by Susan Gable
He followed her silently as they moved among the headstones. Birds chirped in the nearby trees, and though the hot summer sun beat down on them, goose bumps rose on James’s arms.
Rachel stopped in front of a blue-gray, roughly rectangular marble monument. The sides curved, and a heart was hewn in the upper left corner. She stooped and threaded the ribbons from the balloons through a slit in the stone along the bottom portion of the heart.
James began to squat beside her, but a small package in his pocket jabbed him in the thigh. He withdrew the purchase he’d made downtown from the little all-purpose store while Rachel had been occupied with selecting Daniel’s balloons. “Hey there, Daniel.”
In his mind’s eye, he could see the smiling boy from the picture on her mantel. A lump swelled in his throat as the true impact of Rachel’s loss stormed him. This child, her child, had been one who’d laughed and loved, played and slept…and in his final rest, had given others another chance at life. He cleared his throat and forced the words past his strangled vocal chords. “I brought you something, buddy.”
He set the tiny yellow school bus on the monument’s base.
“Oh, James.”
He turned to look at her. Her lower lip quivered, and she covered her mouth with a trembling hand. Tears welled up in her eyes, but she made no attempt to stop them. They spilled over and trickled down her face. She rose to her feet.
He stood and gathered her into his arms. “I am so sorry, Rachel,” he murmured into her hair.
Sheltered against his chest, Rachel let the tears flow.
He’d brought Daniel a school bus.
In that moment, she realized she loved him. James. The man who’d taught her it was okay to cry. Who’d taught her what it was to live again.
And she loved Molly, his courageous, spunky, hell-of-a-kid kid.
Rachel bit her lower lip in an effort to stem not the tears, not the grief, but the sudden and overwhelming fear that followed the revelation she was in love with both father and child.
She’d barely survived losing Daniel.
Would she survive losing again? Molly’s transplanted heart left her at risk.
Hospitals. The word brought the cloying scents and rush of further terror. Loving Molly and James would automatically mean confronting hospitals and doctors.
Rachel wasn’t sure she could do that.
SEVERAL DAYS LATER, armed with a pair of empty cardboard boxes and some strapping tape, Rachel paused in the entrance to Daniel’s room.
She set the supplies on his bed, then moved to his dresser, skimming her fingertips over the oak leaves carved into the surface. She sighed, then started with the bottom drawer, pulling out jeans, which went into the box to be given away. The army sweatshirt given to Daniel by her father went into the to-be-saved box.
Quickly and methodically, she made short work of the dresser.
The cat brushed against Rachel’s ankle. She bent and scooped her up, stroking the soft fur. “I know, Peggy Sue. It’s weird, isn’t it? But we have to clean this up. I want to start the new school year looking forward.” Peggy Sue purred and rubbed her head against Rachel’s chin.
The sound of a car in the driveway came through the open bedroom window. She moved to brush aside the curtain. “Damn.”
Peggy Sue still clutched against her chest, Rachel flew down the stairs and flung open the front door just as her ex-husband climbed to the top of the porch steps. “Roman. What the hell are you doing here?”
Roman held up his hands. “Rachel, please. I just need five minutes of your time, then I’m out of your life for good.”
“I thought you were out of my life for good after Daniel’s funeral.”
The steel-gray eyes darkened. He blinked quickly several times. “Rae, I know you blame me for what happened to Daniel. Hell, most of the time, I blame me. But it was an accident. I swear, I looked away for just a minute—”
“So you could kiss the bimbo.”
“Well…” His face flushed. “That’s true. Believe me, if I could change it, I would.”
“Why are you here? You didn’t come here just to ask my forgiveness, did you? It’s a little late for that.” Rachel lowered the squirming cat to the floor and stepped out onto the porch as Peggy Sue took off toward the kitchen.
Roman climbed the final step. “I…have something to tell you. I wanted to tell you myself.” He leaned against the banister and stared at her. “What have you been doing? You’ve got a big piece of tape stuck to your arm.” He pointed.
