“Don’t get mad because I’m not groping the first girl to say nice things to me,” Lockwood countered.
“You two sure do spend a lot of time together,” a boy named Zachary called out.
“Yeah, milking cows. Very romantic,” Lockwood said. It was strange to watch him be so friendly with the others. I’d always seen him as outside the group, but today he seemed like he was part of it. Though I couldn’t help but take note that most of their interactions seemed to be at his expense.
Maybe that was Lockwood’s role in this group. He was how they defined themselves, by marking how they were different than him. I understood that. It had always been my role, too. I had isolated myself from the others at the compound, so I knew what it was like to feel alone in a group. Perhaps that was why we were friends.
“I wouldn’t mind milking cows with her,” another boy yelled, running by me and tugging playfully on my hair.
“By all means, let’s switch jobs. She’s terrible at it. I have to do all the work,” Lockwood replied.
“That’s a lie!” I called out, though I couldn’t stop from laughing. Little did he know I had realized that while the rest of them ran around me with as much rhyme and reason as the rain that fell down on us, Lockwood had stood in the same spot the entire time, and all of his mocking had allowed me to pinpoint his location. Without wasting another second, I spun around and bolted into the unknown. I knew Henry was somewhere close and trusted that he would stop me before I went head-on into a tree or ditch. I trusted the others would protect me, too. Foolish or not, I had to—I couldn’t ask for them to trust me unless I did the same. It was a tricky game, but I had to play it.
And so I ran with all my might, reaching my arms in front of me as far as they would go. I couldn’t stop the yelp of delight as I sprinted toward Lockwood. I had never played these games before.
I understood the appeal now.
Lockwood barely had time to mutter a curse before I careened into him, and we both fell to the ground in a tangle of laughs and limbs. As I un-snared myself from him, I sat up, reaching to pull the blindfold from my face. I rubbed the rain from my eyes and mouth, unable to stop laughing. The look on Lockwood’s face was priceless. His eyes were wide and his mouth was open. “I might be terrible at milking cows, but I sure can catch you,” I teased. “Maybe tomorrow, I’ll teach you how this game works.”
“Aren’t you a sassy little thing,” he replied, hitting me playfully in the shoulder with his fist. I leaned back on my elbows and lifted my face toward the sky, letting the rain slide down my face and neck. “Don’t be mad because you’re It now. Not bad for my first time, huh?”
“Yeah, yeah, your ability to make me invite you to play only so you can embarrass me is really impressive.”
I shook my head and pulled myself to my feet. “Don’t be such a baby. Get up—it’s your turn,” I commanded, giving him a light kick in the leg for good measure.
“Can you two stop flirting so we can get back to the game?” Charlotte asked.
“Yeah, let’s play again. I like this one,” I said with a grin.
“Where’s your friend going?” one of the boys asked me.
I turned to see Henry stalking off. “Henry? What are you doing?” Lockwood called with a smile. “You’ll miss a real treat. If you thought Tess was bad, wait till you see me. There’s a reason they assigned me to livestock.”
“Not my idea of a good time,” Henry called out over his shoulder without stopping.
“It’s not a good idea to go walking alone,” Lockwood said, suddenly serious. “Just wait until after this round, and I’ll go back with you.”
“Yeah, just wait, Henry. We can all go,” I added.
Henry didn’t look back at either of us.
As the group headed toward the community, Lockwood and I fell behind. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure,” I replied with a shrug. I pulled my jacket tighter around me. The coldness of the rain had begun to settle into my bones, and despite the fact that there were a few more hours of daylight left, I looked forward to crawling into my bed and getting warm. The rain didn’t appear to be stopping anytime soon.
“What’s going on with you and Henry?”
I stopped walking. “Henry? Nothing. We’re friends.”
“Friends?” Lockwood asked, stopping as well.
“Ye-es. Friends. Why?” I asked as I began to walk again.
“Well, I don’t think your friend likes me very much.”
