Imperfectly Perfect

by A. E. Woodward

  I watched him gracefully walk around to the driver side of the car and slip himself in his seat. He quickly ran his fingers through his hair as he turned the ignition. We rode in silence for just a few blocks, yet it seemed like an eternity. I felt nervous. I wasn't sure why; maybe I was worried about the boys' reaction. As much as I hated to admit it, I really did care what they thought and I wanted them to like him because I liked him. A lot.

  "A penny for your thoughts?" he asked as he reached across the center console and grabbed my hand. My heart fluttered again as his fingers linked with mine. Boy oh boy did I like him.

  I turned towards him and looked at his perfect face, "I was just hoping the guys like you as much as I do." I felt my cheeks flush with heat, and I was thankful it was dark out so that he couldn't see the color changes in my face.

  My stomach lurched as he pulled over to the sidewalk next to our place.

  "Well, let's go find out shall we."

  Of course, Bradley fit right in with the guys. Even Shane humored me and played nice. They talked about everything, ranging from sports (Bradley had played baseball in college), to their jobs, to family backgrounds. Before I knew it, it was 11:30pm and I was yawning. Bradley stood up.

  "Well it's getting late," he said grabbing his coat, "I guess I should be going".

  Like the big brothers they were, the guys stood up simultaneously. It was actually pretty funny to see. They all shook hands, saying their goodbyes. The boys then discretely headed off to their respective bedrooms, leaving Bradley and I alone. Obviously they were trying their best to be inconspicuous. I threw the afghan I had over my legs onto the back of the couch.

  "I'll walk you out."

  Bradley quietly took my hand again while we walked out to the sidewalk.

  Even though I was exhausted I didn't want him to leave. "Thanks again," I said, "I had a great night."

  "My pleasure," he gently lifted my hand and kissed it. "I hope we can do this again real soon Emma."

  "Absolutely, just give me a call and we can plan..."

  Before I could finish Bradley had his hand under my chin and tenderly placed his lips on mine. As our lips began to dance, I couldn't remember where I was, let alone what I had been saying. Boy, he was good! He pulled back and smiled and without saying another word he left, leaving me alone on the sidewalk with nothing but my thoughts.

  It was all I could do to concentrate enough to find my way back inside the house. I closed the door and locked it, unable to wipe the smile from my face. I kept losing myself in the memory of his lips; the way they softly but passionately met mine. I was so lost in thought that I didn't hear Tyler come out to the kitchen.

  "Good night, huh?" he spoke, reaching into the fridge. He quickly grabbed a bottle of water and opened it for a drink.

  I nodded. "Amazing."

  "He seems like a nice enough guy," he offered, "I hope it works out for you Em."

  "Me too."

  Much to my surprise, Bradley called me early the next morning saying he wanted to meet up during my lunch hour. After a bit of playful banter, we decided to meet at the sandwich shop just around the corner from my office.

  It took all the strength I had to make it through my morning meetings. Even Ginger noticed that something was up.

  "Can you sign these for Jimmy, Emma?" she asked, sliding a clipboard on my desk.

  I shook my head in an attempt to regain some control over my brain function. I picked up the pen and hurriedly scratched my name across the dotted line.

  "If you don't mind me asking, is something wrong?"

  I felt my cheeks heat up with embarrassment. "Oh, I just have a date with this guy at lunchtime and I can't stop thinking about him. It has been so long since I've dated, I just don't want to mess it up."

  "You'll be fine," Ginger said as she smiled and picked up the clipboard, "Guys love you." Ginger did have a point because men did seem to love me. I drank beer, ate hot wings, watched sports, and I was good looking to boot. I was the perfect friend; just never the perfect girlfriend.

  "So, is he a dreamboat or what?" she asked before leaving.

  I smiled, "You have no idea Ginger."

  She giggled walking out of my office. I glanced at the clock. It was 11:45, and I decided it was close enough to noon for me to head down to the shop. At least I could be early, and try to regain a little composure.