Rachel ripped the tape off without flinching, even though it yanked out about a million tiny hairs. Weakness would not be displayed in front of this man. “If you must know, I was packing up some of Daniel’s things.”
Roman’s mouth opened, then closed. The tiny muscle on the side of his jaw twitched. “Are you getting rid of everything?”
She shook her head. “Of course not.”
“If you come across that baseball mitt I gave him for his birthday, I’d…” Roman turned his head away from her, staring at the company-furnished Lincoln in the driveway. “I’d like to have it,” he finished in a choked voice.
“Uh. Sure.” She silently cursed the softening in her chest, the acknowledgement that Roman actually felt pain over losing Daniel. That had been her exclusive territory. But as Daniel’s father, he was as entitled to feel loss as she was. And Rachel should be relieved to discover that he did feel something. This was the man she’d initially been attracted to. The man who’d given her Daniel. “I’ll set it aside for you when I find it.”
“Thanks.”
For a few moments they simply stood on the porch, listening to the wind rustle the leaves. Finally, Roman cleared his throat again and turned to face her. “Rachel, I’m getting married again. To Clarissa. This weekend.”
“Oh.” Slowly his words sank in. There was a flash of anger over the fact that he was moving on, but it was short-lived. She silently thanked James for the fact that she felt no jealousy. He’d made her feel every inch a desirable woman. “Well, thanks for telling me.”
He took another step toward her. “That’s not all of it.” Guilt filled his face.
She’d seen that look before. “Oh. My. God.” From nowhere, a combat boot struck firmly in her gut, as understanding dawned. “No,” she whispered. “Don’t tell me she’s pregnant.”
Roman inclined his head.
“I guess you didn’t figure out not to buy your condoms here in town!” she yelled. “Don’t learn from your mistakes, huh, Roman?”
“Daniel wasn’t a mistake, Rachel. And this baby isn’t, either.”
Rachel searched the porch for something, anything, to hurl at his head, but came up empty. “You bastard! You son of a bitch!” She slumped against the front door for support. She’d been packing her baby’s life into boxes, and he’d been making another one.
A black pickup truck roared right onto the front lawn, crushing the green blades of grass. Her father jumped out of the passenger side, and Sloan swung down from the driver’s.
The troops had arrived. And she’d never been happier to see her family.
“I thought I told you to stay away from my daughter?” Her father grabbed Roman by the shirt and dragged him down the stairs.
“Easy, Sarge.” Roman regained his balance, and again held his hands up in a gesture of supplication. “I told her what I needed to tell her. I’m going now.” He turned back toward her. “I’m sorry, Rae. I never meant to hurt you.”
Rachel, her father and her brother watched, motionless, until Roman drove away.
“How did you know?” Rachel asked.
Sloan pointed at the opposite side of the duplex. “Mrs. Benton called Dad when she saw Roman pull in.”
Rachel waved her thanks to the woman, her landlady and friend, who nodded and dropped the curtain back in place.
“You okay, sis?” Sloan gathered her into a hug. “What the hell was so important he had to tell you in person?”
&n
bsp; Rachel briefly squeezed her brother, then backed from his embrace. Her father watched her carefully. She pinched the bridge of her nose. Good soldiers didn’t cry. “Oh, not much. Just that he’s getting married again.” Her stomach churned. “And… having another baby.”
“Why, that…” Her father launched into a series of words Rachel had learned early her dad could use, but she couldn’t repeat. His hands curled into fists.
“You want us to flatten him for you, Rae?” Sloan offered her a quick grin, but he wasn’t teasing.
She shook her head. “He’s not worth a jail sentence, that’s for sure. Besides—” she ran her fingers down Sloan’s arm, desperate to connect with someone, aching from holding inside the whirlwind of emotion she wanted to let go “—in his own way, Roman’s hurting, too. I just didn’t realize it before now.”