“I wouldn’t worry about it. He’s just having a hard time adjusting. He’s been through a lot. And he’s stubborn.”
“I don’t think that’s it,” Lockwood replied.
“Oh, I forgot you were the expert on everything from milking cows to bathing. So, tell me, what do you think his problem is?” I asked.
“Don’t play stupid; it doesn’t suit you. Your defensive tone tells me you know exactly what I’m talking about.”
“You haven’t actually talked about anything,” I pointed out.
Lockwood sighed, stopping again. He turned to face me, wiping the rain from his mouth. “He likes you. Maybe even loves you. That’s why he got so upset today. All their taunts and jokes about us, they probably drove him crazy.”
I felt my face flush. “That’s…that’s…”
“Why bother denying it?” Lockwood asked.
I took a deep breath and looked down at the ground. He was right. I knew Henry had feelings for me. Did I know what they meant or how deep they ran? No. And I was too afraid to find out. The minute we spoke about them would be the minute we would change. I didn’t want anything less or more than what we had in this moment.
“Do you like him?” Lockwood asked. “And no, I don’t mean as friends.”
“I can’t answer that,” I admitted. “I mean…I don’t know. I just got him back. We weren’t friends for a very long time. Growing up in the compound wasn’t like here. We were taught to be so scared of feeling anything. So he went away. And we both fell for other people. But now we’re here and we’re together and those other people are…”
“Gone,” Lockwood said softly.
I nodded. “Yes, gone.”
Gone forever.
“Have you two talked about it?” he asked.
“No. I can’t.” It was hard to swallow. Hard to speak. I didn’t know how to say the things I needed to say. I was still learning.
Lockwood was right, and I felt terrible about it. I wasn’t stupid. I knew that a part of me was leading Henry on, making him think that if enough time passed, we could be together. I couldn’t guarantee to keep that promise. I didn’t know how I would feel down the road. I barely knew how I felt now.
“Why not?”
“Because I can’t lose him. Things are fine the way they are.”
“You’re making a life here. He’s just waiting for you.”
“I didn’t ask him to wait,” I argued.
“It doesn’t sound like you asked him not to,” Lockwood said.
I rolled my eyes and started to catch up with the rest of the group “Why are you so concerned?” I asked over my shoulder.
“Because I don’t want someone hating me for no reason. Sure, those people up there let us spend time with them today, but they aren’t exactly what I would call friends. Maybe you haven’t noticed, but I don’t exactly have a lot of those.”
“I’ve noticed,” I admitted reluctantly, afraid that I would hurt his feelings by saying how obvious his outcast status was.
“So I don’t want to mess things up with either of you. And just to set the record straight, I’m not into you. That’s what most people don’t get, including the council. No one thinks a boy and girl can be just friends. The council thinks we’ll just want to rip each other’s clothes off, and the people around here are so busy trying to distance themselves from the council’s rules, they’re becoming exactly what the council said they were. I don’t do or say anything I don’t feel. And while you
might just be my favorite person here, I’m not trying to lure you with my wily advances.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Good. Thanks for letting me know, but why do you have to keep driving that point home? I’m starting to get offended,” I joked.
Lockwood threw an arm over my shoulder. “I just believe in being honest with people, letting them know how things are. You’re important to me, and I didn’t want to risk messing that up. All these kids are going to say what they want, so you should know from me that I’m not interested.”
I laughed harder. “You really have a way with words.”
“Honesty, Tess. It’s the most important thing in this screwed-up world.”
When I got back to the room, Henry was sitting on his cot with a blanket in his hand. He stood up and held the blanket toward me. “I figured you’d be freezing.”
I nodded and gratefully took it from him, then set it on my mattress and began to unbutton my jacket. I took a seat on the bed, pulling both my blanket and the one Henry gave me around my shoulders. I sniffled.
“You stayed out there too long. You’re going to get sick,” Henry chided.
