic asshole. I need someone, and if I’m honest I’ll admit I need him to be here and save me from myself.
I’ve been lonely and scared and pretending not to be for weeks now.
“Open up.”
I obey instantly and moan as he brushes my teeth gently, completely focused on his task as if brushing my teeth and getting rid of the sour smell that’s soaked into my very pores is his life’s mission.
By the time I spit and rinse I feel so much better I could just kiss him.
“Hop off, baby. Let’s get all that…stuff out of your hair, and maybe see about getting you to the doctor.”
“No!” I yell when he goes for the hem of my shirt, panic setting in at the thought of him seeing me this way.
I can’t. I’m not ready to let go yet, and I can only imagine that he’ll be out of here like a freaking shot once he sees my state and realizes why my belly is so hard and rounded.
“Luci, baby, come on now. You need a bath and you look about as capable of going it alone as a limp noodle. Don’t be shy. I’ve already seen, touched, and tasted it all anyway.” He grins, a small dimple popping out in his cheek.
“Er, uh, no. Um, I can do it,” I mutter, holding on to my shirt like my life depends on it, which at this very moment it does.
Freddie seems to be praying for patience as he pulls his hands away and looks down at me, his bright blue eyes narrowed on my pale face.
“You’re sick and you need to go to the doctor. And by God, Luci, I will get you there if I have to carry your smelly, puke-stained ass there just as you are.”
The man’s a freaking tyrant. And an ass. And so handsome that for just a second all I can do is stare at him before I feel my anger rise.
He wants to take care of me now? Now! When I can’t have him and can’t accept this gentle caring he seems to have found under a rock.
“What are you even doing here?”
“I told you I’d be seeing you again. What? You thought I’d just realize I freaking love you and then walk away just because you told me to?” He laughs.
Admittedly, I’m in such a daze and stuck on his words that I don’t feel him rip my clothes off or gently lower me into the tub. Did he just say…?
It’s only when I hear his indrawn breath and feel a hand cup the little mound of my belly that I snap out of it and stiffen, my eyes rounding as I bring them up to meet his.
“Oh, Luci.”
Don’t cry, Luce. Don’t. So what if he starts going crazy and yelling at you the way he did at Callie and Jack’s wedding. It doesn’t matter, remember? You let him go and chose to have a baby instead of getting your heart broken again.
“Don’t tell anyone yet,” I manage to say, my mind blank but for the fear that he’s about to run out of here and tell the whole gang and the Times that I’m pregnant.
I haven’t even told the parents yet.
He starts stroking me, his fingers tender, gentle, as I lie there and watch him in a daze, somehow seeing a love and tenderness I know can only be the figments of my overstressed mind.
“It’s real. It’s really happening? You’re pregnant?”
“Well of course it is, you idiot! I am pregnant and it’s none of your freaking business.”
Chapter Seven
The Best Laid Plans
Freddie
She’s pregnant.
That’s all that keeps playing over and over in my head as I look down at her little belly and see the proof that I failed. She’s gone through with having the IVF done and it took, despite my efforts to derail the whole thing and have her needing me for comfort.
I freely admit that at one mad point I considered swapping out sperm samples and getting her pregnant with my seed. Hell, I jerked off into a cup and handed it over to one of Woody’s doctor pals at the same clinic Luci used.
Don’t go judging me. I came to my senses really fast after that and had them pull the plug on that idea. I could never deceive her that way and live with myself.
So I went to plan C and had them tamper with the viability of the sperm she’d chosen. I kept thinking that if only she needed me, even if only for comfort when the IVF failed, that it would be my in.
I could soothe her and comfort her and prove in this small way that she could trust me and depend on me. Maybe even love me again when she realized that I am so in love with her I can barely see straight.
And now…
I can’t think it again even as I cup her belly, because I might go nuts seeing another man’s baby inside her.
All I wanted is for her to see me and love me again.
Please God, I beg of you, don’t let it be dead. I may just kill what’s left of the hopeful little boy I once was if the love she had for me is all gone.
As soon as I have the thought it dawns on me that I don’t give a shit that she’s pregnant with some other douche’s baby. I love her enough that I’ll love her child. It will be mine. It is already, no matter what she thinks or feels right now. I swear to God that I will make her love me again and we’ll be a family.
“Luci.”
She somehow gets herself together and out of her daze and starts slapping my hands away with a cursed yell that echoes off the tiled bathroom walls.
The action only serves to bring my eyes up to her breasts. I think I just came in my pants when I look up to see her already perfect breasts swollen and tender, a little bigger than I remember them being.
I want to lower my head and suck on her dark pink nipples till she screams out her pleasure. I want them against my tongue, hardening as I flick and lick—
“Stop staring at my boobs and get your hands off me, Cage. God, I’m pregnant and you’re still being a perv?” she yells, cursing when she tries to rise and I just push her back into the lukewarm water.
