Looking at his brother while I glared a hole in his face, the smaller, younger wolf was about to say something but paused. With a stunned look on his face, he made a choking noise. “Oh, An... She- Going- kill-you,” he garbled out between laughs, lifting a finger to waggle it, literally choking on his half chewed bite.
“What?” I huffed, reaching over and pounding on his back. Forget the mate thing sounding nuts, had the fool lost his mind? “Chew, then talk,” I instructed. “And don’t die,” I added with a growl.
“I gotta go,” Ansel said suddenly. “Thanks for the coffee, bro. Good sizzled pig slabs.” He was already up and moving before either Fynn or I had registered what he’d said.
“What lit a fire under his butt?” I wondered aloud, watching him rush out of the diner like his ass was ablaze. Hopping into his old two door truck, he backed out, kicking gravel up in his wake, and shot off. Sometimes Ansel was just damned weird.
“Em,” Fynn choked out, laughing harder, right as a woman approached and leaned against our booth.
“What?” I muttered, right as the woman asked where Ansel was going.
“What’s it to you?” I asked her, scowling, annoyed suddenly just at her presence.
“I’ve got a meeting with him,” she said simply. “We’ve got a, uh, a thing.”
I’d just bet they did.
Annoyance swamped me. Ansel always had someone on his arm, some new honey of the week, month, months, whatever, I tried not to pay attention. None of them ever stayed around very long. In fact, I’d yet to see him with the same shewolf twice. The revolving door of eager beavers looking for a shot with the pack third made it that much harder to be around him. I couldn’t say I’d ever seen one of his dates smile after the first two hours of a night out with him, though. Not that I, uh, like, watched or anything or cared or whatever. Ahem. Because I don’t. I had to wonder, though, if that played into Ansel being into Ansel and not much else. I wouldn’t know. Other than tonight I’d been actively avoiding him so well it was like he’d moved away. Was he going through rude muttered comments withdrawals? Torture your childhood neighbor points get low?
My last few heat cycles had been rough and I was uncharacteristically emotional of late. Ansel liked to prick and prod, and scratched a little too close to the surface for me, of things I’d rather avoid, at times. Avoiding him had been a necessity. The pills offered to ease an unattached shewolf through this rough time in her life every so many months had landed me in the hospital. Adverse reaction, they said. This supposed miracle shifter drug had up and betrayed me. Or, my body had. They said I’d had a bad allergic reaction, gently advising me to either mate or find a male willing to ease me through my heat cycle. I’d suddenly developed an intolerance to it. Apparently, this happened more often than they liked to admit. I was, as far as the hospital’s records showed, the only female to date to be on the drug for this long. Most had given up and mated by my age, more than likely. The side effects to the pills varied, and were nothing to laugh at. Well, I’d had no intention of mating, so that surely factored in. Plus, to be honest, no one had ever gotten close enough to me that we got to that point to present an offer. The men around these parts treated me, more or less, I was mortified to admit, as if I had the plague. Aside from Fynn over there, and the rare Ansel run in, though the pack third seemed to kinda be everywhere, I realized, I really didn’t have much interaction with any other males.
Weird. That should bother me, not comfort, but I was more comfortable tending an animal or hidden away in my room with a good book.
My job at the animal sanctuary helped aid my less than social ass keep a low profile, I’d admit. Wouldn’t have that excuse come next month, when they finished relocating to Ontelo, six flippin’ hours away, and I found myself in need of alternate employment. I’d be prepping for my next inevitable heat and job hunting. I was not looking forward to the weeks to come.
Perhaps it was time to settle down and find a mate... Nah. I snorted. What the hell did I really want or need a mate for? Companionship. Stave off that loneliness. And leave it up to the pack’s council to help me find myself a fine fella? Yikes. There was no telling what poor, mealy male they’d chuck at me to terrorize. Ugh. I had to tell my parents no. There just had to be another way. There had to be.
“We had a date,” too much boob showing told us. Got it, flaunt it, just don’t lean forward like that, getting all up in my face with it, like you might take my eye out with them things, darlin’. Lifting my spoon, I slowly aimed it toward her person warningly. Thankfully she caught on and backed off.
