by Bridle, Dee
I held onto Noah’s arms that were across me to steady myself as we were pushed and shoved every which way. The band wanted more from the crowd and enticed more energy and screaming from everyone by playing a favorite. I screamed along with everyone else and threw my hands up in the air, letting out all of my frustrations. Knowing I was safe in Noah’s arms, I planned to enjoy the rest of the set.
As the band left the stage later that night, the crowd slowly started to disperse. I saw clothes and odd shoes on the dirty floor. I slowly unstuck my sweaty self from Noah and burst out laughing at the grossness of it all. He was already soaked, so he didn’t appear to mind in the slightest.
“Thanks for looking after me,” I said suddenly hugging him.
He laughed and said, “Anytime! Let’s get you a drink.”
He took my hand and pulled me through the moving crowd in the direction of the bar. I felt hot and sweaty and thoroughly happy. I had survived a hard core mosh pit.
I saw Zac first and gave him the devil sign as I stuck my tongue out. He shook his head and actually chuckled in amusement. I laughed happily, wanting to go to him and kiss him senseless.
Noah stopped suddenly and I bumped into him as I felt him squeeze my hand. I locked eyes on Tyler who was standing at the bar with Sam and his friend, Jason. He looked furious.
“For fuck’s sake,” I breathed as Noah let my hand go.
I slowly made my way over to Tyler, shoving my wet hair back.
“What are you doing, Ava?” he asked as I reached him. “You could have killed yourself in there.”
“Noah protected me,” I said with a dry mouth. “I need a drink.”
I turned to the bar and a bottle of water appeared in front of me. I turned to see Zac behind me and I put it to my lips gratefully.
“Tyler,” said Zac arrogantly.
“Zac,” he replied with a sharp nod.
Zac gave a slightly smug smile as he moved away, feigning disinterest and striking up a conversation with one of their friends further down.
“Are you coming home with me?” asked Tyler quietly so only I could hear.
I shook my head no.
“I’m with Janey tonight, Ty. I told you that.”
“Doesn’t look like you’re with Janey at all,” he responded with an angry stare.
I rolled my eyes and challenged him, “What’s that supposed to mean? Geez, Tyler, I’m on a night out with a girlfriend, having fun.”
“I can see that,” he said annoyed.
“So go and enjoy your boys’ night while I continue mine.”
Tyler groaned in frustration.
“You’re killing me here, Ava. I’ve never had to plead for a girl to be with me, and I don’t like this shit between us.”
“There’s no shit,” I said annoyed. “I’m just out enjoying my night. I shouldn’t have to answer to you all the time!”
“Well, if we’re in a relationship, we need to answer to each other,” he spouted, angrily.
“We’re not in that sort of relationship,” I said.
He cocked his eyebrow.
“Really? So you’re back to toying with me as friends? Is that it?”
“Oh, Tyler,” I said running my hand through my hair in frustration.
“Forget it,” he said turning and storming off as he left the club.
Sam gave me a dirty look and followed him with Jason.
I raised my eyes to the ceiling in frustration. I knew I was being horrible, but he had to let me breathe. He had to let me see what would happen with Zac. I twisted my hair and lifted it up at the back to get some air on my sweaty neck.
“Problems?”
I turned to Janey and sipped my water.
“Yeah.”
She splashed some water from her own bottle at me and I gasped in surprise. She laughed as I tried to splash her back and then she ran off. I ran after her laughing, my tension forgotten. I grabbed her near the stage and tried to splash her again as she squealed. Then she was laughing and throwing her arms around me.
“Love ya, Ava,” she said hugging me tight.
“Love ya, too,” I said happily.
Zac
I watched her laugh with Janey and smirked to myself. Sipping my drink, I looked her over, from the blackness of her hair to the tight jeans that made me want to take her somewhere private.
“Trouble, Zac man,” warned Will from the bar.
I looked over and saw Tyler storming back into the club. I watched him head towards me, looking pissed. I stood casually, not in the least concerned about his anger. I knew I’d be able to take him down with one punch.
“You can’t keep doing this,” said Tyler as he reached me.
“Doing what exactly?” I asked with a dark look.
“You gave her up and she’s mine now.”
“She’ll never be yours,” I answered, with a smirk, my eyes turning to cold steel.
“She has been mine during the last two months,” said Tyler with a clenched jaw. “In every way.”
I stepped closer to him.
“She’ll still never be yours.”
Tyler looked furious and clenched his fists.
“It must be so fucking shit to know that when she’s with you, she’s thinking of me,” I taunted him with a dead calm.
Tyler stepped closer and anger appeared to make his entire body rigid.
“Hey, pretty boy, time for you to go home,” interjected Will.
I stared into Tyler’s eyes, daring him.
“Do it,” I provoked evenly. “Throw the first punch. I’ll end you,” I growled softly.
Tyler didn’t move.
“Just stay away from her,” he gritted out.
