Raine bowed her head and closed her eyes. He could feel a palpable hopelessness wash over her.
“But I can’t compete. I have almost no experience.”
Her little, broken voice ripped at him. Hammer couldn’t stop himself from cupping the back of her head and caressing gently. “It’s not a competition.”
“It is! I don’t get a chance to submit and learn and grow,” she went on with a sob. “No one will touch me because they won’t cross you. I’ve had sex twice in the last five years. I’ve never really scened. Every man here avoids me. I feel...damaged and ugly. If you don’t want me, show a little mercy and let me go.”
Each brutally honest word that tumbled from her mouth burned him like acid. In allowing other Dominants to look but not touch, he’d kept her captive, like a bird in a gilded cage. He could hardly blame her for her submissive shortcomings. How was she supposed to flourish if he constantly impeded her growth and refused to give her up? Liam was right; he’d done her a huge injustice.
You’ve known for years she’s in love with you, and you, you sick, twisted fuck… How long have you cared for her? Ached for her? Guilt burned bitter on his tongue.
Goddamnit, he wasn’t what she needed. That truth hurt like a bitch. Furious at himself for not being the man she deserved, Hammer knew he should set her free.
But letting go would be so fucking hard. Fear that she would, indeed, find a better Master punched him in the gut. The pain didn’t bring out the best in him, and at the thought of losing her, he lashed out, knowing exactly how to scare her into obedience.
“You want a taste of someone else’s dominance? I can arrange that.” He gritted his teeth. “You’re due a punishment. How about an evening with, say…Beck?”
As soon as Hammer spoke the threat, he wished he could call it back. Jesus, he had to stop letting his emotions take over, but Raine had him so unhinged that he was acting more like a bully than a Dom.
Her eyes flew open wide and her body shook. “But he—he’s…”
A tremendous sadist who took pleasure in torturing submissives. Raine was not a pain slut. Still, Hammer had to ensure that she ceased pushing him for what he couldn’t give, no matter how much her lesson hurt them both. And he couldn’t take his threat back now without undermining his own authority.
She tore herself from Hammer’s grasp and glared at him with panic in her eyes. “Dear god, haven’t you hurt me enough? Would you hand your perfect little Marlie to him? Of course not. You give a fuck what happens to her. You care whether he terrifies or marks her. Me? Oh, let’s just throw the little girl to the big bad wolf. Will you stand there and laugh while he marks me?”
Her angry taunt shamed him to the core. “Since you’ve never acted out this seriously, I’ll show you mercy and rescind your punishment if you say you’re sorry.”
Hammer prayed that she accepted his leniency. Instead, her eyes bulged in shock.
“You want me to apologize because I was dumb enough to confess my feelings so you could tear them to shreds? No. You know what? I’m done! So done.”
Just when he thought her temper tantrum couldn’t get any worse, she stormed out of his office, hell bent on...what? He had no clue. She disappeared into her room at the end of the hall, slamming the door until the walls shook. Then she reappeared a minute later, barely dressed in a miniscule skirt and a cleavage-hugging halter top, sans bra. Without warning, she launched her office keys at him. He caught them before they smacked him in the chest.
“I won’t be in your way anymore. I won’t stare at you with stupid puppy dog eyes. I won’t bake for you. I won’t do your filing. I won’t order your booze. I sure as hell won’t masturbate to thoughts of you. Just erase me from your memory bank because I’m gone. And I’m never coming back.”
No. Fuck, no!
Before she could blaze out the door in an F5 cyclone of fury, he chased her and snagged her arm, his fingers staying her in a desperate grip.
“Stop! Are you really going to act like a child and threaten to run away from home because you’re not getting your way?”
“Since you just had your fingers up my pussy, I would have hoped that you’d figured out I’m a woman. I’m also perfectly within my rights to leave. Buh-bye.”
Leave it to clever little Raine to throw his stupidity back in his face. He had to bite back the urge to shout at her. As it was, they’d already been so loud that the other Doms and subs sleeping nearby in their private rooms were getting one hell of a wake-up call.
