“Thank you.”
“Wanna get a booth?”
“Sure.” He leads the way to the back of the bar and we search for some privacy in between the many couples that seem to be out tonight and really going for it in the PDA department. The lights grow dimmer the further back we get and we pass each booth trying to make out whether they contain any moving bodies as we pass them. I spot one and Sam slides in first, bringing his arm up to lean on top of the seat as I slip in beside him.
“Busy in here tonight,” I say as I lean back against the cushion.
“Yeah, they’ve got some live music here soon. We can stay if you want or go somewhere a bit quieter?”
I turn my head to look at him with an eyebrow raised. “I’ve not even had a drink and already you’re trying to get me alone. You’re a fast mover aren’t you?” I’m under no pretences about why he’s here, because I’m here for the same reason.
“I try to be.” He replies, and his half-smile and heated gaze has me picking up my glass, ready to down it so we just leave already. My thoughts are interrupted by a high-pitched, drowns-everything-else-out kind of giggle from behind me. She has my attention as I wait to hear the joke, but I don’t hear it; I see it. I turn round and James’ eyes latch on to mine, making me squirm in my seat. He quickly removes the arm that’s slung lazily over her shoulder and puts some distance between them. His eyes are still on mine as she tries to get his attention, but he doesn’t seem as into it as he was before he realised there was an audience.
His body moves forward as though he’s going to come over but as he slides into full view he notices the hand that’s dropped to my shoulder. His eyes narrow and he stiffens, his body standing tall and rigid. I want to tell him this isn’t anything, to tell him Sam’s just the distraction from the one man I want but who doesn’t want me, but I can’t. I can feel my legs starting to move; it’s like I have no control of my body when he’s around.
Little Miss Giggles, with her long shiny brown hair, and her supermodel legs, is back in full force and fawning all over him. I can’t watch so I shrug away from Sam and tell him I’m going to get us some more drinks. The queue is long so I have a reason to be a while, and I tap against the bar with my fingers, trying to distract my brain with the beat of the music.
“What are you doing with Sam?” His breath is a husky whisper that tickles my ear and his chest lowers so close to my back I can feel his weight against me. His hands are gripping the bar in front, caging me in, but I don’t want to move.
“Same thing you’re doing with Giggles over there in the corner I would assume. Unless you’re just playing chess.” I turn my head to meet his eyes, “Because we definitely aren’t playing chess.”
My heart falters at how close his lips are to mine, if I just reached up slightly I could touch them.
“No, you’re just playing dirty,” his deep growl shocks me and it’s like my body has gone into submission. I’ve got shivers running all over and my legs are feeling weak. He turns me abruptly and then moves closer, his body completely invading mine.
“I can help you remember.” He declares softly, his words are a promise that kindles the fire inside me. He hasn’t tried this in a while. It only seems to be when I’m with someone else.
I took Ed to Cassie’s birthday party. I knew James was going to be there with girls draped all over him so I wanted a buffer. No, I needed a buffer. I tried to stay away from him for the most part because the more I saw him, the more confident he was becoming in his pursuit of another night together. But he was trouble; that was for damn sure. We kept to ourselves until Ed got dragged away by a hot little blonde in a mini dress. I wasn’t bothered he was dancing with her; we only went as friends. I was bothered I was left on my own, and when I felt that heated gaze burning into me like a hot poker branding the skin, I was pissed. The brunette James was with was too busy preening herself because she wanted his attention back. The attention that was so completely on me I wanted to shout over at him and ask him what his problem was. He glanced at Ed with narrowed eyes, then back at me, but I didn’t understand at the time why he was bothered. I didn’t want to knowingly be just another notch on his bedpost and I didn’t want him to be just another on mine. I knew if I was going to continue to look into those baby blues, I’d cave and probably throw myself at him. When he put the cue down and prowled slowly around the pool table, smouldering eyes glowing like he was the powerful fearless predator and he’d set his sights on his prey, I turned away and tried to busy my clammy hands with pouring a drink, praying desperately for a miracle. I’d obviously been a bad girl because God didn’t give me one.