“She’s a big girl. She can do what she likes,” I replied, my focus not wavering from him.
Ava
I laughed with Janey and looked back to see Zac and Tyler face to face. Blood drained from my face, knowing Zac had the ability to kill him.
“No!” I shouted as I ran over to them.
I tried to pull Tyler away, but he refused to budge. He stared at Zac with an evil intensity.
“Tyler! Stop!” I said, and wedged my way between them. I tried to shove Tyler back. “Enough!”
Tyler broke eye contact with Zac and looked down at me. I saw the anger and hurt in his eyes, and I felt utter anguish in my stomach. I had done this.
“Don’t fight him,” I said emotionally. “Okay? I’ll come home with you.”
Tyler glared down at me.
“Let’s go,” I pleaded.
I couldn’t handle Tyler being beaten up over me, and I knew that’s what would happen. The three of them didn’t stand a chance against Zac, let alone Will and Noah as well.
Still seething, he grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the entrance. He was rushing now, like he knew that if I looked back at Zac that I just might change my mind.
“Go home where you belong, pretty boy,” said a voice which I was sure was Will’s.
They all chuckled at the bar and Tyler stopped and clenched my hand harder.
“Just go,” I said to him under my breath.
“Fuck this,” said Sam pushing past me and going back over to him.
“No, Sam, don’t!” I said following him.
Will strode over with a smirk on his face. He was just waiting for a reason to fight.
“You got something to say?”
“How about you shut the fuck up?” said Sam.
“Sam, stop!” I shouted grabbing his arm.
Not taking his eyes off Will, he shoved me away angrily. I lost my balance and fell to the floor with a thud.
Zac came out of nowhere and was suddenly on top of Sam on the floor, holding him by the neck.
“Don’t you fucking touch her,” he snarled, holding him down.
Sam struggled with his arms and gasped for breath.
“Zac, don’t,” I pleaded as Janey helped me up from the floor. “Please. Don’t.”
“Get
off him!” shouted Tyler coming towards them.
Will was suddenly there, shoving him back.
“Zac, please,” I pleaded again with tears in my eyes. “Let him go.”
Zac paused, obviously hearing the emotion in my voice. He held for a little more and then suddenly released the grip on his neck and climbed off him. He grabbed him by the collar and shoved him up to a standing position like he weighed nothing.
“You just got lucky. Touch her again like that and I will end you,” he growled.
Sam was shoved back and he coughed and spluttered as Jason pulled him away outside.
I sobbed softly as I looked at Zac, the muscles in his back rigid with tension. He wasn’t looking at me, but I could see his fists were still clenched. He had heard me through his anger and had done what I had requested.
“I’m so sorry,” I gasped softly, feeling so ashamed that this was all because of me.
He didn’t turn around.
Tyler held his hand out to me, his eyes asking me to go with him. This was all my fault and I owed him at least that.
“Go,” whispered Janey. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
I stepped over to Tyler and he took my hand as we silently stepped outside with the other guys and then looked for a taxi. I felt numb and still a little crazy from the emotional night. Sam didn’t look in my direction, knowing he blamed me for everything. I know they disapproved of what I was doing to Tyler and I needed to have a talk with him. I had to be honest with him. He deserved that, at least.
As he dropped me off at home that night, he kept the taxi waiting as he walked me to the door. He hadn’t said a word to me since we had left the club.
I pulled my key out from my pocket and went to unlock the front door. My back was to him.
“Did you kiss him tonight?”
I paused and closed my eyes. My silence gave him the answer he was expecting.
“What about us?”
“Let’s just talk tomorrow, Tyler,” I said, still not turning around from the front door.
“You want him. More than me. It will always be like that, won’t it?” he whispered.
“Tyler.”
“I’m not a fucking doormat, Ava,” he whispered angrily. “If you choose him and his friends, then do it. Stop fucking around with me.”
I turned to him with tears in my eyes.
“But know this. When you’re heartbroken from when he leaves you again, or you find out he’s cheated on you, and he will, I want you to think about me. Think about what we could have had together.”
“Tyler, please,” I said emotionally.
“I’m done,” he said leaning in to kiss my forehead. “It’s been a blast.”
He turned and headed back to the taxi and got in, without a glance back.
I sobbed softly and watched the taxi drive away. Now I had lost everyone again.
Zac
A few nights later, I swigged from my whiskey bottle as I walked out of my bedroom and back into the party. The girl that I had just screwed five minutes ago followed me out, fixing her hair.
I felt sick but swigged again, trying to numb the craziness in my head.
“Are we going back out to the pool?” she asked over the loud music blaring in the room.
“I don’t care what you do.”
She looked a little shocked and then hid it with her annoyance.
“So that’s it?”
“That’s it,” I said in a bored voice as I looked around the room.
I caught Noah’s disapproving eyes across the room.
“Fuck you,” she said angrily.
“Just did,” I said walking away and heading outside.