Fynn, eyeing her like he wondered if she did the cleavage spill for him, his brother’s damned date, blinked and blanched. Poor form, woman, poor form, I thought sadly.
“Not anymore you don’t,” I told her bluntly. “Not tonight, at any rate. Looks like asshole stood you up.”
“Well, I never,” all-huff-and-no-puff started to pout.
Fynn chose that exact moment to speak, his voice mingling with hers unharmoniously. “Ansel ate all of your bacon, Em.” Fynn guffawed, bowing forward, until his forehead almost smacked the table.
My gaze whipped to my plate to find it missing those delectable strips of fried pig. My coffee cup was shockingly empty as well, the one he’d jacked from me next to it, drained, as well. “WHAT?!” I shrieked.
Chapter Two
“It’s not a bad idea,” Fynn stated quietly, leftovers container in hand, walking me out to my car.
“But an arranged mating?” Scoffing, I grimaced. “Who on earth would they think to pair me up with?”
“I dunno, but you know where I stand on it. I’ll help you out, Em, you know that. I love you. But I’m a wolf first, a man second. The longer we...” Fynn let the words trail off.
Guilt assaulted me. Until recently, our relationship had always been purely platonic. Sex had never been part of it. Ever. And to me, romantic sexual anything still wasn’t. This was easing a need, plain and simple. We were fucking, and only through my heat. He was helping me with a biological function, need, that I couldn’t overcome on my own, a problem of a unique, wolf shifter nature, that required physical intimacies, which he’d offered, I’d eventually agreed, and he’d supplied.
Other than during my heat cycles, I didn’t approach Fynn for sex. We didn’t really talk about those few days hidden away tearing up the sheets, until now. He had the estimated dates marked, and we made plans where and when to meet up the week before. My parents were under the impression I was trying a new, experimental treatment and spending that time at a hospital in Ontelo. The idea of either of our parents finding out what Fynn and I were up to had my stomach curdling. They’d probably expect us to mate or something. Never gonna happen.
I’d been leery of this whole thing from the get-go, but Fynn had sworn up and down it was fine, would be fine. I had to wonder now, though...
Swallowing past the lump in my throat, I put on my big girl panties and faced the music. No way was I going to risk my friendship with Fynn, or him an attachment to me on his wolf’s end, the more time he guided me through my heat, and no way was I going to let him bareback it with me and we end up mated to each other. I was firm on that. Condoms. No exceptions. And we both scrubbed within an inch of our lives afterward, once the worst of the heat had abated and the smell of another wolf’s pheromones wasn’t needed.
Fynn had suggested going without dick coats this last time, to my shock, which had terrified me. He knew what it meant, the risk we’d be taking being so careless. The desperation to his words, his voice cracking as he tried to casually broach the subject, had been the last straw. I didn’t love him like that and had no wish to be mated to him for the rest of my life. His cajoling tone, a hint of a plea to it, had almost sent me running. And in a way it definitely had, I supposed, straight to my parents wanting advice on options for my next heat. Another lie—I’d told them I’d suddenly become allergic to the last treatment. I should feel guilty, but it wasn’t necessarily a
lie, in so many words—I got hives just thinking about risking another frisky encounter with Fynn.
Despite their promises to keep this between us, Mom and Dad had sought out the advice of the Alpha, Eldritch Keneally. He’d suggested the council arranged mating idea. I took it as he didn’t have the time or patience for such a trivial thing and tried to foist it on the elected panel the pack had for offhand pack bullshit—shit he didn’t want to deal with.
“I think I’m going to,” I told Fynn, nodding. The action felt wooden. “You know, go ahead with the mate arranged thing,” I clarified when his head shot up and his eyes widened. His brown eyes flashed with cerulean and lilac, a hint of his wolf peeking through. I’d done this to him, put him in this position. His wolf was getting too used to me, a hint possessive. To his wolf, it was probably confused as hell wondering what the human half was doing fiddling with a female for five months with no intention of mating her. The guilt tripled. “Who knows, maybe he’ll be tolerable,” I joked.
