As she looked up at him, he leaned down and covered her mouth with his own in a deep kiss. She ran her hands down over his hips, bringing one around to caress his man part teasingly. Tall Bear laughed in a groan, kissing her harder.
“I will want to do more than eat if you keep doing that.”
“I would not mind, my husband. There is little else to do when the snows are deep. It is a good way to keep warm.”
He pressed himself against her belly. “I agree.”
His friend, Buffalo Bull, shouted to him from where he’d left his tepee to tend his horses. “Tall Bear! I see what you are doing. Enjoy your woman now, before spring comes and we must go out and hunt and make war!” Tall Bear laughed, whisking Little Otter into their tepee.
Running Fox sat inside playing with a tin cup, banging it against a rock. He paid little heed when his mother and father lay down on their mat together near the fire, where the stew cooked slowly in an iron pot hanging over the coals. Little Otter began making strange noises as she and Tall Bear moved beneath the robes that covered them, and Running Fox was not sure if his mother was in pain or feeling some kind of happiness. He knew his father would never hurt her. Tall Bear was on top of her, moving back and forth, tasting her mouth. Running Fox only grinned and banged at the rock again, sensing his parents were quite happy.
Tall Bear had learned that the Sioux saw nothing wrong with making love in front of their children. It was a natural part of life. Little Otter seldom wore anything under her tunic. He had simply to push it up and slide himself into her after unlacing his own leggings. He liked these quiet days of winter, this time spent alone with his wife and son. Sometimes they visited with others, and men and women alike shared stories, sometimes a little exaggerated, about hunting adventures, particularly brave feats in battle. Sometimes they told ghost stories, or just talked about earlier days, before the white man came. In spite of his own white blood, Tall Bear had been fully accepted into the tribe, and he was honored by them because he knew the white man’s tongue. He’d forced himself to remember it, was teaching it to Running Fox, so that his son could never be tricked by the whites.
For several minutes he enjoyed the exquisite pleasure of being inside his wife. He unlaced her tunic, pulling down the front and tasting her breasts, where a little milk still lingered from feeding Running Fox. It was the custom of Sioux women to nurse their children well into their third year. For this moment, though, she would nurse her husband instead. He met her mouth again in a deep, hungry kiss that climaxed with his life spilling into her belly. They both lay still then for several minutes, until Running Fox came over and banged the tin cup on his father’s head.
“Hey!” Tall Bear objected. He laughed, moving off Little Otter and lacing up his leggings. “You count coup on your own father!” he told his son. He picked up a little kindling stick and held it up. “Now I count coup on you!”
Running Fox laughed and ran, heading straight out of the tepee. Tall Bear chased after him, tapping him on the head and bringing him back inside. “You will get sick running out in that cold with no robe around you,” he told the boy, carrying a giggling Running Fox to the fire. “Sit there and we will eat. It is time for you to begin eating more meat and drinking less milk.” He ruffled his son’s long black hair. Then he turned back to Little Otter, who stood with her back to him, washing herself. He studied her slender thighs and firm hips, the milky brown color of her smooth skin. He had made a good choice with this woman. She was beautiful, her dark eyes full of love for him. She was a loyal, devoted wife. “Now I am ready for that stew,” he told her.
Little Otter turned, lowering her tunic over her legs. “You cannot stop your little son from feeding at my breast when his father does the same,” she said jokingly.
“My reasons are far different from his,” Tall Bear replied with a grin.
Little Otter scooped some stew into a gourd using a spoon made of buffalo bone and handed the food to her husband. “You are an honored warrior, strong and brave, my husband. But under the robe you are at this woman’s mercy.” She smiled slyly.
Tall Bear laughed. “You are right. Just do not tell others.” He ate the stew quickly, finding it delicious. He wished life could always be this way for them, peaceful, plenty of food. But spring would come, along with more whites, who killed off the game and brought more danger and unrest. He would not think about that now.
Chapter Four
1861…
Fifteen-year-old Faith Kelley was sure she was in love with Johnny Sommers, fully a man now at eighteen. Her parents still thought she was too young to be seeing any boys, let alone a grown man like Johnny. She had met him in secret, which gave her a feeling of freedom she had never known. Johnny made her feel important, and she was sure he loved her more than her own father did. He most certainly understood her better.
Together they dreamed big dreams. Johnny had promised to marry her. He was going to go west some day, settle on free land. He was tired of working for his father, doing more than he felt he should have to do, and getting only a small allowance for it. She understood that. Her father had mentioned he thought Johnny was rather lazy, said Johnny’s father had trouble getting him to work as he should. Faith did not believe that.
It had been difficult not to defend Johnny, but that might give away her true feelings for him, and she didn’t want her parents to know yet. They could not know until she and Johnny were ready to marry and had enough money saved to run away together, start life new someplace else, somewhere in that wondrous, romantic land west of the Mississippi. Johnny remembered Kansas, had liked it there. He wanted to go even farther than that, see the Rocky Mountains, maybe discover gold!
She was sure Johnny could do anything he set out to do. He seemed so confident and sure, and, after all, he was already well traveled. In her eyes he was brave and daring, and she liked that. The excitement he’d brought to her life made daily chores and daily prayer meetings more bearable.
