"He looks just like you," I choked.
As much as I hated to cry, I was finding it difficult to rein in my emotions. The nurse took our little bundle and cleaned him, weighed him, and put him into one of those adorable baby gowns. I watched in astonishment as she gently passed him over to Shane.
I giggled to myself watching him fumble with his arm position. I could tell that he was nervous and trying to make sure he had it just right. The nurse helped him with a few encouraging words and finally he was cradling the bundle of blue. Our precious boy; our son.
"So what are you going to name him, Daddy?" I asked.
His eyes darted from me to the baby and a slow grin spread across his face. We never really discussed names because I didn't see the point since we decided to not find out the sex of the baby; I wanted the surprise. But the look on Shane's face told me that he hadn't been quite so restrained.
"I think we should name him Felix."
"Felix?" I questioned.
He walked towards me and placed the baby in my arms.
"Yeah, Felix. It means 'happy, lucky, and fortunate'. It's the only way I can think to describe how I feel now, with you… and Felix."
I looked down at the wriggling little person in my arms and was totally overcome with emotion. He was right. It was the perfect, and most simplistic, way to describe how I felt. I felt myself getting lost into those perfect icy blue eyes, when I realized we were no longer alone.
Rob broke the silence. "Holy shit, you guys really had a baby!"
Tyler slapped him in the chest with the back of his hand.
"Yeah, we're going to have to work on that whole swearing thing," I laughed.
Tyler pulled the blanket away from Felix's face, "So what is it? Boy?"
"Of course it's a boy," I said. "What else would I have?"
"I guess we're not going to make it to O'Malley's for St. Patty's day this year," Rob cooed to Felix. "But that's okay, we'll just take you next year."
We laughed together at the inappropriateness of his promise; it was 100% Rob.
I watched lovingly while Shane, Tyler, and Rob all took turns holding the tiny infant. Each of them fell in love in their own way while making promises to the newest member of our gang.
I was totally lost in the moment when that familiar voice ripped me to the core, "Seems as though I've missed all the excitement."
I turned toward the door to find my mother standing there, looking perfect despite having spent the day travelling. The boys noticed that we were no longer alone, and the room was filled with uncomfortable silence.
"Where's Dad?" I questioned as Shane returned to my side, carefully placing Felix back into my arms.
"He's out in the waiting room," she quipped as she stalked towards my bedside. "Perhaps you boys could go keep him company and give us girls a moment."
Tyler and Rob didn't need to be told twice. They quickly fled from the room. Shane looked at me, seemingly looking for approval to leave me alone. I nodded for him to go. Things were right in my world, and I would not let my mother ruin this moment no matter what.
Mother sat next to me on the hospital bed and smiled as she pulled back the blanket from Felix's face.
"He's beautiful Emma."
"He sure is."
Even I knew that this was not how this should be going. A mother and daughter should be bonding over the birth of a new child but my moment was filled with apprehension and unspoken words. When I had broken the news to my family about my pregnancy it's safe to say they were less than thrilled. I was unmarried-with no plans to change that-and knocked up by one of my roommates. My father had been the only one to congratulate me but I was okay with that. I refused to ever let my mother get the best of me again.
With love in my heart and Felix in my arms, I was happy. Nobody could take that away from me. Not even her.
Mother seemed to sense the tension and she broke the silence. "Can I hold him?" she asked.
I nodded and carefully shifted his tiny body from my arms to hers. She lovingly gazed at him, while we sat in silence. Minutes passed and I became more aware of how awkward the moment had become
"You know, I have always been proud of you Emma."
I couldn't speak. In all my years, these words had always been directed at Liz; never at me.
"It was so hard for me to accept that you were different from your sister and I," she continued, "you are strong, independent, smart; all the things that I never was. I grew up wanting nothing more than to be a wife and a mother. I wanted the same for you girls, and you defied that in every way possible."
"I know I haven't always been the best mother to you," she paused as a single tear slid down her cheek, "and I know I haven't made things easy for you. But you will always be my daughter and I love you no matter what."
I felt the tears welling up in my own eyes as I leaned over. And for the first time in my life I hugged her because I wanted to, not because I was obligated.
"I always knew that this would be where your life would lead you," she mumbled through our embrace.
I backed up and gazed into her eyes. "What do you mean?"
