Imperfectly Perfect

by A. E. Woodward

  His pathetic puppy dog eyes met mine, "I'm sorry I was a jerk. It's just..."

  "Doesn't matter," I interrupted. I found myself angrier with him than I had originally thought. "Any last words, before I uninvite you to the rest of this evening's festivities?"

  He shifted nervously in his seat and cleared his throat, "Goal?"

  I cracked a half-hearted smile. How could anyone stay mad at that? "Goal. But I'm still pissed at you."

  I decided to reward the boys for going to speed dating with me by taking them to O'Malley's. It seemed that whenever there was a special occasion or a life-altering event, we always ended up at O'Malley's.

  I can still remember the first time we found ourselves outside of O'Malley's. Our collegiate soccer careers had just ended with the guys losing in the semi-finals; my own season had ended the previous day with a heartbreaking quarterfinal loss. Feeling nostalgic we had decided to commiserate by going on an outrageous pub-crawl across the city.

  We were making our way back to campus when Rob vomited in a deserted alley. That's when I saw the neon green sign; a little leprechaun hanging off the 'O' of O'Malley's. I said something about the cute little guy and wandered over with the guys following closely behind. Once inside we couldn't help but realize what a gem we had found; a place where we could go and be ourselves and not have anyone give us shit.

  We decided every group of friends needed a place; Friends had 'Central Perk' the gang in 'St Elmo's Fire' had their bar, and those guys in 'How I Met Your Mother' had MacLarens. Thus we claimed O'Malley's. The guys really enjoyed it more than I did, but I always found myself tagging along. After graduation? O'Malley's. Landing our first jobs? O'Malley's. When Shane's high school sweetheart broke his heart shortly after graduating from NYU? O'Malley's.

  So you can imagine how excited they were when we rounded that familiar corner and headed down the same alleyway that Rob had christened so many years ago.

  "You just totally redeemed yourself Em!" Rob yelled as he ran ahead. I just smiled, shaking my head at how easy it was to please men. Well I shouldn't say 'men', I guess it was just easy to please these guys; my boys.

  Once inside we found our way to our familiar nook; the booth in the back corner, right next to the dart boards. I scanned the bar as we sat down and noticed the same few regulars. I didn't know if it was just me, or if everything that was happening in my life was making me more despondent, but they seemed to be so much older and broken. I felt sadness in my heart as I thought that that could be me one day. An old spinster, drinking away her pain and talking about her glory days.

  Thankfully, my thoughts were broken by Shane's voice.

  "I'll go grab beers for us," he said, standing. "What do we want tonight?

  "Guinness!" We all exclaimed simultaneously.

  It was an unwritten rule that whenever we found ourselves inside of O'Malley's we must drink the heavy Guinness. I mean, you couldn't be in an Irish pub and not drink the beer of choice.

  Shane left us in our usual booth, while he talked to the bartender and placed our order.

  "So did you find the man of your dreams tonight Em?" Rob questioned.

  I felt my cheeks burning up with embarrassment. "I'll be sure to let you know when I do."

  "If you ask me, that's not the right way to try and meet someone to have a baby with. You already know three sperminators," Rob chuckled, "I'm sure one of us could help you out there."

  I felt my jaw drop and my eyes bug out of my head. Did he really just say that? How mortifying! "Excuse me?" I asked in astonishment. I couldn't believe it.

  Rob fidgeted in his seat. "Isn't that all you want? To find someone to have a baby with? I mean, this is because Liz got herself knocked up, right?"

  "Rob," I interrupted, "I need you to understand that it is not all about me having a baby. I'm almost thirty, and I still live like I'm in college. I live with three boys for crying out loud!"

  "Excuse me, we're men," Tyler interjected.

  "Whatever!" I added, "I don't know how to cook or clean, because I don't have to since we order out and have a maid. This isn't about having a baby, it's about me building my future because let's face it you all are going to go off and get married one day and where will that leave me?" I paused for effect and noticed Rob uneasily shift in his seat and Tyler gave me an approving look. "I've just realized that I won't be young forever and I need to grow up. Deep down I think I have always wanted to be a wife and a mother. Besides, I'm not exactly getting any younger."

