by Sophia Lynn
He had been very clear about this relationship, and a lot of money had exchanged hands already. What did it mean when they did things that had nothing to do with getting her pregnant, when he touched her like this, with a kindness and a care that made her want to whimper?
More importantly, how would it feel when their arrangement was at an end and she was forced to move on?
“What's the matter? Did I hit a raw spot?”
“...no, not at all. Keep doing that.”
With her back turned towards him, she could blush at how foolish she was. She was like the silly little fool in a book who fell in love with the man well above her station. She told herself firmly that it wasn't love. It couldn't be, not yet. This was merely a crush, just something that was natural after all of the fun that they had had.
That's all it is. It is just a crush.
She sat up when he put the aloe lotion away, and then he paused at the table close to the bedroom. He picked up a small piece of smooth red glass pebble, holding it up so that the light caught on it.
“What's this?”
“Oh, it's sea glass,” she said with a slight smile. “Just a little bit of beach junk that gets smoothed and polished until it's something that I think is really pretty.”
“Hm. I used to find it all the time when I was playing on the beach, but I never thought about what it meant or where it came from. I never realized that it came from such a long process of wear.”
He picked up another pebble, this one green and almost entirely round.
“This one must have been rolled around for quite some time.”
"It's one of the reasons that I really like it," Elise said, and then for some reason, she blushed. She wasn't sure why she was so shy about revealing bits of herself to him like this, but they seemed to slip out. First her dreams of being a professional soccer player when she was so little, now her strange love of sea junk.
Nadim glanced at her, rolling the green pebble between his fingertips.
"Tell me more about that," he said, and Elise had to laugh a little at the tone of command in his voice.
"Yes, your majesty, of course, your majesty," she said teasingly. "Well, I mean if you think about it, it really is just junk. Someone dropped a bottle, or a glass, or a bowl or something, and it shattered, and then those scraps of glass got washed out to sea. For dozens of years, the glass was rolled around and shattered again, over and over again until there was nothing left that could be broken."
For some reason, her explanation made Nadim frown, so she hurried on.
"And then, after everything that could be broken off was, the ocean starts the work of polishing whatever's left. It rolls the broken thing around until there's no cutting edge left, nothing to harm someone, until the surface has that wonderful texture to it."
"As if the glass has been broken until it is something completely other," Nadim suggested, and Elise frowned. That explanation wasn't untrue, but there was something about it that didn't quite suit, that didn't exactly make sense in her mind.
"Perhaps," she allowed, "but to me, I think it has something more to do with the fact that the glass survived. It's been changed, it's been broken and shattered, and it might be unrecognizable to the people who made it, but it is still here, and it has become beautiful."
She took the green pebble back from him and held it up to the light. The light that shone through the green frosted glass was paler than that which flowed through clear glass, but there was a shimmering quality to it, something beautiful all on its own.
For a long moment, they were silent, looking at the light playing through the small pebble.
"You have the soul of a poet," he said finally, and for some reason, he wouldn't meet her eyes. His words of praise made her blush a little.
"Not really," she demurred. "More along the lines of I like pretty junk, maybe..."
"No, it takes skill to find beauty in what others have thrown away." A brief cloud passed over his eyes, and she wondered what he was thinking about in that moment. "There are some in this world who believe that things are only valuable when a great deal of money, or effort, or grief has been put into it."
Elise shrugged.
"I've certainly met people who thought that as well," she said. "It usually makes me feel sorry for them, but really, it's a little hard to feel sorry for people who can usually buy and sell me..."
She had meant it as a joke, but Nadim suddenly wrapped his hand around her wrist, tightly enough to get her attention, stopping just short of pain. There was something dire on his face, and she felt the hairs on the back of her neck rise up.
"No," he said, his voice deep and dark. "You are not for sale. Never think that you can be bought and sold."
Even as she nodded hesitantly, a part of her thought that that was a strange thing for a man who had practically bought her himself (or at least the use of her womb) to say.
He relaxed at least and seemed just as he was before, and they spoke of other things then. Still, there was something about the outburst that made her wonder, and the thought stayed with her.
It wasn't hard to ignore the thought, however. Elise might have thought that she would be bored to tears staying in a house in the middle of nowhere, even if that house was enormous and had every luxury she could dream of. However, she found that she greeted each day as it rose, knowing how brand new it was, and always eager to find out what came next.
It was Nadim's presence that made the difference, she realized. If she were on her own, or even if she had had to deal with someone who was less engaging, less charismatic, just...less, she would have been bored out of her mind. Instead, each day, she got to rise up in a gorgeous Greek island paradise, and there was a man who made her heart sing smiling at her.
They spent a great deal of time in bed of course, and with every passing day, it seemed that she got to know him a little better. She thought that vaguely she should have looked up when she was most fertile or what she could do to make their chances better, but Nadim never seemed overly concerned about it.
