“I’m sorry. It’s just been a difficult couple of weeks.”
She had finally dragged it out of me what had happened with Caz and Dev. Unlike my life, hers had normalized after she brought Axl home from the hospital and started her new life as a full-time mom. That included, it would seem, mothering me as well. She was keen to every mood change, ready to fix all my problems like only a mother could.
“That’s not it,” she dismissed easily. “You’re sadder than normal. Did anything happen at the party?”
Finally I told her about Darcy and Oliver, which shocked her silent. When she finally was able to speak, all she could say was, “Now there’s a match I would not have predicted.”
I chuckled. “Isn’t that true of every couple we have ever known?”
And it was true. From my Mother and Father, to Gus and Lucy, to me and Dev and Caz, every single couple we knew was completely unpredictable. On paper, none of it should work. “Maybe,” she conceded at last. “But that’s not why you’re sad.”
I shrugged. “I think I’m due for my period. I expect it to be a bear, considering I gave up birth control last month.”
Her eyes widened. “Like it’s not dangerous enough sleeping with two men at the same time?”
I glared at her. “I was on birth control when I did all that. I stopped after Caz. To force me to be smarter.”
“Think twice, fuck once?” she added, though she did hush the curse word for the benefit of the baby.
“Something like that,” I said. “It doesn’t matter anyway. I couldn’t get pregnant even when I was trying to.”
She laid Axl in his bassinette. “That doesn’t mean anything. Look how chaotic your life was last year. You had everything working against you. You were stressed out. You were on that crazy workout schedule where you shed, what, thirty pounds in six months?”
“Four,” I corrected.
“See? There you go.” She disappeared down the hall, where she returned with an unopened pregnancy test. My brow knit in confusion, so she explained. “I told you that we kind of planned everything. Well, Gus bought like a vat of pregnancy tests because we were sure it would take more than one. It didn’t.” She handed me the box.
“It’s going to be negative,” I told her as I tried to hand it back.
“Then what’s the harm in taking it?” she asked as she pushed it back.
I sighed. There was no harm. I took the test and disappeared into the downstairs bathroom, just to shut her up.
It reminded me of the very first pregnancy test I took, in Devlin’s old apartment, where I had been sick as a dog and certain that I had gotten knocked up after our marathon of sex in Las Vegas. I had been on birth control then, too, but I just knew that the test would come out positive anyway. It had to. I had all the symptoms. Dev and I had fucked like rabbits. I hadn’t taken the birth control as faithfully as I should have.
Yet it was negative.
Now, I had taken all the precautions I needed to take. I didn’t have any symptoms, except the normal symptoms associated with menstruation, like sore breasts, fatigue and a little spotting. The only big difference was that I hadn’t been able to touch alcohol in the past couple of weeks, but I blamed that on my last night of debauchery with Caz.
I figured my new aversion had more to do with regret than any kind of pregnancy. Given that every single mistake I had made in the past year had been associated with drinking, I was glad to give it up.
So I didn’t expect much as I waited for the results on that test. I watched the minus sign fill in immediately.
Just as immediately, the faint hint of a plus sign started to appear. I stared at it in disbelief as it got darker by the second. It didn’t even need the full three minutes to give me a conclusive–and positive–result.
“You’re fucking kidding me,” I breathed.
Lucy knocked on the door. “You okay in there?”
“I…um,” I started, but I couldn’t yet form a word, or a thought. I had obsessed about seeing this positive result for months, and equally depressed when I didn’t see it, especially when we had done everything in our power to ensure it.
And now there it was. In my hand.
At long last, after everything, I was pregnant.
Not one to wait around for permission, Lucy opened the door and walked in. She took the test stick out of my hand, and I watched her mouth fall open the same way mine must have. “Ceece,” she breathed. She fell to her knees beside me where I sat perched upon the closed toilet, grasping my hands in hers.
I couldn’t cry. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t speak. I just sat there, staring into the face of my best friend, completely shell-shocked by this unexpected development. Her next question only added to my conundrum.
“Whose?”
My eyes widened as I stared into her face. I thought about the night I had spent with Caz, mere days after I had been with Devlin, where I had taken the condom from his mouth and tossed it into a corner somewhere.
This vaulted me square into denial. “This can’t be right. There are false positives, right?”
“It’s way more likely to get a false negative,” she said gently, and I already knew she was right. I learned that last year when I was so certain that I was pregnant, but my test had told me I wasn’t.
I did the same thing I did back then. I called my doctor and insisted to be wait-listed so I could be seen that very afternoon.
By four-thirty, after a urine test and a physical exam, I had my answer.
“Congratulations, Mrs. Masters,” the doctor said with a big smile. “You finally did it.”
This was the same doctor who had helped us plan for a pregnancy the year before, who likely didn’t read the gossip columns and had no idea that I was no longer married, nor excited about the prospect of becoming a new mom.
“According to your last menstrual cycle, you’re due on November 4.”
I gulped hard. That was Devlin’s birthday.
What a gift, my angel whispered in one ear.
If it’s his gift, the devil replied.