“Maybe he’ll be someone we know,” he tossed back. Staring down at his feet, he scuffed the toe of his sneaker on the gravelly ground.
When I blanched and my jaw snapped shut, his gaze lifted. One look at me and he laughed, but his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. “I didn’t mean me,” he said quickly. “I was just sayin’...” But I’d just tipped my hand, and him his, and this was exactly what I’d been afraid of.
“Fynn...” I had no idea what to say.
“It’s my own fault,” he said with a shrug. Fynn the man was no more romantically inclined toward me than the next person, but his wolf had a rather surprising reaction to my... temperament during my heat cycle, and the strength of my scent. I tended to be rather dominant, though I was good giving in to a promising dominant every so often, if they won my trust. I was even more aggressive than usual in the bedroom during my heat. His wolf had liked it. A lot.
There was an antsiness to him now when my heat approached, I noted the last time around, anticipation and dread. Fuck, we were both majorly at fault here and mind fucked from our stupid decision. What the fuck had we been thinking?! We’d been playing with fire. I could already feel the blisters from the burns forming.
“You need to go get laid,” I told him bluntly.
Blowing out a long breath, running a hand over his short crop of dark hair, he nodded, chuckling. His laughter sounded hollow. My chest pinched. “I do.”
“Good luck with that.” My hand lifted and I flicked his shoulder.
Fynn jerked back but grinned. “Love you, I’m With,” he said suddenly.
“Love you too, Stupid.”
The tension in his shoulders eased and he blew out a long breath. “Best friends forever, no matter what?”
“No matter what.” When I turned to leave, a hand grasped my shoulder. Whirling back around, I found myself enveloped in a bear hug.
“Promise?” he mumbled into my neck, his chin resting on my shoulder. My heart broke a little more, cracking. Fuck. Allowing us to start, whatever it was we’d started, if only for my heat cycle, had him all up in knots. His hands shook a little and he swallowed hard. I stiffened when he inhaled a little too deeply at my nape.
Our biggest mistake in all of this: He hadn’t been sleeping with other females in between, and that led to that strange impasse his wolf and human half were at. The human knew the score, but his wolf side was getting a thorough head fuck. There were reasons shifters were super casual about dating unless they thought they’d found their one. Some didn’t date at all but for looking for their mate.
“Bros before hoes,” I singsonged, trying not to be obvious as my shoulders bunched, pushing him out of the crook of my neck.
“Chicks before dicks,” he quipped, and finally released me.
The urge to duck inside my car and run from him, scrubbing at my neck frantically, left me feeling even more guilty. Shame—I was full of it.
“You only have two months until your next heat,” he said suddenly.
“That’s plenty enough time for them to find me someone,” I bluffed. It would have to be, should they decide to agree to this whole farce. It gave me two months, whether I had help or not, to either mate some poor sucker or hope I could talk someone into being my bed buddy for this next heat. Trepidation dug a hole in the pit of my gut.
Fynn’s shoulders twitched. “Best of luck to you.”
“Meh.” My hand waved nonchalantly. “Won’t be needed. I’m a catch, didn’t you hear?”
“Yeah, they can’t throw you back fast enough,” he jested, then grinned. Dancing backwards, he winked, pretending to reel me in, catch me, scream, and toss me back.
Laughing along with him, because it felt good, this semblance of normalcy I so desperately wanted back between us, I grinned. “Maybe I’ll be the one doing the hooking.”
“Well, don’t be koi. And if it seems a bit fishy, remember it cod always be worse. Even if it’s krilling you, you let minnow, how it goes. Bah dum tss.” Cackling at the world’s worst dad joke, he swiped at his eyes.
“Don’t carp on me, Gurgen. You’re already giving me a haddock.”
“Hah!” Fynn slapped his leg, then winced. Shaking my head at him, I waved him off.
“Bye, Stupid,” I called after him, turning to unlock my car.
“Later, I’m With.”