  It only took me five minutes to get to the sandwich shop from my office. I immediately found a table and sat down. My heart was pounding, my palms were sweating, and I was pretty sure I was about to start hyperventilating.

  I needed to get my mind off of Bradley, and fast. I thought of the previous night's argument with Shane. I didn't want to be fighting with him, especially not over something so petty. The fact of the matter was that he was my best friend and while I had a great relationship with Tyler, Shane had always been my rock and I needed a bit of support right now. Desperate times called for desperate measures so I grabbed my iPhone from my purse and sent a frantic and apologetic text.

  Me: Sorry :(

  Seconds later my phone beeped…

  Shane: Me 2.

  I figured I had a few more minutes before Bradley showed up, giving me enough time to send a few more messages in an attempt to patch things up. My fingers flew across the screen.

  Me: Can we meet in the park when I get out of work? I typed.

  Shane: Course. Time?

  Me: 5. Be there or be square.

  I placed my phone back in my bag, feeling better already. I glanced around the shop and I couldn't help but notice all the happy couples surrounding me. One day that would be me-I was confident of that now-I just wondered who would be sitting across from me. Would it be Bradley? Could it really be that easy?

  My eyes shifted toward the door as it opened. There Bradley stood; scanning the room with his wild blue eyes. I took the opportunity to soak him in. Let me take a second here and I'll attempt to paint a picture of Bradley and all that he was. He was the type of man that walked into a room and didn't go unnoticed. There wasn't anything about him that was average. His face was meant to be in a magazine-not a hospital-with its sharp lines and high cheekbones. His tanned skin offset his blonde hair perfectly and his body…. Mmmmm! While I hadn't seen him shirtless or naked (yet!), I could tell that whatever was under his dress shirt was rock hard. People say that nobody is perfect but if perfection did exist, Bradley was it.

  His eyes finally met mine, and I couldn't believe that he was really there to meet me. He smiled, stalking across the room towards me.

  "Is this seat taken?" he asked.

  "Well, I was waiting for somebody but you're much better looking so...sit."

  He humoured me and chuckled in response to my weak joke. He sat down across from me, never breaking eye contact.

  "So have you ordered yet? he questioned, picking up a menu.

  "No. I was waiting for you," I replied, "but I already know what I want."

  "You come here a lot?" Bradley motioned for the waitress and I nodded in response. "What's good?"

  "I always get the chicken pesto sandwich. I'm not big on trying new things."

  He reached across the table and gently took my hand in his. I swooned, feeling his skin press against mine. I wondered if I would ever get used to his touch, I seriously hoped not because it was borderline ecstasy.

  "Well I'm new," he said while squeezing my hand. "but I hope you'll give me a try."

  I felt my face turn thirty different shades of red, because deep down, I wanted more than to just give him a 'try'.

  "I'm here aren't I?"

  He leaned across the table and gently placed his lips on mine. At the contact I instantaneously went stupid; again. If someone had asked me my name, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have been able to tell them. Of course it was at that moment that the waitress arrived.

  She cleared her throat in order to gain our attention.

  "What can I get you?" she asked, waiting to jot down our order
s.

  Thank goodness Bradley's brain was still functioning. He pulled away, still leaning on the table with his eyes locked on mine; never even glancing towards the waitress. "We will take two chicken pesto sandwiches and two waters."

  The waitress chomped on her gum. "Anything else?"

  "That's it. Thanks."

  Bradley and I spent my lunch hour kissing and talking, with a little bit of eating in between. I was totally smitten with this guy already. While that was great, it also made me nervous since I didn't have the best track record with men; well, more specifically men that I had a 'thing' with. According to Liz, I was notorious for driving men into the arms of other women. She said that it's because I'm 'emotionally unavailable', whatever that meant.

  Keen to see me again, Bradley made plans to hang out at the condo and watch a movie that evening. Obviously he was into me too or he wouldn't have wanted to spend so much time with me, surely?

