“You’re in this now, Carson,” he said quietly. “And even if you can’t recall the reason for it, there was one. You and Tia both want to end it, so maybe it’s better if you just accept what is and move on.”
The other man thought about that for a long minute or two, then muttered, “Yeah, logically I know you’re right. But I know something else, too. Acceptance is a bitch.”
* * *
“Thanks for coming, really. I’ll call the agency when the decision’s been made.” Lilah smiled and waved the third nanny candidate on her way, then closed the door and leaned back against it.
Honestly, these interviews were awful. She hated talking to a steady stream of women all vying for the opportunity to take care of the kids Lilah loved. How was she supposed to choose? Young and energetic? Older and more patient? There was no perfect nanny and there was absolutely no way to guarantee that the women would even like Micah and Rosie. Or that the kids would like them.
Pushing away from the door, Lilah threw a glance at the kitchen, where Connie was giving Rose her lunch. Lilah should probably go back there, but she wanted a few minutes to herself first.
Plopping down into an overstuffed chair in the living room, she pulled her cell phone out of her pocket and scrolled to the photo gallery. Flipping past image after image, taken last weekend in Utah, she smiled. Micah feeding the ducks. Rosie trying to eat a pinecone. Micah and Reed riding a roller coaster at the Lagoon amusement park. Rosie trying her first ice-cream cone, then “sharing” it with Reed by smacking him in the face with it.
Lastly, Lilah stared down at the image of all four of them. She had asked a stranger to take the picture, wanting at least one with them all grouped together. They were all smiling. Lilah’s arm hooked through Reed’s, Micah holding Rose and leaning into Reed. “A unit.” That’s what she felt when she looked at the picture.
For the length of that weekend, it had felt as if they were a family, and for a little while, Lilah had indulged herself by pretending. But really, they weren’t a family at all.
Her heart hurt. That was the sad truth. Lilah looked at these pictures, then imagined leaving them all and a sharp, insistent pain sliced at her. How was she supposed to walk away? She loved those kids. But more, she loved Reed. The problem was, she knew he wouldn’t want to hear it.
“Well, maybe he should anyway,” she told herself. Wasn’t she the one who’d said people change? Reed had already changed a lot as far as she could see. He’d taken Rosie and Micah into his life and was making it work. Why not welcome love into his life, too?
She scrolled to a picture of Reed, smiling at her, sunlight dancing in his eyes. Trailing one finger over his face, she whispered, “Even if you don’t want it, you should know that I love you.”
Sighing, she stood up and tucked her phone back into her pocket before heading to the kitchen. Connie was at the table, feeding Rose, who happily slapped both hands on her tray. Stopping long enough to pour herself some coffee from the always-ready pot, Lilah then took a seat opposite Connie.
“So,” the older woman asked, “how was contestant number three?”
Lilah sighed and cupped her coffee between her palms. “She was fine, I guess. Seemed nice enough, even if she did keep checking her phone to see if there was something more interesting going on somewhere else.”
Connie clucked her tongue and shook her head. “Cell phones are the death of civilization.”
Smiling, Lilah said, “She’s young—so she’ll either learn to not text during interviews or she won’t find a job.” Taking a sip of coffee, she glanced out the window at the backyard. “Where’s Micah?”
“Down the street playing basketball with Carter and Cade.”
“Good.” She nodded. “He needs friends.”
“And what do you need?” Connie asked.
Lilah looked back to her. “World peace?”
“Funny, and nice job of dodging the question.”
“I don’t know what to do,” Lilah said. “I haven’t found the right nanny, I can’t stay here indefinitely and—” Since they’d been back in California, Reed had spent so much time at work she hardly saw him. A reaction to the closeness they’d shared in Utah? Was he silently letting her know that the family vibe she’d felt in Utah wasn’t something he wanted? Was he trying to convince her to leave without actually saying it?
“I know,” Connie said softly. “It’s the and that’s the hardest to live with.”