Backing out, I put the car in gear and slowly drove off, waving at Fynn, who stood there with a half-smile on his face that didn’t reach his eyes, as I passed. We’d promised we wouldn’t let anything ruin our friendship but, realistically, a seismic shift had already occurred. Biting my lip until it bled to keep from crying, the backs of my eyes burning, I blew out a deep breath. “It’ll be fine. It has to be fine.” It had to be. I didn’t know what I’d do without the only person in the world who even remotely got me.
∞∞∞
A black SUV was in the drive when I pulled up. Parking on the street in front of the house, I got out, eyeing the vehicle curiously. I recognized it as one of the vehicles belonging to the pack’s fleet, wondering what they could want with my folks at this hour, though I had a dread filling my belly feeling I knew.
The front door was unlocked when I tripped up the front porch steps and tested the knob. Leaving my boots in the mudroom, tossing my socks on the wash bin near the washer, I padded barefoot into the living room. The television was on, one of Dad’s hunting shows playing, the volume down low. His coffee mug sat on the stand near his favorite chair, still steaming, his crossword puzzle laid out and half finished.
“Ma? Dad?” I called, frowning when no one answered. Heading deeper into the house, I checked Mom’s usual haunts at this hour. She’d said something about a cake or cookies for the ladies’ luncheon tomorrow... Pushing the swinging door that separated the dining area from the kitchen open, I stopped dead in my tracks as a familiar hulking figure turned at my approach. Using my favorite matte black coffee mug with the glossy white skull and cross bones on it and the saying I ain’t got no body across it in a glittering silver, slanted font, I took one look at him smugly sipping from my cup and my upper lip curled.
“What are you two doing here?” Meaning him and Eldritch. The Alpha had a distinct scent. It was kinda hard to forget.
Dark eyes flashing, a hint of amusement twinkling in those wolf tinted eyeballs, he slowly sipped, watched, and his lips twitched over the rim of my god damned mug. “Talkin’,” was all he’d say.
Putting my containers of leftovers onto the counter, giving him the stink eye as I passed, I grabbed a bottled water from the fridge and marched back toward the living room, headed for the stairs. With one last dirty look, I pushed through the swinging door. I could have sworn I heard him smother a chuckle as I passed, but Ansel was more of a loud snickerer. “Dick,” I muttered, and he actually laughed that time. The world has righted itself, I thought with a touch of amusement.
Body aching from the day’s work, I went to my room to change. Once I’d had a quick shower and slipped
into one of many a pair I hoarded of comfy stretch pants, a loose t shirt on, and thick socks warming my feet, I trotted back to the kitchen.
“Oh my god!” I gasped out, pushing the kitchen door open. Gaping as I caught the asshole red handed, I sucked in a sharp breath. Rushing over to jerk my half eaten leftovers out of Ansel’s grubby paws, I couldn’t find words. Sputtering, flustered, I slapped at him. Did his betrayals know no bounds? “I’m beginning to remember why I was so relieved you grew too busy to remember I was alive,” I grumbled, glaring at the big oaf.
Ansel stood there chewing, his mouth full of my stuffed freaking waffle.
“Good stuff.” The brute bobbed his head. “And I never forgot you existed.” Reaching out, he flicked me between the eyes, smirking when I growled, slapped his hand away, and gave him a shove that barely moved him. “Just busy. Working. Bills. Family shit. Same as you. Pack shit. You and Sparky off gettin’ into whatever it is you two get up to, I didn’t have time for it. Y’all would grow up... eventually.”
“And yet you’ve found the time to coerce a bevy of females into entertaining your ugly ass,” I murmured, with a winsome smile, ignoring his look of surprise that I was aware of his extracurricular activities.
Working on chewing and swallowing, he grimaced as if a piece had slid down his gullet just a little too hard. Don’t choke now, bitch.
“Gotta say, Mud, I’m impressed.” To be honest, his list of one date conquests were nothing compared to the more sexually social wolves. Roddy, the pack second, aka Rowdy, had a date and run list that bordered on prolific. It was like a CVS receipt—long enough to use as a replacement shade on his blinds.
“Name ain’t mud,” he grunted out, a bit of food puffing up his cheek.
Until I Make You MINE (Wolves of Amrok Hollow) Page 2
