Imperfectly Perfect

by A. E. Woodward

  Once we got back to New York, Tyler and Shane locked themselves in Tyler's room and talked it out. I'm not sure what was said in that room, but I figure it had been necessary for them to maintain their friendship.

  It took a few weeks for things to die down but as far as I was concerned, things had returned to normal. We fell back into our familiar pattern of living. It really was as if nothing had changed; just Shane and I kissed and shared a room. All four of us were together doing everything just as we always had and I finally didn't have anything to bitch about. I was completely and utterly happy.

  It was a fairly early on a Sunday morning, and we were all gathered in the living room. We were watching the World Cup Soccer game between Italy and USA that Tyler had recorded the day before, so we could all watch it together.

  Shane and I were lounging on the futon, Tyler was on the beanbag chair and Rob was perched in his usual spot on the windowsill taking drags from his cigarette, whilst being careful to blow the smoke out the window. As careful as he was trying to be the smoke was still wafting towards me and it was making my stomach churn.

  "God. Can you put that thing out Rob? It's making me sick," I pleaded.

  Without arguing, he pushed the screen out of the window and flicked the cigarette with his thumb and forefinger.

  "Since when does cigarette smoke bother you?" he asked as he stalked to the kitchen and grabbed a water bottle from the fridge.

  "Since now. Thanks."

  I turned my attention back to the game, but the sick feeling was still there. As the fresh air blew through our apartment I waited for the feeling to go away, but it only got worse. I felt that familiar metallic taste in my mouth and knew what was coming.

  "Crap."

  I hopped up from the couch and made a beeline for the bathroom, before bringing up practically everything I had eaten within the last week. I heard a soft tap on the door.

  "I'm okay," I said, resting my sweat covered forehead on the toilet bowl, "I think I've got the flu." Unable to move, I sat there waiting for the relief to come but the nausea was still there. I moaned.

  "Babe, can I get you something?" Shane called through the door. He was trying to give me some privacy even though he had seen me throw up millions of times before. Shane had always been my hair holder.

  "No thanks. I'm going to take a shower."

  Showers were a godsend when you felt like shit. I gingerly got up from the floor and headed to the linen closet to grab a towel. Opening the closet door, a box of tampons flew out and scattered all over the floor. I mumbled a few choice words and bent over to pick them up. I tried to not move too fast and puke all over the place. I placed them individually back into the box and gently pushed them farther back on the shelf to ensure they didn't fall again.

  Suddenly I froze.

  I counted, once, twice, then three times. "Okay, think Emma." I whispered. Using my fingers, I did the math. June 8th… okay it was July; July 27th to be exact. I definitely should have had my period by now.

  "Impossible," I muttered, right before bending over and heaved into the toilet once more. No, not impossible; 'slim' had been the word the doctor used. "Basically, you can get pregnant but the chances of the embryo being able to burrow and connect to your uterus are slim," those had been his exact words. I knew those words well. They had suggested treatment for my fibroids, but I hadn't considered it necessary since I was in no rush for a baby anymore.

  I decided against the shower, and walked back out to the living room where the boys all still sat. They all looked over at me as I stood, almost lifelessly, staring.

  "Aw, hell Em. You look like shit." Tyler spoke, shifting in the beanbag, his body trembling as he chuckled

  Silence.

  I felt Shane grab my hand. "You okay?" he asked with a squeeze.

  "I need to go to the doctor."

  The car was silent as Shane weaved in and out of the traffic. I stared out the window, my mind reeling. Either I was really sick or there was something miraculous happening inside me. Even though I knew Shane loved me, how would he feel? We had just started officially dating, so were we really ready for this?

  "Emma, please," Shane pleaded as he reached across the center console and grabbed my knee, "you're scaring me."

  Crap. How do you tell your boyfriend something like that? Hey, either I'm pregnant or something terrible is going on. I wasn't ready to say that, not yet. The chances were only 'slim'. I needed to be sure before I dropped this on him.