“Having fun, babe?” His sexy, deep voice from behind me unexpectedly sent a wave of goose bumps all over my skin and the bottle of vodka slipped out my hands and clanged onto the table, spilling the contents.
“Shit,” I cursed and straightened the bottle before grabbing a few napkins and trying to mop up the puddle. Strong hands flew out with napkins of their own and started dabbing at the tablecloth right next to mine.
“I’ve got it.” I growled out, I didn’t need his help, not now or any other day of the goddamn year.
“Whoa there firecracker, I was just trying to be nice.” He chuckled, and the sound kicked up the anger a few thousand notches. My anger wasn’t necessarily down to him, it was how my body reacted to him.
“I don’t need your help.” I said with frustration. Please leave, please leave, please leave.
No such luck.
“I can see that. You do pretty well without me.” His voice was a mix of vague amusement and irritation. I didn’t know which one to think about first. I had no verbal response, I just huffed a reply. I was inexplicably drawn to him and if I could have put my finger on why, I might have been able to stop myself from lifting my head to look at him. But I couldn’t. And I didn’t.
His eyes searched deep in mine and were obviously happy with what they found. “I think you forgot something that I need to remind you of.”
As he stepped closer, my first reaction should have been to step away but I was clearly a masochist because I held firm. And when he ducked his head, I breathed in his scent and felt that invisible pull between our bodies; I was leaning in closer.
“That attraction you crave, I crave it too. How you feel when I’m around you, is exactly the same as how I feel when you’re near me.”
I took a breath in and willed my heartbeat to slow down. The brief pause cleared something in my head. All the fog that was clouding my judgement, lifted.
“I don’t feel anything when I’m near you except regret. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go and find Cassie.” He flinched at my words, only slightly, but I noticed. He was standing in my way and he was taking up so much room, he had to move before I could.
Instead, he reached his hand out to lightly trail across my cheek then leaned right into my ear, his breath hot against my skin. “One day soon you’ll be back in my bed, babe. I can promise you that.”
My flustered voice started to spout some kind of blistering retort but before I could finish, he grinned wickedly and winked before disappearing through the door on the opposite side of the room.
Now I understand what the problem was. His ego. It’s like he’s trying to stake his douchebag claim on me, when all we had was one night. ‘Cause I’m probably the only girl who won’t repeat their night with him. I know all he wants is sex; it’s what he’s like. But I don’t think my heart could handle a night with him that I actually remember clearly.
“And what if I don’t want to remember?” I snap back, wishing my words have as much conviction spoken, as in my head.
He laughs gently, as his eyes flash with desire, “You know you want to remember, babe. You want to remember how it felt when I kissed all the way down your body.” His hand drops down to my hip and grips it tightly. “How it felt when I slid deep inside you.” My chest rises and falls heavily as I try to control the tingling sensation rushing between my
legs. I can feel my lips reaching up for his.
“Just admit it babe. The quicker you do, the quicker I can give you what you want.”
And just like that, I’m back to reality with a heavy thump. He’s such a jackass. He was so close to having me and I’m thankful he let his true colours show before I made the biggest fucking mistake of my life. Literally. This game we’re playing, there’s only room for one winner, and I’ll be damned if it isn’t me. I step forward so our bodies are touching and place my hand as steadily as I can against his abs, and shit, I can feel the muscles through his shirt. Concentrate, Laurel. With a guy like him you have to have the upper hand or you have nothing. I raise my eyes slowly, heavily, looking up at him under my eyelashes, and see his throat swallow hard. I’ve taken this a step further than usual. Spurred on by his hesitation, I lift up on to my tiptoes and scrape my lips lightly across his cheek to reach his ear.