"I had hoped you'd find someone else that could love you as much as Shane always had, for my own selfish reasons, but deep down I knew he was your soul mate."
"I don't get it. Why would you bet against Shane?"
"I'm going to tell you something I should have shared with you years ago." She placed Felix back into my arms and stalked towards the window. Taking a deep breath, she gazed out into the streets of New York City. "Before I married your Dad, I dated Shane's father."
I gasped. I was embarrassed that I had had such a reaction but never in a million years did I expect to hear those words. Mother looked at me and smiled.
"I know, it's shocking, but that man was a dish. He was tall and dashingly handsome; Shane reminds me of him every time I see him. But he was a real dirt bag and cheated on me constantly, but I kept taking him back. Eventually, he just up and left me." She turned back towards the window, seemingly deep in thought.
"For Ms. Strout?" I questioned, even though I already knew the answer.
Mom nodded. "They paraded around together for months and I'm glad they did because it forced me to move on. I found your father, who turned out to be exactly what I was looking for; but it didn't stop me hurting. Then when I found out that she was pregnant-and he had left town-I was thankful it wasn't me. I know I should have felt sorry, but I didn't, and it didn't keep me from loathing her."
Now I understood everything. She had given me clarification on so many things that had bothered me about her for years. I was relieved, in a sense, to know the truth.
"Shane looks just like him," she continued, "and it has taken me all these years to finally realize that he just isn't the same man."
"No he's not," I added, "Ms. Strout raised him right."
She nodded in agreement.
"He truly is a wonderful boy Emma. I understand that now. I see it every time he looks at you. He loves you terribly. I am happy for you sweetheart."
At that moment the guys and my father walked in. My mother and I shared a secret smile. I hoped that this would be a turning point for our relationship. I had missed out on so many crucial years with her, and I looked forward to making up for lost time.
I contentedly watched from the comfort of my hospital bed as everyone continued the celebrations. I smiled, seeing my father beam with pride while he studied Felix for the first time. My mother even acknowledged each of the guys by awkwardly embracing them. I laughed watching their uncomfortable reactions to her affection. I just shrugged and smiled as Shane looked to me for clarification.
I chuckled and thought about how much our lives had changed over the course of the last year and a half. Never in a million years would I have imagined this. Looking back I realize now that I had always been afraid of happiness. I had guarded myself with a wall for years, unable to ever really give in to love. I pushed people away; until my f
riends-my boys-blew that wall up with dynamite and finally allowed me to see the light, finding the love that had always been there.
And in that moment everything felt right...
It was perfect.
First and foremost I want to thank my family. My husband went to bed alone many a night so that I could stay up in order to hang out with Emma and the boys. My children were my motivators, always believing in me when I couldn't believe in myself.
I want to thank my two great friends who read this story in its simplest form and urged me to go on. Their words of encouragement and support kept this story alive with me and without them Imperfectly Perfect would not have been.
Thanks to the Sugar Witch herself for her divine cupcake convection that she created in order to promote this book. Trust me when I tell you they were better than sex. Not only did she make an amazeballs cupcake but she was one of my biggest supporters during this journey and I thank her for that!
Thank you to Sarah Hansen of Okay Creations for creating my beautiful cover. Your work is more than okay.
Thanks to Angela McLaurin from Fictional Formats, thank goodness for your knowledge of all things technical because without your expertise this novel would have been far from perfect.
To my crazy ass friends who may or may not have said or done some of the stupid shit in this book. I love you all and treasure every memory we make together!
Thank you to Stacy Borel. For without her public love for all things writing, this manuscript would have been left sitting collecting dust. It truly is because of her that I found my way to the Indie Author world and ultimately shared Imperfectly Perfect with you all.
Finally a huge thank you goes to Ryn Hughes from Delphi Rose Editing. She was there for me holding my hand through the publishing of this novel. Not only was she my editor, she was my promoter and biggest fan; always on the lookout for me and my best interest when it came to Imperfectly Perfect. She fell in love with my characters and believed in my story and without her I'm not sure this would have happened. Xx.
A.E. Woodward lives in Vacationland with her husband and two children. Between her day job and the pursuance of a master's degree, she wrote her first novel. Her novel Imperfectly Perfect, will be the first book in A Series of Imperfections.
You can stay connected with A.E. by following her on
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