Before rolling out of bed I reached for my cell that had been charging on my nightstand. I had three missed calls, all from Shane. Before I even listened to them, I knew that they were nothing more than his infamous drunk dials. Shane was notorious for them; as well as butt and pocket dials. In the course of one night last year, he had managed to call me twenty times when I was at the same club as him! It was just the way he operated.
Pressing my phone to my ear, I listened to the voicemails. Club music was booming and all the boys were yelling into the phone. They were so blitzed that I couldn't even understand what they were saying. Laughing I decided that a wake up call to the condo was warranted.
Lucky for me, since Rob refused to get a cell phone, we were probably the only people in New York to still have a landline. He didn't like the thought of being reachable 24 hours a day and I could see why he would feel that; I just don't know how he gets away with it what with being a lawyer and all. The nail in their coffin is that we all have a phone hooked up in our room, and no answering machine. So as I dialed the number, I knew that it would disrupt them all. The piercing rings would echo through their rooms until somebody finally picks up.
"Hmmmm, hello?"
I was shocked that Shane wasn't the one to answer.
"Hey Ty!" I tried my best to be annoyingly upbeat. "Did you guys have fun last night?"
"Yeah," he mumbled. "What time is it?"
I looked over at my alarm clock, "8:30 am."
"Jesus Christ Emma!" he bellowed. "Why are you calling here so early? We've only been in bed four hours."
"I'm returning the wonderful drunk dials that I missed last night," I laughed. "So tell me about it."
My request was met with a resounding silence before I heard some rustling on Tyler's end of the line.
"Shane, phone for you!" he yelled.
I heard some more rustling and then another line pick up.
"Yeah," Shane whispered.
Tyler immediately began to tear into Shane. He's ranting before I could even take a breath, "I know you were already awake, since you are a freak of nature! Would it kill you to friggin' turn your ringer on? I could still be asleep!"
Tyler's rant was followed by a click and an awkward silence. Even I could see that Tyler had a point; if Shane was going to be in his 'early riser no sleep' hungover state, he could at least answer the phone so the others could enjoy some rest.
"HEY SHANE!" I yelled.
"Urgh," he moaned. "Please Em, don't yell. I have a throbbing headache. What do you want?"
"I want to hear all about last night."
"Can I call you later?" he pleaded.
"No. You know I have the party this afternoon," I argued. "And I'm stuck here in east-bum-fuck so humor me please."
For good measure I set my face into my infamous pout. You know the one I'm talking about. If you're a woman you've got one, and you know how to use it.
Shane laughed. "Are you pouting?"
"You know me so well," I chirped, "so..."
"It was a good one. We went to BED. Rob met these two gals. I use the term gals loosely, I mean picture the trashiest trash you have ever seen and… yeah. Well anyway, they wanted us to go back to their apartment in the city. So, Tyler and I being the ultimate wingmen, followed Rob. It was in a slum of a neighborhood-even worse than that place we lived in the Bronx. So we go in, and we're drinking and listening to music and stuff. Rob is trying to get all up on this one girl, so she takes him into a room. But not even two minutes later he comes out demanding that we leave. So we head out and ask him what the hell happened. He tells us that first she asked for some money-so she was pretty much a hooker and you know Rob, so of course he gives her some money-but when they get going turns out she was a fucking guy!"
I started to uncontrollably laugh, "I can't believe it!"
"Believe it! She/he was pretty good too. I mean you couldn't tell."
"Oh my god! Only Rob would get into a mess like that."
"That's for sure," he sighed. "So, how are things going there?"
"Pretty good so far, and I've only pissed off Liz a couple of times."
"Be nice Em. You've only got one family, and it's not like you have to be around them all the time."
"I know," I groaned "It just sucks to be the black sheep."
"They just don't understand that you are the one who actually has it all. I mean, c'mon how many women get the privilege of living with three, awesomely sexy men!"
"Right," I giggled. "Well I'll let you get back to your hangover. Talk to you later Shane."
"Bye Em."
"Yeah buddy. Goal."
A grin spread across my face at using that familiar code word. We decided way back in high school that saying 'I love you' was not appropriate for a male and female friend. So to let one another know we care we used the code.
"Right back at ya."
I rolled out of bed and decided to get ready before going down and helping Liz put the finishing touches on the tent. From my suitcase I pulled out the dress that I had bought just for this occasion. I admired it while I gently placed it on the shower rod in my bathroom to steam while I showered. Shane and Tyler helped me pick it out online, since online shopping was pretty much the only thing I had time for these days. It was a beautiful, champagne colored Vera Wang dress with an off white lace overlay, and it hung just below my knees. Paired with some nude pumps and pearls, it was pretty much the most perfect outfit. I loved it.
I hopped into the shower, did my hair and got dressed, all within the hour. That was one thing I was always good at. I could get ready and look amazing in an astounding amount of time, something that my sister envied greatly. I didn't like to waste a lot of time and, what can I say, I have great hair.
Downstairs was a hustle and bustle of activity. The caterers were already busy in the kitchen and the florists were arranging the flowers. My aunts were frantically running around half dressed with rollers still in their hair. Of course my dad was just sitting in the den with all the uncles watching hunting shows.
