Helen looked at it, and answered, “Yes, by Cecilia.”
“I am glad it is safe,” said the general, “restored — Cecilia told me the history. I know that it was stolen, not given by you.”
“Given!” said Helen. “Oh no! stolen.”
“Base!” said the general.
“He was base,” answered Helen.
General Clarendon held in his hand, along with the picture, one letter separated from the rest, open; he looked at it as if embarrassed, while Helen spoke the last words, and he repeated, “Base! yes, he certainly was, or he would have destroyed these letters.”
Again Helen was on the point of saying that Colonel D’Aubigny had told Cecilia he had done so, but fortunately her agitation, in default of presence of mind, kept her silent.
“This is the first letter I opened,” said the general, “before I was aware that they were not what I should read. I saw only the first words, I thought then that I had a right to read them. When these letters met my eyes, I conceived them to have been written by my wife. I had a right to satisfy myself respecting the nature of the correspondence; that done, I looked no farther. I bore my suspense — I waited till she awoke.”
“So she told me, Cecilia has told me all; but even if she had not, in any circumstances who could doubt your honour, General Clarendon?”
“Then trust to it, Miss Stanley, for the past, for the future, trust to it! You gratify me more than I can express — you do me justice. I wished to return these letters to you with, my own hand,” continued he, “to satisfy myself, in the first place, that there was no mistake. Of that your present candour, indeed, the first look of that ingenuous countenance, was sufficient.”
Helen felt that she blushed all over.
“Pardon me for distressing you, my dear Helen. It was a matter in which a man MUST be selfish, must in point of honour, must in point of feeling, I owe to your candour not merely relief from what I could not endure and live, but relief from suspicion, — suspicion of the truth of one dearer to me than life.”
Helen sat as if she had been transfixed.
“I owe to you,” continued he, “the happiness of my whole future life.”
“Then I am happy,” cried Helen, “happy in this, at all events, whatever may become of me.”
She had not yet raised her eyes towards the general; she felt as if her first look must betray Cecilia; but she now tried to fix her eyes upon him as he looked anxiously at her, and she said, “thank you, thank you, General Clarendon! Oh, thank you for all the kindness you have shown me; but I am the more grieved, it makes me more sorry to sink quite in your esteem.”
“To sink! You do not: your candour, your truth raises you — —”
“Oh! do not say that — —”
“I do,” repeated the general, “and you may believe me. I am incapable of deceiving you — this is no matter of compliment. Between friend and friend I should count a word, a look of falsehood, treason.”
Helen’s tears stopped, and, without knowing what she did, she began hastily to gather up the packet of letters which she had let fall; the general assisted her in putting them into her bag, and she closed the strings, thanked him, and was rising, when he went on—”I beg your indulgence while I say a few words of myself.”
She sat down again immediately. “Oh! as many as you please.”
“I believe I may say I am not of a jealous temper.”
“I am sure you are not,” said Helen.
“I thank you,” said the general. “May I ask on what your opinion is founded?”
“On what has now passed, and on all that I have heard from Lady Davenant.”
He bowed. “You may have heard then, from Lady Davenant, of some unfortunate circumstances in my own and in a friend’s family which happened a short time before my marriage?”
Helen said she had.
“And of the impression these circumstances made on my mind, my consequent resolve never to marry a woman who had ever had any previous attachment?”
Helen was breathless at hearing all this repeated.
“Were you informed of these particulars?” said the general.
“Yes,” said Helen, faintly.
“I am not asking, Miss Stanley, whether you approved of my resolution; simply whether you heard of it?”
“Yes — certainly.”
“That’s well. It was on an understanding between Cecilia and myself on this point, that I married. Did you know this?”
“Yes,” said Helen.
“Some words,” continued the general, “once fell from Lady Davenant concerning this Colonel D’Aubigny which alarmed me. Cecilia satisfied me that her mother was mistaken. Cecilia solemnly assured me that she had never loved him.” The general paused.