  "Well said Em." Tyler reached over and rubbed my shoulder in an attempt to comfort me.

  I felt empowered, having finally been able to verbalize everything that I had been feeling over the past few days.

  We sat in silence for a few minutes until Shane came back with four mugs of Guinness.

  "What did I miss?" he asked setting the drinks carefully on the table.

  "Only Emma giving Rob a piece of her mind," Tyler sipped. "Nothing big."

  We chuckled.

  Tyler handed me my Guinness, "So did you meet anyone noteworthy tonight?"

  At this point I lost all sense of self-control, and it was like diarrhea of the mouth. I told the guys all about Mr. Wonderful, aka Bradley. Being the fabulous friends that they were, they sat there silent holding their mug of beer listening intently. When I finished each of them said their own versions of good for you, and that was that.

  Rob and Tyler got up and went over to play a game of darts, leaving Shane and I at our table. We sat there for a moment silently taking gentle hauls of our beer, until he grabbed my hand, making eye contact with me.

  "Just be careful Em," he pleaded, "I don't want you to get hurt."

  "Thanks Shane," I reached across the table and placed my other hand on top of his, "I will."

  He smiled in response.

  "But if you do, get hurt, you know that I-I mean we-will always be there for you."

  I nodded as I chugged down the rest of my frothy beer. I knew that was the truth. I can't remember a time I had to go through a hardship without the guys. Tyler and Shane had been with me through everything, but the time that stuck with me most was when my Gramps had died.

  We had just started our freshman year and between school and trying out for the soccer team I was stressed beyond belief. At the time my school didn't have a girls program so I was playing with the boys and it was tough. Shane and Tyler had easily sealed their spot on the starting line up, but I had to work harder because I had a Y chromosome.

  Gramps had been my biggest fan, even more so than my dad, and he had been calling nightly wanting me to go visit him and Gran. I just couldn't find the time and kept feeding him pathetic excuses.

  I remembered that day like it was yesterday. My dad had showed up at practice to tell me Gramps had died and my world came crashing down. My grief was mixed with guilt. Shane and Tyler left practice with me knowing that they would lose their starting positions for it but I mattered more to them, and that was something I would never forget.

  It was closing time when we all finally stumbled out of O'Malley's. My arms were slung around Shane and Tyler's necks holding myself up, or maybe they were holding me up, I'm not quite sure. But as we walked the seven blocks home, we reminisced about some of the highlights of our friendships.

  The first time Tyler and I met, his family had just moved into the house across the way from mine. I was seven and my mother had asked me to take over a plate of store bought cookies, so I did. I remembered knocking on the door and Tyler's mom answering and happily accepting the plate. She said something about having a boy my age and turned and yelled for him to come to the door. When he finally arrived his mother urged him to go play with me; pushing him out of the door and closing it behind him. We laughed as we remembered how we stood there for ages just staring at each other; only to then take off into the woods to play. We were inseparable from there on after.

  Eventually, Tyler needed some male companionship and once we got to middle school he
met Shane through the local soccer team. Shane lived just across the town line so he went to a different middle school than us but they hit it off straight away. I met Shane for the first time when I showed up on Tyler's front porch early one Saturday morning. Shane was already sitting outside waiting for him to come out and play.

  I wasn't shy, so I asked him his name. He quickly and quietly told me but it wasn't until later that I found out that he had been scared of girls. I held out my soccer ball and asked him if he wanted to play while we waited. He obliged and that is how our twosome turned to a threesome.

  By the time High School rolled around every boy in the county knew better than to mess with me or they would have had Tyler and Shane to answer to. That's not to say it didn't ever happen though. We chuckled as we remembered the time that they got suspended from school for 'accidentally' clothes lining Trent Wood after he cheated on me.