  "I just want to make sure it is the flu," I reached down and took his hand in mine. "And maybe get some fluids into me..."

  He shook his head as he turned into the parking garage next to the hospital. "You're just so quiet. It's weird."

  "I just don't feel well, that's all." I forced a smile as he put the car in park.

  Holding hands, we walked through the hospital corridors in silence. I was trying to keep myself from feeling guilty. Shane was obviously trying to figure me out. I gave my name to the receptionist and took a seat in the crowded waiting room. Making myself as comfortable as possible, I rested my head on Shane's shoulder. He responded by putting his arm around me, placing his hand on my head and softly stroking my hair.

  "Emma, they're calling you back," Shane spoke, jolting me awake.

  I stood up shakily and wondered how long I had been asleep. Shane stood to follow me but I shook my head. I wanted to do this alone, and I needed to make sure what exactly was going on before I put this on him. I didn't want there to be any surprise pressure. I watched as hurt and confusion spread across his face.

  "Okay," he said defeated, sitting back down without even attempting to argue with me about it. "I'll wait here."

  God I loved him. I kissed him on the forehead and turned to walk with the nurse. Once I was back in the exam room, she asked me the reason for my visit.

  "I...well..." I took a deep breath, "I got sick this morning."

  "So you think you have the flu?" she questioned as she busily wrote in the chart she held.

  "Well, I actually..." I didn't know if I could even say it out loud. It seemed so ludicrous. Hadn't I already been told that it would be near impossible for this to happen? I searched for an eloquent way to put my fears out there.

  "I think I may be pregnant."

  I walked down the corridor and back towards the waiting room. The weight of the world was on my shoulders; well technically it was in my pocket. My mind was racing, and jumping from one thought to the next. I wondered how I would tell him and if it would change everything. Of course it would I told myself that. My mind reeled as I continued to think about the other people that this would affect. What about Tyler and Rob? And my parents? What would they all think?

  When the doors opened and I saw him sitting there, all my thoughts, fears, and worries melted away. We could do this. We had already been through so much, and everything that had happened had led us here to this point in our lives for a reason. I stopped in my tracks as he stood and gracefully walked across the room towards me.

  "So?" he asked, "what did you find out?"

  I looked and saw the concern and confusion spread all over his face, in that instant I threw myself onto him. I wrapped my arms tightly around him and buried my face into his neck. I inhaled his scent, and felt all my worries melt away.

  "Emma?" he questioned, sounding more frantic.

  I backed away but maintained eye contact as I reached into my pocket. Taking the thin, flimsy piece of paper the doctor had given to me, I placed it in his palm. His gaze dropped while I studied his face intently, waiting for a clue as to how he would feel about it. I watched as there was the initial confusion then, as he studied the image, the realization. A crooked smile slowly crept across his face.

  "Really?" he questioned as his eyes met mine again.

  I nodded. "I'm only a few weeks along. I'm due March 17th. They estimate time of conception to within a few days of June 24th."

  We shared a smile; we had been in Maine toge
ther on June 24th. It seemed appropriate to think that we had created a miracle in the same place where everything had begun.

  His eyes travelled back down to the grainy black and white image, a single tear rolled down his cheek. "I thought..."

  I cleared my throat, not giving him a chance to finish. "The doctor said the chances were 'slim' remember?" I took my hand and lifted his chin, so that his gaze met mine. "This was supposed to happen Shane. This is the reason my life was what it was. This is why you came to my room that night. This," I grabbed the paper from his hands and showed him once more, "this is why we are here. All those roads led us here, to this moment because we are meant to be."

  I paused to take a deep breath, but before I could say anything more his lips were crashing into mine. I felt my knees go weak, but he held me tight enough that I was sure he hadn't noticed.

  He pulled away from me and smiled, his eyes glazed over with tears. "Can I finish now?" he chuckled. "What I was going to say was that I thought life couldn't get any better. But it has."