Helen, conceiving that he waited for and required her opinion, replied, “So I always thought — so I often told Lady Davenant.” But at this moment recollecting the words at the beginning of that letter, “My dear, too dear Henry,” Helen’s voice faltered. The general saw her confusion, but attributed it to her own consciousness. “Had Lady Davenant not been mistaken,” resumed he, “that is to say had there ever been — as might have happened not unnaturally — had there ever been an attachment; in short, had Cecilia ever loved him, and told me so, I am convinced that such truth and candour would have satisfied me, would have increased — as I now feel — increased my esteem. I am at this moment convinced that, in spite of my declared resolution, I should in perfect confidence, have married.”
“Oh that Cecilia had but told him!” thought Helen.
“I should not, my dear Miss Stanley,” continued the general, “have thus taken up your time talking of myself, had I not an important purpose in view. I was desirous to do away in your mind the idea of my great strictness — not on my own account, but on yours, I wished to dispel this notion. Now you will no longer, I trust, apprehend that my esteem for you is diminished. I assure you I can make allowances.”
She was shocked at the idea of allowances, yet thanked him for his indulgence, and she could hardly refrain from again bursting into tears.
“Still by your agitation I see you are afraid of me,” said he, smiling.
“No indeed; not afraid of you, but shocked at what you must think of me.”
“I am not surprised, but sorry to see that the alarm I gave my poor Cecilia this morning has passed from her mind into yours. To her I must have appeared harsh: I was severe; but when I thought I had been deceived, duped, can you wonder?”
Helen turned her eyes away.
“My dear Miss Stanley, why will not you distinguish? the cases are essentially different. Nine out of ten of the young ladies who marry in these countries do not marry the first object of their fancy, and whenever there is, as there will be, I am sure, in your case, perfect candour, I do not apprehend the slightest danger to the happiness of either party. On the contrary, I should foretell an increase of esteem and love. Beauclerc has often — —”
Beauclerc’s voice was at this instant heard in the hall.
“Compose yourself, my dear Miss Stanley — this way,” said the general, opening a door into the conservatory, for he heard Beauclerc’s step now in the library. The general followed Helen as she left the room, and touching the bag that contained the letters, said,
“Remember, whatever may be your hurry, lock this up first.”
“Thank you,” answered she; “I will, I will!” and she hastened on, and in a moment she was safe across the hall and upstairs, without meeting any one, and in her own room, and the bag locked up in her cabinet. Lady Davenant’s bell rang as she went to her apartment; she looked in at Cecilia, who started up in her bed.
“All is over,” said Helen, “all is well. I have the letters locked up; I cannot stay.”
Helen disengaged herself almost forcibly from Cecilia’s embrace, and she was in Lady Davenant’s room in another minute. She bade her good morning as composedly as she could, she thought quite as usual. But that was
impossible: so much the better, for it would not have been natural this last morning of Lady Davenant’s stay, when nothing was as usual externally or internally. All was preparation for departure — her maids packing — Lady Davenant, making some last arrangements — in the midst of which she stopped to notice Helen — pressed her in her arms, and after looking once in her face, said, “My poor child! it must be so.”
Elliott interrupted, asking some question, purposely to draw off her attention; and while she turned about to give some orders to another servant, Elliott said to Miss Stanley, “My Lady was not well last night; she must be kept from all that can agitate her, as much as possible.”
Helen at that instant rejoiced that she had done what she had. She agreed with Elliott, she said, that all emotion which could be avoided should; and upon this principle busied herself, and was glad to employ herself in whatever she could to assist the preparations, avoiding all conversation with Lady Davenant.
“You are right, my love — quite right,” said Lady Davenant. “The best way is always to employ one’s self always to the last. Yes, put up those drawings carefully, in this portfolio, Elliott; take silver paper, Helen.”