I barely could process as the doctor explained what would happen next, and scheduling my first appointment with an obstetrician. He gave me a prescription for prenatal vitamins and set up my first ultrasound at eight weeks to confirm my due date. This gave me three weeks to wrap my mind around what was happening. I was five weeks pregnant.
I was pregnant.
I was going to have a baby.
On November 4th.
What … the… fuck...
When I reached my car, I realized that Lucy had called me at least six times. I sat in the front seat of my car, in that underground parking structure, to call her back. She didn’t even bother to say hello. “Well?!” she asked.
“I’m pregnant,” I finally said out loud. “Five weeks.”
“Get back here,” she commanded at once, and I wasn’t going to argue. I needed my BFF more than ever.
She dragged me into her private office and plopped me down at the computer. We used a due date calculator to pinpoint the moment of conception, which put the magical day of ovulation around February 12th, the day that she went into labor with Axl. I had sex with Devlin two days before, and Caz the day after.
“Please tell me at least one of them used a condom,” she begged but I shook my head.
“I thought it was safe. I had just started the pill,” I said, but we both groaned. We knew that the first month of a new birth control plan could prove iffy. I just didn’t think it would matter much, given how I had struggled with infertility the year before.
“What am I going to do, Lucy?” I said as tears formed in my eyes. No wonder I was such a basket case these days.
I was pregnant… pregnant…
She took me into a hug as we stared at the computer screen. “You have options,” she said softly. “It’s still early.”
I closed my eyes. I finally got what it was I wanted, and now one of my options was sending it back. T
hen I thought about Father, whose eighteen months had clicked down to seventeen. In nine, I could make him a grandpa, and give him a lot more to look forward to in November than some shady election. I shook my head. “I can’t do that.”
She hugged me tighter. “So you have the baby. Make it a little girl so Axl can have a girlfriend. We’ll arrange their marriage right here and now. Hell, even if it’s a boy. Gay marriage is legal now.”
I laughed through my tears. Lucy could always make me laugh. “Deal.” I looked back at the computer, which showed a graphic of what my baby looked like, a tiny little prehistoric looking creature the size of a sesame seed. “But who do I tell?”
She typed in, “Pre-natal paternity testing,” into the browser. Within a click or two, we found the information we needed. I could test as early as my eighth week, but I’d need blood samples from both men. This didn’t really help me, considering I didn’t want to tell either of them.
“Well,” Lucy sighed as she sat back on her heels and looked up at me, “you’ve got some time to figure it all out.”
I nodded, but I didn’t feel any better. Nine months ago, this had been all I had wanted. And now here it was, happening at last, only at the least opportune moment.
“Everything happens the way it is supposed to,” I had said to Oliver days before.
Had I really been so naïve?
I was still shell-shocked as I entered the kitchen, where Aubrey sat at the table, doing her homework. “Wow, you look like shit,” she said as her gaze swept over me. “Are you okay?”
I nodded. “Just… allergies or something.”
Or something…
“Fair warning, my first lesson with Devlin is in a few days. So you might want to get better in a hurry.”
I gulped hard. I wouldn’t be better by the time I saw Devlin. I just nodded before I headed upstairs to see my dad.
His last tussle with pneumonia had leveled him, which did a lot to level me. His blue eyes were cloudy as they opened only momentarily to look into mine. He mumbled something about some new party I had been invited to, but I didn’t care about any of that. “I’ve got it covered, Dad,” I assured him as I brushed his hair from his face.
“My good girl,” he murmured before his eyes drifted shut. “My baby.”
It only twisted my gut even more into a knot.
I decided to take dinner in my bedroom that night. I didn’t want to see anyone. I just knew that they’d take one look in my face and they’d know. Caz… Gretchen… even Aubrey. I couldn’t risk it. So I decided to play hooky from life for a little while. Instead I sat in my bed, my computer constantly open as I researched everything I needed to know about pregnancy, conception in particular. What I learned didn’t make me feel any better. It could have easily been Caz’s baby. It could have easily been Dev’s. And I felt like a giant slut for not knowing the difference.
I decided to hide out at Lucy’s house for Devlin’s first tutoring lesson with Aubrey. I couldn’t face him. He’d know for sure. He knew me better than I knew myself. He always had.
I cuddled up with Axl instead, lying on Lucy’s enormous king-sized bed, staring at him like the wonder he was. Lucy finally joined us. “Telling Axl all about his future spouse?” Lucy asked with a grin.
I chuckled. “Something like that.” I brushed the silky strands of his hair against his soft skin. The immense responsibility I now shouldered threatened to suffocate me. By the next Thanksgiving, I would have a child of my own, likely one I’d have to raise on my own, since I didn’t see marriage to either possible father a viable option. “I’m terrified, Lucy.”
“I know,” she said softly. “But you’re not alone. No matter what.”
I nodded, tears in my eyes.
No. I was not alone anymore. No matter how I got here, I was going to be a mother. And I knew in that moment that I would fight the devil himself to give my child the life he or she deserved.
Knowing Suzanne Everhart like I did, and Devlin like I did, I knew that was exactly what I was going to have to do.