The muffled sound of the ringing phone came through the front door. “I have to get that. Come in, guys. You want some lunch?”
“No, thanks,” Sloan said. “If you’re okay, we should run. We left the kids alone. I know at thirteen Brook should be able to watch Ashley for a few minutes, but these days, I just don’t know what she’s fixin’ to do next.”
Anxiety and tension showed in her brother’s blue eyes. How had she missed that before? Too busy with her own problems to see those of the people around her, the people who mattered to her. She made a resolution to sit down with Sloan and have a long talk.
Talking was good. James said so.
Oh, James. Rachel’s throat constricted as the impact of Roman’s news hit her again. Somehow she didn’t think talking would be enough to ease this pain.
JAMES PACED IN THE restaurant’s parking lot, along the side of his SUV. Off to the north, dark clouds filled the sky, but the storms hadn’t materialized yet. He checked his watch again. Unless he’d miscalculated, Rachel should have arrived by now. Maybe the weather had already turned near her and she was driving through rain.
He hadn’t been able to keep her off his mind since returning home from her house on Sunday night. And when his appointments had canceled without warning, leaving him with an open afternoon, he hadn’t been able to resist calling her and suggesting that they meet “halfway” at Grove City for a late lunch.
Impulsive. Totally out of character for him.
And damn if it didn’t feel good.
He scanned the traffic exiting 79 from the north. The familiar shape of the Goat came off the ramp and got trapped at the light. Just a few minutes later, the black car rumbled into a parking space beside his.
She jumped out. Before he could even offer a greeting, he found himself pressed against the SUV, Rachel’s mouth desperately seeking his.
Taken off guard, he fumbled awkwardly before responding in kind, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her deeply.
“Woo-hoo! Go man!”
James came up for air as a car of college kids cruised by, one hanging out the back window, giving him a thumbs-up.
He didn’t care for the way they were scanning her. He glanced down at Rachel. Her eyes were dark and intense. “You hungry?”
She nodded. “But not for food.”
Yeah, he’d gotten that message already. His body made it clear it found the idea appealing.
“We could get a room over there,” Rachel whispered, shrugging a shoulder in the direction of the motel across the street.
“Are you sure that’s what you want?” He ran his fingers over her cheek. A pale pink flush appeared beneath his strokes.
“Yes.”
Without another word, they crossed the road, and in less than fifteen minutes, they’d checked in and stood just outside the room.
James slipped the magnetic card through the slot. Rachel brushed by him. As he entered behind her, she turned and pressed him against the closed door.
Rational thought fled in the wake of her kisses. Her fingers fumbled with the buttons on his shirt, then she yanked the tails from his jeans. Her tongue swirled around his nipple, then trailed heat across his chest. “Jeez, Rachel. You trying to kill me?”
“Hardly. You make me feel alive,” she murmured against his navel. “I need to feel alive.” When she popped the button over his zipper, he groaned and grabbed her by the arms, hauling her up.
Fueled by her desire, he removed her T-shirt and tossed it to the floor. He caressed her breasts through the lace-covered white bra, kissed the curve of her neck as she arched backward, a blatant invitation.
Their ragged breathing filled his ears. The unique scent of Rachel—lemons, sunshine, life—spurred his need for her. Soon they both stood naked, clothing strewn haphazardly on the floor. She fitted her body against his, the hardened tips of her breasts pressing against his chest, the juncture of her thighs cradling the base of his erection.
She dragged her toes up his calf, settled her knee against his hip, totally opening herself to him.
“Rachel, not so fast—”
“Yes! I need you, James,” she cried.
“Not here, not like this. At least on the bed.”
She dropped her leg and grabbed his hand, pulling him across the room to the king-size bed. Without bothering to draw back the covers, she pressed him onto his back, then straddled him. He groaned. “You are trying to kill me. Rachel, wait.”
“I can’t.” She brushed her body over his.
“At least let me get—” His words dissolved into a low moan as she joined them together.