I walked out to the tent, looking for Liz. I figured she would be frantically trying to finish things up. I saw her at the other side of the tent deep in conversation with her husband. Mason appeared to be trying to calm Liz down. He smiled as he kissed her forehead while she talked at a lightning pace. I felt a slight pang of jealousy, but quickly shook it from my head and I told myself-again-that I had a great life.
"Hey sister," I shouted "Do you need any help?"
She quickly rustled something behind her back. I tried to peek around her, walking towards her.
"Whatcha got there Liz?" I questioned.
"Nothing," she fidgeted and avoided looking into my eyes. "We're all set out here Em. Thanks though."
"You've always sucked at lying Liz," I reached behind her back and grabbed the paper before she could argue any further. "What the hell is this?" I looked down and quickly recognized the unmistakable grainy black and white picture. Even though I already knew, I couldn't stop myself from asking, "You're pregnant?"
Liz's eyes swelled with tears. "Yeah Em. You're going to be an auntie! Can you believe it!? We were going to wait to tell everyone after my next appointment, but since everyone is going to be here today we thought that this would be the best way to do it."
I flashed a smile to my little sister and muttered half-hearted congratulations. I could feel the tears stinging my eyes, and I needed to get out of the tent fast. I quickly spun around on my heels and walked away, before I lost it. I wanted to be happy, truly I did, but it wasn't just the hurt that my younger sister was going to have a baby before me. No, I knew that this announcement would put me under ever more pressure from my family. Great.
I wanted nothing more than to escape to my room but my family had other plans. Once I entered the house, I was immediately grabbed by Aunt Beth and dragged into the kitchen with all the other women. I spent the next hour talking to family members I didn't even really know, about stuff I did
n't really care to discuss. Needless to say I was thankful when it was finally time for the party to start.
Of course the party was a huge success. The food was great and everyone was commenting on how fabulously the tent was decorated. As I sat and drowned my sorrows with champagne, I couldn't help but notice how happy my parents were. I watched as my father whispered something in my mother's ear. She responded and tilted her head back with laughter. They held hands, they smiled and they kissed. They had been married for thirty years and they still couldn't keep their hands off each other. It amazed me and I couldn't help but wonder if I would ever find that kind of love.
The next two hours of my life seemed to last an eternity. Filled with mundane family conversation and the usual 'so Emma are you dating anyone?' and the 'when are you going to settle down?' The questions usually just pissed me off, but today they did nothing but sting. No, in fact, I am not dating anyone. Actually, there aren't even any prospects. So hell no, I will not be settling down anytime soon. Not only that, but my baby sister is fucking pregnant! You just don't know that part yet.
When it was time for the toasts I felt as though I was going to toss my cookies all over Aunt Mildred. I knew Liz's big announcement was coming whether I was ready or not. So I tapped my champagne glass and forced a smile.
"Could I have everyone's attention please? Liz and I would like to thank everyone for joining us on this very special day as we celebrate Mom and Dad's Thirtieth Wedding Anniversary," I paused and raised my glass, "may we all find love and be as happy as you two are and always will be. To the best parents a girl could ask for."
Everyone responded with a mumbling of cheers and I downed my whole glass of champagne in one gulp. Quickly motioning for the waiter to bring more, I knew what was coming next. I froze as I watched my sister and Mason rise from their seats. They tapped their glasses with forks and all eyes shifted towards them. Doomsday had arrived.
I downed my second glass of champagne and gestured for the waiter once again. It all seemed to be happening in slow motion. In true Liz fashion they tackily presented Mom and Dad with a picture frame; presumably with the ultrasound in it. Of course mother was ecstatic. She jumped up and down while screaming nonsense about being a grandmother.
It didn't take long for the crazy aunts to pick up on the news. Shortly the tent was filled with shrill screams of crazy aunts and family rushing to congratulate the happy couple. I decided that it was best to leave, before everyone turned their attention toward me, and what a failure at life I was.
I snuck out of the party tent, making sure to grab a bottle of champagne as I exited. I knew exactly where I needed to go. It was the place that I went after my first high school boyfriend broke my heart, the place I went when my grandfather died and the place I went when the girls at school had called me a lesbian. It had always been my sanctuary-my tree house.
Gramps and I had built it with our own hands when I was five, right before Liz was born. I can remember being so upset at the thought of having a baby around; it was like I knew she would be cramping my style even way back then.
I took my heels off and looked around to see if anyone was watching. Thankfully everyone was too busy with Liz and Mason to be worrying about me. Sensing my only opportunity for escape, I quickly climbed the ladder up the old oak tree before anyone could spot me. It looked like I had never left the place; even my old quilt was still rolled out over the floor and in the corner was a picnic basket that still contained some dusty old drink glasses that I had stashed just for the times like these.
I popped the cork off my champagne, and struggled to fight back the tears as I carefully poured myself a glass. I noticed my hands trembling as I tried to get the glass to meet my lips in order for me to take a long swig.
I didn't know what was wrong with me; I seriously had never been one to throw pity parties. Sure there were always those few events and occasions that would throw me for a loop, but to just feel all out sorry for myself? Now that was unusual. I was a confident and secure woman; wasn't I?
