by Bridle, Dee
Small groups of people were outside on the driveway near his house and they all took me in, curious to see who I was. I tried not to let them put me off, feeling nervous all of a sudden about seeing Zac again. I had never done something like this, and I suddenly wondered if I had lost my mind.
I was by myself, going into a party where I was lucky if I knew three people. This wasn’t a high school party, either, as I looked around at the groups of people older than me. I had not thought this through properly.
I made my way up the outdoor steps, past another group who stopped to look at me, and then I went inside. The place was full and loud heavy music blared from speakers across the room. I quickly looked around starting to panic when I couldn’t find the only three guys I knew.
Someone moved in front of me, and I could finally see the living room and that’s when I saw him. He was sitting on one of the armchairs thoroughly kissing a girl who was on his lap. I softly gasped at the sight of him kissing her. One of his hands was behind her head, holding her to him as she straddled his legs and rubbed herself against him. I hadn’t known what to expect when I walked in here tonight, but seeing them kissing each other hungrily hurt my pride, and it was hard to breathe. My eyes burned at the sight of them, but I couldn’t look away.
The girl moved to his ear and whispered something with a smile as she continued her mouth assault on his neck. He used the opportunity to take a sip of his beer and look around the room when his gaze landed on me. His eyes narrowed at me, like he either couldn’t believe I was standing there or he was pissed that I was.
I took a deep breath and calmly turned around, making my way over to the front door. How many times did I need him to prove to me that I wasn’t even a thought in his mind? I wanted to scream at the unfairness of it all. I wanted to fall into a flood of tears at how stupid I looked.
“Hey, hotness,” said a guy touching my back as I passed him, his hand moving lower and squeezing my bottom hard.
I pushed his hand away, panic crawling up my spine. What was I doing here by myself? What had I become? I never chased guys, especially ones who were not interested in me. He had turned my brain to mush, and I was a fool.
I quickly pushed my way through everyone, getting outside and making my way down the steps. Guys standing on the steps called out to me, and I cringed, needing to get away from them all. I reached the driveway as a hand grabbed my arm and pulled me back.
“What are you doing here?” Zac growled softly.
I pulled my arm out of his grasp and with a snarly attitude, said, “I was invited.”
He swore under his breath and looked really angry, and it hurt.
“I’m going now, so don’t worry about it,” I returned, trying not to cry in front of him.
I didn’t want him to see that I was crushed.
He stepped closer, his hand suddenly cupping my cheek.
“You need to stay away from me,” he said, his eyes burning into mine.
He was so close I could feel his breath on my face and see the anger in his eyes, but his hand was gentle on me.
“Why?” I asked in bewilderment.
He didn’t answer. It looked like he wanted to at first, but then changed his mind. He let me go and ran his hand through his hair, looking exasperated, like I was driving him crazy.
“I get it,” I said softly, turning away from him.
“You don’t,” he said.
I stopped but didn’t look back to him as I said quietly, “I do. You’re not attracted to me, and I’m clearly an idiot for even coming here tonight. I’m sorry that I interrupted your fun,” I said with resignation.
I went to move away and he grabbed my arm again, stopping me.
He turned me back to him, asking as if in disbelief, “You think I’m not attracted to you?”
“It doesn’t matter anymore,” I whispered looking up at him.
His hands went to my waist, and I was suddenly against a parked car, my face inches from his. I felt the tension between us, like little sparks shooting back and forth as he looked at me with his deep intense eyes.
“You’re fucking beautiful,” he whispered hoarsely, his hands cupping my face.
He leaned into me, touching my forehead with his own. His words were real, and I stopped breathing with the intensity. He thought I was beautiful? Delight warmed my cheeks and my stomach flipped.
“But you need to stay away from me,” he whispered, piercing my eyes with his own.
“And what if I don’t want to?” I whispered.
“You have to, Ava, because I’m wrong for you. You need to see that. I’m bad and you’re good. You need to go back to wherever you came from and stay there,” he demanded softly.
“I can’t,” I whispered in a half sob.
He closed his eyes for a moment as if trying to gather strength. He breathed me in, his fingers moving to my hair.
“You don’t belong here.”
His words hurt but didn’t match the tender way he touched me. I felt confused and turned on. I didn’t belong anywhere and that was the point of my discontent. His lips grazed my forehead and then he was stepping away from me, his hands gone.
“Go home, Ava,” he growled softly, turning away and heading back to the party.
I silently sobbed and wrapped my arms around myself watching him leave me. I noticed the guy who had grabbed me on the bottom come down the stairs laughing with someone and then he looked over to me.
“She yours, Zac?” he asked, ogling me.
Zac shoved him back onto the steps and then punched him in the face. I flinched in shock.
“Don’t ever touch her again,” he growled.
The guy swore and held his nose, while blood started to pour out and I winced. Zac swung back to me with anger alight in his eyes.
“Go,” he snarled at me.
Tears welled up in my eyes as I took one more look at him and then turned away and headed back up the driveway. I wanted to cry, but I couldn’t let the tears out now, not in front of these people. I reached the end of the driveway and took a deep breath, trying to calm myself.