  He tightened his grip around me and kissed me on the forehead again. He continued to amaze me.

  "We're going to have a baby Em," he purred.

  "I know right?! Tyler and Rob are going to shit themselves!"

  We shared an uncomfortable laugh. Deep down we knew this wasn't just about us anymore. We were changing their lives too.

  We rode home tightly holding each other's hands and smiling. Every time we tried to talk, we launched into a fit of giggles. We were finally able to pull ourselves together as Shane pulled into his parking space.

  "I still can't believe this is happening Em," he said.

  "I know."

  "I was all set to spend the rest of my life with you, and that was going to be enough. It was all I really thought I wanted. But now, well now I get all of that and then some. We're going to be trusted with the task of raising this little person that's a piece of you and me. It's amazing."

  He was right; the prospect of our future was absolutely amazing. Yet I couldn't help my pessimism from overtaking my thoughts.

  "How is all this going to work Shane?" I asked as we got out of the car.

  We started walking towards our building

  "What do you mean?"

  "I think you're being a little naïve here. What is this going to look like? Where are we going to live? What's our plan?"

  Shane stopped walking and grabbed my hands. "Emma. It doesn't matter. We have each other," he placed a hand tenderly on my stomach, "and we have this miraculous little baby-everything you have been craving-so relax and enjoy it." I felt myself calm since he was absolutely right. "Now let's go inside with our friends, and enjoy life. Stop stressing."

  Shane and I walked into the apartment holding hands. The guys were nowhere in sight, most likely they were in their rooms working. "Family meeting!" Shane's voice bellowed.

  Doors immediately flew open and they practically ran to meet us in the living room.

  "What's up?" Tyler looked concerned as he sat down, "you okay Em?"

  Rob started to light up to smoke, but Shane stopped him with a clip to the back of his head. "Knock it off," he scolded.

  "What?" Rob questioned immediately flicking the cigarette out the screen.

  "Do you want to tell them?" Shane asked as he squeezed my leg with his hand.

  I nodded and took a deep breath. I thought of the idiotic things Rob had said of my desire to be pregnant all those months ago. I chuckled to myself, knowing that there was only one way that I could break this news to the guys.

  "Sperminator here has only gone and knocked me up," I laughed.

  "What?" Tyler and Rob simultaneously questioned; obviously not fully comprehending the situation.

  I took out the ultrasound picture and handed it to them on the futon. "The doctor says I'm about 6 ½ weeks, so it's obviously still early."

  They sat for a few seconds in complete silence staring at that grainy picture that had changed my life. Finally Rob broke the silence.

  "Holy shit!"

  I nodded. Knowing what was on everybody's minds and I took the opportunity to address the elephant in the room.

  "So, things are obviously changing and we want to know where you guys stand with it," I said, "and feel free to be brutally honest."

  Rob and Tyler looked at each other and shrugged.

  "Things might be changing for you guys," Tyler spoke, "but I don't see why it has to change for us."

  "We've got a spare bedroom now," Rob added, "so we can move things around so the baby's room can be closer to yours."

  Shane smiled at me, obviously reveling in his triumph. He had known all along that the guys would have no issues with our news.

  "So you guys are going to live with us, and a bastard child, in sin?" I couldn't help but ooze with sarcasm. They just weren't being realistic about the whole situation. None of us had any idea what living with a newborn would be like. They didn't realize what they were giving up.

  They nodded, indicating that they were in fact planning on living with us and this baby. I rolled my eyes, continuing with my dose of reality. "And you're going to listen to a crying baby at all hours of the night."

  "We were going to anyway, remember Emma. We agreed to this once already. And now that it's Shane's baby, it just makes it all that much better." Tyler stood up and gave me a hug, "We're just glad you guys are happy."

  I was struggling to cope with how everything was falling in to place. "But how are you going to get girls?" I cried.