Now she waited for him at a creek in the woods behind her parents’ house, where they met on specific days at two o’clock. Johnny always managed to find an excuse to come there, usually telling his father he wanted to go pray alone to wait for the Holy Spirit to bring him a message. They both knew it was wrong to lie, but surely God understood how much they loved each other and needed to be together. Someday, when they married, all the lies would be made right.
She heard the horse then, pushed back a strand of red hair that had fallen across her cheek. Her stomach tightened, and her heart pounded harder. She wished she could meet with him more often than once a week. At first they could manage to meet only about once a month, but over this past year they had gradually managed to find more ways to be together secretly. She was old enough now to have a little more freedom. She did not have to account for her every move, but her parents were still watchful. To keep them appeased, she had forced herself to be quiet at prayer meetings. They thought she was finally “settling down,” as they put it, finally “growing more mature.”
She most certainly was—mature enough to share these moments with the young man she loved. Mature enough to let him hold her, kiss her, even touch her breasts. Part of her wanted to do even more, but that also frightened her. Johnny had wanted much more. He’d moved his hands under her skirts the last time they’d met, and their kisses had become much deeper, to the point where she had become afraid of that “unknown” thing that happened between man and woman. Surely it was bad. Her mother had explained to her once how babies were made and had also explained that it was something a woman did only with her husband, and only in order to give him children. It must never be for pleasure. That was a sin.
Johnny walked through the trees, leading his horse through the underbrush. Whenever Faith laid eyes on him, saw his bright smile, his dancing brown eyes, she could not help wondering again if she should be brave and allow him to have his way with her. Surely, though, he might not want her anymore after that. He might think she was a
terribly wicked woman. It was so hard to know what to do, and she couldn’t talk to anyone about it, certainly not her friends, who might tell on her, and not her mother, who would be furious with her.
She ran to Johnny, flung her arms around his neck. “I missed you, Johnny!”
“I missed you, too.”
Their lips met in a hungry kiss. She felt on fire. The kiss lingered, until finally he picked her up and carried her to a place near the creek where the grass was thick and soft. He knelt down and laid her back, kissing her again, his hand moving over her breasts, making her want to let him do that one forbidden thing, out of pure curiosity and in answer to an almost painful ache deep within. If being with a man that way was supposed to be so wrong, why did she feel only pleasure when he touched her breasts, and when his hand moved down to her skirt, pushing it up so he could run his hand over her thigh? Why did she like it, even though she was terrified of what it would be like?
“I want to be with you, Faith,” he groaned, touching her between the legs. “I’m going away, maybe never to come back,” he added between kisses. “We have to be together once first, so forever I’ll have been your first man.”
Alarm began to invade her soul, beginning to override the fiery desire his touch created in her. Faith pulled away, sitting up. “Going away? Where? What do you mean, you might never come back?”
“Faith—” He reached up, tried to pull her back down. His face was flushed, his eyes gleaming with desire. “Please, honey—”
Faith jumped up. “Johnny, if you’re going away, we can’t do this! If you didn’t come back, I’d be a shamed woman, perhaps—” She turned away, embarrassed. “Perhaps carrying a baby…”
She heard him sigh deeply. “Faith, I don’t think a woman gets in a bad way after being with a man just once.”
She turned to face him. “We could just go ahead and get married, Johnny. And you don’t have to go away. You never said why you had to.” Her eyes widened. “Oh, Johnny, you aren’t really going to join the army, are you? I heard father talking about a battle or something at a place called Fort Sumter. He said the country will be at war now.”
Johnny rose, lifting his chin proudly. “And I’m going to join the Union Army.” He saw the fallen look on her freckled face. He’d hoped that his leaving would be just the incentive she needed to allow him to have his way with her. The last thing he wanted to do was get married at eighteen, but he wasn’t sure how long he could wait to have his way with her. He’d been torn between staying there so he could be close to Faith, and experiencing the adventure of being a soldier.
“Johnny, your parents would never approve—”
“All the more reason to go off to war! You should understand that better than anyone. I’ll bet if women could be soldiers, you’d join up, too, just for the excitement of it!”
Faith had to admit she would probably do just that. “Johnny, don’t you love me? I’ll go crazy staying here doing chores and attending prayer meetings, all the while missing you terribly, worrying about you. Don’t leave me here, Johnny. I’ll be miserable.”
He shook his head, stepping closer and grasping her arms. “I do love you, Faith, and I want to marry you and go west like we talked about. There are a lot of things I want to do. But right now there’s a war going on, and volunteers are needed. I’ve always wanted to be free of my pa and all his rules. I’m a man now. I can do whatever I want. But I’ve got to see more of what’s out there before I take a wife. And we’ll need money. I can make some this way. Rumor is the government will even pay some of us in land if we want. It’s a chance for me to go do something on my own, out from under my pa, without needing any money at first. Food, uniforms, weapons, everything will be given to us. I’ll come back more of a man, more experienced, older, ready to really settle. You’ll be older, ready to be a wife, and I’ll have some money saved.”