Instead, he gripped her harder. “You cry because I’m not paying attention to you, but when I command you to hold your orgasm to drive your submissive needs, you defy me—on my own bed. You swear that you want a Dom, so I give you one. But oh, he’s not the one you want! See a pattern here? You’re only willing to submit to your own bratty self. Guess what? It. Doesn’t. Work. That. Way!”
Suddenly drawn by movement down the hall, Hammer glanced over Raine’s shoulder to find Liam watching them, slowly buttoning his trousers and wearing an unmistakable scowl.
Chapter 4
Hammer turned his attention back to Raine only to find her looking toward the stairs, already planning her escape. Even as she defied him, he fought the urge to press his lips to hers. Claim her up against the wall, fuck the attitude, insecurities, and every ounce of hurt out of her. Leave her no doubt that she was his. Even if she wasn’t.
Glancing over her shoulder once again, he was pleased to find Liam had wisely stepped back into the shadows, but had no doubt the other Dom was still listening.
“So I’m just supposed to let Beck do whatever he wants to me? Whatever happened to safe, sane, and consensual?” Raine challenged. “He isn’t safe, and you know it. You’ve thrown him out yourself more than once for taking a sub too far. Putting someone who’s never tested her pain limits with a sadist like him isn’t sane. You know he terrifies me, so any scene between us wouldn’t be consensual. With this mood you’re in, I think you’d be happy to watch me bleed.”
“Is that what you think?”
“What else am I supposed to think? I pushed some button of yours that you absolutely can’t stand. It’s made you mean. But you can’t force him on me or keep me here against my will. I told you, I quit. And I’ll consider myself lucky to have made it out of here with no more than a broken heart because Beck will break everything else.”
She was right, damn it. The urge to reach up and trail his fingers over her cheek, reassure her and apologize, gnawed at him.
“Have a nice life.” Tears rolled down her face. “I really hope you figure out someday that women like Marlie are too shallow to fill the big heart I know you have.”
Panicked and unwilling to let her go, he pressed his body against her, pinning her back to the wall. With one hand braced above her, he looked into her stormy eyes. “Do you really think that after sheltering you for six fucking years, I would ever allow Beck to break you? And you have no idea what’s in my heart, so please don’t waste time guessing.”
Her hard little nipples drove into his bare chest, surging electricity to his cock. Wanting her even as he turned her inside out made him a terrible bastard, and his self-loathing grated.
“I don’t share your confidence in Beck. Right now, I have even less in you. You’ll give your attention to condescending fuck dolls, but when I come to you with pure intentions, even if I might have gone about it the wrong way, you stab me through the heart.” She shook her head and sniffled back fresh tears. “Enjoy little miss Botox. If Marlie and her ilk want to play head games, I don’t know a man more equipped.”
Raine shoved free and brushed his shoulder with her own as she stormed past him, giving him a look that warned him touching her again might mean the end of his balls.
God, he couldn’t let it end like this. Not with anger and bitterness, blame and so fucking much regret. He’d crushed her fragile soul…but what else could he do? He couldn’t explain his rejection without revealing all his nastiest se
crets.
Ignoring her silent warning, he grabbed her again and slammed her to the wall, pressing his body so tightly against hers that escape wasn’t possible. His cock jerked. “I told you, I’m not good for you, precious. I hate that you’re hurting, but I won’t let you waltz out the door when you belong here. Get that through your thick, stubborn skull.”
She squirmed in an attempt to get away, shoving at him and stomping on his foot. But he refused to budge. He watched as she drew in a huge sob.
“You’re not at all who I thought. I fell for a giving, gracious man with a spine of steel and a kind heart. You saved me once, but now…I’m already crying, and you’ve gone out of your way to make me feel both stupid and delusional.” She shot him a scathing stare. “It’s taken me a long time, but I finally figured it out. You’re the fucked-up one, not me. All this time I thought I was broken, but your issues run deeper. At least I want to grow past my ghosts. You seem awfully content to let them haunt you.”
