Mr. Devereux helped me to throw off this dangerous contagion, before it did me any injury. He happened to stay in the room with me a quarter of an hour after the other gentlemen went to dress. Though not often disposed to conversation with a stranger, yet I was won by this gentleman’s easy address: he politely talked of the English fashionable world, with which he knew that I was well acquainted; I, with equal politeness, recurred to the Irish great world: we fastened together upon Lord O’Toole, who took us to Dublin Castle; and I began to express my regret that I had not yet been at the Irish court, and that I had not earlier in life made myself of political consequence.
“Ambition,” said I, “might help to keep a man awake and alive; all common pleasures have long since ceased to interest me — they really cannot make me stir.”
“My lord,” said Mr. Devereux, “you would do better to sit or lie still all your life than to toil for such vain objects.
‘Full little knowest thou that hast not tried,
What hell it is in sueing long to bide;’
Your lordship may remember Spenser’s description of that hell?”
“Not exactly,” said I, unwilling to lower the good opinion this gentleman seemed to have taken for granted of my literature. He took Spenser’s poems out of the book-case, and I actually rose from my seat to read the passage; for what trouble will not even the laziest of mortals take to preserve the esteem of one by whom he sees that he is over-valued. I read the following ten lines without yawning!
“Full little knowest thou that hast not tried,
What hell it is in sueing long to bide;
To lose good days, that might be better spent,
To waste long nights in pensive discontent,
To speed to-day, to be put back to-morrow,
To feed on hope, to pine with fear and sorrow,
To fret thy soul with crosses and with cares,
To eat thy heart through comfortless despairs,
To fawn, to crouch, to wait, to ride, to run,
To spend, to give, to want, to be undone.”
“Very strong, indeed,” said I, with a competent air, as if used to judge of poetry.
“And it comes with still greater force, when we consider by whom it was written. A man, you know, my lord, who had been secretary to a lord lieutenant.”
I felt my nascent ambition die away within me. I acknowledged it was better to spend an easy life. My determination was confirmed at this instant by the appearance of Lady Geraldine. Ambition and love, it is said, are incompatible passions. Neither of them had yet possession of my heart; but love and Lady Geraldine had perhaps a better chance than ambition and Lord O’Toole. Lady Geraldine appeared in high spirits; and, though I was not a vain man, I could not help fancying that my return to Ormsby Villa contributed to her charming vivacity. This gratified me secretly and soberly, as much as it visibly delighted her mother. Miss Bland, to pay her court to Lady Kildangan, observed that Lady Geraldine was in uncommonly fine spirits this evening. Lady Geraldine threw back a haughty frown over her left shoulder: this was the only time I ever saw her notice, in any manner, any thing that fell from her obsequious friend. To avert the fair one’s displeasure, I asked for Miss Tracey and Mr. Gabbitt.
“Mr. Gabbitt,” said her ladyship, resuming her good-humour instantly; “Mr. Gabbitt is gone off the happiest man in Ireland, with the hopes of surveying my Lord O’Toole’s estate; a good job, which I was bound in honour to obtain for him, as a reward for taking a good joke. After mocking him with the bare imagination of a feast, you know the Barmecide in the Arabian Tales gave poor Shakabac a substantial dinner, a full equivalent for the jest.”
“And Miss Tracey.” said I, “what did your ladyship do for her?”
“I persuaded her mamma that the sweet creature was falling into an atrophy. So she carried the forlorn damsel post haste to the Black Rock for the recovery of her health, or her heart. Clementina, my dear, no reproachful looks; in your secret soul do not you know, that I could not do a young lady a greater favour than to give her a plausible excuse for getting away from home?”
I was afraid that Lady Geraldine would feel the want of her butt; however, I found that Miss Tracey’s place was supplied by Captain Andrews, one of the Castle’s aides-de-camp; and when Captain Andrews was out of the way, Lord Kilrush and his brother O’Toole were good marks. High and mighty as these personages thought themselves, and respectfully, nay obsequiously, as they were treated by most others, to this lady their characters appeared only a good study; and to laugh at them seemed only a good practice.
“Perhaps, my lord,” said she to me, “you do not yet know my Lord O’Toole?”
“I have had the honour to be introduced to him.”
“That’s well; for he thinks that,
‘Not to know him, argues yourself unknown.’
But as your lordship is a stranger in this country, you may be pardoned; and I will make you better acquainted with him. I suppose you know there are many Tooles in Ireland; some very ancient, respectable, and useful: this, however, is but a mere political tool, and the worst of all tools, a cat’s paw. There’s one thing to the credit of these brothers, they agree vastly well; for one delights in being always on the stage, and the other always behind the scenes. These brothers, with Captain Andrews — I hope they are none of them within hearing — form a charming trio, all admirable in their way. My Lord O’Toole is — artifice without art. My Lord Kilrush — importance without power. And Captain Andrews — pliability without ease. Poor Andrews! he’s a defenceless animal — safe in impenetrable armour. Give him but time — as a man said, who once showed me a land-tortoise — give him but time to draw his head into his shell, and a broad-wheeled waggon may go over him without hurting him. Lord Glenthorn, did you ever observe Captain Andrews’s mode of conversation?”