He had said that he preferred to do things the natural way, and apparently he meant it. They made love with a kind of magnificent simplicity that she had never encountered before, allowing the fire that flowed between them to kindle up into brightness whenever they chose. They had all the privacy that they could have wanted, and they took advantage of it.
Counting the days, however, and listening to her body, Elise was coming to realize that there was little chance that they would conceive that month. She woke up in the middle of the night with a start, and tiptoeing to the bathroom, she found proof that she had not conceived - that she had failed - in the slight stain of blood on her panties. Biting her lip, she found some supplies tucked away for her under the sink, and after a brief shower, climbed back into bed.
The next morning, Nadim woke her up with a kiss, and for a moment, she rolled into his arms just as she always did, planting light kisses on his face. In a moment, they would become deeper, but then a pang low in her belly reminded her of what had happened the night before.
Nadim raised an eyebrow when she rolled away.
"Are you all right?" he asked as she sat up and shrugged on her robe. "Have I offended you somehow?"
She wondered at the wariness in his tone, and it only made her more nervous. What would happen when she told him? They knew each other very little in some ways. Would he be angry? Would he be upset?
"No, not at all," she said, wincing a little at how formal her voice sounded. "It's just...Nadim, I am so sorry, but this, um...this morning... Well, I found out that it didn't work this month."
"What didn't work this month?" Nadim asked, a look of genuine bafflement on his face.
"The baby," she said, blushing hard.
"Oh, is that all?"
She looked up with surprise as he reached for her, pulling her back to rest on his chest. There was no tension in him at all. He seemed utterly at ease as she curled up next to him. She was mo
mentarily distracted by the pleasure of his large hand stroking down her back, ruffling her hair slightly.
"What do you mean, 'is that all?’" she asked, her voice quavering a little.
He chuckled a little bit.
"These things take time," he said with a shrug. "I may be the law in Hadara, but I know better than to expect nature to bow to my whims. I have done my research, and most people do not conceive within a month of beginning. It would have been a joyous thing if you had, but I was not expecting it."
He planted a gentle kiss on her mouth, and for a moment, all she cared about was the pleasure of this man's body, the sweetness of his touch, and the kindness of his hand on her. In that moment, she felt enveloped by care, and that was enough to make her want to cry.
Then another cramp low in her belly made her flinch, and Nadim hugged her with a regretful sigh.
"Let me go get you some tea," he said. "My mother once told me that the best thing I could do in times like this was to find you something that makes you feel better."
"Your mother was a very wise woman," Elise said, even as she missed his warmth.
She rolled onto her side in the dim bedroom, her mind drifting. The relief that he wasn't concerned about her failure to conceive this month was immense, but a part of her wondered at it as well. Wasn't he meant to be more anxious about it? Wasn't getting an heir for his country an important thing?
She shook it off because she was simply too weary to think of such things at the moment. Right now, all she cared about was that Nadim wasn't angry with her and that he was kind enough to get her tea.
Beyond that, what else mattered?
***
As he boiled water for the chamomile tea that he found in the cupboard, Nadim reluctantly forced himself to think about what had happened.
In his head, he could already see Malaya's eyes turn cold. She would have said that the girl had had her chance, and that wasn't wrong. Perhaps the wisest thing to do would have been to find a group of suitable women, but the thought made him want to growl.
It seemed...unfair was the word he should have used, but instead, there was something much deeper and much darker underneath it.
He wouldn't do that to Elise, and he wasn't going to do it to himself.
Nadim was aware that he should have been disappointed at her news, and he was, a little bit. An heir would have meant security of Hadara, and there was a part of him that was growing more than a little curious about a baby that was half him and half Elise.
However, when she had told him, stuttering out the news and looking as if she was worried she might be kicked out, the primary emotion that he had felt was relief.
Her announcement told him that he would have another month of this, another month with her, another month touching her, kissing her, simply being with her. The last few weeks had been a revelation, and he had discovered a part of himself that he had thought long gone. He had simply assumed that it was only young adults who felt things this vividly, this beautifully, but he had been wrong.
Elise had brought it back to him, and though he was wise enough to know that it would not stay, another part of him selfishly wanted to hang on to it as long as he could.
When the tea was made, he brought it back to a drowsy and ridiculously grateful Elise. She drank it in small sips as he sat next to her, and with a pang, Nadim realized how very small she was, how strangely delicate she looked. When she had saved him in that alley, the robbers probably thought she was seven feet tall, but here in his bed, she was revealed to be a delicate thing, like some shy forest creature come out of her hiding place to drink.
He urged her to sleep again, and though she fell unconscious for a few hours, she was bored and ready to do something after that. Nadim suggested a walk on the beach, and from the way she brightened up, he reminded himself that he should suggest it more often.
It was a gorgeous day, the sky as blue as it could be, but Nadim found that he could not take his eyes off of her. She walked on the sand lightly, treading close to the very edge of the water so that the waves timidly lapped at her feet.
Would he have a daughter as light-footed as she was? Would he have a son with her courage and her intense will? The thought warmed him in a way that he couldn't understand.