His heart clenched. After all the years of shielding her from his demons, she’d still seen through his façade. He’d failed her. A red haze clouded his vision. Fuck!
“What happened to you, Macen?” She shook her head. “Forget it. You’ll never tell me.” Raising her chin rebelliously, she seared him with her blazing blue eyes. “Thanks very much for the last six years, Sir. Now please, let me go.”
Impossible. But now what? No fucking clue.
Anger permeated every cell in his body as he slammed his fist into the wall right beside her head. Drywall exploded and rained onto the floor.
“Damn it, Hammer!” Liam barked in rebuke, tearing down the hall toward him. “Just what the hell do you think you’re doing?” When he reached them, he pried Hammer’s biting hands off Raine. The instant she was free, his friend pulled her shaking body into his arms, and she buried her head in his shoulder. “Look at yourself, man. Have you lost your bloody mind, then? Leave the wee lass alone. You’re scaring her to death!”
Hammer clenched his jaw. Liam was right. How had he ever allowed things to get so out of hand? And why did she nuzzle against Liam so quickly, so naturally?
Raine eased away. “I’m sorry if we woke you. I was going to say good-bye as soon as Hammer let me go.”
“Are you all right?” He stroked the side of her face with a gentle hand that made Hammer want to punch the wall again. When had they started speaking? Why had Liam gotten the idea that Raine would allow him to touch her?
“I’m fine.” A sad smile curled the corners of her mouth. “Thank you for trying. I really wish...” She shook her head. “But I wouldn’t be good for you, Liam. As Hammer pointed out, I’m nothing but a strong-willed brat. Consider that you’ve dodged a bullet. I wish you the best.”
Wouldn’t be good for him? As if…they’d done more than shake hands?
“What the hell are you talking about? I never fucking said that, girl!” he growled. “Did you not hear a single word I’ve said?”
Liam sighed. Then with a patient voice, he tucked a strand of midnight hair behind Raine’s ear, fingers sure and soft, as if he’d done it before. “Go down the hall to wait for me in my private room, would you? I’d like to talk to you before you go.” When she would have protested, he added, “Don’t be making decisions about your future when you’re upset. Let me talk to Hammer. I’ll be in to speak to you soon. Will you do that for me, lovely? This won’t take a minute.”
She bit her lip as her gaze bounced between Liam’s calm demeanor and his own furious stare.
Raine sighed. “All right.”
Hammer didn’t miss the ease with which she submitted to his friend. A silent string of curses filled his head as both he and Liam turned and watched her disappear down the darkened hall and into the other Dom’s room.
Once she’d gone, Liam whirled on Hammer, like Raine’s fucking knight in shining armor, his eyes incredulous and damning.
“What is going on between you two?” Hammer growled.
“What’s going on between the two of you?” Liam countered. “I’ve no idea what ruckus caused you and Raine to reach this point, but it’s obvious you’ve gone mad. Do I have to point out that a wee, raven-haired female is undoing you, Hammer?”
Oh, he knew that. As if dealing with Raine wasn’t enough, Liam had joined the fucking bandwagon. To do what, see how much more he could take before he imploded?
“Do you have a point to make? Or should we just step outside so I can break your jaw?”
“I don’t wish to embarrass you as I mop the car park with your face. That won’t solve a bloody thing. Pull your head out of your ass, mate. You’re worried you’ll hurt her with your needs, but you’re afraid to try because Juliet hid how she felt about them.”
“I never said that,” Hammer snapped. Perceptive bastard.
“Not in so many words, but you’re thinking it. After all I heard tonight, do you think Raine is the sort who would hide her feelings from you? If she wasn’t happy, do you think she’d keep that to herself?”
Hammer bristled. “She’s so damn independent. Do you see her living Juliet’s sort of life? There’s no way she’s ready for that. She wouldn’t let me tell her what socks to wear, much less pick her entire wardrobe. And you know that’s just the tip of the iceberg.”
“So you want a more trained submissive, but you’re unwilling to do anything to help her become what you need. That makes perfect sense,” Liam drawled.