Reacting to the sympathy in Connie’s voice, she said, “Yeah, it is.”
“Well, I can’t do anything about that.” Connie took a baby wipe, cleaned up Rosie’s hands, then, while the tiny girl twisted her head trying to avoid it, wiped her mouth, too. Lifting the tray off, she scooped Rosie up, plopped her down on her lap, then looked at Lilah. “I do have something to say on the nanny front, though.”
“What is it?”
“I’m a little insulted, is what.” Connie waved a hand when Lilah started to protest that she’d never intended to insult her. “You haven’t done a thing, honey. If Reed Hudson thinks I can’t ride herd on one twelve-year-old, look after a baby who’s as good as gold and take care of a house, well, he’s out of his mind.” Connie jiggled Rosie until the little girl’s giggles erupted like bubbles.
Smiling, the woman continued, “Am I so old I can’t watch over two kids? I don’t think so. We don’t need a nanny. What these kids need is a mom. And until they get that, they have a Connie.”
Mom.
Lilah’s heart squeezed again. Like the prospective nanny she’d just said goodbye to, she’d been interviewing for the job she wanted but would never have. She wasn’t Mom. She wasn’t going to be. Unless she took a chance and told Reed how she felt. At this point, she asked herself, what did she have to lose?
“Good point, Connie,” Lilah said, with another sip of coffee. “I know Reed was trying to make your life easier…”
“When I need that, I’ll say so.”
Lilah chuckled. “I’ll tell Reed you said so.”
“Oh, don’t you bother,” the other woman assured her. “I’ll tell him myself, first thing. I’ve been biting my tongue and it’s past time Reed got an earful.”
It was, Lilah thought, past time that Reed heard a lot of things.
* * *
Later that evening, Reed was shut up in his study, going over a few of the details for several upcoming cases. Focus used to come easily. Now he had to force himself to concentrate on paperwork that had once fascinated him. Organization had always been the one constant in his life. Even as a kid, he’d been the one to know where everyone was, where they were going and what they were doing once they got there. Now his life was up in the air and his brain was constantly in a fog.
At the knock on his door, Reed gave up trying to work and called, “Come in.”
Lilah stepped into the room, smiled then slowly walked toward him. She was wearing white shorts, a red T-shirt and sandals and somehow managed to look like the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. Hell, he could watch her move forever, he thought. She had an innate grace that made her steps seem almost like a ballet. Her hair caught the lamplight in the room and seemed to sizzle with an inner fire. Her eyes, though, were what caught and held him. There were secrets there and enough magic to keep a man entranced for a lifetime.
A lifetime?
Reed took a breath and told himself to ease back. This wasn’t forever. This was now and there was nothing wrong with living in the moment. He’d been doing it his whole damn life and he was doing fine, wasn’t he?
“Am I interrupting?” she asked.
He glanced down at the files on his desk and the one open on his computer monitor, then shrugged. “Not really. Can’t seem to concentrate right now, anyway. What’s up?”
“I have something for you.” She held out a picture frame and when he took it, Reed smiled.
“The one the man with the snow cone took of the four of us at the amusement park.”
She came around the edge of the desk and looked down at the photo with him. “Yeah. I printed it out and framed it for you. I thought maybe you might like it for in here or at the office.”
The weekend in Utah seemed like a long time ago, but looking at the picture brought it all back again. Micah laughing and forcing Reed onto every roller coaster at the park. The kid was fearless so how could Reed not be? Even though a couple of them had given him a few gray hairs. And Rosie so happy all the damn time, clapping at the animals at the zoo, eating ice cream for the first time and doing a whole-body shiver at the cold. His mouth quirked into a smile as he remembered that one perfect day.