Zac
I clenched and unclenched my fist that I had just used and went back inside the unit. The girl I left on the couch was still sitting there, waiting for me and I strode over. She looked up at me expectantly as I reached her, and I motioned for her to follow me. I needed to rid myself of the innocent perfection outside and do what I did best. Use and take, no feelings.
“I’m glad you came back,” she said, following me into my bedroom.
I ignored her, not interested in talking about anything, only needing to lose myself for a while. I went to close the door behind her and saw Will look over to me. I swore under my breath.
“Wait here,” I said leaving the room.
“She gone?” asked Will knowingly.
I was sure no one in here had missed the beautiful girl walking in here tonight, looking nervous in every shade of hotness.
“Yeah, can you make sure she gets home?”
Will put his beer bottle down, and answered, “Sure.”
As he turned away, I asked, “Did you call her…about tonight?”
Will shook his head and said, “No.”
We both looked over to Noah who had a girl against the wall and was busy kissing her. I knew exactly who did, and I wasn’t sure why he was torturing me. I headed back over to the bedroom where the girl was sitting on my bed, already in her bra and knickers, waiting to rock my world.
Ava
Hugging myself tight, I looked up and down the street before I went to cross it, away from the party. A car pulled into the driveway next door and Antony climbed out laughing with a girl. He was drunk and holding onto a beer bottle as she stumbled out, giggling like crazy. I saw Chad and Monica in the front of the car and her eyes narrowed as she recognized me. She said something out the window and Antony looked over to me.
“Ava? Is that you?” he asked with a knitted brow.
“Y
eah, it’s me,” I said forcing a smile.
“What are you doing over there?” he laughed, like the idea of me at this party was absurd.
He didn’t know how right he was.
“At a party,” I answered with a shrug, stepping over to them.
“With those guys?” he asked in surprise. “I had no idea you were into death metal and drugs.”
“Losers,” giggled the girl beside him.
“They’re not losers,” I said back at them.
“Since when do you hang out with them?” he asked stepping closer to me.
I felt an instant urge to stretch the truth, so I said, “I have for a little while.”
“I would never have imagined our sweet little Ava hanging around the burners,” he chuckled.
Sweet little Ava? I grimaced at the reference. I wasn’t sweet or little. They didn’t know a thing about me.
“Maybe I’m not so sweet,” I returned, lifting my chin.
Antony chuckled.
“Maybe,” he said, his eyes showing sudden interest. “And maybe I picked the wrong friend.”
I looked at him in disgust. Why the hell did Sophie choose this guy? Did he think that because I was hanging with the so-called “burners” that I would be his next easy conquest?
“Come in and join us,” he said next. “We’re going to have a few more drinks. Leave Noah and his loser buddies to party with themselves.”
“They’re not losers,” I said again in annoyance.
“The guy was one of us once, Ava, and now look at him! He’s a misfit on society.”
“Whatever,” I said, too emotionally strung out to even argue.
What did I know?
“I’m bored with this conversation,” said Monica getting out of the car. “Let’s go inside before someone is robbed,” she said glancing over at a small group at the end of the driveway.
“Beautiful Ava!”
I turned to see Will heading over to me, looking at Antony and Chad with narrowed eyes.
“Everything okay?” he asked as he reached us.
“Yeah,” I said to him as his arm went around my shoulders.
Antony stepped back a little, seeing that Will was a six-foot muscled guy with a mohawk hairstyle and tattoos on his neck. I hid a smile.
“I was just talking to school friends.”
“Sounds exciting,” he said with steely eyes directed at Antony. “Let’s go.”
He pulled me away, his arm still around me.
“You scare them,” I declared as we stopped at a group of people at the beginning of Noah’s driveway.
Will grinned, and remarked, “I scare a lot of people.” He didn’t take his arm away from me. “But not you, for some reason.”
I looked amused.
“Well, not all the time anyway.”
He smiled and grabbed my hand.
“Let’s get you home.”
“I’m perfectly capable of walking two blocks by myself,” I laughed.
“I know that,” he said with knowing eyes. “But humor me,” he said pulling me across the road.
“Hey, Will! Are you going to the Academy gig tomorrow night?” shouted someone.
Will looked back but continued walking.
“Of course.”
“Who’s the girl?” someone shouted.
“Nobody that fucking concerns you,” replied Will still walking with me hand in hand.
“What’s with the midnight stroll? You losing your touch?”
“You’ve normally got them bent over before you know their name!”
Will stopped and turned back.
“Shut it, before I come over there and kick your asses. She’s Zac’s.”
I blinked up at Will, puzzled at how I could belong to Zac, when he wanted me to stay away from him. How did that work? We were walking again, and I noticed how all the comments had stopped instantly at the mention of Zac.
We walked a bit more in silence, away from the party, and Will let my hand go.
“So, why are you leaving the party early?”
“Zac wants me to stay away.”
He grinned, and asked, “You always do what you’re told?”
“Not lately,” I returned with a smile.
“He’s been like a bear with a sore head, since you appeared out of nowhere,” he muttered looking up at my house and stopping.
“Who is Academy and can I come?” I asked suddenly.