  All three guys cracked up laughing; I didn't see what was funny because it was an honest question. I didn't see how they were ever going to get laid again with a kid hanging around.

  "Emma," Rob explained, "chicks love babies! This will only improve our game."

  I sat, dumfounded and listened as the boys excitedly talked about the baby and for the first time in a long time I couldn't think of anything negative to say. I finally accepted that I could celebrate this moment without feeling guilty, and I knew exactly what I wanted to do next.

  "I think we need to go to O'Malley's to celebrate."

  The guys immediately stopped in their tracks, obviously taken aback by my request.

  "Well just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean I can't have fun."

  "Yeah, but..." Shane stuttered, "are you sure you want to go there?"

  I hated to admit that I hadn't been able to bring myself to return to O'Malley's since that fateful day. I had convinced myself that it was cursed, but I realized now that that little hole in the wall pub was my lucky charm.

  "Are you kidding me? I'm so over that! I should thank that idiot because cheating on me was the best thing he could have ever done." I stood up, grabbed my things, and looked back at the guys. They looked dumbfounded. "Are you guys coming?"

  They shared one of their silent communicative looks. "Hell yeah!" Rob yelled as they started to walk behind me.

  "STOP!" I screamed.

  The guys froze in place, each of their chests heaving as they tried to catch their breath.

  "Okay, you idiots are doing nothing for my nerves. Shane, grab my bag," I began giving orders, "Tyler, get the car and Rob, stop freaking out, it's annoying the shit out of me."

  Ten minutes later, they were finally getting me into the car. Shane and I sat quietly in the back together, holding hands. I knew he was freaking out, it was written all over his face and I loved him all the more for it. Even though the pain was unbearable, I laughed to myself at how comical and cute it had been to watch three grown men panic.

  Once we pulled into the hospital and parked all three scrambled to help me out of the car. I slapped their hands away, and thanked my lucky stars that there was a nurse wheeling out a chair for me.

  "Alright, alright," I muttered easing myself into the chair, "I'm in labor not disabled, so stop manhandling me. Plus, I've already got one baby to focus on today… I don't need another three!"

  The nurse laughed.

  "See,
she knows what I'm talking about! Tyler and Rob, I love you both dearly, but this is as far as you can come with us on this journey. You're waiting room bound."

  I kissed both of them on the cheek and tried to ignore their poor puppy dog faces. I couldn't handle the added stress anymore. I curled my hand into Shane's and smiled.

  "Now let's go meet our baby."

  It was the longest, and hardest, eighteen hours of my life. I was covered with sweat and tears. It was harder than anything I had ever done before, but thankfully I had Shane by my side. He had been there though it all, feeding me ice chips and offering words of encouragement. He pushed the hair from my forehead and looked into my eyes.

  "One more push Em," he encouraged, "it's right there."

  I nodded. I knew I could do it. I lifted my chin to my chest and gave one final push. I was exhausted. And as my head fell back onto my pillow, the room was filled with the most beautiful cries I had ever heard. I watched Shane's face fill with pride and love. That very moment I understood what my father had meant when he said he could tell that Shane had loved me simply by the look on his face, because I saw it then.

  I tapped him on the shoulder.

  "What is it? I questioned.

  "What do you think it is?" he responded as he smiled coyly at me.

  I rolled my eyes because I knew what that baby was. I had never been able to have a close relationship with girls. While I loved my mother and my sister, I could never really relate to them. My entire pregnancy I worried about what I would do if we had a girl, but deep down I had known all along what the perfect ending to my story would be.

  "It's a boy!" The doctor said as he carefully placed the baby on the sheet across my chest. "And a lucky little boy at that, being born on St. Patrick's Day. He must have some luck of the Irish in him." Shane and I shared a secret smile for the doctor truly did not grasp the perfection of his comment.

  I grabbed the baby and held him up in order to get a better look at him. My eyes darted to Shane, and back to the little being that was crying in my hands. I watched as he struggled to open his bright blue eyes.