Faith could not help the tears that burned her eyes. Something did not seem quite right. Why hadn’t he told her all this before he’d laid her down in the grass and tried to talk her into letting him do bad things with her? Still, he did love her. He’d said so many times. Surely he just loved her so much, he wanted to make her his own before he went away. What if he was killed? This might be their only chance to unite in true love.
She reminded herself that Johnny Sommers was the sweetest, most honest young man around. No one else could possibly understand her restless heart the way Johnny did. And she understood his. She couldn’t blame him for wanting to have her that way before he went off to war, no more than she could blame him for wanting to go in the first place. “I think I understand, Johnny, why you have to go. You’ll write to me, won’t you? You won’t go away and forget me?”
“Forget you?” He pulled her close. “Never, Faith! I’d never forget you. Sure I’ll write. I’ll make you proud of me. I’ll come back a captain or something. You’ll see. Maybe if I can be some kind of officer, I’d just stay in the army and we could get married and live on army posts. It would be a good way to travel and get paid for it. They’ve got forts all over out west.”
Faith felt a little confused. It seemed every time they met, he had another plan for their future, how he would make money, where they would go. Still, he was young. Maybe the army would help him decide what he wanted to do with his life. As long as she was a part of it, she didn’t care. “It doesn’t matter what you do or where you go, as long as we’re together, Johnny.”
He grinned, meeting her mouth in another fiery kiss. She suddenly realized it might be important, after all, to allow him to do that mysterious thing to her before he left. Maybe he’d remember her better, be more sure to come back. Maybe he was right that a woman didn’t always end up with a child every time she lay with a man. After all, he was older. He should know about those things. In fact, maybe he’d been with some other girl, some wild, naughty thing in Johnstown or back in Kansas. That made her feel very jealous, and wanting to prove she was all he needed.
He laid her back down in the grass, his hands roaming over her body again. “Oh, Johnny,” she whispered. “I want to make you feel good before you go. I want you to remember me that way, to show you what it would be like to have me for a wife.”
Quickly he pushed up her skirts again, pushing his hand inside her drawers. She felt lost in excitement and indecision, love and confusion, desire and fear. Yes, she had to do this. She had to—
“Faith Kelley!”
Quickly Johnny jumped away from her. She briefly caught a glimpse of a swollen lump at the front of his pants, and she realized only then that a man must get big like a male horse. She’d seen horses mate, and it shocked her to think a man had to get like that, too. For the moment, though, that was the last thing to be considered. Their fathers stood only a few yards away, both men red-faced with rage. Quickly Faith pulled down her skirts and also got to her feet. Johnny had turned away, probably embarrassed about that lump in his pants.
“Father! What…why are you here? How did you find us?” Faith wanted to crawl into a hole and cover herself. Her cheeks burned, and her eyes teared.
“You know good and well why I’m here!” her father replied, stepping closer with clenched fists. “To keep my daughter from soiling herself, shaming herself and her family! It’s a good thing your little brother followed you here once and saw you meeting with Johnny! I just hope we’ve gotten here in time to keep you from behaving no better than a harlot!”
Benny! He’d turned into such a brat, was always looking for ways to impress their father. How could her own brother betray her this way? Her father considered him practically a saint…and now she would be the sinner.
“She hasn’t done anything wrong, Mr. Kelley,” Johnny spoke up for her, turning to face the two men. “I’ve never done more than kiss her.”
“And you will be horsewhipped for this, young man!” his own father bellowed.
“You’re never going to lay a whip to me again,” Johnny answered. “I’m going away, Pa. I’m
going to join the Union Army, be a soldier. I’m eighteen now. You can’t tell me what to do anymore.”
He ran past all of them and jumped on his horse.
“Johnny!” Faith called out, more tears coming. “I love you!”
“I’ll come back for you,” he answered, turning the horse to face her. “Wait for me!”
After he rode off, Faith felt sick inside. It had all happened so quickly. One moment she’d been considering allowing him to do that most intimate thing with her, and the next he was riding out of her life. Shivering with sobs, she looked at her father, feeling ashamed, confused. Was she bad?
“I love him, Father. He…promised to marry me.”
“My son changes his mind every day about what he wants to do with his life!” Herbert Sommers told her. “He’s always been headstrong, disobedient, lazy, and not very bright. I would not be so sure he’ll be back for you, Miss Kelley. If he goes off to join the army, I suspect he’ll never come back here, not for you or any other reason.”
“He will!” Faith felt sorry for Johnny. He’d shown her bruises and cuts from beatings by a stringent, commanding father. It was part of the reason she loved him. He needed that love, just as she needed his love.
“You’ve put your trust in a young man who has no idea what he wants out of life,” Sommers repeated. “I am ashamed for my son.” He looked at Faith’s father. “I am sorry for this, Matthew. Even if my son decides not to join the army, something he’s doing only because he knows I am against violence, he will never be welcome in our home again!”
“Against violence?” Faith spoke up, anger rising above her shame. “If you are against violence, Mr. Sommers, then how can you beat Johnny the way you do?”
Tame the Wild Wind Page 4