“Luci—”
“It freaking figures that you’d be all hot for me now that you know I can’t be with you. What? You like knowing that I’m unable to expect anything from you, so all of a sudden I’m not Typhoid Mary anymore!” she yells, her temper going so hot I feel it singe my eyebrows. “Well guess what, I don’t want you. How’s that for a freaking ironic twist, huh? I do not want you. I’m having my baby and I will be happy and I don’t care if I’m gonna be alone for the rest of my freaking life.”
The way she buries her face in her hands is enough to solidify my resolve and I pull her closer to me, the water on her skin soaking into my shirt as I croon to her and pepper little kisses over her dirty hair.
“Luci, baby, please don’t cry. I fucking hate seeing you cry. I meant it when I said I love you and I don’t give a shit if you’re pregnant with someone else’s baby. I still want you enough to just be happy that you’ll let me take care of you. Please let me take care of you, at least,” I plead, ignoring my hard dick as I rub her back and try to soothe her.
“I hate you so much for hurting me, Cage.”
The words hurt, I won’t lie, but I shove the pain away and instead keep crooning to her till she stops sobbing and seems to collect herself a little.
“I’m sorry, that was uncalled for and untrue. I don’t hate you. I just, I just don’t know what to do right now. I was so excited about a baby and I think I went a little nuts when I saw little Jack and…and I was feeling so alone. So I—”
“Shh, baby. Don’t. Don’t upset yourself more right now. Just let me clean you up and wash your nasty-ass hair first, and then we can sit on the sofa and talk. Just talk.”
For whatever reason, and I thank God for it, she seems to just deflate and sits quietly while I go about washing her hair and her body, her eyes redrimmed and far away as I pick her up out of the tub and start drying her off.
For once I’m proud of myself when instead of getting harder at the sight of her naked body, all I do is dress her and scoop her up to carry her into the living room.
She doesn’t say a word as I lower her to the sofa, and she goes so far as to accept the tea I make her as well as the dry slice of toast that Google said would calm her upset stomach.
I’m still a little raw as I lower myself to the sofa beside her, and it takes a few throat clearings and a lot of self-control when I finally find my voice and start speaking.
“I don’t blame you one bit if you hate me after the shit I pulled on you, Luci. I was a heartless coward. I have no excuse for the way I reacted when you told me you loved me. All I can say is that it scared the shit out of me and I reacted badly.”
“I don’t hate you, Cage,” she whispers after a long silence. “I can’t hate you when I once loved you. It’s just not in me, no matter how much I wish it were.”
Well thank God for that small miracle, I think, blinking back tears of regret.
“That is…thank you.” I choke, digging my fingers into my thighs to stop from reaching out and touching her. “Talk to me, Luce.”
I want to know it all. I want to know when she decided that this was her only chance at happiness and how she got through this all alone.
Most of all I want to know if there’s any chance at all of her letting me back in. As a friend, at the very least.
Luci shrugs and finally turns her green eyes up at me.
“The morning little Jack was born I kind of just…lost it, I think. I looked down at her little face, that perfect little mouth that seemed to smile at me, and I thought…I’ll never have this, will I? I’m thirty years old, going for thirty-one, and I have nothing to show for myself but a business that doesn’t really need me, a relationship with my parents that’s okay, and a room I shared in an apartment with my friends. That
was it.”
I had that very same thought just weeks ago when I looked at my own life and realized I have nothing of any real value. Sure I’m stinking rich and making more money by the minute, and sure I have friends and now an extended family that’s a hoot and makes me happy. But that’s it.
I have no fond memories of love or anything really that in any way points to a well-lived life. I have nothing that can’t be replaced in any way or another. I feel empty.
It took a few hours but eventually my mind focused on Luci and I realized that for a few brief moments I did have something so special that the thought of living without it for the next fifty years made me break out into a cold sweat.
“Yeah, I totally get that,” I mutter with a sad smile that she reciprocates before looking down at her teacup.
“Anyway, I just thought, I want at least one part of my messed-up album. Just one part, and then all I could think was I wanted a baby. I wanted one person I could love who would need me and love me back. Indie and the others, they’re great and I know they love me, but they’ve never needed me, you know? And then there’s the whole biological clock that started ticking, and well, I just kind of picked up the ball and just kept running without really considering everything, I guess.”
“And then?”
I know how she got this way, but some part of me needs to hear it all because as much as it hurts, I want her to trust me with this secret and know for the rest of my life that I have a part of her that no one else got to first.
She laughs a little and sips at her tea before shrugging again.
“I went nuts. I went to a boatload of doctor appointments and got all these tests done and then I just, I chose a dad. It was the most ridiculous thing, Cage. I got to look at this catalogue type setup and choose all the things I wanted to pass on to my kid like hair and eye color. Heck, some of those men even had all these IQ tests on their profiles and it…”
“You chose all the good things you wanted, huh?”
I want to cry like a freaking baby when she smiles sadly and looks up at me with so much regret, I feel it like a physical blow.
THE NAUGHTY ONES: The Complete 5-Books Series Page 17