“No; I never heard him converse.”
“Converse! nor I indeed; but you have heard him talk.” “I have heard him say — Very true — and Of course.”
“Lord Glenthorn is quite severe this evening,” said Mrs. O’Connor.
“But though your lordship,” continued Lady Geraldine, “may have observed Captain Andrews’s wonderful economy of words, do you know whence it arises? Perhaps you think from his perception of his own want of understanding.”
“Not from his perception of the want,” said I.
“Again! again!” said Mrs. O’Connor, with an insulting tone of surprise; “Lord Glenthorn’s quite witty this evening.”
Lady Geraldine looked as if she were fully sensible of the want of politeness in Mrs. O’Connor’s mode of praising. “But, my lord,” pursued she, “you wrong Captain Andrews, if you attribute his monosyllabic replies either to stupidity or timidity. You have not guessed the reason why he never gives on any subject more than half an opinion.”
“It was in the diplomatic school he was taught that art,” said Mr. Devereux.
“You must know,” pursued Lady Geraldine, “that Captain Andrews is only an aide-de-camp till a diplomatic situation can be found for him; and to do him justice, he has been so well trained in the diplomatic school, that he will not hazard an assertion on any subject; he is not certain of any thing, not even of his own identity.”
“He assuredly wants,” said Devereux, “the only proof of existence which Descartes would admit — I think, therefore I am.”
“He has such a holy horror of committing himself,” continued Lady Geraldine, “that if you were to ask him if the sun rose this morning, he would answer, with his sweet smile — So I am told — or — So I am informed.”
“Begging your ladyship’s pardon,” cried Mr. Devereux, “that is much too affirmative. In the pure diplomatic style, impersonal verbs must ever be used in preference to active or passive. So I am told, lays him open to the dangerous questions, Who told you? or, By whom were you informed? Then he is forced into the imprudence of giving up his authorities; whereas he is safe in the impersonality of So it is said, or So it is
reported.”
“How I should like to see a meeting between two perfectly finished diplomatists!” cried Lady Geraldine.
“That is demonstrably impossible,” said Mr. Devereux; “for in certain political, as well as in certain geometrical lines, there is a continual effort to approach, without a possibility of meeting.”
Lady Geraldine’s raillery, like all other things, would, perhaps, soon have become tiresome to me; but that there was infinite variety in her humour. At first I had thought her merely superficial, and intent solely upon her own amusement; but I soon found that she had a taste for literature, beyond what could have been expected in one who lived so dissipated a life; a depth of reflection that seemed inconsistent with the rapidity with which she thought; and, above all, a degree of generous indignation against meanness and vice, which seemed incompatible with the selfish character of a fine lady, and which appeared quite incomprehensible to the imitating tribe of her fashionable companions.
I mentioned a Mrs. Norton and Lady Hauton amongst the company of Ormsby Villa. These two English ladies, whom I had never met in any of the higher circles in London, who were persons of no consequence, and of no marked character in their own country, made, it seems, a prodigious sensation when they came over to Ireland, and turned the heads of half Dublin by the extravagance of their dress, the impertinence of their airs, and the audacity of their conduct. Fame flew before them to the remote parts of the country; and when they arrived at Ormsby Villa, all the country gentlemen and ladies were prepared to admire these celebrated fashionable belles. All worshipped them present, and abused them absent, except Lady Geraldine, who neither joined in the admiration nor inquired into the scandal. One morning Mrs. Norton and Lady Hauton had each collected her votaries round her: one group begging patterns of dress from Lady Hauton, who stood up in the midst of them, to have everything she wore examined and envied; the other group sat on a sofa apart, listening to Mrs. Norton, who, sotto voce, was telling interesting anecdotes of an English crim. con., which then occupied the attention of the fashionable world. Mrs. Norton had letters from the best authorities in London, which she was entreated by her auditors to read to them. Mrs. Norton went to look for the letters, Lady Hauton to direct her woman to furnish some patterns of I know not what articles of dress; and, in the mean time, all the company joined in canvassing the merits and demerits of the dress and characters of the two ladies who had just left the room. Lady Geraldine, who had kept aloof, and who was examining some prints at the farther end of the room, at this instant laid down her book, and looked upon the whole party with an air of magnanimous disdain; then smiling, as in scorn, she advanced towards them, and, in a tone of irony, addressing one of the Swanlinbar graces, “My dear Theresa,” said her ladyship, “you are absolutely ashamed, I see, of not being quite naked; and you, my good Bess, will, no doubt, very soon be equally scandalized, at the imputation of being a perfectly modest woman. Go on, my friends; go on, and prosper; beg and borrow all the patterns and precedents you can collect of the newest fashions of folly and vice. Make haste, make haste; they don’t reach our remote island fast enough. We Irish might live in innocence half a century longer, if you didn’t expedite the progress of profligacy; we might escape the plague that rages in neighbouring countries, if we didn’t, without any quarantine, and with open arms, welcome every suspected stranger; if we didn’t encourage the importation of whole bales of tainted fineries, that will spread the contagion from Dublin to Cork, and from Cork to Galway!”