“I’ll be fine. I was having fun.” I let the silence that followed settle around us—I’d rather silence consume us than words that neither of us could take back. Henry stared out the window at the rain that continued to fall. He had lit a lantern, and the shadows from its light danced across his face. As I stared at him, I tried not to compare him to James. I tried so hard…
But it was impossible not to.
“Are you sorry you came here?” I whispered, my words filling in the pauses among the drops of rain that pelted the window.
“Why would I be sorry I left that place?” he asked.
Because you don’t seem happy. Because I worry that you’re waiting for something from me that I know I’ll never be able to give. Because I wonder if you think I owe you something.
Because I wonder if I’ll always ache for James.
“Just wondering,” I said. I snuggled down into my bed and shut my eyes.
Chapter 13
Screaming.
The noise reached me through the blackness of the night. It always had a way of finding me. I bolted straight up in my bed, my body tensing by pure instinct. “Henry! Are you awake? Do you hear that?”
“I hear it,” he whispered back, his voice edged with worry.
And then we fell silent. Maybe that was instinct, too. After everything we’d seen, it felt natural to try and hide, to keep quiet, but as we both sat there, barely breathing, it became nosier and nosier outside. The screams had been replaced by the murmurs of a crowd that seemed to be growing in size.
Henry pushed himself off his cot and handed me his blanket. “Here. Wrap yourself in this. Let’s see what’s going on.”
I stood up, yanking my blanket off the bed and pulling it around me, choosing to ignore Henry’s offer. He rolled his eyes and thrust the blanket into my hand. “You’ll need both. It’s freezing out there, and that cough hasn’t gotten any better.” I didn’t have the energy to fight with him, so I decided to take the blanket without further argument.
Once we got outside, I was surprised to see almost everyone from the community assembled in the square. Lockwood was next to me before I had time to look for him.
“Someone hasn’t been to bed yet,” I said, looking him up and down, noting he was still fully dressed.
“Incorrect, my compound friend. Someone has been trained to get ready in a blink of an eye,” he countered. “You, on the other hand, would fail if we had to abandon this outpost without warning.” Lockwood pulled a green knit hat from his jacket pocket and pulled it over my bare ears.
“Is that likely?” Henry asked, throwing an arm protectively around my shoulders. I didn’t bother to protest because it was bitterly cold out.
“It’s always a possibility. The borders between the easterners and westerners are getting harder and harder to define. It’s only a matter of time before the war reaches us,” answered Lockwood.
I opened my mouth to ask about the state of the war, but a voice cut through the air like a knife. “Can I have everyone’s attention?” It was less of a question and more of a command. I stood up on the tips of my toes to see Al standing near the front of the crowd.
“Today, several of our scouts returned from one of the city scavenger hunts. As you know, with the winter getting harsher, we’ve been searching for non-perishable foods and ammo to help get us through this difficult time.”
“I’m assuming it didn’t go so well,” Henry said sarcastically under his breath. I suspected he was upset that he still hadn’t been asked to join either the scavengers or the resistance sect. To be honest, I was a bit miffed, too. The sooner they asked him, the sooner I would know who to approach about traveling back to save Louisa.
“We heard screaming,” a woman yelled from somewhere behind me.
Al nodded. “Unfortunately, our team didn’t find many supplies out there, but they did find something else. A message. Before we could best decide how to share this with the community, little Hayden discovered it on her own.”
Lockwood cursed under his breath. I raised an eyebrow. “Do we dislike Hayden?”
“No, that’s not it. She’s seven. One of Sharon’s kids. They keep Sharon so busy, she can hardly keep track of them. Hayden’s always sneaking off.”
“What did she find?” someone called out.
“I think it’s best that anyone with young children take them back inside. It’s too cold out here, and this isn’t something they need to witness.” While I couldn’t see him through the mass of people, I recognized McNair’s voice instantly.
If the crowd lessened, I couldn’t tell. There were so few children in the community that I realized it would be nearly impossible for me to notice if any had left.