So there I sat, feeling like a bum, and wasn't really sure why. I had a fabulous life in New York City. Most people would kill for my life. I lived in New York, the city where dreams came true. I had great friends, and who cared if they were all men. I even had the job I always wanted. Who cared if I didn't have a boyfriend, fiancé, or husband? Who cared if I didn't have any kids? Who cared if I was pushing thirty and didn't have anything to show for it besides a closet full of clothes? For some reason, I just couldn't convince myself that I had nothing to be upset about. I wanted a husband, a family, and a place of my own. Didn't I?
I decided that it was time to pull out the big guns, knowing that there would only be one thing that would be able to cheer me up. There was only one person in the world that could help me muddle through my feelings at the moment. In fact he had been the only thing to ever calm me down during moments of crisis. He had been there for me from the very first time I had my heart broken.
I remembered it like it was yesterday. I'd had enough of everything as I wiped the last tear from my eyes, so I snuck out of the house, hopped onto my bike and peddled the five miles to Shane's house. It had been midnight at the time, so I found a handful of tiny pebbles and began throwing them at his window. When he saw it was me he immediately climbed out his window and down the gutter. I'd thought I was fine, but just seeing him made me start bawling all over again. We sat out on his front step the whole night in complete silence. We knew that neither one of us had to say anything; we never did because just being there was always enough.
Shane had always been there for me. He was always the one I ran to when I was in need of a good cry and we could tell each other anything.
So as I sat in my childhood tree house, desperately wallowing in self-pity. I decided it was time to call him. I grabbed my cell and hit speed dial and prayed he wouldn't be out or drunk. I needed him, and I needed for him to be in a clear state of mind. My prayers were answered when I heard that familiar voice boom from the other end.
"Hey Killah!"
I couldn't even speak. I felt the tears streaming down my face, while I choked on the words I wanted to say.
"Em, you okay?" he questioned.
I could hear the concern and desperation in his voice, but I just couldn't bring myself to answer him.
"Alright, I'll sit right here and when you're ready I'll listen," he spoke softly.
Knowing how much he cared about me did nothing for my strong act and I began sobbing uncontrollably.
I sat on the edge of my bed listening to her breathe. It wasn't the first time she had cried herself to sleep talking to me; in fact it was more common than you may have expected given her tough exterior. But there was something different this time, because I don't think I had ever heard Emma cry like that before. As long as I had known her she had always been able to pull herself together before going off the deep end. Even when she was in high school and that douche Trent cheated on her, she had been able to somewhat hold it together.
I blamed myself, and hated that I hadn't gone home with her like we had originally planned. I was the only thing that kept her sane around her crazy family and she obviously needed me there. Yet, I had backed out about a month ago when Emma found out her sister had suddenly become good friends with my ex-girlfriend, Christy. Emma casually mentioned that Liz had invited Christy to the party and I immediately began to think of excuses not to go. Christy and I had history and it wasn't necessarily something I wanted to revisit.
In the end I lied and told Emma I was going to have to work in the office over the weekend. She didn't press and accepted my pathetic attempt at saving face. I felt like a lousy friend, and there in that moment I knew I should have been there with her. I should be there next to her, probably in that old tree house, on that nasty quilt. I should be there to hold her and let her cry on my shoulder. Even though I had no idea what was going on I just wanted to make everything better.
I pressed the phone
to my ear with my shoulder, stood up and walked across the room. On the top of my dresser sat a collage picture frame that Em had made for me when we graduated from NYU. There were a few pictures of the four of us; one from Halloween, where we dressed up as the Teletubbies and another taken after a soccer game. I picked it up and wiped the dust off the edges. I studied my favorite picture, taken at our high school graduation. Laughing to myself, I remembered how we had posed for a million photos afterwards, when all we really wanted to do was party. Finally, I had had enough and picked her up like a baby, lugging her off to my car. My mother had captured the moment with her camera perfectly; Emma with her head tossed back and her face lit up with laughter. I felt a smile spread across my face. And that was when it hit me, square in the chest. I leaned back against the wall in an attempt to keep myself steady. Holy shit, I couldn't believe it; I loved her.
I mean I really loved her.
I was trying to gather my thoughts when I heard the rustling on the other end. This revelation was definitely going to make things interesting. I cleared my throat to remind her that I was still on the other line.
I listened as she spewed on about her sister having a baby, and how it has made her realize that she isn't as happy as she thought and that she wants more from life than just a good party. When she finished I sat silently, not knowing what to say. I couldn't help but feel that the stars had aligned and that this was meant to happen but first I needed some time to process. Emma and I had been friends through everything and I needed to be sure of my feelings before I went messing with a good thing.
"Shane, you still there?"
"Uh-huh" It was time to pull myself together.
"You don't have anything to say? I've rendered you speechless?"
"I'm sorry you feel that your life is pathetic." I easily fell back into my best friend role. "But I think you've got a pretty good thing going for you. You've got a great life here, a good job, and awesome friends that care about you. Do you really care what anyone else thinks or expects out of you? Because you never have before Em, so why now?"
Imperfectly Perfect Page 5