  I felt blessed to have such great friends. We had made some pretty good memories together, and they would be people that I would cherish for the rest of my life. Yet, there was a part of me that knew it was time for a change. It was time for me to grow up and move on with my life. And that is exactly what I intended to do.

  A week later and I was finally going out on a date with Bradley. I'd waited three days after the speed dating to call him because I didn't want to appear desperate but he seemed genuinely excited that I had called. We made plans to go out that very next weekend. I let him choose the place and time, and I was surprised by his choice. We were going to a cute little Italian Bistro downtown. I frequently walked by it on my way to work and every time I did I thought to myself that it looked like an elegant place to eat. I'd never been in because it looked too romantic and I just couldn't muster the strength to go inside.

  The plan was to meet him at the restaurant at 8pm. Since he lived uptown, I lived downtown, and the restaurant was in between, it just didn't make sense for him to pick me up. Besides it was the twenty first century and chivalry was dead.

  I glanced at the clock on my nightstand while slipping on my black stilettos. It was already 7:30pm and there was no way in hell that I would be able to make it to the restaurant if I had to call a cab. I hated to ask, but I was left no choice.

  "Hey Shane!" I called out.

  I looked up to my doorway as I heard his footsteps coming down the hall, he poked his head in and I shot him a great big smile.

  "Feel like taking a drive?" I asked as I threw a shawl over my bare shoulders.

  He stood there in his sweats, looking very unimpressed.

  "He can't even come pick you up?" He said turning to walk down the stairs with me following closely behind. He stopped in the kitchen, grabbing a Red Bull from the fridge.

  I reached for my clutch from the counter and attempted to straighten my little black dress.

  "I don't want or have the time to explain. Will you please take me?" By now I was begging. "By the time I hail a cab I'll already be late!"

  "Fine," he grabbed his keys off the counter and headed towards the door.

  While we rode in the car, I couldn't help but get the sense that Shane was pissed off. I knew him well enough to know that when he was mad his jaw flexed. He doesn't realize when he does it, but it's as plain as day. I decided to break the silence.

  "Something wrong?" I questioned.

  He shook his head, and his jaw flexed again.

  "You're an awful liar," I added.

  We pulled up to the curb outside the restaurant and Shane threw the car into park. I looked at the clock; it was 7:55pm and I was impressed thinking that I was actually going to be on time.

  "There you go," he said while offering a fake smile. "Have a good time," his jaw flickered again.

  "Thanks, I appreciate it." I grabbed my Coach clutch from the center console, and looked over at Shane, who was staring out his window. "Did I do something to offend you?"

  He turned his gaze from the window straight to mine. "No, Em," our eyes locked, "you didn't. I just don't have a good feeling about this guy."

  "Oh, for crying out loud Shane!" I threw my hands up in the air; I really did not have time for this.

  "I'm serious Em. He's a creep."

  "Enlighten me..."

  "At the speed dating he was being all suave with all the women Em," he ran his fingers through his hair, like he always did when he was nervous or uncomfortable, "not just you."

  I laughed, "Of course he was Shane, it was speed dating. It's not like he and I are exclusive…yet."

  "I realize that Emma." He must have really been annoyed since he rarely called me by my full name. "I," he paused awkwardly and looked away from my gaze. "I just think you deserve the best."

  Another pregnant pause.

  I really didn't have the time to sit and argue with him. I shook my head and rolled my eyes.

  "Thank you very much for your concern but I'm late now." I opened the car door and got out. "Thanks for the ride Shane."

  I slammed the door and watched as he put the car into gear and sped off angrily down the street.

  I walked into the restaurant and looked at the clock. Now it was five past eight. I was fashionably late, and not-so-fashionably pissed off.

  It was a typical Shane move; always like my surrogate big brother, always trying to protect me. It would have been fine if he approved of someone, anyone! But he was able to find something wrong with every guy I had ever dated; and that is no exaggeration. One of my high school boyfriends-Lucas-had slept with a girl who may have been a little on the loose side before we got together and this made Shane question his intentions with me. Then there were my college boyfriends, each with their own 'drinking problem'. And finally, Shane swore up and down that he had seen my last boyfriend Brett frequenting BED with a mysterious blonde (it turned out Shane had been right about him, but that was beside the point).