Then his gaze landed on Lilah’s smiling face in the photo and everything in him twisted into a tangle of lust and heat and…more. The four of them looked like a family. At that thought, he shifted uneasily in his chair. “It’s great,” he said, looking up at her. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.” She perched on the edge of his desk and her bare, lightly tanned leg was within stroking distance. He didn’t succumb. “Connie wanted to talk to you about—”
He held up one hand. “The nanny thing and yeah, she’s already let me know where she stands on the whole situation.”
Lilah smiled and her eyes twinkled. “She was pretty insistent that she can handle two kids and a house.”
“I have no doubt about it,” Reed said with a wince as he remembered the housekeeper giving him what for just an hour ago. “By the time she was finished with me, I felt like I was ten years old and about to be sentenced to washing dishes again.”
Her smile widened. “She really loves you.”
“I know that, too,” he admitted wryly. “I was only trying to make life easier on her but now she’s convinced I think of her as some useless old woman, though I think she was making that up to get her way, which she did, obviously.”
“So no nanny?”
“No.” He couldn’t really argue with Connie when she’d hit him with one question in particular. “Didn’t you have enough of nannies in and out of your life when you were a boy? Do you really want to do the same damn thing to those kids?” And no, he didn’t. If Connie wanted to handle everything, then he had no problem with it.
“Well, then,” Lilah said quietly, “that brings me to why I’m really here interrupting your work.”
Reed swiveled his desk chair around so that he was facing her. Her eyes seemed dark and deep and for some reason, the back of his neck started prickling.
“I was only staying on to help find a nanny,” she was saying, “and, since you’re not going to hire one…”
She was leaving. She’d come in here, smelling of—he took a breath—green apples, and looking like a summer dream to tell him she was leaving. His stomach fisted, but he held on to his poker face for all the good it would do him.
“You don’t have to go,” he said before he could talk himself out of it.
She blew out a nervous breath. “Well, that’s something else I wanted to talk to you about.”
He smiled slowly, hoping she was about to say that she didn’t want to leave. That she wanted to stay there with them. With him.
“I love you.”
As if a bucket of ice had been dumped in his lap, Reed went stone still. He didn’t have to fake a poker face now, because it felt as if he’d been drained of all emotion. “What?”
Her eyes locked on to his and heat and promise filled them.
“I love you, Reed. And I love the kids.” She reached over, picked up the photo and showed it to him again as if he hadn’t been staring at it a moment before. “I want us to be the family we look like we already are.” She reached out and gently smoothed his hair back from his forehead. Reed instinctively pulled back from her touch.
She flinched, fingers curling into a fist.
Jumping up from the chair he couldn’t sit still in a moment longer, Reed took a few quick steps away then whirled back around. “This wasn’t part of the plan, Lilah.”
She pushed off the desk and stood facing him, chin lifted, eyes shining. Tears? he wondered. “Falling in love with you wasn’t in my plan, either, but it happened.”
He choked back a sound that was half laugh and half groan. Be a family. Instantly, the faces of clients, hundreds of them, flashed through his mind. Each and every one of them had started out in “love.” Built families. Counted on the future. None of them had gone into marriage expecting to divorce, but they all had. And that wasn’t even counting his own damn family.
“Not gonna happen,” he said shortly, shaking his head for emphasis—convincing her? Or himself? “I’ll never get married—”
“I wasn’t proposing.”
“Sure you were,” he countered, then waved one hand at her. “Hell, look at you. You’ve got white picket fence all over you.”
“What are you—” Her eyes flashed in the lamplight and it wasn’t love shining there now, but a building anger that was much safer—for both of them.
He didn’t let her talk. Hell, if he’d known this was what had been cooking in her brain, he’d have cut her off long ago. “Yeah, I like being with you and the sex is amazing. You’re great with the kids and they’re nuts about you. But that’s it, Lilah.
“I’ve seen too much misery that comes from love and I’m not going to get pulled into the very trap that I spend every day trying to dig other people out of.”