I stopped at the patio area and breathed in the night air, my head spinning and stomach churning.
Janey appeared beside me.
“Really, Zac?” she said annoyed.
“Really, Janey,” I mocked, not looking at her as I swigged again.
“Stop drinking yourself to death and stop screwing dumb girls. Just freaking call her.”
I shook my head.
“She chose Tyler.”
“She fucking went with him to avoid you killing him, you dumb nut,” she said angrily. “She doesn’t want him. She wants you.”
“She needs to be with him,” I slurred.
“So that’s it?”
I glared at her and growled the words, “Stay out of my life.”
“If you leave this any fucking longer, Zac, it’s over for you.”
Ava
Days went by, and I didn’t hear from him. Janey had kept in contact via text messages, but we didn’t talk about her brother. She was thinking of getting another tattoo and wanted me to come with her at some point.
I had spoken briefly to Sophie, but our friendship was showing cracks and the divide between us was increasing. She was siding with Sam and Tyler, and I knew it would soon be over.
Zac had blindsided me once again, and even though time might have given us distance, I still felt the same for him. I was attuned to him like he was my soul mate, and it would never be any different. I yearned to be with him, the group, and Janey. I hated the thought of them thinking I had decided against them by walking out with Tyler that night.
I hadn’t called him and there was a part of me that had wanted Zac to make contact with me first, even if it was just to check to see how I was doing. But he didn’t and his silence was deafening. I had the urge to walk a couple of streets over and knock on Noah’s door, but I was too afraid of what I might find in there.
Chapter Eighteen: When It All Went Very Wrong
Ava
I received a text from Janey.
Janey: Tattoo is booked – come and hold my hand!
Ava: Love to – when?
Janey: I’ll be at yours in an hour
True to her word, she was at my place an hour later, music pumping in her car with the windows down and a cigarette in her hand.
“Hey,” I said happily climbing in and kissing her on the cheek.
She reversed out and sped away, heading to a tattoo place in Fitzroy.
“How’s it going with Tyler?”
“We’re no longer together.”
“How did he take it?”
I admitted, “He’s better off without me mucking him around.”
“Does Zac know?”
I shook my head no.
“We haven’t spoken since that night.”
“I haven’t seen him for a couple of days. They’ve been out every night according to Will.”
“Oh,” I said feeling the despair in my stomach.
He would have moved on from me numerous times and I had to change the subject before I did something silly like burst into tears.
“So, what are you getting done?”
“I’m finishing off my wrist sleeve,” she said with a smile. “Want to get one, too?”
I laughed.
“I’ve secretly been wanting one for a little while now.”
“No time like the present. We’ll get it done together. I know the artist well, and he’ll fit you in.”
I laughed again, but seriously thought about it. I felt the adrenalin as I pondered about doing something crazy. I had wanted to get a small lily somewhere discreet, because it was my middle name.
Janey laughed and teased me, “You’re thinking about it! That means yes!”
“You’re a bad influence,” I said, smiling.
“Like I haven’t been told that a million times.”
Three hours later, I sat in the now closed tattoo shop with a small lily on the lower right-hand side of my pelvis. No one would see it unless my underwear was down or if I was wearing an ultra-low-rise bikini. It represented me and my wildness over the last couple of months. It also represented the middle name that I shared with my mother.
I sat with a whiskey, compliments of the co-owner who was putting the last finishing touches on Janey’s wrist. Janey smiled over at me.
“So,
it’s your mother’s middle name, too?”
I nodded and looked down at my whiskey.
“She died five years ago,” I said softly, looking back over at her. “She took her own life.”
It was the first time I had said those words out loud to anyone.
“I’m sorry,” said Janey, clearly shocked. “I didn’t know. That must have been so hard.”
“Didn’t Zac tell you?” I asked softly.
She shook her head.
“No, he stays pretty tight-lipped on certain things. Your privacy is one of them, I guess.”
I felt a little relieved at that information and sipped my whiskey again.
Janey put a photo of my tattoo up on Facebook and tagged me.
Janey: Getting inked with beautiful Ava ;)
The comments started to come through.
Will: Where is it?
Janey: Not telling you
Will: Come on, we all want to know!
There was nothing from Zac, of course, but I didn’t expect anything. I listened to Janey agree to a party invite tonight at some warehouse party in Fitzroy. That’s when one of the other co-owners named Frankie headed over. He sat down beside me. He was waiting for us to finish, so he could lock up the shop and leave for the night.
“You realize this is just the beginning,” he said to me in a gravelly voice.
I smiled and asked, “For what?”
“You won’t stop at just one tattoo,” he said knowingly. “You’ll be planning the next one in a couple of months.”
I giggled and said, “Maybe.”
“She will,” said Janey with a wink.
“So how do you two know each other?” he asked, lighting up a cigarette and then offering me one.
I took one and thanked him while I grabbed his lighter and lit the cigarette.
“She has been seeing my brother,” said Janey.