Sometimes, it was painful to look at Elise. He didn't understand that either, but when he tore his eyes away once, he glimpsed something strange in the water near his feet. It was dark, and it could have been a stone, but the light hit it just right.
With a frown, Nadim reached into the water and picked the object up. It was a flattened sphere the size of a large coin, and when he rinsed it off, he could see that it was a piece of dark red sea glass.
"Ooh, what do you have there?" asked Elise, who had come back to him, and with a grin, he handed it to her.
"Oh, it's a beautiful one," she cooed, holding it up to glimmer into the light. "I bet you could get some cash for this if you wanted to sell it..."
She glanced at him with a faint smile.
"Though it suddenly occurs to me that you don't think about everything as an opportunity to make enough cash for a good meal."
"I do not," he said, "but it is pretty, isn't it?"
"Very much so," she said. "You should keep it..."
Nadim pretended to consider it for a moment.
"I suppose I could, but perhaps you are right. Very well, I can sell it to you."
Elise looked up at him, a smile on her face.
"Oh really, great sheikh? You would condescend to sell your great treasure to me?"
"Greatness understand that value is meant to be exchanged, or else it has no real worth at all," he intoned, and she laughed at his pompous words. God in Heaven, he would never get over how much he loved the sound of her laugh.
"All right, then, what do you want? Though mind, I might not be up for anything energetic for a while."
"I want a song," he said, and her eyes widened with surprise.
"Like...you want me to write a song for you?"
"No, I figure for you to write me a song, I need to find you something extremely beautiful. I want you to sing a song for me. Right here."
She looked surprised, and then contemplative. For a woman who could charge into a robbery and work in one of the worst dives that he had ever seen, she could be strangely shy about some things.
"All right, give me just a moment..."
She turned to face the ocean, singing a soft scale quietly to herself as she thought. There was something strangely private about it, and Nadim stayed quiet, relishing this opportunity to observe her without being observed in turn. Her voice was a supple instrument, something she wielded with a skill that she didn't even think about at all.
When she started to sing, she didn't turn back to face him. Instead, it felt almost as if she were singing to the sea, as if there was a connection between her and those beautiful, endless depths.
"Oh, lover, I've been so alone, will you come home with me...?"
Her voice sent chills up his spine, and the song, a soft thing that he didn't recognize, woke a strange longing inside him that he didn't understand. Nadim suddenly wanted to take her in his arms, but he didn't dare disturb the spell that she was weaving.
When she finished the song, it felt as if the day was a little colder, the sky a little duller, but there was such a brilliant light in her eyes that he couldn't help but sweep her into his arms. She returned the kiss he planted on her lips with a will, and then she looked up at him, her gaze sparkling with mischief.
"Well, did I do well enough to earn my pretty rock?"
"That and more," Nadim said, handing it to her with a flourish. "My god, that is what sailors hearing sirens must have felt like..."
Elise laughed him off with a humor that was entirely unself-conscious.
"I'm sure you're exaggerating."
"Well, let's just keep you from singing near any sharp rocks when I am sailing by..."
That did give him the idea to t
ake her sailing the next day, however, and when he saw her at open sea, her pale hair fluttering like a banner in the salt breeze, he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that the thing in his heart was love.
Chapter Ten
Something had changed between them. After the day on board the ship, a memory that had crystallized in her mind as one of the finest days of her life, Elise realized that there had been a shift.
Somehow, for some reason, she could feel Nadim pulling away from her. He was never cruel, never angry, but there was something simmering beneath the surface, something that made her anxious and nervous.
When she tried to ask him what it was, Nadim smiled in a way that never made it up to his eyes and told her that it was fine. There were matters that he had to attend to, and there was nothing that she could do about it.
He started to leave her alone during the day, locking himself in the study so that he could work. When Elise walked past the door to the study, she found herself listening as she went by. It wasn't because she wanted to spy; it was more because she simply wanted some sign that he was still there, even if he wasn't with her.
Elise tried to keep herself busy, but hour by hour, she found herself gripping the red pebble of sea glass she had won from him in her hand. She took comfort in its shape, and every time she held it, she remembered him handing it to her, his dark eyes alight with a joy that it seemed he had forgotten over the past few days.
When she was feeling well enough to resume their activities in the bedroom, he had actually frowned at her. Elise froze, because bringing it up alone had been a challenge for her, and having him look at her like this somehow made it worse.
"Thank you for letting me know," he said, and there was something strange in his tone, but she was too confused to try to figure out what it was.
"And?" she asked, hardly daring to believe her own bravery.
"And we will continue the attempts soon," he said, and that was the end of the matter.
He had started staying up later and later, and more often than not, she was already asleep whenever he came to bed with her. She struggled to stay up long enough for him to come in; the feeling of his powerful body snugged up against her was something she craved and needed. Since Nadim had pulled away so completely, she felt almost desperate for it.