Thunder rumbled outside, and streaks of lightning illuminated the room as the skies opened up. Rain pounded against the windows as she drew comfort from loving him.
Rachel trembled as her orgasm approached, then quickly overtook her. “Oh, James!”
In a flash, he rolled her over, driving into her with the intensity she craved. After several more strokes, he pulled out, leaving her empty and incomplete. His erection pressed against her belly. “Rachel,” he moaned in her ear, then shuddered.
Her cheeks flamed as she realized what he’d done.
What she’d done. She bit her lower lip. Her hands flew to his shoulders and pushed at him.
Hurt and a million questions floated in his eyes, increasing her guilt, magnifying her embarrassment. He shifted to the side and slipped off her.
She bolted for the bathroom.
Leaving James alone, puzzling over her behavior. After several minutes, during which he recovered his normal breathing, James pulled back the covers and settled into the bed. A little while later, the bathroom door opened, and he heard a faint, strangled squeak.
“If you’re looking for your clothes, you can forget about it,” he called to her. “I’m holding them hostage. So, just come back to bed and explain to me what the hell that was all about.”
She appeared hesitantly, a white towel wrapped around her body. She pinched the bridge of her nose. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“Aw, dammit, Rachel.” He jumped up and went to take her in his arms. “What’s going on, huh?”
Forehead pressed against his shoulder, she shook her head.
“Come lie with me. Let me hold you.”
He guided her back to the bed and climbed in, once more pulling her into his arms. “Now, tell me what’s going on. You didn’t sound right when I called you, and now I know something’s up.”
Outside the sheer curtains over the window, thunder rolled and lightning flashed as he waited for her to answer. Finally she spoke softly. “I started packing Daniel’s things today.”
“By yourself?”
“Yes.”
“Rachel, you don’t have to do everything by yourself. Sometimes it’s okay to ask for help. I told you I’d be there for you.”
Love is being there for the hard stuff.
Her words from the night of their dinner date came back to him.
And kicked him right in the middle of the chest. He was in love with her.
What had started as a fantasy, turned into a live-in-the-moment summer fling, now the relationship
had taken an even more serious turn.
“There’s more,” Rachel said.
“More?”
Her fingers swirled across his chest as she nodded. “Roman came to see me today.”
James tensed. “And?”
“He…he had some news. He’s getting married again. This weekend.” She sniffled.
A cold sensation invaded his body. Why did it matter to her if her ex got married again? “How does that make you feel?”
“How does that make me feel?” She sat up, clutching the cotton sheet to her chest with one hand despite the fact that she still wore the towel. She slapped him on the shoulder. “Don’t you turn into a counselor on me now! I need a friend, not a shrink!”
“A friend can ask you how you feel about your ex-husband getting married again.” Especially a friend who’s suddenly discovered much deeper feelings for you.
“I’m mad, that’s how I feel!”
“Not jealous?”
“Hell no!” Her ramrod-straight posture slowly dissolved, her shoulders and back slumping. “At least, not about the getting married part.” Her bottom lip quivered, and she bit down on it.
“There’s still more?”
She nodded. “He’s—” her voice faded to a barely audible whisper “—having another baby.”
“Oh, Rachel.” Now, that really explained her behavior. Especially the fact that she’d ignored her own obsession about birth control. He drew her down next to him and rolled to his side, propping himself on his elbow. “You know another baby isn’t going to replace Daniel, right? Nothing will ever replace him, not with you, and not with Roman, either.”
“I used you. I…I jumped your bones.”
He laughed. “You don’t hear me complaining, do you? Being used for sex by a beautiful woman is every guy’s fantasy. Although—” he sobered instantly “—what are the odds we just made a baby of our own, Rachel? I mean, I protected you… us…the best I could, but—”
“The timing’s not right. We should be fine.”
James wrestled with a surge of disappointment. And realized in that moment exactly how serious he was about this woman. He wanted more than just a summer fling. More than weekends with her.