Al cleared his throat. “Eric? You want to show them what you and the boys found?”
“Is she here?” Eric asked Al. Al lifted his finger.
He pointed it directly at me.
My heart pounded violently against my chest as everyone around me stared. Henry grabbed my hand.
“Come on up here, girl,” McNair said gently, motioning me forward.
I tightened my grip on Henry’s hand as I made my way through the crowd. I wasn’t letting go of him for anything in the world. Once we made it to the square, Henry and I found ourselves flanked by McNair and Al.
“Show her,” Al commanded.
Eric took a deep breath and nodded. Without wasting any time, he disappeared…leaving me center stage with an army of trained eyes on me.
“Mind cutting the dramatics and telling us what this is all about?” Henry asked, his jaw clenched.
“I think it’s best we show you,” Al replied. He wore the slightest of grins on his face. Self-satisfied. Smug. Apparently, my stunt at the baths had done nothing to win this man over.
The crowd bustled as they began to clear a path for Eric. His face was red with exertion as he dragged something behind him in some sort of extra-large burlap bag. I furrowed my brow.
And the smell returned.
The smell of death.
My stomach dropped. Al had said they found a message for me. For me. That meant it had to be about me. It had caused the little girl to scream in horror. I had heard it. Which meant that whatever the message was, it wasn’t good. Gone was any hope that James had found a way to contact me. Not that I was silly enough to think he could reach me here.
The message could have only come from one source—the council.
“Who’s in there?” Henry whispered, horrified. His mind had reached some conclusion that mine refused to grasp. I examined the bag. It definitely could contain a body, but it had to be that of someone pretty short.
A child?
Louisa?
Louisa.
Louisa…
“No!” I screamed. It ripped from my very soul. The council wouldn’t be satisfied until they d
estroyed it.
I yanked my hand away from Henry’s and pushed Eric from the bag with as much force as I could muster. He didn’t fight me. Instead, he held up his hands and backed away. I fell to my knees, scrambling to find a way to open the sack. I felt, with a sickening certainty, the outline of a teen under my hands. “How?” I shrieked. “How do you open this?”
I clawed furiously at the bag. I would tear through it with my bare hands if I had to. Someone knelt down next to me, and I tore my eyes away from the bag only long enough to see Lockwood. With a crisp click, he flipped open a switchblade.
I impatiently brushed the tears from my eyes so I could see better. I couldn’t help but be momentarily surprised to discover that he carried a weapon. While most in the community seemed comfortable with the idea of using them, Lockwood never struck me as the type to subscribe to any idea of violence. He was an intellectual, a philosopher.
But the world was much too dangerous to live with books alone.
I forced my shaking hands to my sides as Lockwood went to work cutting open the bag. I couldn’t breathe. The back of my shirt was drenched in sweat.
I couldn’t lose anyone else.
I just couldn’t.
With one noise, one rip, my world was about to end. But I couldn’t look away, because looking away wouldn’t change this “message.”
But it wasn’t Louisa.
A sob escaped my lips, and I let all that followed behind it leave me freely. There was a young girl in the bag. It wasn’t my sister, though still a girl whose life had ended way too soon. She couldn’t have been much older than Louisa. Even through my tears, I could see the way her flesh had begun to rot. Over her cheeks, pieces of tissue were revealed through ghastly tears in her skin. Her eyes were sunken in. Her simple compound dress was torn and tattered.
And like those we found back in the abandoned training center, she had been shot. Written in blood across her chest were the following words: We are missing one. I cleared my throat and wiped my hand under my running nose. “How is this a message for me?”
“She’s from our compound.” I looked up at Henry. I could feel the color drain from my face. I didn’t recognize this girl, but considering I’d lived a solitary life during my time there, it wasn’t entirely surprising. “Her name was Catherine. She was on the deportation list.”
Naturals (Lost Souls) Page 11