They were Helen’s own drawings, so all went on, and all was safe — even when Cecilia was spoken of; while the silver paper went over the drawings, Helen answered that she had seen her. “She was not well, but still not seriously ill, though—”
“Yes,” said Lady Davenant; “only the general is too anxious about her — very naturally. He sent me word just now,” continued she, “that he has forbidden her to get up before breakfast. I will go and see her now; dear Cecilia! I hope she will do well — every way — I feel sure of it, Helen — sure as you do yourself, my dear — But what is the matter?”
“Nothing!” said Helen. That was not quite true; but she could not help it—”Nothing!” repeated she. “Only I am anxious, my dear Lady Davenant,” continued poor Helen blundering, unaccustomed to evasions—”only I am very anxious you should go soon to Cecilia; I know she is awake now, and you will be hurried after breakfast.”
Elliott looked reproachfully at Miss Stanley, for she thought it much better for her lady to be engaged in more indifferent matters till after breakfast, when she would have but a few minutes to spend with her daughter; so Helen, correcting herself, added—”But, perhaps I’m wrong, so do not let me interrupt you in whatever you are doing.”
“My dear child,” said Lady Davenant; “you do not know what you are saying or doing yourself this morning.”
But no suspicion was excited in her mind, as she accounted for Helen’s perturbation by the sorrow of their approaching separation, and by the hurry of her spirits at Beauclerc’s arrival the day before. And then came the meeting the general at breakfast, which Helen dreaded; but so composed, so impenetrable was he that she could hardly believe that anything could have occurred that morning to agitate him.
Lady Davenant, after being with her daughter, came to take leave of Helen, and said gravely, “Helen! remember what I said of Cecilia’s truth, my trust is in you. Remember, if I never see you again, by all the love and esteem I bear you, and all which you feel for me, remember this my last request — prayer — adjuration to you, support, save Cecilia!”
At that moment the general came to announce that the carriage was ready; promptly he led her away, handed her in and the order to “drive on,” was given. Lady Davenant’s last look, her last anxious smile, was upon Helen and Beauclerc as they stood beside each other on the steps, and she was gone.
Helen was so excessively agitated that Beauclerc did not attempt to detain her from hurrying to her own room, where she sat down, and endeavoured to compose herself. She repeated Lady Davenant’s last words, “Support, save Cecilia,” and, unlocking the cabinet in which she had deposited the fatal letters, she seized the bag that contained them, and went immediately to Cecilia. She was in her dressing-room, and the general sitting beside her on the sofa, upon which she was resting. He was sitting directly opposite to Helen as she entered; she started at the sight of him: his eye instantly fell upon the bag, and she felt her face suddenly flush. He took out his watch, said he had an appointment, and was gone before Helen raised her eyes.
“My dearest friend, come to me, come close to me,” cried Cecilia, and throwing her arms round Helen, she said, “Oh, I am the happiest creature now!”
“Are you?” said Helen.
“Yes, that I am, and I thank you for it; how much I thank you, Helen, it is impossible to express, and better I love you than anything upon earth but Clarendon himself, my best friend, my generous Helen. Oh, Clarendon has been so kind, so very kind! so sorry for having alarmed me! He is a noble, charming creature. I love him a thousand times better than I ever did, am happier than I ever was! and all this I owe to you, dearest Helen. But I cannot get your eyes from that bag, — what have you there?”
“The letters,” said Helen.
“The letters!” exclaimed Cecilia, springing up, “give them to me,” seizing and opening the bag. “Oh that dreadful perfume! Helen open the window, and bolt the door, my dear — both doors.”
While Helen was doing so, Cecilia struck one little quick blow on a taper-lighter; it flared, and when Helen turned, one of the letters was in flames, and Cecilia continued feeding the flame with them as fast as ever it could devour.