He saw hurt tangle with the anger in her eyes and hated being the cause of it. But better for her to know the truth than to hatch dreams that would never come true. It tore at Reed to lose her, though—and then an idea occurred to him. Maybe, just maybe, there was a small chance they could salvage something out of this.
“You could stay,” he blurted out and took a step toward her before stopping again. “This isn’t about love, Lilah. I won’t get married. I won’t be in love. But I do like you a hell of a lot. We work well together and the kids need you. Hell, I could pay you to be their nanny, then Connie would get the help she needs without being offended.”
“You’d pay me…”
He took another step. “Anything you want. And I’ll build a workshop onto the back of the house. You could make your soaps and lotions and stuff in there and ship them to your store in Utah. Or hell, open a store here in Laguna. We’re a big crafts town. You could be a franchise.” Another step. “And best of all, we could be together and risk nothing.”
Lilah shook her head and sighed heavily. Sorrow was etched into her features and the light in her eyes faded as he watched.
“If you risk nothing,” she said softly, “you gain nothing. I won’t be your bought-and-paid-for lover—”
Shocked, Reed argued, “I didn’t say that. Didn’t think it.”
“Paying me to stay here while we continue to have sex amounts to the same thing,” she told him.
“That’s insulting,” he said tightly. “To both of us.”
“Yeah,” she said. “I thought so. I’m going home, Reed. I’ll leave tomorrow. I want to see the kids and say goodbye, then I’ll go.”
Though she hadn’t moved a step, Reed thought she might as well have been back in Utah already. He couldn’t reach her. And maybe that was best. Whatever it was they’d shared was over and was quickly descending into the kind of mess he’d managed to avoid for most of his life.
Turning, she headed for the door and he let her go.
It was the hardest thing he’d ever done.
CHAPTER TEN
The next month was a misery.
Lilah tried to jump back into her normal life, but there was another life hanging over her head and she couldn’t shake it. She missed Rosie and Micah and Connie.
And being without Reed felt as though someone had ripped her heart out of her chest. Every breath was painful. Every memory was both comfort and torture. Every moment without those she loved tore at her.
“Are you sure you did the right thing?”
Lilah sighed and focused on her mother’s concerned
face on the computer screen. Thank God for video calls, she thought. It helped ease the distance while her mother and Stan were off on their never-ending cruise. Of course, the downside to video chats was her mother could see far more than she would have on the phone.
The ship had just made port in London and since it was her mother’s favorite city, Lilah knew that as soon as she was through with this chat, her mom and Stan would be out shopping and sightseeing. But for now, Lilah was telling her all about Rose and Micah and, most especially, Reed.
“I really didn’t have a choice, Mom.” Lilah had thought through this situation from every possible angle and there just had been no way for her to stay and keep her pride. Her dignity. Her sense of self.
If she’d given in to her own wants and Reed’s urgings, she would have eventually resented him and been furious with herself for settling for less than they both deserved.
“No,” her mother said softly, “I suppose you didn’t. But I think, from everything you’ve told me, that the idiot man does love you.”
Lilah laughed a little and it felt good. It seemed as though she hadn’t really smiled or laughed since she left California. Behind her mother, Stan came up from somewhere in their suite, bent over and said, “Hi, sweetie! I’m going to have to go with your mother on this one. He does love you. He’s just too scared to admit it.”
Frowning now, Lilah said, “Nothing scares Reed.”
Stan grinned and she had to smile back. He wasn’t exactly the image of a millionaire businessman in his short-sleeved bright green shirt and his bald head shining in the overhead lights. It was impossible to not love Stan. Especially since his one desire was to make her mother happy.
“Honey, real love scares every man alive.” He kissed the top of her mother’s head. “Well, except for me. By the time I met your mom, I’d been alone so long that one look at her and I knew. She was the one I’d been waiting for. Looking for. And when you’re alone all your life, you grab hold of love when it comes along and you never let it go.”
The Baby Inheritance (Billionaires and Babies) Page 14