“I’ve got to get back to my date, and you should probably get back to the little girl over there that’s glaring right at me. I don’t think she appreciates you getting hard for another female right in front of her. That is for me, isn’t it?” I nod at the bulge in his pants and force myself to give my best seductive smile as I walk away from him.
The further away I get, the more my lungs feel the need to gulp down fresh air.
“Let’s get out of here.” The excitement on Sam’s face as he looks me up and down has me needing a few more drinks before I can let anything else happen. I need a release after James had my body wound up so tight, but I also want the alcohol to dull my feelings first. I just want to forget.
“Steady on there, Romeo, let’s just go to another bar. It’s too packed in here, it’ll take ages to get another drink.”
Two hours, four shots of Tequila, three beers, and two glasses of wine later, the room is blurry, Sam’s looking like Clark Kent and we’re in a taxi going back to his. The alcohol has completely taken over my body and I don’t even mind the wet kisses and hard gropes he’s sending my way. It’s exactly what I need.
My eyes flutter open. The dullness subsides and the shooting pain barrages my head with its fury. The ache in my limbs intensifies and it’s a struggle to move my body just a few inches. In that moment my bare skin rubs against the covers and realise I’m naked. I feel another presence next to me and hear the loud snores before turning to look at where they’re coming from. The instant the flashes of last night come back to me I cringe inside and the guilt comes at me like never before. The glow of the digital clock on the bedside table screams at me; five am. I need to leave before Clark wakes up. I sneak out of the bed and search around blindly for the clothes that were hastily discarded last night, and after finding them, scrawl a quick note to Sam thanking him. If he lived anywhere else I wouldn’t have bothered but the fact he works round the corner from me and I bank in his store on a weekly basis for my business, means I can’t just ignore it. I ring for a taxi and luckily it’s only a few minutes before it arrives, the advantages of living in a small town like Stamford.
As we drive through the dark isolated streets, I sit in the back of the car and contemplate the previous night. It’s becoming less fun than it used to be. I feel disappointed and frustrated and the tears start to fall but I wipe them quickly away. I realise now why I’ve got worse the past eight months. I pretend I’m okay; that James doesn’t bother me; that I’m a big girl and I don’t need a man or a relationship to feel validated but the truth is, I want it. So badly. I’m just too scared. It’s all I can do to forget about him though. For those few hours I’m drunk and with another man, I’m not thinking about James. I’m not doing my best to try and remember the night we shared and I’m also not feeling the heartache I felt when Darren left. My house comes into sight and after I open the front door quietly so I don’t wake my mother, I get into my own bed, shut my eyes and dream about the man I wish I didn’t want.
Chapter Three
Laurel
I yawn as I collapse onto the sofa; an extra three hours sleep but I think I feel worse off for it. The alcohol has dissolved and in its place it has left a dull ache all over.
“You look like crap.” My mother, everyone.
“Thanks a bunch. Rough night. Too much tequila.” I yawn again and lay my head back against the cushion. It’s eight a.m. and she’s poked her head round the lounge door, ready for work. My mum used to be a real homemaker when I was younger. She’d loved to cook and bake and decorate and gave up her job in finance to have me. When my dad died she went through a long period of mourning and then threw herself back into work. She’s rebuilt her finance career, and is now on a hefty salary, but she puts the hours in and comes home late most nights. I guess it’s been her way of dealing and I’m just glad she’s been able to. We only have each other now, no matter what’s gone on in her life though, she’s always put me first. I don’t know what I’d do without her.
“That dress looks good, mum.” She’s wearing a purple wrap around jersey dress with black pumps and her long blonde hair is pulled high into a ponytail. She’s fifty but still looks great and since she’s been back at work she’s paid more attention to her appearance.