“Burn! burn! there, there!” cried she, “I would not look at any one of them again for the world; I know no more what is in them than if I had never written them, except those horrid, horrid words Clarendon saw and showed me. I cannot bear to think of it. There now,” continued she, as they burned, “no one can ever know anything more about the matter: how glad I am to see them burning! — burnt! safe! The smell will go off in a minute or two. It is going, — yes, gone! is not it? Now we may breathe freely. But you look as if you did not know whether you were glad or sorry, Helen.”
“I believe it was right; the general advised me to lock, them up,” said Helen, “but then—”
“Did he? how thoughtful of him! But better to burn them at once; I am sure it was not my fault that they were not long ago destroyed. I was assured by that abominable man — but no matter, we will never think of him again. It is done now — no, not completely yet,” said she, looking close at the half white, half black burnt paper, in which words, and whole lines still appeared in shrunken but yet quite legible characters. “One cannot be too careful,” and she trampled on the burnt paper, and scattered the cinders. Helen was anxious to speak, she had something important to say, but hesitated; she saw that Cecilia’s thoughts were so far from what she wanted to speak of that she could not instantly say it; she could not bear to overturn all Cecilia’s present happiness, and yet, said to herself, I must — I must — or what may happen hereafter? Then forcing herself to speak, she began, “Your mother is safe now, Cecilia.”
“Oh yes, and thank you, thank you for that—”
“Then now, Cecilia — your promise.”
“My promise!” Lady Cecilia’s eyes opened in unfeigned astonishment. “What promise? — Oh, I recollect, I promised — did I?”
“My dear Cecilia, surely you cannot have forgotten.”
“How was it?”
“You know the reason I consented was to prevent the danger of any shock to Lady Davenant.”
“Well, I know, but what did I promise?”
The words had in reality passed Lady Cecilia’s lips at the time without her at all considering them as a promise, only as a means of persuasion to bring Helen to her point.
“What did I promise?” repeated she. “You said, ‘As soon as my mother is safe, as soon as she is gone, I will tell my husband all,’ — Cecilia, you cannot forget what you promised.”
“Oh, no, now I remember it perfectly, but I did not mean so soon. I never imagined you would claim it so soon: but some time I certainly will tell him all.”
“Do not put it off, dearest Cecilia. It must be done — let it be done to-day.”
“To-day!” Lady Cecilia almost screamed.
“I will tell you why,” said Helen.
“To-day!” repeated Lady Cecilia.
“If we let the present now pass,” continued Helen, “we shall lose both the power and the opportunity, believe me.”
“I have not the power, Helen, and I do not know what you mean by the opportunity,” said Cecilia.
“We have a reason now to give General Clarendon — a true good reason, for what we have done.”
“Reason!” cried Lady Cecilia, “what can you mean?”
“That it was to prevent danger to your mother, and now she is safe; and if you tell him directly, he will see this was, really so.”
“That is true; but I cannot — wait till to-morrow, at least.”
“Every day will make it more difficult. The deception will be greater, and less pardonable. If we delay, it will become deliberate falsehood, a sort of conspiracy between us,” said Helen.
“Conspiracy! Oh, Helen, do not use such a shocking word, when it is really nothing at all.”
“Then why not tell it?” urged Helen.
“Because, though it is nothing at all in reality, yet Clarendon would think it dreadful — though I have done nothing really wrong.”
“So I say — so I know,” cried Helen; “therefore — —”
“Therefore let me take my own time,” said Cecilia. “How can you urge me so, hurrying me so terribly, and when I am but just recovered from one misery, and when you had made me so happy, and when I was thanking you with all my heart.”
Helen was much moved, but answered as steadily as she could. “It seems cruel, but indeed I am not cruel.”
“When you had raised me up,” continued Cecilia, “to dash me down again, and leave me worse than ever!”
“Not worse — no, surely not worse, when your mother is safe.”
“Yes, safe, thank you — but oh, Helen, have you no feeling for your own Cecilia?”
“The greatest,” answered Helen; and her tears said the rest.
Complete Novels of Maria Edgeworth Page 262