“I’m saying I don’t think she’ll ever get there. She’d take on the responsibility of trying and it would go against her grain. We’d both be miserable. Not only is it too much to put on her narrow shoulders, it would damage her. I can’t do that.”
“Then stop holding her to you when she tries to leave.”
“It’s not that simple. Every time she walks into the room, I come to life. Every time she leaves, I fucking fall apart. I’m not trying to hurt her.”
“But do you really think you can order her to stay at Shadows after this? You said yourself she’s impulsive. You told me that she left her home when she was barely more than a babe. You think she won’t do it as a woman grown? And before you let your temper talk, think for a moment about a Shadows without Raine. Honestly, how would you feel?”
He couldn’t fucking breathe. Hammer clenched his fists as panic surged through his bloodstream.
“This will blow over. In an hour, she’ll be fine.”
“Is that what you’re telling yourself? Bloody christ!” Liam shook his head again. “Not this time. You’ve kept Raine on a leash so tight, she’s all but strangling. She’s done with that, I tell you. She’s more than half out the door.”
“Over my dead body.”
“Then how badly do you want her to stay? Because I guarantee she’ll be leaving before the sun’s even up.”
Hammer drew in a rough breath. He hated Liam for butting in and confronting him. Mostly, he hated his friend for being right.
“Goddamnit.” He swallowed the scream inside him. Raine leaving Shadows was never going to be an option, at least not one he could live with.
“Use your head,” Liam urged. “If you let her leave, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life. The pain of Juliet might well pale in comparison.”
Liam voiced his worst fear. Hammer swallowed.
“What the hell do you want me to do?” he demanded, tossing his hands in the air. “Since you have all the answers, tell me how I unwedge myself from this rock and the hard place I’m in?”
“Well, if you’re not able or willing to help her down the submissive path, I guess I could.” Liam shrugged nonchalantly. “She’s pretty enough.”
“Don’t you dare!” Hammer saw red. “You’re far more than Raine can handle, too.”
“And Beck isn’t? You said that giving her a red ass wouldn’t fix her. Changed your mind, then? You think a sadist would do better?”
No. But Hammer wasn’t trying to fix her…just make her hate him. “Maybe.”
&nb
sp; Liam rolled his eyes. “Give her to me to straighten out. I understand she’s got under your nettle and deserves discipline, but for christ’s sake…What in the hell possessed you to bring that sadistic son of a bitch into the equation? He’ll break her for sure.”
“No. Raine deserves punishment for her deplorable actions this morning. I’ll make sure she gets it.”
“And what about your behavior? Raine was dead on the money when she told you that you’d never allow Beck to touch any of your usual subs. Yet the one you’ve protected and nurtured for years, you’d toss her to him like a goddamn bone to a Rottweiler?”
He tried not to wince. “I’ve already handed down the punishment, and I can’t go back on it. She’s undermined me enough. Raine spends a session with Beck. That’s final.”
Liam turned a scrutinizing gaze on Hammer, as if trying to read his soul. “Very well. But if I can persuade her to stay, I insist on being there. Neither of us should risk Beck losing his head and drawing blood, or forgetting to heed her safe word.”
Liam and Raine’s lack of trust made him fume. Did they both think he’d simply turn Beck loose to do his worst on her? “Fine.”
With a nod, Liam turned away abruptly, striding down the hall to find Raine. Hammer just watched. How the hell had everything turned to shit so quickly? With a sigh of disgust, he watched his friend disappear into the bedroom with the woman who’d consumed his soul, hoping Liam could work a miracle.
#
Liam entered his darkened room. Raine twisted around on the bed to watch him. The lighting from the hallway illuminated her big eyes as they fell on him. The silvery paths of tears stained her cheeks. Her nose was a bit red. Her little-girl lost expression made him want to stride across the room, take her in his arms, and soothe her. But he couldn’t yet. She was nervous and distressed. First things first. He had to calm her, then find out where her head was at.
One Dom To Love (The Doms of Her Life - Book 1) Page 5