  We went our separate ways after lunch, and once I was back at work I had all I could do to focus on my 'to do' list and make it through the day. Luckily I was extremely busy with my Under Armour campaign and I spent the better part of my afternoon on the phone.

  It was 4:30pm when I finally shut down my computer. I packed away my things, said goodnight to Ginger, and was out the door. I decided to walk to Central Park. I needed the exercise and the time to think before meeting up with Shane. We weren't ones that normally got mad at each other a lot, and I always hated that felling of not being on good terms. I couldn't stand it, and the fact of the matter was that I needed him, Tyler and Rob; especially at this point in my life.

  I wasn't surprised when I walked to our usual bench to find that Shane was already sitting there reading the newspaper. He always was an early bird. As I approached the bench, he glanced up from the paper and smiled.

  I sat down next to him and broke the silence, "Hey."

  My stomach flip-flopped as Emma sat down next to me. I couldn't be close to her lately without feeling like I was going to throw up. I felt like I was back in those awkward teenage years all over again. It wasn't fun, and I felt stuck in limbo.

  I didn't know what to do. The only people I could talk to about it were Tyler and Rob and they were no help at all. They meant well by giving advice, but all they did was confuse me. So for the time being I was just trying not to love her.

  I wanted to tell her how I was feeling, but our friendship came first and I knew that if I just came out with it she would be hurt. I knew exactly how she would see it; things were just starting to go right for her and my confession of 'love' would put a cat amongst the pigeons. She would no doubt feel betrayed, and we would both lose.

  I decided to keep quiet, save face, play nice, and let her live life how she wanted. The most important thing to me was for her to be happy. I needed to be part of her life and if that meant that I had to watch from the sidelines, I was okay with that.

  I took a deep breath, "I'm sorry for being such a douche."

  "Well I wasn't exactly very nice either," she said, picking nervously at her chipped nail polish. "I know you were just looking out for me."

  "I just want you to be happy Em and I want to make sure that whoever makes you happy deserves you."

  She stopped picking her nails, and looked at me with a smirk. It was a smile that I had seen a million times in my lifetime, and something I should have been immune to by now. But that look hit me like a ton of bricks. It was a good thing I was sitting or I was pretty sure my knees would have buckled. She leaned over, hugged me and kissed me innocently on the check. My hands began to sweat in response.

  "Thanks but I am happy and Bradley is great; you don't need to worry about me so much. I'm not a little girl anymore."

  Her words stung, but I put on a brave face. "You're right."

  "I just really need you. You're my best friend, and I don't have anyone else that I can talk to about things like I can with you."

  I wasn't sure if I could listen to her go on and on about her love life, but I owed it to the both of us to at least try. I put my arm around her shoulder and pulled her into me, quickly kissing her on the forehead.

  "I'll always be here Em. You can count on that."

  We walked back to the condo while she went on and on about Bradley. She said she hadn't felt like this about anybody before and that she was totally head over heels. I listened and added the occasional 'that's awesome' in there as my duty. But once we got upstairs I was thankful that Tyler and Rob were there to distract Emma because I just couldn't take anymore.

  I walked down to my bedroom, shutting the door with my back and just stood there. I couldn't think. I couldn't move. But most of all I knew I couldn't do it.

  I was startled from my thoughts by a knock on my door. I prayed that it wasn't Emma because I just couldn't handle any more details of her love life right now. Opening the door, I breathed a sigh of relief to see Ty standing there looking concerned.

  "Can I come in?" he asked, holding up two bottles of beer.

  I grabbed one, motioning for him to enter. I closed the door behind him, cracking open my beer before dropping to my bed.

  "You look fucking awful," he said.

  I took a long haul off my beer. "Thanks for noticing," I responded sarcastically.

  "What are you doing Shane?"

  "I'm being just what she wants me to be; her best friend".

  "And how's that working out for you?" Tyler's face was flushed and I could tell that he was irritated. "Pretty good by the looks of it," he quipped.