  As the hostess took my shawl for me, I decided I needed to just let it go because I wasn't going to let it ruin my night. Shane and I would discuss his problem later.

  I felt a hand graze my back. I turned and in the instant that my eyes met his I felt the stress of the previous shenanigans with Shane melt away.

  "Hello Emma," he said. Quickly he grabbed my hand, spinning me around. I felt his eyes on me as he admired my dress.

  My mind seized like an engine. It felt as though it was unable to turn over and find a coherent thought.

  "Hi Bradley," was all I could muster.

  The hostess led us to a secluded table in the back. I watched as she made weak attempts at gaining Bradley's attention but thankfully her ass wiggling went unnoticed as he stared intently at me. Of course, this did nothing but boost my ego. He was obviously digging me as much as I was him.

  We took our seats and immediately fell into easy casual conversation. Bradley was leaned over the table, and listened intently as I talked about my life. He wanted to know it all and since I loved to talk, I happily obliged.

  "So that's how you came to live with three guys?" he asked, sipping his wine.

  I had spent thirty minutes telling him all about my roommates, and not once did he interrupt or appear to lose interest.

  "Yup. That's the story."

  Slowly, he reached over the table and took my hand.

  "It must make it impossible for you to date," he said, "it must be like having three older brothers."

  I swore my heart was going to beat out of my chest; he was just so damn sexy. His blonde hair complemented his tan skin so well, and his baby blue eyes seemed to look right through me.

  "I don't know, really, I, um, guess I haven't dated that much since college. I've really been focused on my…" I froze as lifted my hand and gently kissed it. I blushed as my mind seized all over again. "I'm sorry I forgot what I was saying."

  Bradley smiled at me, "I think you were going to say you were really focused on your career."

  Our conversation flowed as easily as the wine we were drinking. I learned that Bradley was an only child-lucky for him-and
he originated from California (which explained his tanned skin in November). He moved to New York for his residency and planned on staying for good, claiming to love the season changes, since he never got to experience them growing up.

  Before I knew it the waiter had come and picked up our check and I was disappointed that our date was coming to an end. I definitely wanted to extend our night together; in fact, I couldn't stop thinking about my skin on his. But there was no way I was going to jeopardize a potential relationship by being a floozy.

  Suddenly I had a thought. It was a good idea that I planned on remaining chaste this evening as it'd been that long since I'd been on a proper date-let alone had sex-that I hadn't even thought about the proper pre-date preparation. Doing a mental sweep of my body, I figured my legs were just about passable but I'm pretty sure the same could not be said for my more… 'intimate' areas. In one way this was a good revelation, because there was no way on this earth I would be letting Bradley anywhere near me unless I was absolutely perfect; thus cementing my self-imposed celibacy for at least one more date.

  "Thank you so much for tonight Bradley," I said as we hit the sidewalk. "It really has been wonderful."

  "Is the night over already?" he asked while looking deep into my eyes. I looked into his baby blues and I could tell that he wasn't ready for our date to end either. When he shot me a smile and flashed beautiful teeth, I realized that this was going to be harder than I thought.

  I nodded, "I would love to get together again soon though."

  The words were out of my mouth before I could even think. Crap. I was sure I had scared him away.

  "I would love that," he said, sliding his hand into mine. "Can I at least drive you home?"

  "I'm afraid if you drive me home, I'll want to invite you in." I blushed as I realized that I had just been brutally honest and ousted myself. I needed a quick save. "And that would be awkward since all the guys are there."

  "All the more reason for me to drive you home, I would love to meet your roommates."

  He shot me another one of those earth-shattering looks and held out his arm for me to take. Throwing all caution to the wind, I slid my arm into his and we walked to his car. Like a true gentleman, he opened the door for me and I slid myself comfortably into the crisp, leather seat.