“Thanks honey, I got it from that new little boutique on the high street. They have such lovely things, you should have a look. Anyway I better get going. Love you darling. Byeee.” With a quick kiss on my cheek she’s out the door and it’s blissfully silent again. I have my supervisor Jess opening so I don’t have to go in for at least another hour. My phone vibrates on the coffee table. Jen. Drinks tonight? 8pm. XX
I’m always up for drinks with the girls and I know she will have text Emma and Cassie too. Since I introduced them to Cassie the four of us have become pretty much inseparable and I trust those ladies with my life. I fire a quick confirmation back and get ready for work.
I’m fully booked with appointments throughout the day which means I’ve barely had time to get anything else done. I’m still working when my phone goes off at seven, with Jen asking if I need picking up. I tell her I’m still at work and she agrees to come and get me in half an hour, just enough time for me to wrap things up. Just as I finish placing an order for dresses from a new designer the bell goes and I collect my bag from the drawer at the bottom of the desk. I anticipated working late and dressed in a black pencil skirt and floral print blouse, perfect for both work and drinks.
“Hey hun, how are you?” I ask as I set the alarm and lock the door.
“Thirsty. I really need to let my hair down tonight. Work was tough.” Jen’s tall, slim with straight, strawberry blonde hair that’s long and glossy. She works for the NHS as a Paediatric nurse and is the most kind and passionate person I have ever met. Not to mention, beautiful. She just doesn’t realise it. When it comes to meeting people, she’s very shy and it’s been my mission to try and bring her out of herself.
“Why, what happened?” I ask as I take her arm in mine.
“A patient of mine, a little boy, died today, and I was the one who had to tell his family. It was heart breaking.” Her voice is high and upbeat but I notice the shake in it. She must have been close to this one, because she doesn’t usually let it affect her outside of work.
“Anyhoo, I’m definitely in the mood for getting pissed tonight. I’m not working tomorrow, and there were a few interns on the ward today; I had to listen to their crazy stories over lunch and I tell ya, I wish I was a student again!”
I chuckle as we get in the car, “I’m up for that too. What you gonna do with the car?”
“Just leave it in the street round the corner. I’ll get it at some point tomorrow. How have you been anyway? It feels like I haven’t seen you in ages!”
“Yeah I know, work has been crazy busy, clients are coming from all over to the shop – it amazes me sometimes.”
There’s silence while she indicates and turns into a side road, then she looks at me out of the corner of her eye. “Cassie told me about Sam.”
Interesting. I didn’t know my li
fe was so exciting that they felt the need to talk about me behind my back.
“And?” I ask, slightly annoyed. I know the judgemental tone wasn’t intentional but I can’t help feeling a little put out that they feel the need to discuss my personal life when it isn’t anything to do with them.
“Are you sure you know what you’re doing, Laurel?”
Before we get out the car, I turn to look at her and tilt my head to the side to brace myself, “Look, I know you both mean well, but I can take care of myself – honestly. It’s just a bit of fun. And everyone knows what they’re getting into. I don’t lead them on, we’re all adults.”
She cuts the engine, and climbs out, following my lead. She turns the key in the lock and leans her hip on the side of the car, “There is no way in hell I am worried about the guys you sleep with Laurel. I’ve known you long enough to know they realise exactly what’s happening. I’m worried about you.”
Twice in twenty-four hours gets me all riled up. I feel defensive of my lifestyle even though I know it’s wrong and I’m not even enjoying it that much anymore. “No need. I’m fine.” I shake off her attitude. All I want tonight is to have a few drinks with the girls and enjoy myself. “Please let’s just forget this now, and go and have a good night?”
“Okay, but no guys tonight! It’s a friend thing! Deal?”
“Deal. Although if I find someone who’s perfect for you, I’m not letting you talk yourself out of it.”
“Yeah we’ll see.”
We walk inside the bar, go through the archway to the dance floor, and find Emma and Cassie at a large table right next to it.
“Hey girls,” I say as we sit down at the table. The music’s loud even though it’s still early, and there’s quite a few groups occupying the space near the bar.
Sweet Reflection (Truth) Page 3