  "Fuck off, Ty."

  "I'm going to pretend you didn't say that and let you live another day."

  He was right. Tyler had about 80 pounds of muscle on me and could kick my ass without even breaking sweat. Without waiting for me to respond he continued, "I'm going to give you some advice. You need to make up your mind"

  "What do you mean?"

  "You can't be her best friend and secretly be in love with her, because it's killing you. You may not think it's a big deal, but those of us who care about you would prefer not to watch you spiral out of control."

  "So you think I've got to choose."

  "I know so," he paused, "you've either got to tell her how you feel or…"

  "Or what?"

  "Move on and find someone else to take your mind off her. You can't keep pining away like this. It's not healthy and you know Emma's going to eventually notice."

  I hated to admit it but he was right.

  The door opened and Rob slid into my room with us.

  "Did you tell him?" he asked as he sat down next to me on the bed.

  Tyler nodded.

  Obviously I had been the topic of conversation among my friends.

  "If you ask me," Rob began, "you need a good romp in the hay with someone else to get your mind off your situation."

  "Yeah, that's just what I need," the sarcasm oozed from my mouth and I rolled my eyes, "another woman to worry about."

  "At this point," Tyler gripped my shoulder, "anything's worth a try right?"

  Fuck, they were right. Obviously Emma wasn't going to suddenly realize she loved me-and I wasn't about to ruin a good thing for her-so if I was going to sit on the sidelines I might as well have some arm candy to keep me busy.

  "Alright boys, let's go hunting," I said as I stood up. "Before I lose my nerve."

  I sat at the bar hopelessly trying to find my game. I knew I was struggling. It was amazing to think that just a few weeks ago I was flirting with the best of them but it seemed that now that I was aware of my feelings for Emma, I was lucky to be on radar. It was a good thing I had my boyish good looks or I very well could have gotten slapped or at the very least had a few drinks to the face.

  Tyler carried our drinks and slid onto the stool next to me. "How's it going?"

  "Super." I knocked back a shot and immediately chased it with the rum and coke Tyler brought for me.

  "Ah, it isn't that bad buddy," he offered.

  I motioned fo
r the bar tender to bring me another shot and I knew it was shaping up to be one of those nights. It was a rare occasion when I really let loose, and when I did nothing good ever came of it.

  "Ah, but you failed to notice that Emma just walked in," The bartender placed a Jägerbomb in front of me and I immediately sucked it back, "with good old Bradley."

  Tyler glanced over my shoulder to see Emma walking towards us with a huge smile on her face. She was as happy as a clam, with no clue of the pain she was inflicting. Tyler quickly directed his attention back to me.

  "Try and keep yourself in check man," he sputtered, just before Emma placed her hand on my shoulder.

  "Hey guys. Bradley stopped by to watch a movie, but we thought we'd join you instead." She slid into the barstool on the other side of me, "I hope that's okay."

  I motioned for the bar tender again, "Of course it's okay Em." I cleared my throat, in the vain hope that it would clear my head. I'm pretty sure that I had started to slur my words already. Nothing good was going to come of this.

  An hour later and Tyler was dragging me from the bar. Of course Emma and Bradley followed closely behind. I realized that I could hardly walk. Propped up against Tyler's side we stumbled along the sidewalk. Each time I tripped I muttered a different profanity.

  "God damn it Shane," Tyler mumbled, struggling to steady my limp body.

  "I'm sorry Ty," I hiccupped, "I've made a mess."

  Emma giggled in the background, obviously not sensing the deeper issue.

  "Shaney Boy can't hold the liquor," she teased as she skipped passed us with Bradley in tow.

  I watched as she walked by with Bradley, looking happier than I had seen her in a long time. I wanted not to care but I did. I felt my body slump just a bit more. Defeated, we walked in silence the rest of the way to the apartment. Rob and Emma were already there talking while Mr. Wonderful was pawing though our fridge, as we walked in. Tyler helped me to the futon where I fell with a thud.