Will turned to me.
“You want to come and see Academy?”
“Why not? I haven’t been to a gig before.”
“And you’d want your first one to be a death metal gig?” he asked with his eyebrow cocked. “On a school night?”
“Yes,” I said lifting my chin.
“Zac would not like that,” he said.
“So don’t tell him.”
He chuckled.
“You need to be home doing homework like a good girl tomorrow night. Academy is not a band for you.”
“I’ll get my own ticket then,” I returned.
“It’s sold out.”
I narrowed my eyes in frustration.
“Then I’ll go back to the party and ask if anyone wants to sell one to me.”
He huffed, “Yeah, sure,” and then shook his head. “He can be bat-shit crazy, you know. You probably do need to stay away from him.”
“Why, because I’m such a good girl?”
“You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into. This isn’t some high school game.”
“I’m not playing high school games,” I grated.
Will sighed in exasperation as he looked at me closely.
“Fine, I’ll get you a ticket.”
“Just like that?” I asked starting to smile.
“You’re driving him crazy. It’s kind of fun to watch.”
I grinned, feeling a newfound confidence that made me a little light headed.
“Now go inside. The ticket will be in your letterbox by tomorrow afternoon,” he said heading back to the party.
* * *
The next night I sat down at the dining table where there was a lavish Sunday roast dinner spread out.
“Who else is coming?” I asked my dad sarcastically.
“No one. Sarah wanted to make a Sunday roast dinner a tradition for us,” said my father quietly.
Sarah was still in the kitchen, preparing another plate.
“Which restaurant did this come from?” I muttered.
“Enough,” said my father firmly. “She’s going to a lot of trouble to impress you, Ava. Cut her some slack.”
I rolled my eyes as Sarah walked out with a bowl of peas and a large smile. Her smile faltered as she saw my black hair. She tried to smile again as she set the bowl down and sat next to my father.
“This looks wonderful,” said my father. “Doesn’t it, Ava?”
“Amazing,” I mumbled.
We all spent a couple of minutes passing plates of food to each other and then started to eat.
“So, Ava, you’ve had your hair colored,” said Sarah, wiping her mouth with a napkin.
“I did,” I returned, spearing a pea with my fork.
“It’s very dark,” she commented. “Are you an Emo now?”
I speared a roast potato next and tried not to roll my eyes.
“No, I’m not.”
“We’ve noticed you have been going out a lot lately,” said my father glancing across to me. “Do we need to set a curfew or something?”
“I’m eighteen,” I said in disbelief. “Six months ago, remember?”
“We just need to know if you’re home safe,” beamed Sarah.
I felt like reminding them that they were never here to know if I was home safe or not, especially with their weekends away. But I didn’t. I couldn’t be bothered with an argument.
“Are you going out tonight?” asked Sarah looking at my makeup.
I couldn’t tell them about Zac, Noah, or Will, so I innocently said, �
��Study session with Sophie.”
Sarah eyed me suspiciously while my father went back to his roast. I smiled to myself, feeling powerful. Stretching the truth was fun. I had been missing out over the years.
* * *
I paid the taxi driver and got out, closing the door behind me. It had started to rain and I quickly ran across the city street to find some shelter. I stopped in front of a closed shop and looked up and down the street to get my bearings.
My phone rang and I looked at the screen. Sophie.
“Hey.”
“What are you up to?” she asked. “Studying?”
I cringed, and said, “Ah…no…seeing a band in the city actually.”
“With him?”
“Yeah.”
“So you’re going out on a date and you didn’t tell me?”
“Not a date. Just going to be at the same place…together.”
“Are you sure you know what you’re doing?”
“Not really, but it’s something I have to do.”
“Well, let me know how it goes.”
A group of gothic-looking girls walked past me, and I decided to casually follow them. They would have to be seeing Academy, too.
“I will. Catch up at school tomorrow.”
I stepped into a puddle and swore under my breath as the shelter stopped and the rain pelted down on my head. I still had Zac’s hoodie from that first night together and had decided to wear it tonight with my jeans. I pulled the hood over my head and quickly ran on ahead.
I saw the small club next to a restaurant and went over to the door, showing my ID and ticket. A burly security guard ripped it in half and ushered me in. I heard the music as soon as I stepped in, and it made the floors vibrate. I went down the stairs, the music getting louder with each step, and then I entered the main room.
People were everywhere watching the band and the room was so hot, it was bordering on steamy. I kept the hood on for the moment, feeling a little insecure as I watched guys banging their heads in time to the double kick drum on stage. Bodies were flying across the room further down near the stage and I watched in awe.
The singer growled and then screamed the words, the guitars delivering a powerful sound that never let up. Wow. It was so loud that it literally shook my ear drums as I stood there and watched. There was some pushing and shoving near me as the guys got into the music, and I stepped back, unsure of where else to go. I watched a girl holding two beers walk past me and weave her way in and out of the bodies, heading into the crowd. I would never find Zac or the guys in this crowd. I turned to the bar and squeezed my way in, ordering a whiskey and coke. I took a sip and felt my hand shake and soon took another, knowing I needed to quell my nervousness.