“La!” said Miss Ormsby, “how severe your ladyship is; and all only for one’s asking for a pattern!”
“But you know,” pursued Mrs. O’Connor, “that Lady Geraldine is too proud to take pattern from any body.”
“Too proud am I? Well, then, I’ll be humble; I’ll abase myself — shall I?
‘Proud as I am, I’ll put myself to school;’
and I’ll do what the ladies Hauton and Norton shall advise, to heighten my charms and preserve my reputation. I must begin, must not I, Mrs. O’Connor, by learning not to blush? for I observed you were ashamed for me yesterday at dinner, when I blushed at something said by one of our fair missionaries. Then, to whatever lengths flirtations and gallantry may go between unmarried or married people, I must look on. I may shut my eyes, if I please, and look down; but not from shame — from affectation I may as often as I please, or to show my eyelashes. Memorandum — to practise this before Clementina Ormsby, my mirror of fashion. So far, so good, for my looks; but now for my language. I must reform my barbarous language, and learn from Mrs. Norton, with her pretty accommodating voice, to call an intrigue an arrangement, and a crim. con. an affair in Doctors’ Commons, or that business before the Lords.
‘We never mention Hell to ears polite.’
How virtuous we shall be when we have no name for vice! But stay, I must mind my lessons — I have more, much more to learn. From the dashing Lady Hauton I may learn, if my head be but strong, and my courage intrepid enough, ‘to touch the brink of all we hate,’ without tumbling headlong into the gulf; and from the interesting Mrs. Norton, as I hear it whispered amongst you ladies, I may learn how, with the assistance of a Humane-society, to save a half-drowned reputation. It is, I understand, the glory of one class of fashionable females, to seem worse than they are; and of another class the privilege, to be worse than they seem.”
Here clamorous voices interrupted Lady Geraldine — some justifying, some attacking, Lady Hauton and Mrs. Norton.
“Oh! Lady Geraldine, I assure you, notwithstanding all that was said about General —— and Mrs. Norton, I am convinced there was nothing in it.”
“And, my dear Lady Geraldine, though Lady Hauton does go great lengths in coquetting with a certain lord, you must see that there’s nothing wrong; and that she means nothing, but to provoke his lady’s jealousy. You know his lordship is not a man to fall in love with.”
“So, because Lady Hauton’s passion is hatred instead of love, and because her sole object is to give pain to a poor wife, and to make mischief in families, all her sins are to be forgiven! Now, if I were forced to forgive any ill-conducted female, I would rather excuse the woman who is hurried on by love than she who is instigated by hatred.”
Miss Bland now began to support her ladyship’s opinion, that “Lady Hauton was much the worst of the two;” and all the scandal that was in circulation was produced by the partisans of each of these ladies.
“No matter, no matter, which is the worst,” cried Lady Geraldine; “don’t let us waste our time in repeating or verifying scandalous stories of either of them. I have no enmity to these ladies; I only despise them, or rather, their follies and their faults. It is not the sinner, but the sin we should reprobate. Oh! my dear countrywomen,” cried Lady Geraldine, with increasing animation of countenance and manner—”Oh! my dear countrywomen, let us never stoop to admire and imitate these second-hand airs and graces, follies and vices. Let us dare to be ourselves!”
My eyes were fixed upon her animated countenance, and, I believe, I continued gazing even after her voice ceased. Mrs. O’Connor pointed this out, and I was immediately embarrassed. Miss Bland accounted for my embarrassment by supposing, that what Lady Geraldine had said of English crim. cons, had affected me. From a look and a whisper among the ladies, I guessed this; but Lady Geraldine was too well-bred to suppose I could suspect her of ill-breeding and ill-nature, or that I could apply to myself what evidently was not intended to allude to my family misfortunes. By an openness of manner and sweetness of expression, which I cannot forget, she, in one single look, conveyed all this to me: and then resuming her conversation, “Pray, my lord,” said she, “you who have lived so much in the great world in England, say, for you can, whether I am right or wrong in my suspicion, that these ladies, who have made such a noise in Ireland, have been little heard of in England?”
I confirmed her ladyship’s opinion by my evidence. The faces of the company changed. Thus, in a few seconds, the empire of Lady Ha
uton and of Mrs. Norton seemed shaken to the foundation, and never recovered from this shock.
The warmth of Lady Geraldine’s expressions, on this and many other occasions, wakened dormant feelings in my heart, and made me sensible that I had a soul, and that I was superior to the puppets with whom I had been classed.
One day Lady Kilrush, in her mixed mode, with partly the graces of a fine lady and partly the airs of a bel esprit, was talking of Mr. Devereux, whom she affected to patronise and produce.
“Here, Devereux!” cried she; “Cecil Devereux! What can you be thinking of? I am talking to you. Here’s this epitaph of Francis the First upon Petrarch’s Laura, that you showed me the other day: do you know, I dote upon it. I must have it translated: nobody can do it so well as you. I have not time; but I shall not sleep to-night if it is not done: and you are so quick: so sit down here, there’s a dear man, and do it in your elegant way for me, whilst I go to my toilette. Perhaps you did not know that my name was Laura,” said she, leaving the room with a very sentimental air.
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