CHAPTER TWENTY
The remaining weeks to my ultrasound inched by like slow death. I dragged my secret around like Marley’s chains, mostly moping and avoiding everyone. Thanks to my new hibernation mode, I declined several interviews, telling Oliver that Darcy had debuted now, and she could field at least some of the press. He didn’t push, perhaps because he knew I was right. It was Darcy’s time to shine.
Caz was a little harder to avoid. He checked on me daily, worried sick that I had turned into a virtual recluse. He wanted me to exercise, but I declined. I didn’t want to spend any more time with him than I had to, especially doing activities that might have to be curbed now with my special condition.
By my ultrasound I had gained another pound and a half. At this rate I wouldn’t have to announce my pregnancy for months. People would just think I was getting fat again.
I was perfectly okay with that.
The ultrasound confirmed that my due date was November 4th, which meant I could have conceived anytime between February 7th and February 15th. Suzanne’s birthday party had been on the 6th, which meant that Devlin sent in millions of soldiers right as that window of opportunity opened. Add to the other spontaneous encounter at our house that following Wednesday, and Caz and I hooking up on February 13th, and I had a mixed soup of DNA with no clear-cut answers.
Why had I slept with Caz? Why?
Yet when I heard the sound of my baby’s heart beating I could hardly complain, despite the complications. It was the sweetest sound in the world, which brought me immediately to tears. The only thing that sullied the moment was that I had no one to share it with, even my ailing father.
I wanted to tell him most of all, but there was no way to do that if I didn’t have a husband at the ready. Such things would have killed my conservative father even faster than the cancer.
And it was because of that ticking clock that I stopped at Petit Paradis that afternoon when I got home from the doctor’s.
“Hey, pussycat,” Caz greeted as he opened the door. He was sweaty and shirtless, which I realized was from his private work out there in the bungalow. Now that we didn’t work out together, he had set up his own little gym in his private quarters. It was probably more comfortable for him than hanging around Margot or Aubrey. “I knew you couldn’t stay away from me for long. Take off your shirt. Let’s work out.” He smirked shamelessly, typical Caz, but I just shook my head.
“We need to talk.”
He opened the door wider. “I’ve always got an ear open for you, baby.” He shut the door behind me. “So what’s up? Are you finally going to let me in on why you’ve been moping around for the last month? If this is because of Dev and Aubrey, I told her those bogus lessons were a terrible idea.”
I shook my head. “No. It’s not about Dev and Aubrey.”
My tone clearly indicated how serious this conversation was. He led me to the sofa in the living room. “Want something to drink?”
“Water,” I said with a nod, my mouth suddenly dry.
He fetched me a bottle while I sat. He joined me seconds later. “So what’s up, pussycat?”
I took a long sip of water before I put the bottle onto the coffee table. I turned to him, so happy and blissfully ignorant to how his life was about to change. Happy, go-lucky Caz. And now… “I’m pregnant.”
Those amber eyes widened almost comically slow, as if life had slowed down on its axis with the news. “What?”
“I’m due November 4th,” I said. Devlin’s birthday…
I could see him doing the math in his head. “When?” he finally said.
“Sometime between February 7th and February 15th.”
He gulped hard before he rose from the sofa to get himself something stronger from the bar. “Wow,” was all he said. Finally his eyes met mine. “Have you told Devlin?”
I shook my head. “I’m not even sure it’s his. And if it is his,” I started but then shook my h
ead.
He brought the bottle over to the coffee table to sit next to me. “If it is his, then Suzanne really will destroy us all.”
“She can’t,” I insisted.
“She can,” he said softly, and I knew he was thinking about Laurie. “You’d be better off getting rid of it,” he said softly.
I shook my head. Just the way he referred to my baby as an ‘it’ pissed me off. “I want the baby, Caz. I’ve wanted a baby for months, and now…,” I trailed off. “I want to tell my father.”
He nodded. “And of course he’ll assume it’s mine.”
I mirrored his nod. “I’m not asking for anything, Caz. He may want us to marry or whatever, but that’s not what I want. But he’s so sick, if this could just give him one glimmer of hope to hang onto,” I said, before a sob finally strangled me silent.
Caz reached for me immediately. “Hey, it’s okay. We’re okay. I’m not going anywhere.” He kissed the top of my head, which apparently opened the flood gates. I sobbed in his arms for what felt like hours. I was glad he wasn’t wearing a shirt that I could soak with my tears. “There’s only one way this can go, honey. You know it. And I know it.” I didn’t say it so he did. “I’ll marry you, CC,” he said softly. “If he wants me to. If you want me to.”
My eyes sought his. “But this would change everything for you.”
He chuckled as he brushed my damp hair away from my tearstained face. “Everything changed for me the minute I met you, pussycat.” He kissed me softly on the lips, and I didn’t back away. In fact, I held him closer.
“Thank you,” I said softly.
He just hugged me tighter.
That night, he returned to the house with me. He stayed downstairs while I made my way upstairs, where Father had pushed away another bowl of soup. His appetite, like his will to live, was waning. I sat next to him on the bed and took his hand in mine. “You need to eat, Dad.”
Masters Forever (Masters #3) Page 24
